melodie thinks i might have this disease i can’t recall the name of. my stomach can get bloated at the drop of a hat. maybe i have an allergy? the fluctuation over the span of 24 hours, 48 hours, is night and day. i can look like a rail and then i can look like a whale. sick of it.
sass styled this outfit. she wouldn’t let me get this one dress i wanted just because i could squeeze into it so i said fine then go find me something awesome.
talkin’ caterin’ lookin’ like what women actually look like when they party plan. when i got to britt’s she was mashing something at the stove she looks at me over her shoulder and says she didn’t look like this three hours prior. said she looked like a wreck. the horror of the early dinner guest. there’s always one (not me) and you have to babysit entertain and you look like a tornado spat you out. put that guy to work.
two nights ago? on the couch. we watched the joneses and royal tennenbaums. i love rt so much but it always makes me so sad after. if any dude reading this looks like (or can) luke wilson in the suicide scene after he shaves all his beard off i will wed you AND sign a pre-nup and give you half of all future (currrent) earnings. you will need a designer tennis shirt too.
don’t even get me started on how long her hair is. a jealous (not a real) friend would tell her to cut it and give it to charity like she initially intended. fuck that babies don’t need wigs, that’s pedigree baby you hang on to that mane and you snare a man post haste.
totally forgot we had dessert after mitzi’s mmmmitzi’s. i’d be a rail or starved to one if mitzi’s wasn’t around the corner from adventurehouse. those nites you just can’t stave off hunger anymore it’s the only place around.
the tofu sticks are great you can choose from all the wing sauces for dipping. i always order at least two. then i ask for another kind for my wings that are also a completely separate flavour so i come out of there with four different flavours minimum. yes, i am insane.
gorgeous girl. i was blogspotted in UO yesterday (hi danielle!) by a girl who is interested in doing a show on me. she said she was keen on sass for it too as well as meredith. i casually say oh sass is here too and screamed up through the stairs at sass to come down. funny moment, the girl was not expecting for sass to be with me i guess it took adrenaline courage enough to approach me, she seemed a bit overwhelmed. i really had to take a leak and i also had shopping on the brain. i love buzzed shopping. had a mimosa at the gladstone with lunch. love the slaw at gladstone.
that woman in the back was reading about longing. i overheard a hipster yuppie say we want everything and we don’t want to pay for it, over a pint with another yuppie hipster. oh men. business. you are so my type.
at the height of intervening with that lunatic i opened my fortune then i howled and snickered. i had had e-fucking-nough. since then numerous other crazies have sprouted up in my inbox. i guess they were there all along but maybe it’s the change of season, i dunno. just leave me alone guys unless you’re movie star handsome don’t fucking bother me i have no time for your games i mean it. output mode only.
it always goes down in the kitchen. people will talk you to death in a kitchen. don’t you love that at house parties standing under unattractive overhead lighting and someone with bad beer breath is close talking to you about their fucking job. ugh.
my date was all the way down the hall stuck in a polite adult party manners vortex so we blasted the tunes to taunt and show what’s going on in the kitchen haha so he’s like sitting in a chair listening to britt talk about whatever the fuck forced to pay his new guy dues meanwhile out of his peripheral vision, down a classically long toronto house hallway…
do you remember when they tried to have an intervention for the mom on arrested development she shows up they’re all completely polluted shitbombed and are like mom you have a driii-kennng problum hahaha.
it was a failed intervention but it was the best family party drinking celebration we ever had. if you can get me the exact quote that would be appreciated.
which is like 365 days a year 24/7 but it’s nice to have an official day to honour it though and a day after to sleep it off. i actually wasn’t as wasted as everybody else just in a good mood and happy for somewhere to be. simple shit.
drew a new chair on a bigger canvas yesterday. it is just as retarded if not more than this. definitely more. sass had to help me sketch the finishing touches cos my brain shorted out, was roadblocked by perspective of the arms and ugh, i am demented.
i like some of my pictures to be sideways despite this being meant to be portrait. it’s cos i am tall i can’t get my entire body in if i do it landscape, which i prefer over portrait cos it’s more aesthetically pleasing on my blog when i do a photo overload post. when i thrust my camera into your hands and say landscape i can get a bit snippy if you don’t listen to me and do portrait. do me landscape and do me head to toe and never from below otherwise don’t do me at all i’ll find some hobo off the street to take my picture. i am the boss and this is how i like it, no arguments.
