Hello hello. As promised and delivered my fancy night on Saturday. Make sure your socks have suspenders because they might get blown off by this post you never really know what crazy shit will come out of me.
Or the imagery! I apologize that this isn’t a picture of both of my hands but then who would hold the phone to take the picture? Trust me I have considered hiring someone to drop in and take a bath picture of both my hands. You think up all kinds of awesome shit in the bath it’s the best place to think which has the least pens.
Sidenote, hung out with my literary bruh yesterday, read him a ton of raymi shit and he’s motivated to start pushing me again I mean not to brag or anything but this writing you’re reading is really good.
If only there was more time and motivation and like a monkey helper to just do it all for me. So tired.
I feel like I will have a book soon though.
My literary agent is ten times more lazy than I am. We last left it at talking publishers ok nevermind. My buddy (different guy) is going to turn his blog into a book, it’s all time we did that.
In true Raymi fashion I was spinning him yarn after yarn yesterday and he said, have you written about this before? Why not? What’s so cringey about it? I mean I think I’ve done all these crazy fun things in life just so I could write about them eventually anyway.
In about a month I’ll be able to focus and map that out more. Am moving. Also new gig starts up next week.
Here I was gonna talk about my date and then I went back to Capital Me. Oops.
Had pho Friday. With extra veg and meat. I always manage to weasel the best bowl (a small), and never have to pay for the extras. Meanwhile the guy always gets the large, doesnt finish and it has more noodles and less meat veg or just as much as my small. Second time this has happened now.
I am probably part witch. Not evil but just very good at getting my way. Don’t worry, lots of bad luck shit happens to me too no one is that blessed.
Bag of green. No more cheating. Had chinese yesterday. Idiot. Every little thing counts at this point. I’m one of those gains 5lbs from thinking about salt body types. Luckily I am stressed out of my mind and generally unhappy which keeps the weight off.
My hair is very red today. I added some red to my conditioner yesterday (a trick and tip to keeping your red) also my girl at shoppers said the more red you add to your red makes it more red. The red build. I see. I see. Lots of cold showers too of course ugh.
and hot baths don’t forget.
Winter is boring so a lot of exercising happens. Diet as well as exercise and you will get results. It’s a no-brainer and it’s not starving it’s just reduction of nutrition (aka “food”) coupled by willpower and spiderman climbers. Dating a volleyball player (on the side of his real job) has perks. Though it can be annoying when you’re already huffing and puffing and you get corrected on shit you have no extra energy for and want to be in your own zone, then we get in an argument about it. That’s what trainers are like though, they motivate by irritating you and it’s not a good session unless you want to launch them into outerfuckingspace.
Speaking of, my old gym and trainers wanted me back in there to help me get fit for my new thing but I did it all myself. I figure, once I am commuting into town more often it will be more convenient to do both. Living out here and coming in to train and then to what, get into trouble in Toronto? Becasue I most certainly will. So if decided that I still need to slim down (prepared if that’s the case) then I’ll go train at TMR again. I prob will anyway. I know the commuting alone makes me lose weight. Seriously. Anyone who is a lazy shut-in blogger knows that when you schedule appts and go out into the world leaving your precious cave at home, you’re gonna lose four pounds that day. Well at least that’s what seems to happen to me then I’m like I did all that running around I should probably reward myself with a bowl of pesto pasta mmm.
I am always fantasizing about pesto and maybe one day eating it. If you play mental food games with yourself it can help you deal with all the restrictions.
Glad we went to Pepperwood instead of the Keg. The Keg on a Saturday is like walking into a zoo of annoying suburban elitist families frowning in the waiting area because they don’t take reservations on Saturdays it’s a first come first serve basis. No thanks! Also it’s douchey, wasn’t in the mood for that kind of douchey. I live near Pepperwood it’s just so much easier. The girl playing live music was good too. Normally when I see the musician come out I’m like oh great here we go but then she was mellow and played (current) songs I knew. Some soloists make it all about them and have whiney ballads. I know Boylord would be a super annoying dinner band because I am just, really annoying.
All I wanted on Valentine’s Day was to wear this stupid little thing I bought and have a photo of it in my instagram feed like I won Valentine’s Day. I wore it a weekend later instead. Oh well. On V Day we hibernated. Yes Valentine’s Day is a dumb tradition that’s turned into competing with other chicks and like no romance. It was basically like go to shoppers and take out a shelf of crap then give it to me so I can ignore you for an hour instagramming this pile of shit while we eat chocolate. Cool.
