Hey guys. Sorry for sounding like an idiot yesterday. I am only apologizing for yesterday and not for any other day I was an idiot, take what you can get.

Jules came over and my other friend came over and we were blabberfaces seriously non-stop from the moment she walked in til the moment she left I don’t even recall if I took a breath once holy hyperactive. When friend 3 arrived with some Coronas it was all over from that point. Yeah yeah I drank. It sucks when social things appear and all you want is beer. The upside is I am a wastecase after only one and there is no chance in Hell I can go back to drinking like I used to. It’s out of my system again so I doubt I’ll drink again for at least 2 more weeks yet. Yes. Two whole new weeks of boozefree day ___ status updates that make you want to rip your (or my) hair out! Don’t like it don’t read it ya silly goose. If you can’t stand me anymore, why are you here still ding dong? Something Little Raymis have been wondering for more than a decade now.

Be enthralled that I blog here at all anymore cos I don’t want to be wasting precious ello moments responding to people I don’t know with smiley faces and “I know right’s” I was worried I blew it by mentioning it too much cos the follow numbers started slowing down yesterday and leveling off but I guess people need to sleep at some point no.

You know when you see your out of town friend when they’re in town and then that’s it? You did your friend duty? But then you hang and you both agree you need to do that again before they leave? That is known as a friendship success!

No matter the 8 year age difference between us we are exactly the same maturity level. I’m gonna have to make some new younger friends from the mall food court once she leaves ew how creepy is that haha. See how profile pics have a weird grey line down the side of my photos? That’s fom my phone. Time to start using my real camera. Habits are hard to break.

This Kid Rock looking guy who was serenading Emma’s last night chose ME to stare and fixate on during his whole set, I mean, bubbly loud Jules certainly helped with that but I was like at the point of fullblown conceit from the attention and needed to check out my face situation. I think Kid Rock likes girls in long hair with hats. Guys are pretty simple like that.

It would be nice if that mirror was clean and the garbage wasn’t there.

I don’t know what it is but sometimes I really enjoy looking melancholy. Except for when I truly AM melancholy I do not like the world to know at all.

This is my I’m a big masculine looking stud face. You know you would. Make use of what the good Lord gave ya.

Almost killed myself yesterday from eating an undercooked egg. The soft boiling of an egg is a delicate procedure when you are a Raymi Lauren.

I have the face of a villain. I am destined to play one someday. I was cast as Scrooge when I was in elem school. I play a good yelly boss asshole type everyone who knows me and can’t stand my bitchy shrill voice IRL would agree. I think that’s why I’m a born leader because I can project my voice and out bulldog someone else who is also an alpha. When I hear stories about people not sticking up for themselves because they have nice gentle shy meek voices it makes my blood boil like I need to fiercely fight their battle for them and get them what they want/deserve out of life because some tyrant or other is taking advantage.

At 5am I had a jerk chicken bathroom issue. Normally my body metabolizes and proces spice better but not this time. I think with beer nothing sticks to you it’s all fire and reckoning ahh gadd that sucked haha.

I kept saying omg doesn’t it look like me at first glance. No one agreed once but it didn’t stop me from pointing it out ten more times at least more like yeah I wish I looked like that. Being a mature adult person is being able to admit that you are not the hottest. That’s why when I lived in Holland one of my favourite shows was HOTTER THAN MY DAUGHTER. Gahah can you believe that, what an awful mother right however, the concept was the daughters actually dress like garbage trash slobs which automatically make the moms hotter. Sometimes though it gets a little Maury Povich. Dutch sister would have to translate for me the whole time though.

I made fun of Jules’ busted docs and she made fun of mine. Fair is fair.

She put on all my hats, looked like Chef Boyardee and woke up like that with her curls.

My thumbnail is torn off now. Back to the drawingboard.

I don’t think I posted this normal version one yet there enjoy.

This was the day those nails went to shit.

This was the day I gave Erykah Badu a run for the money.

