you can’t even see what my outfit looks like cos of all my layers. i am a present to be opened. i was in a rush to get out the door i didn’t get a proper outfit showcase series of self portraits because i thought i was needed for 8 and going to be late. wrong it started at eight but the bachelor/ettes weren’t going on til 10/11. yeah thanks for the heads up about that part nerds. also thanks for making me pay 5 dollars “for charity” i am a draw that was kind of stupid but funny so i paid it like the owner of a nightclub getting denied entrance. then my cab was a dick to me cos i made him wait a few minutes outside he tried to lecture me about not calling until i was ready (um i was trying to save time) and i was like honestly brah i do not need this stress from you right now i exclusively use beck all the time do not talk to me like this if this is a problem i can get out of this cab right now. he apologized. yeah it’s rude to make em wait but the customer is always right and turn down your squaky taxi cab news box it is irritating.
see look at me. this is when haitham became competitive and wanted to win me. i said to the crowd that i would go home with whoever bought me, like straight up fucking leave this party right now so when haitham lost he was like ok bye and left right away i’m like dude i didn’t actually mean i was going to go home right at that exact moment, jesus and just cos i leave with you doesn’t mean we’re going to do anything. though we left with my purchaser and stayed up til 5 in the morning.
vegan chocolate something or other. i charmed the fuck out of those girls. hi girls! i’m like how the hell do you make vegan chocolate and what do you think about those vegan idiot parents whose baby died of malnutrition? haitham was impressed by every single thing i said and i felt bad because my charm was being dangled like a wad of bills on a string just out of reach but oh so close.
me and my fresh kill (SO JOKING). girls girls girls, ladies, my students. if you need to bribe people and bully them into dating you it’s kind of um, something.
this was so highschool it really was. it was for charity yet it was more for who can be most expensive, it was super competitive and reminded me of streetsville the blond cliquey jocks. that guy, when i started dancing near him he was hypnotized and i totally would have medusa’d him some more if he wasn’t so obliterated that he could no longer breathe with his mouth shut. i think his mouth is open in this picture too. the girl in the red dress got it up to 450 i think, and she got those two blond groupies she was bossing around up on stage too under the guise of a threesome but i was paying close attention, there will be no threesome, they were just the cheering section. like in highschool. see i told you. i am just bitter i went for less.
here i am sandwashing affan because he tried to slip me the tongue. it was smooth and hilarious. he is 19, maybe 95lbs and lives in mississauga. probably with his parents still and yet here he is all up on me. hawaii was like he shoulda just left after frenching casie that would have been the best thing but then he got greedy and tried to take me too. i think i am at the point in my career when little children think i am really really cool, i am like, an idol now.
see how my little doll is trying to copy melodie and i. still. i am used to people jacking my style all the time so whatever. when you hear people say whatevs don’t you kind of want to punch them?
we have a fan that will not ever go off when you’re in there it drives me crazy but also the hum of white noise is good for thinking i come up with great ideas in here but then i don’t remember any of them.
i got resourceful with my golden christmas flower decorations. next i will make a tiara painting and douse it in silver sparkles. it will be fabulous and fagulous.
and my pants. i wonder if they’re toxic or maybe it’s just me. dollarama toxicity. it’s so much sparklier in real life i love it i am staring at it right now. maybe i’ll add more sparkles?
