So….just back from a “function at the Westover” where the London Chef Club wined and dined me to the point of glutony! I have taken a few moments to peruse your site since we last met and would like to make a few critical comments and observations…. CHO and its association to adipose tissue bore me. Focus more on your hair…..it looks great now that you have something going on with your bangs. I find pictures of food empty as looking at it is an exercise in futility. Please define….”bush cultivation project” Your cat looks like my “Goot Jerman Kitty, Helmut”!! May he rest in peace! I dont think i ever realized there was a star on the old Enterprise!! Lou thought you were kinda pretty. He hoped your hand didnt smell like cow poo!! Ok, i made that last part up. You were right….”Tyra Bank It” was not that funny the next day. Hope ya all come back to Smaries now ya hear…….
Thats it…..for now. Say hey to Fil Later BM
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a bit camp maybe but i totally want to see Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?, same supersize me dude and i love that they have the doctor from supersize me with that crazy accent and constant dumbfoundery facial expression.
If Morgan Spurlock has learned anything from over 30 years of movie-watching, it’s that if the world needs saving, it’s best done by one lone man willing to face danger head on to take it down, action hero style.
So, with no military experience, knowledge or expertise, he sets off to do what the CIA, FBI and countless bounty hunters have failed to do: find the world’s most wanted man. Why take on such a seemingly impossible mission? Simple—he wants to make the world safe for his soon to be born child. But before he finds Osama bin Laden, he first needs to learn where he came from, what makes him tick, and most importantly, what exactly created bin Laden to begin with…
click here to read the rest of the synopsis and to watch the hilarious trailer.
sooooooooooooooooooooo i went down to do some laundry (‘citin’ i know!) and ALL of the washers were full of whites, some whites with pink patterned regalia all over, anyway two of the washers were done so i thought hot damn FINALLY some laundry revenge, i choose a machine and start pulling things out oh great i chose the whites with the undies in them machine, i pile it on top of the machine just as my laundry nemesis comes in with her cart, i play it casual oh are these yours? she snaps YES and i bite my tongue big time but i really wanted to say AND WHY DO YOU NEED FOUR SUPER SIZED WASHING MACHINES YOU ENVIRONMENTAL SADIST! and then i wanted to gesture wildly at my overstuffed laundry basket of every single colour invented clothing INCLUDING whites (separating is for obnoxious assholes) yes i wanted to gesture with both arms and make a no blinking crazy facial expression and maybe huff a little bit but instead i just stuffed it all into one machine and then the super’s wife comes in and chats up nemesis (who i think is czech or something like that, we’ve been over this before, i think too much time has passed for me to ask what nationality she is) and then super’s wife asks her IS SHE WITH YOU yes because i am a laundry assistant now i wanted to say FUCK NO I HATE HER! but nemesis just laughs oh no i have no daughter then super’s wife squints at me and says oh uh what apartment are you in and at this point i’m starting to get mad, i nicely say our unit then say you know WE HAVE A CAT! then it clicks and she says my hair is longer or something as i’m struggling to fit all my laundry into the machine and i’m making little sounds trying to politely emphasize my hardship and struggling yet overcoming it all because i care about the environment. seriously, there is a rule that you can’t use more than 2 machines at a time, but all the people in this building are greedy selfish stupid babies (old) they’re typical annex types i’m too annoyed right now to describe them again for the millionth time.
oh yeah i learned that the super has a smoking problem and he tried to quit but woke up this morning basically nic-fitting and then the eastern european washing machine hog said it was harder than alcohol to which i chortled and left and worked the FUCK OUT!
then i went back to put the shit in the dryer and she had ALL FOUR MACHINES. seriously asshole i’m going to have to fight you one of these days. you know that clothing and whatever it is WILL NOT RUN IN A DRYER IT WILL NOT BLEED OR MIX DO YOU HAVE A LEARNING DISABILITY??? she had some linen draped on the door of one dryer she was emptying i’m just standing there with my soppy stuff going to my happy place in my head waiting patiently for her to move all of it meanwhile i’m gobbing sweat from my head and neck and back and face is flushed from working out and the last thing i want to do is be near hot laundry and all i could say was the word hot (genius i know, reduced to cavewoman speak) as i stuffed all my stuff into the dryer.
i heard a stereotype about a certain race that when in america they sue like crazy cos they think that’s the american way to be to constantly sue for your rights or whatever i mean all the freedoms and liberties we have we take for granted or are kinda blase about, in other cultures or countries they’re not so accessible so when they come here they go bananas and sue up a storm, is it the same for laundry machines too? or is it old people who didn’t grow up hearing about conservation or the three R’s reduce reuse recycle? either way it’s really fucking annoying and once they’re dead the planet will be better cared for.