Back to innapropes! God I need a life. No wait I have one it’s sepdning time hunched over a laptop curating pop culture insanity.

Just weighed myself on my home scale and am lighter than have ever seen. The scale at my place and my bf’s has a differnce of ten pounds.

Okay I am tired of this now. Jared’s coming over today for a Boylord afternoon.

This is how I typically look before instagram filtration has its way with me.

See you around cool guys!

Love this song right now.

HI I’m blowing up on Ello that is all! Hard work pays off! When you sign up for ello I’m one of the suggested profiles to follow. I hope this gets me hired somewhere. I only talk about it incessantly because it FEELS GOOD BRUH. Like this tiny pocket of glitter and sprinkles and smiling faces at you when everyone else is so what these people are like GIVE ME MORE. New audience! Dutch ex bf said if I hit over 10,000 that’s when things happen. Product seeding? F yeah! Here is how I won the internet a little,

Open up say awwwwwww!

Also I am still body obsessed working out. In one month you will see why.

Jules is over too!

TGIF!

Heard you had nothing else going on for the next 14 seconds so enjoy whatever this is. It’s a hybrid of dancexercises. Do what you gotta do!

Not saying that I’m a ninja but I WILL scale a wall.

To be continued. Gotta go xo.

Hi!

So, granted, yesterday I threw a gossip grenade into my blog, created a “crisis” drama and boom goes the dynamite it worked. I’ll be sure to mention yesterday next month at my social media talk. So many old fans and friends came out of the woodwork, it was pretty great. One guy was like part of me hopes you are just trolling us that is genius! Should have thought of that years ago! Remind me to do a seminar on trolling. Thank$.

Here is one of my notes on YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA GAME I may as well do a note to self right here right meow I don’t see why not? I want to write it down before I lose it, then we can get back to talking about yesterday.

So, you see how I partake in a lot of tomfoolery, “different” avenues, show a little skin, say wild and grandiose things (it’s in my nature, sorry about that), go bowling, talk in length about food and my body and weight issues, drinking, drying up etc.. and lets see now if you are trying to get your own social media game on.

Now, would it be silly if as a real estate agent, for example, with a twitter account (tied to your blog) if you tweeted about an improv group you joined pehaps, or showed your clipper ship set progress and maybe shared your political views which your territory might all be in favour of… no, not all fun and games gets us paid or laid BUT it actually can.

Showing that other dimension to your character, your persona, as a needle in a stack of real estate agent needles is KEY in getting ahead. P-e-r-s-o-n-a-l-i-t-y dudes. Stand out in the crowd. Look good. Don’t like it? Then why are you in the business of selling houses, all elements require good looks in taste, aesthetics, and appeal. Aside from image, we want personality.

Yesterday I went for a screen test, and it was my personality that won them over above all else. Secondary to that, my looks. As in my body. They loved my personality so much they want more of it. “You’re attractive and engaging and I knew that after meeting you for only a few minutes. You have the same presence on camera, as is indicated in your screen test. This is a huge plus and a real draw for us.”

When America’s Next Top Model had the season where they wanted to get America’s Next Top Branded Model, they wanted it all. They wanted all the work done for them and that is what social media game is. Just because my numbers aren’t sky high doesn’t mean I am a failure. half my audience silently lurks me and always will. And soon I will be exposed to a vast network because of my sexy stepping stones and overall comfort in being exactly who I am.

Anyway I will elaborate more on this for the talk I just needed to get the beginnings started then I have to write my bio so they can start promoting it. I have written a bio for myself so many times it deseves its own book.

Oh yeah! A girl I interviewed for Playboy before was in the office I went to yesterday and I was starstruck. It was a sign for sure. When she heard Raymi the Minx she goes YOU’RE RAYMI THE MINX! Marches in and we shook hands. She is a force to be reckoned with, mad respect.