someone said i need a boob job in my comments. why? like you are ever gonna fuckin touch them guy. another person asked why i’m not 118 pounds anymore. why can’t people ask me more interesting questions? we stayed up til five in the morning and i am a disaster right now but i still made it to my gym and snapped off a good session and i wore so much makeup last night when i awoke this morning i looked like a game show pageant hostess total party statue. i looked amazing is what i am telling you. felt like hell though and james was like wow raymi you look great i’m like what really i can barely make my eyes function right now. look at the sleeping brock. i brock blocked him like crazy only because i am competitive. casie was like go fuck anybody you want tonight baby and in my head i was like yeah fuck’n right i’ma check bitches all over the place whoever bought him can have him another time i am pissing all over this just for the hell of it. he’s twenty. maybe even younger. this is a trophy snapshot of one of my kills. haha kidding i left him there and shawn drove me home. shawn bought me last night. i think my friend scared off other bidders no one wanted to bid war him he was overzealous because he really wants to bang me and hasn’t and we keep hanging and not banging and it’s slowly driving him insane. i put him in the friend section. i am terrible like that. anyway i had a phone in bidder for $100 then it went up to $200 and i was too shy to drag it out more (unlike some mega egotists up there) so i demurely said i was fine with that to the host (who was that guy?) and got off stage.
ok be right back i just wanted to punch my time card here with a mini hello while my judgment is poor to nil, like always.
brock is lucky he didn’t wake up like this. though if he looked anything remotely like this he would also be waking up without any pants on and there wouldn’t be time to draw that shirt on. i took this photo last night downstairs by the bathrooms, how prophetic am i? i am trying to convince one of my dodgeball teammate’s to do this tomorrow. our team theme is the chilean miners. i don’t know what to wear and you people are all useless. and selfish and not offering up suggestions. that’s two charity gigs for me in a week, i’m like, so generous right now.
I found u first at flicker tonight, then found ur blog and this e mail adress …
I just wonder that why are u putting ur naked photos on net ?
When I sae ur photos at flicker I said what a nice lady she must be from england jet-set …
but then i found ur naked photos and get shocked…
I looked at around 1000 of ur 52000 photos at flicker and just wanna ask u that r u a bitch or sth like that ?
Regards …
am i a bitch? yes totally. but what that has to do with my nudity and 52000 photos i don’t know. why do i put naked photos on the net? because i am body obsessed and i derive too much of my self worth from my image and seek validation through showing my body’s progress. why question it really even though? how about a big bowl of who cares?
ohh god .. u reply so fast …
ok … if u r a bitch i will be very very sad , cuz u should not be, u r sooo beautifull …
and now comment of the day (that was the weird english as a second language email of the day)(ugh i have a headache from lack of sleep) goes to my lady rhonda who gave up her entire beloved comedy life in toronto for her love in ireland. i miss her and don’t believe for one second she’s fat.
I love hot sauce!! I remember when we snacked on nothing but veggies in hot sauce and it was divine. Not much hot sauce here in Ireland (people here think tabasco is hot sauce and that is such a lie, worse than statistics it is!) and people here hate vegetables, so now I can’t wear cute clothes anymore because I have been replacing the non-existent vegetables with mayonnaise (which I hate and also is everywhere). Love your clothes though. Looking forward to the post where you wear the matching dress/top and rose bag, you’ll look like a classic movie star, not unlike Marilyn Monroe, but way more alternative. Like, the cult Marilyn that all the regular people aren’t cool enough to have heard of. Every time I try and post something, the internet cuts out…so quickly…you are looking gorgeous as ever and you seem so happy. I’m glad because you have an amazing life; don’t stop doing what you’re doing. If you’re ever in Europe, come and visit because now I live in a cute house in the sticks with 2 extra bedrooms (one I might turn entirely into a closet, but only until I can fit into clothes again) and an extra living room, so there’s plenty of space. Nothing like Parkdale though. Noooothing like it.
What I wouldn’t murder for a proper West Indian hot roti.
x rhonda
now i have to fold all my laundry instead of using it as a base for jerkoff mountain haha. melodie just came home and is nicely folding it. i just said if she folds all my laundry she doesn’t have to come tonight.
it’s bigger in real life. this is going to take me hours to do. then i will read in the bath and nervously obsess over tonight 8PM AT THE HIDEOUT. bring a lot of money.
It’s late into the night and all I can think of doing is look up Jack Kerouac clips on youtube and sink down deep to jazz, Mass., and that sense of alone-time surrounding me everlastingly (of which case I know God Damn well that it won’t last long). Every day when I jump on the net to recover some type of history about Kerouac, I find all kinds of things. And somehow, I came across you.