I had the beef tenderloin and finger me potatoes. I didn’t eat any of them though. The tenderloin was Raymazing.
I bought these in Holland. Love them.
Slimming down makes your bigger underwear, funderwear. Like yay it’s fun that I can remember when these gigantic things were skin tight on me lol.
Not the best lighting in there.
I don’t know why I bother censoring it. I guess if it was my intention to instagram it where someone always flags me. I also recall when I was able to change the size of these stickers but something seems to have changed. Catwang is still cool about that though.
Winter whining forever.
We finished watching Banshee. New episode on Thursday so no we haven’t finished it exactly but you know what I mean.
I just thought about all the laundry I should be doing today.
Tried to get it all in. Next time I’ll take off my shoe and rest it on the counter. I can’t find that specific picture right now though it’s the guy with his Timberland boot on the bathroom sink so you can see his whole outfit bahahha. Or I can do an extreme selfie.
Fuck ya.
A woman gave me stink eye for using my flash to take a pic of my beef tenderloin. Bet yer ass I gave her “the look” right on back. We stared at each other uncomfortably for 5 solid seconds while I squinted my eyes but I broke the look first to go back to my date. I almost asked CAN I HELP YOU? I did look back again at her and she was looking again while talking about me to her date. YES it’s “rude” to use a flash but it’s not that big a deal. You do have the capacity to ignore our table. We’re fine-dining and we are photographing it for the internet. We bought it, we commemorate it you can take your foodie rules and shove them up your ass. Why are you sitting in the bar area where there’s more action if you want no flashes going off then?
I’m not fully inconsiderate though. I will make a point to not use the flash the majority of the time as a courtesy gesture but again, when I go places if I want to take pictures then I will. No one in this life has to concern themselves with what others are up to. If you’re so offended by everything why are you even going out? Women give me dirty looks all the time no matter what I’m doing so I don’t care anymore. I have a present for you it’s called YOLO.
We’re lightweights, it doesn’t take much to get us going. I think after our first sip we laughed for ten minutes about absolutely nothing. A facial expression can set us off. Or an accidental lips whistle, oh god don’t get me started ahhahaa.
Shared mussels. Goooood and garlicy.
What’s going to happen when I have really long red mermaid hair like Cousin It.
His.
Saw my mom Sunday night for the Oscars and more booze cheating went down as it does. I’m her date tomorrow for some comedy thing she’s working. Will have to see if bf wants to go to that bet he won’t. I don’t think he wants to meet her haha. He didn’t meet her the first time around that we dated somehow managed to skillfully avoid it.
When she gave me these I was like what moron bought them for you. There is no chance she’d just go out and get me underwear for valentines day yeah right but anyway she’s like this is so a Raymi thing but even I feel too old to wear tights like that more of a Hailey thing.
I dyed Nana’s hair. She’s going away for 5 weeks. Happy to help. Having roots on vacation is the worst.
You can see the butt tan line.
There is NOTHING WRONG with nudity fyi. I’ve been a nudist (more or less) for many years and if it makes you uncomfortable, don’t look. Don’t actively look just to feel like shit. Some are inspired by me, by this. I am just saying either way being nude is nothing foreign to me so stop bashing me for it you’re wasting your time and energy.
Maybe my body is being accepted because I am accepting of my body. Showing it. I have dignity, a lot in fact.
I was actually afraid and expecting a huge family rift over it and it was secretly stressing me out big time and depressing me knowing I’d have to just fight for it and exhausted in advance about it. I’m happy that won’t be the case.
Was also refered to as a transvestite. Um, transvestites are beautiful, sometimes more feminine than actual females. The dig is meant to make me feel bad about having androgynous features and spoken by a desperate housewife. I guess I should get used to slags from jealous women. You think I’d be used to it by now. It only sucks that to move forward and live your destiny you have to go through so much garbage.
I am tired of being people’s punching bags who have sexual issues and are made uncomfortable by sex or by other women being comfortable being sexual or sexy.
I built my brand around sex because I am sexy. I didn’t craft this persona, it happened naturally on its own because I embody the passion necessary to live and breathe sensuality daily. This is how I am.
I took some ass pics today. Will post tomorrow because YOLO.
At times over the summer or, whenever, I’ve had moments where I’ve used yolo (post-ironically speaking of course!) in a sentence to describe something off like blah blah yadda yadda yolo… then I realised NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND WTF I was saying.
So I would have to say it means you only live once, repeat the story like I did that crazy thing because YOLO, following now bruh?
