omg survivor is on right now and they just brought out everyone’s relatives oh man thanks a lot what’s next to watch a dog giving birth to little puppies STOP IT! i can’t type right now cos i can barely see the keys through my fucking tears blearaghhg.
may my first pair of skinny jeans rest in p-ieces ahha oh punny i have to tell that one to my dad.
we’re going to see the teenagers tonite at lee’s, if you feel like buying me a drink come on down.
bunny is coming for a sleepover next week for two nites, it’s gonna be a reunion, except now we are both old ladies. well i don’t know why i said “except” maybe i mean like sigh, times are different now?
peep my tan! i will try and recreate this entire ensemble for her, tan included. too bad i can’t cos i’m wearing all of her clothes, what i can offer is a few days of unwashed hair so that it turns sweaty greasy curly oh and can you lose like ten pounds in a week?
i read her a story.
Bunny: I like how you were like YOUR BOOBS ARE SURPRISINGLY SMALL
me: HAHAHAHA
no they arent theyre biggish
Bunny: they’re 34 bs
I think I always was pushing them up in pictures
me: well bigger than mine
Bunny: like CHECK OUT MY SOLID C RACK
yes so is my giant ass.
CANT TRUSS A BIG BUTT AND A SMILE
me: omg yer ass is not big
Bunny: anyway…ok, I’m off to lay out so I can get a nice, canadian vacation tan.
me: i wonder if my dad heard us hugging with our pants off
Bunny: hahah
I know he walked in when I was taking a picture of you with your legs upon your head.
i was like “oh good evening, sir. I am your daughters smarmy film maker friend.”
me: yeah he was blown away by your enthusiasm
at meeting me
you gave him a new perspective of dimension or insight into my blog “fame”
Bunny: I was pretty jazzed.
it was one of those things where I felt like we’d click, and I admired you and your vivacious blogs and plus I wanted to make out with you.
me: can i say on my blog we hugged with our pants off
Bunny: sure you can say whatever you want.
me: ok you put your tits on my vagina and it blew my mind
i was content on just falling asleep and then you attacked me and i was ready to go
Bunny: yeah, I was pretty hots for you
but that dweeby guy kept getting all up ons and wouldn’t leave.
me: do you have that dress still
you kicked him out
Bunny: I don’t, or I’d give it to you.
me: that guy eventually went looneytunes on me
Bunny: I know. Pardon me, I must fuck your friend.
me: i transcribed a note he left on my front porch onto my blog ill find it
Bunny: haha
me: lots of grammatical errors
i wanted fil to capture my big pass the pigs moment but i crapped out on my first roll, sigh:
trimmed my ends, what i do is separate my hair down the back of my head and put each part over my shoulder to the front and usually i cut one side shorter than the other, as i did yesterday, feh. when your hair is that long who even notices that?
fil didn’t want to take my picture because his toe is broken (crabby) then the most obnoxious (bipolar) chick ever came in with her friends and was trying to impress the room with her cool (bipolar) anecdotes. at one point i said to fil we were listening to stuffwhitepeoplelike right now because she was talking about OH IN CHINA bla bla blah. also a gaggle of girl’s nite out (in) chicks came to pick up their take out and left the door open TWICE i almost ran out after them and screamed at them, didn’t. i even got the adrenaline surge like ok i’m going to DO something now.
guess who lost more weight? fuck now i get how much you hate girls who blog about that shit, whatever, i’m working really hard you know, so eat it.
i should warn you that this post consists of like 20 more pictures of me.
we drink nag drinks now which = white wine + ice cubes haha.
my thumb is the same size as fil’s pinky.
morning.
feed me time or i turn into a purring nest in your lap.
hahahahaha
burn there’s something on your nose!
more retarded to come, maybe.
i thought i’d introduce you to my new friend HITMANCHON from youtube, have you noticed the fine calibre that fuckin’ place produces?
hitmanchon has this to say about my lake of fire sing a long in the car (which to be fair i am butchering purposely after singing the majority of the songs off unplugged during a long car ride):
HITMANCHON
You fucken suck blg black dicks!
How could you possibly sing that awful you really ruined that song hope you never sing another one of Nirvanas’ song.
to which i replied: oh go lose some weight and make some friends.
only because i learned from his profile he has a myspace account too, “hitman509″ oh great one of these types and it’s private, of course it is, internet lunatic shit slinger’s profiles are always private.
i had to tell him on one of his videos just to be sure he knew i reacted to his comment:
raymilauren
you are a fat 16 year old pile of shit you don’t know your ass from your elbow you were two fucking years old when kurt blasted himself NEXT.
then i noticed he left me this comment on my karaoke jam to where did you sleep last nite (oh please) don’t you know the rule of talking to me if you’re a kid? it’s DON’T.