So, being surrounded by large and in charge bitches is going to do well for me. I only feel more empowered moving forward now. My good friend told me to get out of my comfort zone a couple weeks ago and I could not stop thinking about that because no, I do not want to leave the comfort zone ever because I have fucking had enough but we all know I’m not done fighting yet and I haven’t accomplished half the shit I’ve set out to either.

I was also elated to see how not old I looked on camera too. I am a lot healthier than I was when I was on MTV and my hair does not look all fucked up either.

Here is an amazing email I received yesterday from my gay bestie drag Raymi the Minx:

yes…. if not now, then when…. it’s also a Tracy Chapman song that says that. Look it up!

Maroon 5 Is The Worst!

OMG I love him I’m so happy. Have a wonderful Friday everyone see you on facebook or twitter and instagram byeeeeeeeee.

These are for fun stills and not how I “really” looked on camera. I’m so glad I went for that tan holy crap.

Kathleen finally for her art! She is awesome love her.

I like biking too you know.

Hello bros.

Today is a big day for Lord Raymington. You ever get that feeling on the eve of something super scandalous you’re about to do, like nausea and anxiety at the prospect of the ensuing negative reaction. I had a similar feeling when I did MTV Creeps. I knew they were going to be ruthless with me and they were fucking ASSHOLES but I did it anyway. They seem to repeat my episodes often too. Which is contemptuous, but also thoughtful of them. Whenever I do crazier things over here, they start showing them over there and all my Little Raymis start blipping up and then new, younger people start adding my mom and I to Facebook it gets pretty nuts. But that is the magic and power of MTV. Do not fuck with MTV.

Anyway.

Two things. I know I’m about to be slut-shamed. And it’s going to be a big pile of bullshit because there’s this quasi-love your body (positive) movement happening right now, the cover of NOW magazine has two naked chicks on it.

And yes they’re big ladies. Bold and beautiful. But I seem to get treated with the opposite amount of respect and always fucking have when I take my clothes off. Skinny girls. Sorry, skinnier than me even girls, none of this body love ever gets directed at them or us. And when WE (want to) make bold nude moves, we get slammed for it.

So this blog post is just a wee head’s up warning that I hope you don’t fall into that heaping snarky pile of garbage because 1. I won’t care about what people say or think of me anymore, you have had long enough to be my friend and be nice to me, you’re in my past as far as I am concerned if you hurt, diss or ever attack me. 2. Be proud of who you are, be true to yourself, be yourself and just go for it. Don’t be afraid. Don’t worry about fucking up a future that hasn’t occurred yet.

A good friend of mine reminded me of my IF NOT NOW WHEN thing.

So I am doing NOW.

I’m not going to sit around waiting for Hollywood to call me anymore.

For too long I have worried about what people will say. And a lot will say shitty things. A lot will defend me and have my back and shockingly already have. I have a VIP ring of people I let in on my gossip-news etc before everybody else because everybody else slags on me. It’s a cut throat scene and we all want to dominate.

Obviously toot your own horn when the time calls for it but keep some cards to your chest and be humble, because at the end of the day you could be wrong.

Now the second thing I shard on FB. I’ve been leaving bread crumbs and clues around, provoking a little bit maybe. Women Are Posing Naked To Reclaim Their Bodies – If you chimed in on this Buzzfeed piece something supportive and yet trash me for living out my Nicki Minaj Kardashian complex in the same breath, you’re a chode. Just saying.

xoxo yours forever Raymi the Minx

++++

Now here’s my #TBT submit.

Hilo what’s up good to hear lets go.

Straight up truth sometimes I have no idea what to write here it feels like PeeWee’s Playhouse and then I have to go back a few posts to reference the instapics I’ve already posted then got lost in the abyss of Raymland. Oh well, could be worse I guess.

Got another rehearsal in. Jared is girl crazy on his phone every time I lapse into instagram and then we just rip on each other until we finally put our phones down. Phones am I right!

I am liking the JT look more and more these days both hair and denim. Dark denim is a go! Not that Jared was going for JT or even knows who Justin Timberlake is jkjk. Sigh, that TKO video is fucking hot and what’s the deal with guys and crazy girls, am I right? What’s the deal with am I right, am I right?