I’m not sure whether you not you can help me. I’m not even sure as to why I am writing you in this kind of nature, but I thought that its something like this isn’t thats not at all too harmful. A simple message and maybe a provoking thought could inspire such circumstances, but as I was scrolling and clicking and searching, etc, I found some article that you had written and it seemed like AHH HA, there’s a connection between her and Kerouac. Is it true?
I keep thinking that Kerouac is some form of God that really showed me how to see the world for what it truly is and for what it wanted to be, I guess. The only thing I’m not sure of is when these feelings for Kerouac and his million words streaming through my head will end some day and for me to move on to some other author. But, I don’t think I can do that. I take walks around and through desolate streets and sidewalks and alleyways reading Kerouac. I’ve watched box trains slowly roll along rusty tracks and other modern zooming trains packed with wind and fury flying by as I passed the visions of Cody Pomeray.
When it comes down to another thought: How do you feel about him?
(am I making all of this up or should I continue with what I saw and what I wanted to ask you, about him, and maybe, about your life and your pictures…)
Sincerely,
Brandon
Yes it’s true. Don’t let prose make you go squirly. Live in the real world as often as you can and don’t drink yourself away like jack. Write as much as you like though, don’t get compulsive about it. Sounds like you are a bit. I am too, naturally. Anyway hey.
Dear Raymi,
I think it’s got me by the reins and there’s no holding back this time. Before I was wondering about his simplicity and maybe some abstract morality crawling out of his books somewhere, must have been youthful and careless as it was in the beginning, you know, reading On The Road as most people start to take hold of. And it was at that time, Hunter S. Thompson was in my views because of all the wild & crazy talk he had readers whiling within his prose, finding eventually that he somewhat despised Kerouac. I was offended by this slight remark. I don’t think he meant it. He just thought of him as a drifter I guess but afterwards, when it would seem like books to me were useless, graduating from college with a B.A. in Sociology and Anthropology, I was through with reading journals and articles and diving in for clips and sheets of notes piling on my dorm room desk. Except for when novels come falling out of a attic, amidst begrudged porn and surfing magazines and other travel books that tell you here and not there and not over there, this is the place to be when you die sort of feeling, Kerouac’s novel of On The Road flew right between my feet as my uncle was changing residences and cleaning out that attic. He told me that was his copy and I’de be MEZmerized when I would finish it. From that point on I couldn’t stop listening to jazz and floating seamlessly through his mind and other caricatures as if I were some kid again. I felt like everything else was completely out of focus when I read him. And you can say that because your older than me, of what it looks like anyways. Nonetheless, I won’t bother you on whatever personal history you have with Kerouac as far as the early days but I will tell you that I AM NOT a pervert. I am sincere. I am content. I am convoluted sometimes and it would feel absolutely absurd if I did like your pictures online but I don’t have time to keep writing you about that, no sir. It was up to you to post them and for people to see them, daily. I do have time write, but I think we should stay on topic.
Well, yes, Kerouac, oh you sweet man how can than be no other person. Damn is he good. Furthermore I should continue, but I’ll let you lead.
B.
i feel super pretentious talking about my relation. i get nasty emails and comments on the regular about it, accusing me of not actually being related. it’s rather annoying. yes i am older than you. you can like anything as much as you want in life but if it gets to a point where it’s not going anywhere monetarily, time to move on. keep it as a hobby, i dunno. i stayed up pretty late last night so i don’t really know what to say at this juncture. i just know it’s hard to finish books because of modern day technology, i compulsively write and release daily and i definitely drink too much.
i also think all this social media madness is going to end in amazing flames. i know people take it seriously but really, it should be called smoke and mirrors week. it’s important to big companies to please them about what this such and such internet star is up to but really the people we should be caring about pleasing is the little people, the real people, the people who read those fucking blogs everyday and maybe have a discussion about why we read these blogs everyday or care.