Yes I hate it. Yes I use it because it’s dumb and all-emcompassing of an action, it’s like the new fuck – which, I sprinkle on everything liberally.
It’s how I talk. Pretend sorry. I talk like a sailor. Swift, dirty.
I can easily express myself like a geezer with eyes like two pissholes in a snowbank, ahh can and ah will!
I am tired of being ashamed so I’m not gonna be it anymore!
I am tired of being sheepish about being exquisite sometimes!
Like seriously, I try fucking hard man, to look, to be, and to be good, to help others, to be there for them.. you have no idea honestly. But!
You don’t get anywhere by letting people stand in your way. I had a really good zinger the other night I might have to just blog it.
I said I AM gonna be more successful and it’s not going to be from letting people like you get in my way.
I have watched The Other Woman twice in a month and I feel like it might have rubbed off on me a bit.
I am inspired to just “have chill” about the crazy decision I’ve made for my future.
I have certainly over-thought it enough and ping ponged back and forth in my head. At the end of each soul-searching sesh I come away with go for it.
Don’t ever forget the Raymboat mantra, IF NOT NOW WHEN.
Tattooable.
I told my mom.
She’s like, you’re in your thirties and you still want to take your clothes off.
I was like fucking right I’m almost 32 and they want me in the game still.
I got into serious shape for this and I am glad they told me to. It’s probably going to get bananas pretty soon. Screen test is next week. NO it’s not p0rn.
Anyway back to my day. Slept over at Nana’s last night had doc appt today, watched Oscars. Gaga was amazing.
I kind of ran out of energy for this post. It’s been a long day. This is me at 21.
I uploaded all these photos yesterday, starting now, but lost the desire to blog then too. My mom is over right now and internet jamming away.
Huevos bf style.
Dick innuendo! Plantains are bigger.
Okay I’ll save date night for later. I want to read the internet meow.
Welcome now to the very public showcase which is my life, delicately edited for your pleasure (here’s hoping) and for everybody else, don’t care. #gangster
Lets start backwards because cool and simple. It’s freezing in my room right now I am considering moving into the livingroom to blog.
Oh hi.
This weekend was so lazy. It was so cold. Only insane people go out and have fun in that. Going out dancing this weekend instead to make up for it. I bought that stupid cute little number gotta go out and show it off no?
We completed 2 boxes of chocolates. I did as many exercises as I could to make up for it including training, crazy running intervals, and new core work that I am still sore from and showing abdominal improvements like a washboard for. I really want to look like an arachnid or Jesus H. Christ as soon as possible. I actually want to look like Shia Labeouf in the Sia video. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that crazy can’t sculpt you because it can, will, and does. Of all the side-effects of insanity, that one is a plus.
I feel like you always get duped when you order a mimosa when out. They definitely do not make it like you would at home. Yes super waste. I can’t get wasted on this! Hey remember when I was sober? Yeah well I’m still a light drinker and a lightweight so don’t worry in case you were. I love that a little goes a loooong way despite complaining about this mimosa so weak you could give it to your baby. baha
Size 27 pant in US btw is 4 (some say six) so lets say 5 to be nice. THE DUMBEST spat occurred in my comments over the weekend that I definitely should not be bringing up again now but I think it was a good example in online etiquette and being purposely obtuse, snarky then playing innocent then being told to lighten up. It was a tiresome bore and sucked the life out of my lazy Banshee bender trying to have some quality shut-in time with my Valentine.
I leave dumb comments all over the web so I understand. Sometimes I’ll both stare at and re-read a one word comment I’ve left somewhere and cringe knowing that the person won’t know how to analyze it.
Sometimes if you write HA! They can take it to mean HA! at them and not HA! with them.
But then it’s like who cares but then it’s like facebook is just a cauldron of your own drama, cast of characters and shit you put out there so have a little mercy. Also get a life.
I forgot my phone at one point this weekend and was like it’s ok you can refresh notifications when you get back. While at other points I put my head down, deflated, thinking this is so like Holland where I can’t roam off wireless and tweet every thought and cute things I see because I’m in The Netherlands. Off the grid. For two hours. You then realize how addicted and tethered to the various communications you engage with throughout the day. None of it matters but it can be awfully enriching when you have a roving, wandering mind.
Glitched. Have fixed version but whatevs.
Hahah WIND MACHINE #fashion.
Sans instagram filter. Not bad not bad, going to try to incorporate my eye crinkles the more comfortable I get being down with them. Don’t worry I’ll still wear shades and lots of makeup and soft camera lighting plus filters whenever I can/the time calls for it.