Chloe: sometimes when I do something, I imagine some overweight 45 year old single man doing it if it is pathetic on on him, it cant be that great for me
me: anything a 45 yr old overweight man does is not good bad comparison picture your mom doing it blah ha
Chloe: haha. oh that is even worse
me: ive seen how my mom dances cougarlike and we all make the same I AM DANCING dance face like I AM SO HOT RIGHT NOW which makes it worse
Chloe: ok- that video. dont see how it is embarrassing
me: which vid
Chloe: oh fuck i hate catching myself making the dancing face
me: did i send u the right clip
Chloe: and I cant help it either
me: its the same face i make when i try on a hat in the mirror
Chloe: it is a video of the highway
me: like that hat was invented for me oh ok buzznet links always fuck up
Chloe: ahha, it is the same face my mom makes when she is fixing her hair in the mirror
me: i meant to send u the one of me singing and u dancing around me like a carousel
Chloe: or basically anytime she looks in the mirror
me: yeah me too ive noticed ive been pursing my lips a lot unnecesarily lately my nana does it GOD IM DOING IT RIGHT NOW
Chloe: ahha, I know now I cant stop. Im going to have the worst thin old lady lips and ill do it all the time
me: im going to have fat puckery ones with ten hundred lines coming out of them
Chloe: anus mouth pout
me: ungh yeah i had to delete a ton of pictures from last nite my lips looked like goatse w/o lipstick
Chloe: ahha. funny
me: and the more you drink the more you do it i think i lost my A-game
Chloe: this is so embarrassing I swear to god dont show people this: (picture url) me: HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
Chloe: yeah
me: you are so grooving i just showed fil he appreciates it
Chloe: hah. fil is allowed to see
me: he chuckled where is this
Chloe: I saw that and was like oh god the dance face is SO lame and now i cant not think about it when i dance RELAX YOUR MOUTH
me: its a bad white people trait we get all amped to dance we overshoot it entirely like this is my BIG MOMENT DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE DANCE FACE
Chloe: ha true.Im trying to picture a black person doing it, and I just cant then again, now that I think about it, a rarely dance with black people. weird
me: they have a dance face but for them its like an extra part of their dance routine like it’s meant to be like in music videos picturing that if they got a white person extra in the background they’re like well great we cant use this its good lame! (your picture) you do lame good lamenotlame.blogspot.com hey you should register that oh wait YOU DID ALREADY
Chloe: ahha. if I ever change the name, it will be to ‘its a good lame’ or: youdolamegood
i found out last nite that this guy passed away in january, sigh here’s an email he sent me once
world domination
Cult status is tricky, I once had a small cult following in Kansas City. At first I could not make them mad, and believe me, I tried, but in the end the whole thing turned into another day in 7th grade.
It’s tough at the top. One minute it is a show, the next minute it’s your life. It was my life they wanted and I gave it to them. Every twisted and depraved intention I have ever had. I pushed my luck with everyone of them, I pushed whatever I felt at the time or whatever I felt like doing at the time on all of them. Needless to say, most of them hate me, but a few still love me. I can’t say I blame any of them for any of their emotions. A human being can only take so much.
I think after I have completed my research, I shall get into the fashion game. Move to Milan, sweet talk all the beautiful people, drink wine, and finish my novel(which I have not started).
The real reason for this e-mail was to say that I miss the picture of your butt. I often just can’t shut up though.
Yours truly,
S. Sinn
it’s weird when internet buddies die, when they lived they were like friendly ghosts, intangible dreamy pals, one day you think we will hang together and share all the good stories, save up the best ones for when we finally meet and i’ll buy you that drink i promised.
last nite was dank’s surprise brithday party that we didn’t go to EVEN THOUGH I PAINTED MY FINGERNAILS TO MATCH MY SWEATER because it was at montana’s (i know) and all those guys are old with kids, we were going to show up after they all ate (after the surprise too which was a miscommunication (not on my part radmad!) who goes to a surprise party after the surprise?) anyway we went out to green room with rad and craig and anita instead, happy 40th dank!
i can’t believe you anita, so stupidly generous and thoughtful.
every time we hang sarah and i talk about our favourite story which is the first time we met and how much she DIDN’T not like me haha, it’s a good story.
these chicks to my right behind me gave us cut eye A LOT, whatever the ally sheedy look isn’t working you have bigger problems right now honey.