it looks like this:
big company + free hamburger + social media stooge = nobody cares
do you honestly care about someone’s useless noise on twitter all day long? who is actually being influential here? nobody. james gave me great advice yesterday, never believe your own hype. he asked me if i believed mine and i said yes but humble me said no. yeah it’s great having my hair did and blowing money on outfits i won’t care about in a month but we know there is substance here. i puncture those advertorial posts (that i do in my own raymi flare, staying true to my racy edgy nature) with lots of self-indulgent blogging. i keep it true. i am only trying hard to please myself here and i think that shows. i maintain meaningful relationships with virtual strangers via email for years, i get no monetary value out of that, i do it because i honestly care about such and such loner weirdo writing me during a panic attack from neptune. THAT is how i made myself. i built a following based on merit and exposing my journey, not on free perfume samples and gum marketed to 20 year old retards with no money. i don’t care how many people i offend, i offend many people daily and that takes bravery. i know i piss off everybody. suck it up kids. if you’re so fly, then prove it, own it. the same circle jerk spotlight presently on social media is the exact same attention blogging received in its first wake of popularity, then it fizzled and the majority packed it in cos they realized it took actual time and work to blog. you guys weren’t around for that. the frenzy of twitter ladder climbing is a bit desperate and it’s pissing people off because we are tired of pretending to care and i am tired of talking shit about it and hearing shit about it i would rather be discussing more important things like how nice i might look in a tennis outfit in the countryside.
people make fun of twitter people lots. yep. tons. oh you’re at taco bell right now this is amazing news thank you for sharing. many articles have been written about twitter dismantling it. yet if you stand out from the pack there’s this genuine fear of being unfollowed. it’s a stab in the heart to be unfollowed, are there apps that you find out right away if that happens? does the world stop?
anyway i am just totally being smug from my high horse because it’s not necessary for me as an artist to play along with any of these people, though somewhat is, yet cos i come from the cool kid set i can yank on their pigtails and make fun of them. which i do and will only continue to do more so in the future even if they get golden cadillac escalades i’ll still be here, laughing at them. like the fat girl who gets hot and confronts the bully on jenny jones and he’s now a disgusting troll, she, a perfect ten. she wants vindication and he says to her something like because of me you became hot or you’re still a nerd. you may get fancy nice things but those things don’t pay bills and this queen bee doesn’t do shit fo’ free. dragging your ass around to nerd events where they get you trashed and you end up a used-up party face.
ten years guy.
ok wait this is the part where i cancel everything out i said with a winky emoticon face.
forgive me. i’ve been up all night talking courtney’s face off (who doesnt like to be touched so i squeezed her and hugged her as many times possible to make her uncomfortable) the eve of a charity date auction where i need to look as spring chicken as possible and i wrote a beautiful self-absorbed speech manifesto about why i am the best person to bid on. i have the longest q&a response because i took the time to do it, no one else put that much effort into it, half the contestants (haha contestants? this is a game show now?) didn’t even bother, they’re too busy tweeting about how awesome they are i guess. the point is, do you want to go on a date with me or not? i am a professional dater. i know where to go, what to eat, how to dress, how to be. i am smooth. please come and watch the whole trainwreck unfold tonight and bring your wallet.
the title of this post is something malcolm said to me last night about how i was at mitzi’s last week and did i notice the big hair of this famous chick sitting across the bar from me. i said no i didn’t even notice her at all and he’s like how could you not? i said i dunno, i only look at girls i feel threatened by. sorry but if you don’t bring it you just fade into the background for me. there are many wallflower types out there and you meet them and then you have no recollection of it and then it hurts their feelings. i’m sorry but i have TEN YEARS of emails, random chats, and events to remember, how dare you make me feel bad not remembering who you are wearing that boring bland sweater like that. get me? i also can’t see very well at night in dark bars. anyway, if you catch me looking at you it’s cos you’re hot. or, you stared at me first cos you think i am hot and then therefore become interesting to me because you noticed the shiny thing in the room, this also makes you smart, not necessarily hot though. by the way, hot people are smarter than ugly people. just going to throw that out there. maintaining beauty is a skill, it’s a usable business resource, ace in the sleeve. you are an idiot if you think looks don’t mean anything and that we’re all pretty on the inside. fuck that, tell your kids right now to start giving a shit about appearance otherwise you’re going to have to deal with inferiority complexes forever.