there’s always a mixture of portrait and landscape shots from my reel of the night and i want to use everything but i know how sloppy it looks to jump from landscape to portrait. landscape is always dominant. every so often there’s an annoying portrait thrown in i just can’t not (neurotic perfectionist) blog.
so in order to bridge the gap and make an effort to unslop it up i force a caption about said photograph or something nonsensical, non-sequitor, to make a big chunk of text beneath it which makes more space on the page before the next grouping of landscape pictures. see?
it’s always been my secret smug amusement that i have so much fucking traffic and such a mental looking blog when there are numerous, countless, beautifully designed websites out there with no readers.
and now i have to write an article about my experience in the middle of nowhere writing and going crazy by a crazy. i am also drowning in party planning stress it’s like planning a wedding for yourself except you have to alert all the media about it too. nucking futs. the party essentially is going to look like my brain. there’s going to be tons going on up in there. i want to model it after a holiday party, no christmas jingle bullshit i mean, just big. BIG BIG HUUUUGE. raymi@raymitheminx.com if you want media guestlist invite i need to start collecting numbers so i can work with my caterers. this is a party you will not want to miss. everyone else the online ticket pre-purchase will go up very soon. NOVEMBER 11 at wrong bar. puh-uh-uh-uh-umped.
britt’s mom’s signature casserole. i was aghast at the components after shoveling a ton in to my mouth. miracle whip is NOT an ingredient. i said this tastes cheap, as in, delicious. gotta be velveeta something or other. once a year i guess is ok.
the flash is fidgety you have to hold a light source to trigger it sometimes if the battery isn’t cranked enough and so people look like idiots holding a candle.
takin’ a break. brad was calling her lunatic all day and by night’s end she finally relaxed and went cuckoo fun times like the good old days. it was agreed upon by one and all that we are all insane and completely fine with that.
round one, sorta not fully cooked. it’s ok i am an expert on salmonella poisoning i’ll take over. brad was relieved. go give’r guy this is woman’s work.
couldn’t find one of the racks britt neurotically tucked away so i just balanced the crescent pan right on top of the turkey (covered in tinfoil) because i am an animal and a problem solver.
did you get enough dark meat renita? that’s when mental overload was in full swing, ok one person wants dark meat assembly line that turkey back into the fucking oven NOW and crank it.
a couple friends had dibs on this and i got tired of looking at it. i will make another one. britt has been eyeballing it since 2008 and makin’ comments. fine. she is good to me so i’ll get her back. also brought some cheese boutique goodies over as penance for being late.
i am totally wearing a britt dress. it’s mine though just never wore it out. halfway through the night as i was fiddling with my ample bosom i see britt’s glazed over eyes and say yeah this is a britt dress and she goes yeah it IS a britt dress. got it from the same store i bought that other black lacey one the city wants.
half her friends think she modeled blythe after herself. half my friends think it’s me and i’m that much of a narcissist. people see what they want to see.
tickle trunk room is totally clean now since these were taken i spazz neurotically cleaned it after britt‘s thanksgiving dinner last nite. she’s our monica and puts so much effort into perfection then i show up as she’s unraveling from the stress and take over and get all the (undeserved) credit. i saved the gravy. i brought goodies and a painting. i love my friends oh so much. i can’t remember the last time i ever did anything in the city for a holiday, it’s always been family suburbs, no brainer that’s just want you do. i think everyone this year is happy to have a break from it.
too soon too early for this hat and all the attention it brings me. i’ve been away in hiding now back to the city i have to readjust and gel. people who say gel you must be skeptical of this type of person. sleazebag terminology look for the signs.
handy little bottoms. i wear my stevie shirt pantsless lucky i put those things on at all. i was preparing to meet up with sass whom is never wearing underpants and the shortest of skirts ever. i was on my way out in this thing for a drink (with one of toronto’s lovable douchebags haha) and melodie said ok you look fine but be wary that other women are going to be making comments about you. i threw a tiny pair of shorts into my purse just to be safe. never put them on. i don’t care what women think or say about me. men either. i am not in the business of caring anymore i am too old to waste energy on insecurity. i am a seasoned urbanite. sometimes getting dressed for a nite out it is totally like preparing for battle. i know i will encounter someone who will not like what i am wearing and feel threatened by it. you should never let the unknown ghost of the night variable hinder your creative provocation. go. then go further.
