last nite was dank’s surprise brithday party that we didn’t go to EVEN THOUGH I PAINTED MY FINGERNAILS TO MATCH MY SWEATER because it was at montana’s (i know) and all those guys are old with kids, we were going to show up after they all ate (after the surprise too which was a miscommunication (not on my part radmad!) who goes to a surprise party after the surprise?) anyway we went out to green room with rad and craig and anita instead, happy 40th dank!
i can’t believe you anita, so stupidly generous and thoughtful.
every time we hang sarah and i talk about our favourite story which is the first time we met and how much she DIDN’T not like me haha, it’s a good story.
these chicks to my right behind me gave us cut eye A LOT, whatever the ally sheedy look isn’t working you have bigger problems right now honey.
PORNOTIME!
guess how old craig is.
before i got up to go to the bathroom i said now look at all the people who check me out (dudes when i drink my ego inflates like cray cray shut up) and the only one who did was this hot little tattooed asian chick you can see her arm in this picture, she nodded and smiled at me like she could read my mind that she knew that i knew that we were on a wavelength ok i can’t finish this stupid joke, basically if i were a dude i would be one of those white dudes with an asian lady and be all in denial over my fetish. how funny are those dudes other than EXTREMELY and not on purpose either. oh i miss ward.
radmad is looking younger and younger which is good cos she’s essentially a fossil by today’s standards wow ouch i must be in pre-menses phase already.
craig had a mild interest in a girl across the room who looked like natalie portman (i thought so) until i pointed out her huge forehead. oh me don’t we love me.
i asked him to take my picture and this is what he does.
TWICE! i didn’t ask you to zoom!
fuck i’ll do it myself what else is new.
d’awww.
when we left this dude peddles up to fil asking us for a smoke and says he wishes he had a nice girl like me, he’d have a girlfriend too if he was born white but he’s native and fil goes BUT I’M OJIBWE (part!) ahahahah then the guy goes I’D KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF oh man why are we such native magnets you’re welcome pitt.
then i made us this and we watched a thing on insects on national geographic on demand that we just discovered last nite can’t wait to watch them all FOR FREE.
then i fell asleep with a drink in my hand and it spilled ALL OVER ME my hair underwear body bed pillow everywhere so i had to get my big towel and sleep on that, fil woke up this morning wtf why is your towel here and i had to tell him and i was really bummed about it (that’s never happened to me before) and he laughed his head off, maybe i was in my sleep going for another sip and then sloshed it all over my head, must have. then of course fil has to tell me his falling asleep with a drink in his hand skills (i’ve heard this a million times) still holding his beverage yeah yeah shut up. he’s all WHY IS YOUR UNDERWEAR ON THE FLOOR well WHY DO YOU THINK JESUS SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!
1:13 in is the best part of this entire movie, my brother and i (and fil) imitate this exchange all the time.
answer to that stupid cat desk box the universe continues to email me daily ps. fil found it before all of you did.
and if you get cold we gotchoo covered.
whether you like it or not.
alrightskies, onward to totally mad cookin’ skills hour of power with rayms! i call this batch of awesome: FINALLY DIDN’T LOOK LIKE BARF!
first throw in your peppers, or celery, as i fucked up, celery takes longer than peppers to do their thing as in, become the opposite of raw and hard, those lil fuckers. i like ‘em cos they’re a nothing veg that fills you up, am i right anorexics? douse this shit in oil.
take another picture of it, enjoy the smell of cooking celery, nice innit?
then as it browns some and cooks more chop up garlic, stir periodically while spying on fil and simultaneously jam out to whatever tunes you have on your pod.
throw in garlic (2 cloves) turn down heat a bit so you don’t burn it, some ass will always tell you don’t put the garlic in too soon cos you’ll burn it and you’ll be forced to tell them to eat your penis, then you go and burn the garlic anyway, whatevs dude there’s always more garlic where that came from nahmean. throw some torn up basil leaves in there for good measure. stir it all around like you just don’t care wow this is getting gay eh? add more garlic if you want, i did. you’re going to be waiting for the celery to cook awhile.
throw in egg whites, i used half a carton, the big guy, 500ml let it settle before you touch it, i mean, you don’t have to, but why not avoid hovering and besides this is the part where you should be prepping your tomato anyway, cut up four big slices, salt and pepper them and jam them in the microwave for a minute, then you can start stirring this all around, fold it over with a spatula a few times. if you don’t know how to make scrambled eggs you are a RETARD stop reading my blog.
this is where we get fancy, plate it, throw some gobs of goat cheese where you plan to top it off with your tomato, oh yeah, flip your microwave tomato over and put it back in the microwave for 30 seconds, if the little slices are already looking cooked enough and soggy, don’t bother.
if you wanted you could put some more basil between the goat cheese and tomato, i didn’t, don’t be a goat cheese hog it will overpower the rest of this deliciousness.
carry this out to fil then comment aloud from the couch numerous times how fantastic this concoct. is, shovel it down.
skeptically ask fil if he really means it that it is really good tasting or if he is just pretending. the fanciness mile you went by topping it off with goat cheese and tomato will distract him from realizing you didn’t bother cooking the peameal to go alone with.
when you’re finished, tell him to get you a tallboy. spend the rest of the afternoon enjoying the smell of garlic on your fingertips in your underwear and 80s cat tank top then take a 20 minute power nap with cid and have a bath then write this blog post.
I’ve been looking through your pics and wondered about the pic with the word ‘sigh’ written over and over and then two words erased and replaced with cock and balls? You are a beautiful sexy woman and I wonder what can make you so melancholy?
Hope to hear from you, M
the sighs are just jokey malaise, and i suffer from depression but it’s more or less in check, and sadness is endearing i think, my boyfriend added the cock and balls, thanks for the concern.
aaaaand that would be my got laid last nite/hangover hair/face.
i guess it’ll be solid for the beach and wearing a bikini top mayhaps, otherwise alicia, you have inherited a new skirt.
fil didn’t even dog it, though he was on the fone and was likely just pacifying me.
we stayed in last nite, had webers burgers (me 1 bunless, fil 2 w/ bun) and watched into the wild (come on hurry up and DIE already asshole) and death at a funeral, v. funny.
awesome sauce babe sauce chaka can sauce dick sauce (ew) eff sauce fart sauce guilt sauce hate sauce icicle sauce (what?)(i mean what do you want from me?) jungle juice sauce! kitten sauce (aw!) lezzie sauce (heh)
ok i’m bored already
mint sauce (great w/ lamb!) nunchuck sauce (i wish) ORLY sauce (sorry i went there) puke sauce (finally!) queen sauce (as in, shut up queen sauce!) ridic. sauce shades sauce (ex: lester took some change off my dresser, lester that was way shades sauce man!) taco sauce (yum!) ukulele sauce vag sauce (ew) WEAK SAUCE (thats you oh BURN SAUCE!) xylophone sauce zit sauce (EWWW)