wow this post just keeps on going eh.
what else.
oh right this is how i am related to jack kerouac i made a family tree for malcolm because he was blowing his load about it and by the way look at how i write (not penmanship, prose) it’s a retarded mess just like kerouac. i don’t keep bringing it up, people bring it up to me! when you get mega pageviews daily one of those readers is gonna send you nerdmail so please give me a break and leave me alone about it (the kerouac thing, it’s called relevance). how sad is it that the way people deal with life is anonymously harassing others on the internet? brilliant.
time to make coffee two. i love starbucks instant coffee packets. i want to be sponsored by starbucks. i can’t believe i am turning into a stepford wife lunatic who drinks starbucks maybe next i’ll get a little dog and die of hypocrisy.
picture sitting here hours, going through coffees and joints and loving it. weekly. my brother came by to visit and at some point attempted to startle me and i was such a cave of a person i barely even flinched. it was hysterical. like the old lady having a mega mega delayed reaction to gary oldman shooting a bullet into the glass window behind her head in the professional.
now, couldya find a more perfectly matched hue if you tried? what are the odds? also i totally hated the taste of grapefruit for many (MANY) years and i’m sure if you googled raymi and grapefruit you could easily come up with many a quote by your hero comparing the taste of grapefruit to that of tart urine. close second similar in tasting, pineapple. not that i drink pee or anything.
one more. magnificent. go me. irl the colour isn’t supposed to be this matched. my polish is called sorbet. which is orange, not pink related. my woody allen neurosi are showing.
threw this shirt in my get rid of it box after this picture. it’s by aa, has dumb shit all over it (which you thankfully can’t see). mom gave it to me. she likes tacky glitzy stuff like she lives on rodeo drive or something.
so basically for the next little while i am fucked. i’ve got more photos looking even more like her but i am tired of looking at myself and i’m bored and want to go out and play now.
this little snack i made just blew my head off. scotch bonnet, suicide psycho xxx hot sauce from ali’s roti (ask darius, it’s intense) and scaled down with kozlick’s xxx hot mustard. then a pinch of balsamic. do i have a problem? yes, several. nothing hot sauce can’t cure. anything that blasts me out of reality is a-ok.
hey internet lets do this! here i am yesterday sitting at the piano before we went out to eat at chap’s. i love chap’s. it’s a dump trapped in 1990, it’s texican. that isn’t even a word! amazing! if you want to look like me just sit in front of a light source. insta-soft lighting youth making flaw erasing.
i put this on facebook and now i cant get anything done. i call this the norma jean. the look’s foundation of which being mega blond and manipulative sweater number 5, all american wholesome goodness. where is my crock pot? bought an elfin belt.
totally neurotic photo taking day. nothing is good enough. phone wasn’t co-operating. i haven’t downloaded my camera pics yet so we’ll see how that went. always a mystery surprise.
my northern masturbating forest spider’s layer offering. pink grapefruit perrier. uber anorexia girl greyhounds. ROLE MODEL INFLUENCER BASTION OF HEALTH. no problem chase it down with peach blend applesauce. zero fat. matches my nail polish. actually the american wants to stop drinking. when he has kids. he wants to have kids. give it two years and i think i’m ready. little raymis. before any asshole tries to come at me with please don’t reproduce bullshit, actually, i am mega-maternal. my shit is quite together. yeah i am a case right now but that’s cos i am a planner, long term planning right now. in two years i will be ready to fly a jet or something.