Guys are so into crazy hot girls they’ll let them drive their boner right off a damn cliff. Alright that’s enough life wisdoms for this caption. I would love to cover this song btw however.

Defrosted ice. Intense.

I guess that’s what you get from being on your phone so much eh? blehehee. He’s one of those phone speak into-ers like it’s a dictaphone. Cool detective work there. The funny thing is, we always get Second Cup when we jam for some reason probably cos Jared is a cheapskate I dunno but anyway I tweet to them and because their social media game is strong they ALWAYS reply back to me but I doubt that this time they woulda, had I blasted this convo out to them. That would be a dream meme come true if so. I’m going to upload it to my imgur account if I remember to.

I’ve lost about 5lbs since I started giving a shit again. I typically fluctuate 5 pounds everyday or when I’m drinking but now I’ve gone passed my lowest number and dropped 5lbs below that. The magic of sugar restriction, carbs and booze. Speaking of, it’s Booze free day nine time to make up a silly self referential rhyme.

Ugh I think I’m getting sick or it’s just the beginning of today’s starvation headache. My throat is feeling phlegmy and considering I am surrounded by a lot of sickness and death right now (hospital visits don’t ask) I probably picked something up, or it’s a head cold from the billions of times walking in and out in the wind and snow.

These are the moments why people, myself super included, complain about summer ending. It’s hard to envision wearing teeny neon shorts right now it just is. I am going for a tan later. Remember when I said I wanted to take on the world with my body and my mind? That’s why I was so gung-ho running like a Raymiac covered in Hawaiian tropic oil all summer long. Well what’s the point of turning your body into a turbobabe machine if you’re not going to do anything with it right? I mean lets face it I am almost 32 if I can bag a role based on my quasi-bombshell looks then why fucking not. If I can maintain a physique that is. Hopefully I will not be having a rude-awakening from staring into my bf’s skinny mirror all the time.

Keeping things light is key. Creative too.

This was the last sweet thing I ate. I even gave this little asian candy from the bottom of my purse away that I wanted. Oh wait but then I had a power bar which was full of sugar but necessary because I probably would have killed my bf. Speaking of btw, the older I get the more progressive and laid back the dudes I date seem to be. I’m like hey and he’s like, no problem.

Whenever I wear a turtleneck I think I look like Charlie Bucket.

I just emailed myself some more pics to add here. Blogging the way I do takes up so much time. Especially while fielding calls and emails and messages blabbity blah it’s just one of those one thing after another days/weeks. My bf said I cannot have kids because then I couldn’t blog, but not because I would be a shitty mother. That was nice haha. I was like uh newsflash there are tons of mommy bloggers out there BECAUSE they’re moms. He just meant all this me-ness would have to be done away with. When I see old ladies bobbing around at the supermarket I start to baby panic like who is going to take care of me one day??? But then I think I just can’t yet I have all this crap to take care of first. The mind of a 31 year old is an interesting place.

It’s not just your body you have to worry about though it’s your face and not looking tired and when you lose weight it shows in your face. Slippery slope.

A gf said she totally knows what I meant when I said cheekbones and no drinking though. I like that old friends of mine still read my blog and then write me long emails about evey point I made, or the in-between the lines stuff. Hi all long time readers you guys are the shit.

It’s hair wash day. Half groan half yay. Your hair is high maintenance when it’s long and when you DIY the babying maintenance is an intriguing process in that you just let it be in secret behind closed doors when no one is around you have major rat’s nest dreadlocks and basically look like Natasha Lyonne.

Dead ringer.

Back to this guy.

Jared asked why girls take pics like this. I dunno cos it’s hot, you can make yourself look skinny and flat bellied, show off your figure and outfit if it’s cute. Give the people a POV on what I look down at everyday.