What’s a blogger to do right? Hint hint my blog title? I had this breakthrough in a post-ablogalyptic universe starring me post-blog (but the blog must go on!) how unhireable I now am. Except for pushing the envelope more and more.
Always be edgy I was once told.
Sometimes to get over mountains you have to go through them. #Banshee (almost done season 2 now).
But yeah to eclipse the little people you have to steer from them I guess.
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure and when the treasure is treated as such, good things happen.
I feel like I am writing a fucking harlequin pornmance.
Yep. Wine slut again.
Oh Jesus. I hit publish. So this is a grower post to those smart enough to come and see before I put it on Social Media blast.
We played this on Friday night. Fun and funny. We make each other laugh all day long. Like ten minutes goes by completey utterly wasted by laughing at the dumbest thing like a facial expression or, a word. It is surreal to be dating again. I’m still very cautious but there’s a lot of non-red flags to just be chill. It’s only when other people meddle is when problems occur but all in all it’s good. This weekend was a test for sure. I haven’t spent so much time non-stop together with someone since I was engaged yeesh. When people like each other they can smother one another it’s incredible. Passion plus I dunno but again “this time around” Raymbo is playing it safe. To be continued I guess.
Can’t even. That face. Face girls are always doomed no? Do women ever discuss trophy boyfriend collection? Remind me to talk about that someday when I run a superfluous girls club with Candice Bergen.
One of the things we ate this weekend. Deadly good.
He let the buttermilk thicken for like an hour on the counter I was like wtf are you doing over there now uh ohhhhhhh I seee neeeeeeeat.
I LOVE the taste of corn tortillas. How about corn deep fried zucchini magic? Transported.
What’s a little tonuge burn? Some like it hot.
Spicy beef patty action.
I lost 2-3lbs.
No more carbs screwing around this week. You’ll see why soon.
Leftover steaks and plantain breakfast.
haha shut up allow me to continue.
Didn’t get around to that yet….
Hibernation presents.
That is healthgoth. 1. look goth, 2. fit. yes I am talking to you #troll #bitch.
It’s Mardi gras in new Orleans right now and I am leaning against this wall.
There’s chocolate on my grey grunge sweater from Holland, on the right shoulder.
I’ve been making my homemade caesar dressed salad modified from The Beaver for years. Eventually not far long maybe even a decade. You can put anything in a caesar salad NEWSFLASH.
zzzz
Oh yeah look at that gravy.
Lentil soup fainting. So lemony mmm.
Had to include, almost lost in the frey. Sorry I am the worst.
Yesterday’s jam.
This morning.
Edison light from Earls.
Willpower breakfast.
Canadian tuxedo family day afternoon.
Heartsy artsy.
Winter tan!
Love it. Want it.
Okay guys not that this is dire to go on with or anything so I’m going to exercise now. Hope you had a splendid long weekend and a great day today so far.
Should I have bought that robe thing? It didn’t even have a sash. I feel like Kelly from 90210 would wear this. I can be a Kelly, no? Though I’d probably be the (f__ing bitch) Brenda whom I can easily visualize in this too.
Everyone’s like, get it get it. I want to too I mean, my eye picked it out of all the other crap in the store afterall. But I feel it’s just not practical. It’s arrogant. If I went over to someone’s house and the hostess was wearing this in my head I’d be like fuck you hahaha. It’s a classic look. A hallmark of Madonna in the 90’s. Bedroom. I am a peacock type so it’s not like going out of my comfort zone or anything.
I love it but I think I’ve gotten the intended use out of it already, which was a cute selfie. A picture lasts forever you can just picture me in this robe 24/7 now instead of the weird shit that I actually wear. Moving on…
Sexy song interlude. I have gone through the next season of Banshee’s soundtrack in advance. Oh yeah when I obsess I obsess HARD.
Didn’t get. Still shrinking, will be rendered useless and was also a bit baggy.
Sorry for that faaaaaaaaace. Haven’t washed hair since I dyed it (when did I dye it do you remember?) but yeah it is going to definitly bleed like bananas.
I did get this though. I’m going to wear it on valentine’s day. Which I thought was actually today. I also thought Wednesday was Thursday. I am definitely losing it. Meh.
How do I feel about storming forever 21 being forever 31?
Hmm, I am coming for ya bitches. When teenage chicks repeatedly look me over with approval… I guess it’s like when porn stars brag about shopping at the kid’s sections, I feel like Pamela Anderson said that definitely before.