HITMANCHON
Your such a fucken Redneck!
obvs kid has never been invited to a halloween costume party before anyway, i shall keep you abreast of the situation once hitman gets home from school.
i get loads of narsty nirvana comments ps. something about that band makes people cray cray territorial, competitive and possessive like come on, get past it already, who are you me in grade 6?
i said i saw four mennonites at the salvation army in st. mary’s? well, i lied. i actually saw five.
may already (tomorrow duh!), yay for may!
i got clipped in the back by a door at union waiting for the train
i will never assume because i am a famous blogger, that people want my junk just cos it came into contact with me, again.
aw pitt, i believe he’s doing this again this year give him some monies!
the red mumu shirt i speak of i eventually threw in the garbage.
we drove to orillia yesterday and had beers on a patio, then we had beef jerky and doritos for dinner and went to the pbj show, it was pretty good, i thought they were drunk maybe.
i think i started to draw the world then got bored and had some ruffles and gingerale. you know, waspy snack attack.
my battery was dying so no these are not drunk fuck-up shots, arty pretentious or anything like that, i am not that cool.
speaking of munchies, queen’s park is still trashed from the little weed rally this past weekend
holy pre-menstrual mental illness.
WORMHOLE may 2006! archives!!1!
me: yeah my caring window just closed
nxne nerd gathering one year anniversary of meeting wendi!
as we were leaving the steamwhistle this chick goes to wendi where are you going wendi says to the kooks the girl goes, the gooks? then we, pitt especially, explode in laughter that lasted five minutes. (i look a little mangled in these pics)
dirtbags are winning, again.
endorphin rush
new bathingsuit
depression spiral over
i kept thinking i am in any fucking mel gibson movie where he is too badass to go to a doctor.
happy mother’s day mom!
doubt it, dicks who are dicks spend years refining themselves.
remember when i dreamed about pepsi and then i bought some? of course you do cos you think about me all the time.
you are going to love this HARD then hate me then LOVE me then gain four pounds.
anyway, i wish i could be one of those people who shuts up cos then i would have this massive entourage waiting for that special moment when i open my mouth and all passively say hey, and everyone nods furiously in agreement that they GET IT.
you chose to be a lazy bitch and now you are on my blog and next time i will take your picture.
whatever MOM!
was that like reading indiana jones?
note to self, stop sharing thoughts.
yeah people get mental when i show up and defend myself in their shit slinging forum
i DID feel like i was being watched that nite tho
and normally i chalk it up to being self involved and crazy and fil never believes me when i say people are staring at me
so
ungh jaslene.
then he waddled over to his neighbours to most likely describe how beautiful and mysterious i am.
some fucking loser got my wiki entry taken down jeez get a life maybe?
thanks taleb!
he was mad loaded.
five minutes after i wrote that post i punched him in the head.
fil had the tiniest most pretentious lamb burger ever.
hangover bed party of one: no internet
i told em charge me i don’t care, but they didn’t want to, they would prefer to give me attitude about NOT charging me instead of charging me.
ok when i said go through that box of junk what i really meant was masturbate and and watch tv.
chicks do this to fil in front of me all the time, they are all going to die.
dear last nite YOU WERE MENTAL!
merkley???: what are you tlaking baotu?
oh fuck good thing i feel slightly hung cos there are a trillion kids screaming their fucking heads off in the park right now
elizabeth’s backyard is like narnia, wtf lamp post?
sigh i want to go away!
VICE delivery.
these geniuses get in a limo from the victory. THE VICTORY. A LIMO.
at this point i will mention that i have the brutalist fucking beer goggles in all of the lands i REALLY thought he looked like joaquin phoenix and i still do
rent fur
first time started getting food sensitivities.
xxoo
your favorite lez
dad had this, insert diarrhea jokes please.
if you haven’t eaten yet, you might want to piss off
and now my food poisoning transcript
i really liked steve and i think he liked me too even though i told him he looked like the pervert asshole from dawn of the dead, COMPLIMENT DUDE!
lavendar diamond hang out pics
ok maybe some of you are jonesing for my little bitchy this is what happened and these are all my insane perspectives on it anecdotes
videos if you care.
i just paid my over 200 dollar phone bill
thanks new orleans!
maybe i should call rogers and change my plan afterall or demand a free phone this is bananas if i added up all the money i gave those skeeves since i was 19 i could buy an ice cream truck like cheech and chong and have adventures and ice cream and pick up junkies.
oh yeah i also wanted to tell you about cid and i’s favourite game it’s called SEE HOW MANY TIMES I CAN SPEED PET HIM AFTER HE WAKES UP FROM A NAP BEFORE HE PSYCHOTICALLY FLIPS OUT ALL OVER MY ARM.
about 6 in the morning i got up to wizz and when i went back to bed cid (purposely) got between the bed and myself and i totally tripped launched swan-dived into bed (from the doorway, so like three feet!) and hit my shin on the wood part around the box spring what a fucking DICK i’m trying to decide what sort of favour i should return today, i already took my sweet ass time unloading the dishwasher (filmed part of it) the tinkling sounds of the plates and glasses and cutlery totally makes his skin crawl, we think it tickles his ear drum, but anyway he is the moron who insists to sit as close as possible to the kitchen while i unload the dishwasher he’s like oh fuck i hate you and i hate this but i am NOT missing it for the world, just like the pricks who say my blog is garbage BUT YOU’LL BE BACK TOMORROW TO MAKE SURE IT IS STILL GARBAGE!
one time i wrote about cid and sophie (or ollie) the dog the week we babysat fil’s mom’s dogs and we brought cid over and i said it was funny watching cid slap sophie, and some chick in my comments thought cid was a person and i was blogging about how funny it is that this person slapped a dog so she got all THAT IS NOT FUNNY!
and i said uh yes it totally is ps. CID IS A CAT!