This does not at all look appetizing but I assure you last night it was tasty and bonus points on picking up that peanut sauce too oh god yeah that jar is going to be emptied in no time. I feel sorry for people who are allergic to peanuts I really do. Next time I’m getting cilantro.

The rice paper is thick and good quality, makes me think you could make a curry and the rice paper can hold it or that would just be a total disaster who knows.

It looks better from the front but I couldn’t get a good pic of him. We have a rule, one pic a month. Yesterday two diff source-entities reached out and requested pics of me kissing with him, or a friend, or a loved one?? Funny no? We’re at the hospital and I’m like, check out these back-to-back emails yo. Give the people what they want I guess.

I should be glad I bought the amazon mural instead of that tidal wave one right?

bf said with my midriff showing in these jeans I’d do well in a trailer park. Jealous much! Then I pulled my thong up super high like Britney Spears it was pretty gross and funny.

Today is also the day I find out how ghetto this is or isn’t. Is black too much for a screen test? I have really long nails right now they will really stand out. Hopefully the tan will make my hands look less witchy. I should prob do subtle but what the heck it’s me and I do it my way.

3 months left of winter. 90 days of blistering cold hell.

My thighs would be so much leaner if I were running right now. Thanks winter. Pretty sure I have the gap still but definitely juicier ’round there. If I get this gig I will tell them I am going to lose 10 more pounds and it won’t just be bullshitting either.

My laundry has been piling up at home and I get annoyed because then I run out of all my “cool” pants or my favourite rotation stuff but then I discover one of several pairs of jeans my mom dropped on me. We have the same size body more or less and now that I am slimming down all the pants she brought over fit me better instead of telling people to take ten steps back while you unbutton and explode out of them, everything fits nice and loosey-goosey.

My exercise routine is squats, kettlebell, sex, free weights, torso twists, tricep extensions, push ups, lots of water and caffeine and squeezing my butt when I walk and igniting my core as much as I remember to. I count going to the bathroom as exercise too. Good metabolism, all that.

If I look at it I am more bound to drink it rather than look at a highball of whiskey and sob. Water is great for your skin not to mention all the stuff going on inside of your body.

It’s nice too when other bands fangirl your band. We will book another gig soon.

Count your blessings everyone that’s all I gotta say! I feel like there is so much stressful stuff surrounding me right now, because there is, and multiple different entities at that like a stress trifecta and there’s nothing to do but to keep ploughing through it. Know that I am ok though. Some of it is good stress and good things and opportunities etc but some of it is hardcore and private stress that at times just makes me want to scream my fucking head off. Just keep on keeping on til it gets better because it always does. Bye for now xo Raymbo.

• boylord,
• justin timberlake

Hi you. Get ready for your Rayminjections but do yourself a flavour first, put this on and don’t stop it’s what I’m listening to as I “blog” in my cold ass room.

El Superbo.

Ps. here is the original of the above instagram selfie of myselfie. My hair is longer than instagram can handle. A daily self-confirmation that cannot be stopped.

And there’s another cos who doesn’t blast off millions while they’re at it. Speaking of dipshits, this made me laugh in the shower last night.

I love them. Hate love but mostly, love-love. Anyone who doesn’t get behind the Kardash is just kind of a twat, in such that they cannot appreciate a massive part of culture. Snipe all you like but they’re amusing and intelligent opportunistic rich as hell people. People make nasty comments to me all the time about my selfie-ing, but does it stop me? Nope. I am eccentric. I entertain. I will die if I do not get the last word always. I am always reflecting and probably suffer from the same self-obsession that celebrities do except I am not famous. As much. And I will be the first to sit on that grenade for the self-obsessed generation I have lead and be all self-aware about it. I know I don’t always get it right and thanks for not making fun of me to my face :). I hold many beliefs and I stand by what I do. I am going to be giving a talk about this to a bloody Arts Council. It’s my Tom Cruise Magnolia motivational speaky “moment”. Okay next slide please.