I mean, forever 21 mocks adult feminine looks as well as tweeny trendy shit. A lot of the dresses at f21 are age appropriate. Spending a hundred bucks on a bag of tricks I’ll eventually give to my niece, what is the big deal?
Fashion rule of life is, if it fits and nothing is seen jiggling – it’s a go. I went out and said to the dressing room girl, okay this is really short can I do this? She said it’s supposed to be that way.
Would a celebrity wear this? Yes. On red carpet with insanely high Jessica Simpson pumps? Yes. Can I eat a steak and down a half bottle of red wine in this? Yep.
I had a cheap little black lace date dress that was legendary once. I sold like 100 of it and individually facebook replied to each lady who inquired where it came from 1. because I know the value of my influence 2. that retail store does not deserve my free press. I could have just said I got it here and saved myself the hassle of personally replying to everyone I told to email me if they wanted to know.
Because of my boxy boyish amazon wtf body type I can grab that ignored dress in the shop and make it work. Some dresses hang terribly on hangers, then no one buys them and they get shipped to Mississauga outlet malls where they go to die. Fact.
This guy (me) comes along and uses it as primo date machine attire on a blog then booya.
I even remember who scooped it up at my 10 year blogiversary party. Holy rambly, sorry sorry.
I am going to wear it with almost black (dark grey basically black) tights altho I kinda want to wear my cute little heart socks BUT it’s fucking winter man who do I think I am. If I am not too full then we will go dancing. wait omfg I just had a brainstorm!
Went for a tan to trick out ma bod.
I should just get a bottle of this again.
Post tan mall glow. A girl spied on me being insane like this. I didn’t look at her but I bet she was making fun of me in her head. I would. But secretly I would be like you are amazing.
Have to exchange for a smaller size. Sorry, I patronage your store enough don’t give me grief.
A troll flipped out on me here once when I said I was returning a shirt (oh please everyone does it and for worser reasons) but mine was a legitimate reason, it ripped on me – super cheaply made and garbage why the hell would I want to replace it? So I exchanged for something else. At the time of this comment, this repeat psycho troll was daily goading me, leaving obsessive comments and I saved them I never blogged them or responded or reacted. It’s just insane how someone can obsess over you like that and look for weaknesses and opportunities to wedge their way in.
To date I get a lot of positive messages. I feel like people are chill and we’re all mellowed out. Not to say I don’t receive insane things, and thirsty guys of course haha. That is part of the game perhaps. I am a flirt. Was recently accused of being one. I never really thought of myself as one. I “have no game” which is so 100% totally my game, or, a game.
I think that anybody I have drawn to me over a matter of years I totally deserve the attention of. As long as it’s positive. I am not talking unwanted attention from people who have been banished. You don’t have to like everybody and they don’t have to like you. They just have to go away.
I will 100% say these pants like tanning salon. I don’t care. It’s a nice smell. I will keep you all abreast of how Jeansgate 2015 goes down.
While these were to look a lot sexier, in my head. I think I just pulled them up too high and also my high heel mary janes should be the guys to slip these socks into.
I am a sucker for containment. I feel like I am going to slip on a banana peel at any moment, I crave safety. Jumpers are safe except for pee time and crouching naked on a toilet shivering in hilarious fear.
Love instagram filters. Am a walking piece of art.
My TBT. I was 21. A bf took this I was his model subject for a photography class. I lived around the corner at the time. He and I weren’t together at this point. We are still friends now. There is mad history yo. Complex! I really liked dressing like this, and still do if I have the figure for it. Slipping on form-fitting elastic-like jeans, jumping on my longboard and just whipping off on an adventure.
And now I’m just a tired old lady in glasses wahhhh.
Had this the other night. Bad girl. No more effing around I have a screen test or to talk about setting one up Feb 23. It’s time to look as Chiseled as Jesus fricking Christ now. If it didn’t leave scar marks I would even let you whip me and reimagine the stations of the cross (don’t say Catholic school wasn’t good for nothing!)
Another me at 21. I remember this day. There are other good pics of me from this sesh in the park doing karate Kid like balance poses on a fence. I lost pictures when indiko bit the dust, where I hosted my pictures since I was 19. Whatever I managed to randomly take over to flickr is what I still have. History dies if you do not back it up eh.
I have 98,493 pictures in my flickr account. Have been a member since 2005. That number seems a little high to me lol.
Back to my body psychosis.
My new boss said I look like Liz Hurley TWICE NOW.
I’m just gonna tie my ego to a hot air balloon and let it sail away now thx k bye whaaaaaaaaaaat!?!?
Yep gonna sculpt my guns after this.