i like this piston place. first timer. first nite out back in your city it’s great to go to a new place you still feel like an alien on another planet. i was leaning against the bar and a girl comes up to me and asks if i’m raymi the, minx? yes i say. she says she’s got a friend who’s obsessed with me and has to meet me. this is why it’s ok to approach me and not be nervous (i know there’s a lot of you out there who let the moment slip by) because i am actually more nervous than you are and i right that by disarming you straight away. i complimented his jacket said i’d noticed it before, i’m a step ahead of you and noticed you first. turns out he’s the owner of two restaurants on the upcoming raymi masterpiece dinner theatre tour. small world. small town.
fully fuckn giver too. you see why i need to leave the city and my life constantly i have several core groups of people/friends who are willing to gong show it up just like that no problem at any second.
then the punching continues. the guys pretend to be stressed out about it. they do face shots even. hardcore chicks. i just hugged myself nervously safely behind the bar in shock. man i’m a wimp.
went to clem’s to hang with lenny and have an old fashioned late night deep chat like the olden days where there was no punching. just a hot tub and teppei too.
can’t wait for whenever you americans celebrate t-giving a month from now and i get inundated with hapy thanksgiving messages on fb and email and in comments. you realize i’m canadian right and i don’t celebrate when you do, we get it over with first cos we are awesome and have more time to prepare for christmas. thanksgiving comes out of nowhere and we get’er done then move on. so, this year when you have your usa holiday please refrain from wishing me a happy thanksgiving. pretend i’m a jew and you’re about to tell me merry christmas. don’t be so oblivious and self-centered and assume the rest of the world does everything america does. i love you all, despite your faults. xo rlw
hahahaha. oh french. i have never even been in an anglo giant tiger.
this also makes me laugh and reminds me of that comedian guy rippin’ on how french people say labatt blue. bluuuuh-eeeew blewwwwwwwwwwwww.
some noah’s ark themed restaurant. why do they do that, desperation? please come here there’s nothing for miles anyway and as a bonus for you we have some fruit loop bullshit scattered on the property. steve carrel eat your heart out.
what a hippie. i so belong in nature with wildlife. eating it.
kinda shell-shocked. have you ever seen the movie misery? that was my week in some respects. i have learned many valuable lessons. fanaticism being one. ironic that i was away writing my book about internet infamy whilst simultaneously experiencing the power and effect it has. bit scary. when someone is on the cusp of breakdown and you come into their hemisphere they can easily fixate upon you and you become the catalyst for something that has nothing to even do with you.
i was playing possum. keeping to myself what i was really feeling and witnessing so as to keep it as harmonious and non-confrontational as possible as i was there to work and write which i did in spite of all this mental chaos around me. i am also a compassionate person and far too lenient.
have you ever had an intervention for someone who doesn’t deserve any single more airspace out of you ever fucking again and they’re so off their gourd they haven’t any clue it’s an intervention? yeah my week was building up to that. i was isolated in a town i had traveled to work in but someone had a little fantasy in their head about me that didn’t go the way they wanted and that’s when shit got mental. thankfully i wasn’t staying with this person. i was being haunted by them though. harmlessly but still, it was super irritating and unavoidable.
i am extremely pissed off about it still the more i consider it the angrier i become. how dare you take advantage of my solitude you disaster of a human. you made my trip about you. you are a career bullshit artist. unstable and delusional. the only person you’re bullshitting anymore is yourself.
drove through quebec to get to ottawa. was already this far out may as well see the city no?
hey dudes relax you are stressing me out.
can’t stay freaked or mad too long as everywhere you look you see this shit called autumn BLAM! BAM! get the point eh i get it.
gorgeous burnt orange sky the sun feels like it flames hotter this time of year. it is a very animalistic feeling to think about the sun and that we have a burning orb of fire orbiting us then you picture the planet floating. what? floating! far out maaaaaaaaan.
just seems ruder in french eh. no, YOU arret.
beeeeeeeeeeeeautiful sweet beautiful freedom. felt like i was being rescued, i was running away like not without my daughter type shit. rolled a pinner for the road and being driven by a tall NORMAL dark handsome intelligent french man zipping through the countryside like a quebecer.
stopped many times along the way.
always in this point in time i inquire if you like lord of the rings.
i am amazed to see the shadow of a cloud, such a large mass of wonder spread across a mountain.
i think this is what Bono meant when he sang about God’s country.
i love quebec. i want to go for a week to quebec city and stay at the hotel i stayed at in grade eight. or, somewhere better.
forget the name of this place. something moon room? think so.
obnoxious over-sized wine glasses. gauche and slightly outdated. remember i am a cuisenaire. i don’t care what that word means if it’s right or not you know what i mean. i told my french friend i was a food critic. that i am a world life critic but now legitimately a food snot. it does matter what i say about your restaurant. my blog contends.