What is and isn’t inappropriate? Should we stop? Should we “just stop”? Probably, but sometimes I think it’s ok to steal a moment for yourself and do what you want with it. I mean, I could be studying neuroscience instead of obsessively tracking the aging of my face daily. There is some part of me, a hope, that will never die. You call it narcissism, I call it hope. Beneath ten leagues of delusion.

ANYWAY. Winter! Great times! I spoke to the guy who is doing the translations for the upcoming Kerouac book and told him we were related, we had a cool talk. The power of the internet can connect people like that. My friend sent this toronto star article, I skimmed it, see the pic of the guy who even looks like Jack Kerouac, find him on twitter and bing bang bong besties. I am an author without a book. I hate myself everyday about this. I may have 15 years of blogging behind me and a kajillion words of prose, but not the book I have always wanted so I am glad to have the inspiration kicked back into me again thank fucking fuck. Yes true I have released two books before previously but you know what I mean. It’s happening.

I’m also not drinking again and with the magical glee speedbump of the holidays not being around to distract from the crushing boredom sobriety makes it a wee more challenging in that I am also restricting carbs (I only ate the innards of that bath sandwich. Bathwich) and also restricting sugar. So I am way more on edge. GAH WHAT WAS THAT. Day 6. IF I don’t give in and booze tonight. I super hope I don’t because I need to be a rake for next week’s screen test.

Baby Spice hair. Baby Spice adult. I know many other arrested development adults I’ll have you know!!

Bf asked if I wanted this or to take it down he doesn’t really like it which is funny to me why someone would hang something they weren’t into.

I don’t shave at bf’s cos I haven’t brought a razer over yet. It’s not like in Survivor how they mysteriously maintain it for you.

Day 3 or 4 I forget. Passed on getting a bottle of ginger beer, no mo sugar, sugar. I would never go to the trouble of cooking up a mocktail, pahaha ridiculous what’s the point?

It’s too easy to just be “sort of” in shape and be happy about it but then it gets real and you’re scrambling to catch up. Always keep the goal in front of you. Stay motivated. Think about shit like Rihanna or Taylor Swift.

He said I looked pretty with my hair all over my face like this I had no idea I thought I just looked like a scruff.

Been catching lots of icy sunsets and what not.

The fish was amazing and light. Basa fish. The kale was boring and sloppy buttery whatever just trying to be healthy it can’t always be disco jazz in your mouth.

I am nail obsessed right now on top of body obsessed. I really want my nails to be talons for next week.

Good potatoes I only had a fraction of this pile. Sad face.

Day 6 is kinda like this haha. Watched it the other night for my 3rd time. If I like a movie I watch the shit out of it.

I kind of look like that basket case chick from the breakfast club Ally Sheedy?

oh stop don’t be jel you love it.

I’ll dump my purse upside down surrrrrrrrrrrre.

Hipster peasant breakfast.

I just used a pinch of bread to avoid getting a full blown headache. This diet is actually working so whatever nag me all you want.

I will be 32 in 3 months. Less than. BARF!!!!!!! haha jk. I can deal. Just a little. Bf calls me forever 31 and teases me all the time because he is jealous he isn’t a young girl in his thirties egoboost. I really don’t care. Life is all about embracing each new year and age head-on and being like okay, I gotta try that number out now see what that’s all about. Maybe it’s about Botox.

When one is faced with a difficult decision or choice in their life that might bring a lot of negativity but also great reward, one should always consult the mentors at reach in said person’s life to gain insight. Basically long story short, humble brag name drop I got famous friends who give me advice behind the scenes and it’s very empowering and surreal to hear from them what they have to say on certain Raymbo matters to be. Part of it doesn’t feel real. Maybe I am having a 30’s meltdown I don’t know. Infinitely soul searching it always seems.

I consider myself to be a brave individual who is also guarded and uncertain. I think the truly succesful people are those who are born knowing what they want and going for it. Never hesitating, and I try to rememer to be that kind of person as often as I can.

Time to wrap it up. Band rehearsal tomorrow. Have a nice night!

• jack kerouac,
• Kardashians