And exchange these jeans. I will cry if the size down doesn’t fit and set myself on fire from embarrassment.
Oh hey cool can I try on these 27’s? Uh no reason…
On way to tan or after can’t remember.
A below picture. After my tan. I didn’t wear makeup really except the mascara seems to be permanently gunked on… I wouldn’t call it wearing. Ahh excuses, lovely. See how dried out my lips are like a peach. Sometimes nude lipstick is hot.
This morning already feels like years ago.
Did I ever tell you the reason why my blog posts are so long? If anyone has read this far and wants to know then I will say so.
Don Draper is back. I know right. It’s kind of surreal.
So lets talk about the Grammys and just be like everybody else for once.
We will talk about me and we will talk about the Grammys, the Gram-me’s.
And how about that Kanye holy stupid fuck! Maybe if you were drunk with your hilarious friends at a pool party all in Hawaiian shirts and like Norm Macdonald gets up and takes the podium at a roast, FANTASTIC yes, appropriate. Basically that scene from Billy Madison.
However, part of me is like fuck the Grammys who cares? Do any of us know anyone remotely near as famous as Taylor Swift and Beyonce?
Do you know how much my socks were not blown off by the album she snuck up and dropped on us last year? Just as much as those puppies stayed up and on all last night from her Biblical gospel I am Jesus performance. Well Beyonce you may have fooled Kanye but not this girl! (btw I love gospel music fyi).
Maybe sing a song that has rhythm and flow that you can actually navigate with this “talent” you have. You tried too hard to make a moment happen. We shouldn’t have to wait 2 minutes to be grabbed by something. It was all build. It was f-ing without c___ing.
I liked your body silhouette and matching men in white accompaniments but Beck has been at it longer. You can’t win ‘em all and you don’t. It’s a part of life.
I don’t purport to know about awards shows or how winners are chosen but it seems that some other higher power governing body is in place much like your God you duly believe in, yet you can’t accept the room of little white men deciding decisions. Or is it based on record sales as well as popular opinion?
Anyway I don’t care. Pretty sure no one else OTHER THAN KANYE WEST rushes stages when they don’t like the outcome but mostly because we don’t get invited to those things and have the opportunity to.
Here’s something else I noticed, when Jennifer Hudson got up on stage to deliver some horribly read piece about this well, she stopped at the top of the stage and this little white old man he like, shoved her over and it really pissed me off. Here is this exquisite songstress in a beautiful white dress and she froze, she was still poised and all but I did not like how he did that it was so typical awkward insecure tiny man who felt more entitled and important than her and I am surprised no one else has pointed it out yet. Watch it for yourself and see. I just mean, if that happened to me I would have thumped his arm or pinched him super hard and painfully. I would visibly react. Jennifer Hudson played that moment cool though. Maybe tumblr is talking about it they notice everything.
Should I tweet come-on to Kanye West next?
In moments like these, social media opportunities, or maybe like everyday, I just splatter as many people as I can with stupid crap everywhere and see what sticks. You would be surprised!
People will care about celebrities more than they will ever care about me, eventually I am gonna have to bite the bullet and stop trying to be the one and to talk about the one instead.
But no!
I can do both.
See. I relate to the megalomania so much, I am smarter than her. People love the fame and you reinforce it with every gaudy fancy sexy glittery photo you post. There is a recipe. We all get it right and wrong. The object is to always be the focus (which they always are). Do I troll you guys? Sometimes maybe.
I refrain from using a filter sometimes. Some people think that mentally ill people are the only ones who do that. Maybe it is a form of autism but when one is actively cognitive of the shitty things they say, and I mean shitty, sometimes I can deliver some real honest harsh zingers and be separated from the cruelty affixed and I am doing this with logic and reason. My mind makes quick calculated conclusions in the moment before I speak, everyone knows the saying think before you speak. Some people act and think later. Some (many)(all) tweet then delete, Jason Biggs comes to mind. In the moment I am thinking that this person will only benefit from what I am about to say. I have a way.
-note to self do celebrity hall of shame tweets blog post round up or get someone better to.
Anyway the point of many is, does Kanye think before he acts?
Do I provoke purposely without thinking?
How can it not be on purpose if I have thought about it.
Sometimes I’ll post a mega juicy sexy ass pic then like throw my phone away and agonize over it secretly quietly in the back of my mind while watching Banshee. Flee the fear and know that it’s for the greater good because it will all add up to, something someday?