i bought this for my outfit for tomorrow. a onesie jumper. the last one. i also bought a red flower clutch rose styled for me, that pink hat (the reason i went in there in the first place) and a nice red silk shirt. oh a khaki skirt too. i decided not to spend $200 on one dress instead i spent $160 on an assortment of things. mini-panic attack at the cashier averted. that and the table (the only thing i want to spend time with right now) this month no more blowing money.
this is the orig moment when i saw kelly bundy. now this lighting, not too sure about it. i am kinda digging my older sunken eyes (hahah thats so funny to say in my head or to declare) and the older seasoned thing. sometimes only though.
arrived like this. i stopped a streetcar today. it’s true ask my colleague. it was on king street and i was going to jay walk (that’s right) and i had no problem waiting for the streetcar to pass me before breaking the law but he full on halts it to check me out, i am always prepared for this shit, you slink into fuckin owning it sultry cosmopolitan reading self entitled oblivious mode, cannot be avoided. don’t say you wouldn’t.
texican heaven. i almost stole the hot sauce, i would if it weren’t so vinegary. the service pissed me off. miss-communication is all.my dad wanted to avoid a scene so he walked over to the kitchen and asked why my shrimp was taking so long. they decided to put it altogether for some reason. i sat for half an hour watching my dad eat his soup.
after the glory what was cafetaste’s high end onion soup, looking at this abomination was humorous. dad how was it? i’m tracy morgan I CAN’T EAT THIS I’MA FOODIE! tracy morgan voice. halarious.
come to the hideout tomorrow and bid on me and check back here (here, down here, right here)(HERE) in an hour or so i’ll link to my mission statement on who i think my biggest competition is and what i have to offer. the american is considering bidding by phone for me. do they do that? i’ll ask.
my arm needed attention. it was a battle making it out to brunch. we were disasters. are you guys ready yet? lucas goes, well, melodie isn’t wearing pants. i screeched at darius that they weren’t even ready yet meanwhile i was a hangover stoner mess of myself and he’s like she is SO ready i said no she’s not those aren’t pants they’re tights without any underwear (fake out) the entire house was talking about melodie and her pantslessness. it made the funhouse news.
while i am looking more and more like revenge of the nerds and garth. melodie has also been doing a revenge of the nerds laugh lately. i have noted it twice and pointed it out once. the second time confirmed the first time she laughed like that.
i made it in time to the bank then the dealer then the lcbo had to hoof it a bit a ways back to roncesvalles (worst word to remember how to spell ever and i have to use it a lot cos i live near it aghhhh i will move out of parkdale just because of this word i swear i will) in order to make it to era in time, brian said he had to be out of there by 4.30 i wasn’t going to make it. finally a cab. oh right i had to go home to check my bank account because the sketchy atm in that variety store said i didn’t have enough money. so i accepted a payment i had been lagging on and i so totally had triple enough to cover the cost of this table prior to accepting that payment that ate up my precious table time. be wary of that sketchy atm in the variety store at the corner of roncess/queen.
i needed to have this table right a-fucking-way. a cab rolls by hurry and we make it as brian is checking outside the door i lower the window and yell at him HIIIIIIIIII YAY!!!!!!! i am totally amazing like that. i bet he didn’t think i was coming back.
last night, jeremy invited me to his restaurant for a private panel of feasting and judging. i sat with real food elitists and man were they ever critical, honest, harsh maybe. i said clearly i do not know what i am talking about here as i became the yes girl of the table saying that everything was perfect. signe langford and jamie really impressed me and i think i charmed them too.
they wanted our professional opinions. even though i am green in the culinary world, my opinions matter here because i am an actual regular cafetaste customer. i’ve brought dates here, lining jeremy’s pockets whilst consuming everything off the menu.
got buzzed and immediately felt at ease. i hadn’t eaten all day. i was in an odd mood. i went out with grief. some bad news yesterday. these people cheered me up.