blonde punk so wasted he was taken with me i could tell in his head he was thinking i could be his nancy. sorry sid i ain’t into punks cos they’re cheap and lead oppressive lives while i spend and live like i am going to die tomorrow so really, who’s the actual punk here? me. i’m a baller.
plaid jacket was $15. argued with the girl for like an hour (she kept coming back to me for more) it’s the principle. this piece is not worth 15 bucks. ten yes but now looking at it i regret not buying it which they know and that’s how people do stupid things like buy fifteen dollar jackets at a clothing hipster swap in some bar while you’re getting down to some serious drinking.
should’ve done it. oh well.
scored some hash just as i ran all out of weed. the nite got awesomer.
i ate and owned and drank this city.
i don’t understand that sign, business open as usual? yeah thanks i can see that.
i love to see french writing everywhere i look. it is more sincere.
best indian food ever didn’t make me feel bloated or lethargic afterward. why is that? no preservatives or something?
Nice job uncle Tyler. So Raymi asked me to go to fashion incubator breakfast. I’m like, sure, why not. Croissants and models prolly. Worse ways to spend the morning.
Step one – get a taxi there and spill coffee on my inner thigh. So it looks like I had a urine jailbreak.
Now for some gratuitousness. In the spirit of this blog here is an at-home-vulnerable-me-pose. Can’t tell you the significance of the orange ping pong ball…sorry. That’s what it looks like under the patch…sometimes. The eyepatch is like underwear for the face. Curious kitties always want to see what’s back there. I won’t lie. I have made nefarious deals/exchanges at house parties in the back hallway.
Beeline to breakfast table where they have mini-bagels. Acceptable carb intake.
Wider shot to tell the tale. I have little clue about fashion. I shop at Winners and occasionally the Gap when I have a meeting with a client and there is a laundry crisis. To be fair though I am wearing a Hugo Boss jacket. Fits good. You know you CAN mix and match cheap clothes with nicer pieces. It all comes together.
These designers, I think that’s what they are called, are very talented. Its an art. I am not an idiot. I am really listening here. Looking at the craftmanship. But am I real customer? Let me tell you a story. Once when I was in love I bought a little black dress to be like a Sophisticated French Businessman. I spent a lot of time trying to pick the right size and style and everything. We have seen James Bond do this with a lot of success. It didn’t fit and reaffirmed some body issues she had. It was too big. She was a bit short. I said we would get another size. She asked me to leave her alone.
Me: Looking out the living room window. Her: In her underwear, in the bedroom, dress on the bed, crying softly. She was beautiful. I was in love you see.
This woman makes kids clothes. Including stuff for pirate obsessed kids. Which is all kids actually. Not only do people say ARRR when I walk by, the often ask me to say ARRRR. Of course I don’t. I look at them blankly with only the slightest disgust as that would be too much effort. This rule goes out the window for children under six though.
This is Grace Kelly. She is icy and cold yet may chuckle over cocktails. Would she cry if I bought her a dress? I don’t have the answer.
I could photograph models. Easy.
This guy designs bags. He’s a likable fellow. The first shot up there is his manbag that I am modeling. I didn’t cry softly in the bedroom. I guess buying a bag is less fraught with danger.
Maybe if I never bought that dress I would be shopping for this stuff. For our second child. Which might in turn inspire a pre-child birth divorce. Cause we all know that women who are pregnant have even fewer body image issues right?
Awww, she’s not so icy.
I’m thinking I should hire this girl to model my Augmented Reality Eyeborg t-shirt that shoots a laser beam out of an interactive 3D eyeball.
Sales are slow and that’s why we have models. Eyeborg just isn’t getting the shirts out the door.
Sparseness, fashion, beautiful women, one-eyed fish out of water.
These kind of make sense. They are little ballet shoes you can tuck in, uh, your clutch (?) when your heels hurt. I have been that guy with the increasingly angry girl who has been in heels too long. In our Irish family we have a word when women go like that. We call it “the narrow eyes”.
Kay – so its blurry. So what. These ladies were on Dragon’s Den and they make, uh, like shoe jewlery? I like their style.
Which reminds me of the time I bought some boots for a girl who I was in love with. Hasn’t happened that often BTW. The love bit. At all. I showed her a picture of the boots first – I”m no fool – can’t burn me twice. She said she liked them. Ahah. Done deal. Xmas shopping done. The picture in the ad didn’t show they have squarish toes though. Which “looks middle aged”. No sobbing this time – just irritation. But we were just about to break up so prolly had more to do with that.