Then there is the dreaded like-hike obsession. If there are no likes does it mean it’s bad when you tried really hard to look good in the picture? And then why do your friends only like the pics that are not of your butt but like everything else, are they being passive aggressive? Just chill with the obvious silences and don’t ask because you don’t want to know.
Sometimes I’ll say one of my dumb things on Facebook instead of twitter and it will get all these likes and comments. Say the same thing on twitter and, crickets. Twitter is good like that sometimes though.
Every single one of us desires attention.
It’s funny how Iggy’s hair was judged by the universe from lazy couch slobs with awful hair themselves. Personally, I loved her hairdo and it takes courage to go out when you’re bullied by the industry cos they jealous of you and attack you for “stealing” from their culture. Some people just identify as a certain way. Do you bash transgender people for identifying as a different gender, well how about race? What if I woke up one day and decided I was Swedish?
People can be and do anything they want and if they do it better than you, beat you to it, so what? Play better then. Cos you just look like a whiner.
Like how we look like whiners always whining about how unfair it is that Kanye West does this, does that and his stupid wife too. I have gone back and forth defending her so many times meanwhile look at me. I am using her as a scapegoat left right center!
Oh well keep the dream alive.
I don’t have anything interesting to share other than trashing on the Grammys. Aside from dying my hair and my exercises and boring you with what I am not eating right now.
Running on the spot indoors works well in the winter. When all your stuff be jiggling it be working. I hold onto my chest and do army style leg-ups (pretending to know what that is). Lots of kettlebell too, I do bicep curls with it. This one is heavy.
Green tea is important these days also.
Went through some jewelry yesterday that my mom gave me awhile ago. She is so sweet.
I took a lot in this get-up I’ll save for my next post I don’t want Grammy people seeing how ridiculous I am more than necessary.
Can you tell I’m dying on the inside? No? Ok good. jkjkjkjk jeez
Please ignore my blog titles. Sometimes I think I’m being dark and witty then I save these sayings that come to me and by the time I get around to blog-using one it’s like, cool relevant?
I love to be obtuse. When I’m not busy being acute, that is.
Whatever. I’m funnier than you are.
I try not to get lost too much in the stupid things I profess. This post is only supposed to be about the handful of selfies I uploaded and nothing more today, but now I AM lost in explaining the method to the radness which an artist should never do, except I always do – can’t stop now.
Winter is very much feeling like a jail sentence. I have been watching a lot of this show called Banshee, do you know it? It’s that show where the sheriff is a guy who just blew into town out of jail, conning the town and it involves sexy Amish people (there’s this one chick you just gotta see, oh man) and more interesting back story going on in the show. A lot of nudity and violence.
I’ve also completed watching the first season of The Affair. So juicy that one, gets a bit dark and draggy but you’re sucked into the story and characters. It makes you think about relationships a lot, cheating, passion. What’s more important, your lust or keeping family together. I think an age-old conundrum and people get agitated about this subject because nobody wants to know if they’re being cheated on.
Went for a very needed tan with mom. Time to get that body ready.
Definitely have to do some cardio today. Boylord is getting together with Dave Love our drummer today! Something came up.
How I look w/o instagram filters not bad for an old lady
That bloaty paunch is gone now too. Well, reduced.
So yeah I guess I switched boyfriend teams… the other one has already been married before (twice) and not interested in doing it again and seeing as I am of a delicate age right now it’s time to sail on down the river hahaha. I am bummed I liked him. We had great sexual chemistry. Sayonara!
I’m not making a relationship the focal point of my life right now anyway, some changes are (a change is gonna come!) about to occur to keep me occupied and build my brand/career some more/there’s always more peen down the road. BUT, juicy gossip bomb, as it turns out you might recognize some of the surroundings I’ve been posting my selfie settings in.
Watching the affair, having one…
I will admit the vindication feeling is superb when someone breaks your heart, realizes they lost someone incred then fights to get you back for months and months and months. Now that I am back from the dead it’s different now humongously.
There is a distance now that must be earned back. I’m getting over the other guy. I feel sick all the time and have no appetite. I never tell this shit to you guys but whatever. I bleed like you do too I am not any better.
I will have to continue this conversation later though because we have a viewing this afternoon and I have some errands to do and hair dye to buy.
Yesterday my tits were famous a little bit. They got more fav’s and retweets than this by the time the russsssssh ended lol. I love bragging about my one secret famous friend who gives me advice every time I am about to do something stupid (and slutty) and he always says to go for it. So I went for it and #freethenipple rewarded me.
I cannot handle booze anymore. This was yesterday. See how I need to dye my hair real bad. Gonna get this superhero kinda red.