PORNOTIME!
guess how old craig is.
before i got up to go to the bathroom i said now look at all the people who check me out (dudes when i drink my ego inflates like cray cray shut up) and the only one who did was this hot little tattooed asian chick you can see her arm in this picture, she nodded and smiled at me like she could read my mind that she knew that i knew that we were on a wavelength ok i can’t finish this stupid joke, basically if i were a dude i would be one of those white dudes with an asian lady and be all in denial over my fetish. how funny are those dudes other than EXTREMELY and not on purpose either. oh i miss ward.
radmad is looking younger and younger which is good cos she’s essentially a fossil by today’s standards wow ouch i must be in pre-menses phase already.
craig had a mild interest in a girl across the room who looked like natalie portman (i thought so) until i pointed out her huge forehead. oh me don’t we love me.
i asked him to take my picture and this is what he does.
TWICE! i didn’t ask you to zoom!
fuck i’ll do it myself what else is new.
d’awww.
when we left this dude peddles up to fil asking us for a smoke and says he wishes he had a nice girl like me, he’d have a girlfriend too if he was born white but he’s native and fil goes BUT I’M OJIBWE (part!) ahahahah then the guy goes I’D KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF oh man why are we such native magnets you’re welcome pitt.
then i made us this and we watched a thing on insects on national geographic on demand that we just discovered last nite can’t wait to watch them all FOR FREE.
then i fell asleep with a drink in my hand and it spilled ALL OVER ME my hair underwear body bed pillow everywhere so i had to get my big towel and sleep on that, fil woke up this morning wtf why is your towel here and i had to tell him and i was really bummed about it (that’s never happened to me before) and he laughed his head off, maybe i was in my sleep going for another sip and then sloshed it all over my head, must have. then of course fil has to tell me his falling asleep with a drink in his hand skills (i’ve heard this a million times) still holding his beverage yeah yeah shut up. he’s all WHY IS YOUR UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR well WHY DO YOU THINK JESUS SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!
1:13 in is the best part of this entire movie, my brother and i (and fil) imitate this exchange all the time.
answer to that stupid cat desk box the universe continues to email me daily ps. fil found it before all of you did.
and if you get cold we gotchoo covered.
whether you like it or not.
alrightskies, onward to totally mad cookin’ skills hour of power with rayms! i call this batch of awesome: FINALLY DIDN’T LOOK LIKE BARF!
first throw in your peppers, or celery, as i fucked up, celery takes longer than peppers to do their thing as in, become the opposite of raw and hard, those lil fuckers. i like ‘em cos they’re a nothing veg that fills you up, am i right anorexics? douse this shit in oil.
take another picture of it, enjoy the smell of cooking celery, nice innit?
then as it browns some and cooks more chop up garlic, stir periodically while spying on fil and simultaneously jam out to whatever tunes you have on your pod.
throw in garlic (2 cloves) turn down heat a bit so you don’t burn it, some ass will always tell you don’t put the garlic in too soon cos you’ll burn it and you’ll be forced to tell them to eat your penis, then you go and burn the garlic anyway, whatevs dude there’s always more garlic where that came from nahmean. throw some torn up basil leaves in there for good measure. stir it all around like you just don’t care wow this is getting gay eh? add more garlic if you want, i did. you’re going to be waiting for the celery to cook awhile.
throw in egg whites, i used half a carton, the big guy, 500ml let it settle before you touch it, i mean, you don’t have to, but why not avoid hovering and besides this is the part where you should be prepping your tomato anyway, cut up four big slices, salt and pepper them and jam them in the microwave for a minute, then you can start stirring this all around, fold it over with a spatula a few times. if you don’t know how to make scrambled eggs you are a RETARD stop reading my blog.
this is where we get fancy, plate it, throw some gobs of goat cheese where you plan to top it off with your tomato, oh yeah, flip your microwave tomato over and put it back in the microwave for 30 seconds, if the little slices are already looking cooked enough and soggy, don’t bother.
if you wanted you could put some more basil between the goat cheese and tomato, i didn’t, don’t be a goat cheese hog it will overpower the rest of this deliciousness.
carry this out to fil then comment aloud from the couch numerous times how fantastic this concoct. is, shovel it down.
skeptically ask fil if he really means it that it is really good tasting or if he is just pretending. the fanciness mile you went by topping it off with goat cheese and tomato will distract him from realizing you didn’t bother cooking the peameal to go alone with.
when you’re finished, tell him to get you a tallboy. spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying the smell of garlic on your fingertips in your underwear and 80s cat tank top then take a 20 minute power nap with cid and have a bath then write this blog post.