Me: Looking out the living room window again. Her: Loudly washing dishes. She was beautiful. I was in love you see.
Told friendly bag guy that his watch was groovy. He says – that is such a straight thing to say.
Me and the bag likable guy hug it out. I give him the double pat on the back hug. I think we both learned something here. Buy some of his bags.
This reminded me of one time I got in trouble with my mom. We were at Marks and Spencers in Ireland, I was only six, and I saw one of those swimsuits with the built in boobs. I was squashing them appreciatively in my hands while she shopped away. My mom smacked my hand and said “No, Robbie.”
Free shit for me and Emer the cool writer girl. Out.
Hello Minxers, Guest blogging for Raymi is somewhat akin to Kenny Jones replacing Keith Moon in The Who. Yeah it’s a drummer analogy – cause I’m a DRUMMER beeauch! I cannot possibly fill her stylish-assed boots, so I’ll just plod along and be a good guy like kenny did back in 1979. Besides I’m pretty fuckin’ jazzed that RTM is actually finishing her long awaited book so I’m happy she asked me to fill in here.
What the fuck should I do though? You don’t really want to see me in all kinds of sparkly, tiny clothes – looking hot, drunk and hilarious do you? Didn’t think so.. Instead I’ll try to take you deep inside this bald head with a snapshot of a couple of days in my life. First up, what I like to do in my household.
What, you may be asking your addled self, does a 43 yr. old, bald, father of two do all day, besides lurk on raymitheminx.com? Well, like the owner of this blog, I also like to cook, eat, drink, and experiment with Hair Colour.
Today I’ll focus on the cooking. Actually, that’s what I do most days, since it’s really one of my favourite things to do. You know the saying – “do what you love”? More and more I try to ONLY do that. Life is too frikkin” short to focus on the shit you hate, so most days at home, I cook for my family. This past sunday I impulse bought some Beef Short Ribs whilst out getting some Pork Shoulder for that nights’ dinner of SLOW BRAISED CARNITAS. Yeah – sometimes I get excited when meat looks good raw. The Carnitas turned out great, though next time I’d halve the spices – especially the chile and cayenne. My 9 yr old can handle the heat, but her 11yr old sister can’t. Fucking Panty Waist!!! I love the recipe in that link – as it actually comes close to the velvety, falling apart chunks of aromatic pork I had this summer in Redmond, Washington at THE MATADOR. Ah, the exotic locales you visit when you’re in a travellin’ band! Funny though, after 20 years of being in BNL, I tend to remember the places where we had great meals, and I often either seek them upon a return there (sometimes to find out the’ve been demolished and replaced by Best Buy or Starbucks) or I try to replicate them when I get back to my own fabulous Kitchen.
Normally I cook Pork Ribs on my BIG GREEN EGG but today these meaty Beef Ribs are gonna be slow braised (fall is slow braisin’ season, apparently)in a Red Wine, Port and Thyme reduction. The recipe can be found in here:
After browning the Ribs in a nice hot cast Iron pan, and forgetting to photograph that step (I’m new at this shit, how does Raymi do it??), I put them in a braising pot with the Red Wine/Stock reduction that I also didn’t shoot, and cooked them at 325 for 2 hrs on Convection. In the meantime, my kids came home from school, and my Wife put out some snacks. Chips and Salsa and popcorn. Hmm?? Are we having company?? Yowsa, neighbourhood gal pals over for a swim in the back yard.
Like Raymi and joey did A COUPLE OF YEARS BACK (can you find a picture on your blog of you and SASS from that day and link to it? I couldn’t find one and It’s late! Sorry)(no time sorry rushing to get out of this fucking town -raymi) Turns out the naybes stayed for dinner too. Luckily there was enough to share.
That was my afternoon and evening, Raymites. Pure enjoyment with food, family and friends. Now this is where The Minx would go out and rock T.O. till 2 AM, all glorious mess in living colour. Carousing, drinking, dancing and posing paparazzi style all up in your grill. Conversely, Whitey’s, this is where I go off to bed. Tomorrow I have to be up early to MEET TELEVISION STARS AND PLAY MUSIC FOR THE HUMANS WHO WATCH THEM.
More on that tomorrow… as Raymi makes her way back from wherever-the-christ she went. Cin Cin, Troopers.
you make things awkward because you are ruled by your fucking dicks and then you act like dicks and ruin everybody’s good time because you’re sulking and didn’t get your way well we’re not your fucking prizes for the taking any time you bloody well want us. it doesn’t have to go that way all the time. i am sick of unsound men.