Stand-up joke I wrote yesterday, maybe possibly the most useful thing I did (aside from exercising then getting drunk on one glass of wine at dinner #lightweight):
A squirrel just watched me doing squats. Seriously watched me seriously into it. I need to adequately describe the moment with detail so that you get the humour of a squirrel watching a human do exercises.
Fuck it can’t be bothered.
He was a chubby squirrel, and cute, round, like they all are. Grey. He was eating something and staring at me, mesmerized, no, hypnotized!
I was squatting with my blue weights, which probably caught his eye or maybe my workoutfit did and the sun beating down into my window on me. I did a good twenty squats or so before realizing I was being watched.
Then all these thoughts flooded into my head about my life and maybe if I had one I wouldn’t be in a situation where squirrels were watching me all the livelong day. I could transcend squirrels and be watched by people, people wearing clothes going to jobs and living their lives. That fucking squirrel took me into the eye of myself and back again, shook me to my core that squirrel did.
The funniness of the situation struck me because we made eye contact and he knew that I knew that he acknowledged me as a living, breathing, being that day. He noticed me. What was he thinking man I dunno he’s a fucking squirrel he doesn’t care, he doesn’t “get” “it” nothing even matters to him and here I am having an existential crisis because my brain is eating and starving itself from this psychotic diet I am on and when you work out your mind is open and free like a desert.
If snow wasn’t everywhere right now I’d just go out running instead of trying to write humourous anecdotes about dumpster diving wildlife.
But so what! People love this crap. At least I think they do.
When I chose to write about my “laundry nemesis” years ago, the blog readers DIED for it. To this day I have Little Raymis referencing my laundry wars. It’s like the Seinfeld syndrome. People really relate and appreciate NOTHING. Your friend tells you a long drawn out story about an encounter in line at Starbucks and because your friend is funny and a drama magnet, this story has to be going somewhere right? Nope! Doesn’t have to and that’s the beauty you can take it anywhere when your brain is a non-stop running life dialogue and any person with the misfortune of getting into your hemisphere is granted their fifteen seconds. Lovely.
But anyway that is how you squeeze material out of a squirrel I guess I mean that’s how I just did it. Were any of you stroking your chins thinking “maaaaaaahvalous I just love these little pointless stories of whimsy..”
OR should I run down everything I thought about seeing Saul (Better call Saul fame!) on Jon Stewart as well as my opinions regarding Kathy Griffin and her Fashion Police show, more importantly, Kelly Osbourne’s mohawk (which she only seems to have done once?) God it’s so easy to just think, talk, and consume shit. Why is trash tv so easy to suck you in? Don’t answer, it’s rhetorical.
I also checked out some Louis CK last night and any time I watch stand-up comedians I study absolutely everything about them. Must be nice to be in your stride and never fuck up. I noticed in the audience that all his fans, the hefty white dudes particularly in the audience all sit with their arms insecurely crossed over their stomachs. It was distracting me from his material (of which I have no memory because I was hosed on only one glass of red wine which is the second time I have told you now and I am most definitely drunk still probably as well as sleep-deprived which means brain scrambled my favourite time to blog) but anyway, clearly my future stand-up fanbase will be comprised of look-a-like me’s I cannot wait.
Like how Gwen Stefani said at No Doubt shows the audience is full of Gwens. Her ego must be through the roof, sorry but you didn’t invent platinum hair Gwen or wearing tons of makeup with red lipstick but you certainly look the best at it so fine, you win.
I’m totally listening to Fashion Police in the BG right now. So jealous I want a job where I can just talk shit about everyone all day and say, “excuse me” “thank you” when I point out fashion flaws. Actually, I’d rather target the hosts instead because I don’t think you can make fun of women on the red carpet when your own old lady chicken under arm skin and multi-lined armpits are hanging out of your over-sequined dress and your hair is fourteen different tones of orange and blond, Kathy.
Or how Kelly absolutely fellates anyone who is “hot right now” who appears on the carpet no matter how stupid their look actually is. Ooh my blood is boiling she just made a dig about Jennifer Aniston’s boobs seeing red gotta go, I have given enough of my brain to this already. Thank you bye.
Bonus joke from yesterday: Neverland Ranch sauce frachise. Boom.
One more thing, I sent a body update (nude) photo to “my future/new boss” and was asked if I had a trainer which I interpreted as NEED a trainer because I am a blob and was suffering internally from an identity crisis (as usual) this whole time until the clarification thumbs up/good work email came in. Time for some sit-ups!