signe is marvelous. i asked if she ever gets (compared to) janeane garofalo? she said no. i said well you totally so do. she’s also quick like her, smart, sassy.
nice to look at too. jamie, i asked him if he likes tim burton (totally being dressed like a tim burton character) and he said no, matter of factly. not even knowing who tim burton even fucking is! i reject that reality.
trout cakes. amazing. not actual presentation. will get two of them with kozlik’s mustard. the maple one. signe says the garlic one is even hotter than triple hot which is the one we have.
they tore this to pieces. figuratively. wait is that right? this is when i chimed in most as i’ve had this before. twice. no one talks shit about my Braised Beef w/ VQA Jus – Slow-braised local beef in red-wine jus, atop house-crafted breads w/ onions & garlic. so totally nothing wrong with it at all AT ALL do you hear me signe?
i told those two know-it-alls that i am never inviting them over for dinner. ever. i bet melodie would love the shit out of them though. she would have loved sitting there fighting with them. i wished she was there fighting with them because i was such an in shock pussy i was rendered almost mute. though i did have some heavy shit on my mind at the time.
cozy place. perfect couple date place. jeremy what a perfect cliche you created. smart guy. i remember you said you stood on the shoulders of giants when melodie and i were singing your sommelier praises, you study the best therefore you are. same with these people you invited. myself included.
send me these photos jamie! right meow. i told them that i meowed at jeremy as a freudian slip and now all we do is make fun of me for it now, i mean meow. i didn’t meow in a come hither way just totally meowed in response to something jeremy said i was barely paying attention to. what’s that meow? you know the cop meowing scene from super troopers right? google it i’ve had enough of this.
bread pudding will just not leave me the fuck alone will it? it’s super good, in the presentation section i said my grandma would love it. it’s boring and sweet, the food snobs naturally liked it, even though jamie isn’t into dessert.
i wore that shirt for my dad. he asked me about it when i showed him the folder of pictures from my bro/mine’s last birthday. jamie thought it was the face of a cat and arms or something. it’s john and yoko haha. signe and i are in love.
a cab driver tried to convince me to let him drive me to burnoutington. i was like um no thanks i can just get the train i’m already on my way to catching. why would i want to be trapped in an expensive shitty car ride with a creepo when i could be alone baked on a train. i wouldn’t.
the lawyer i used to see had an email account that went out as NIGHT TRAIN. you can guess what it stands for. he sent emails to clients before realizing. such a bafoon. uber uber hot though.
this has got to be the cruelest most unflattering photo ever. how terrible of this magazine, that is not cool. you have revealed the trash of your intentions, anti-team player. what magazine is this? rag mag. worse than the sun.
then i looked over and noticed the man. just gave him a glance. went back to taking pictures of myself/snow pile and my grandmother’s old retirement residence that was $5k a month to take care of her. my grandfather left it in his will, his wishes were for her to be cared for, so loving, leaving that money aside, a grand gesture i think. such a way to go for her. luxury. she thought she was living in england, no, literally. and we played along to keep it mellow. some people get trapped in the terror of their memories when they have dementia. my grandmother was in a wonderful headspace, she thought my grandfather was still alive at war, in france, she offered my brother a double gin (her room had no bar) and she said she had just gotten off the phone (her room had no phone either) and she always always always complimented my white teeth. even my ex’s too. very smart woman. went to cambridge. looked like queen elizabeth. total lady, manners, class, intellect. great style as well. melodie wears a lot of her things that don’t fit me right. go sheila white.
i’ve never arrived so late before. i really didn’t want to be at my place. i wanted to be with my dad. he is pretty bummed right now. it’s a small unit so it’s an impact definitely. dad said he sleeps better at night knowing i’m here.
when i got here i took off my coat and my dad went hey nice shirt! i had totally forgotten what i was wearing or who or what i was by this point so i looked down and went, oh right, yeah, haha i wore this for you. and we hugged. my aunt alison was here too. nice to see her. i emulated the entire outfit for my dad because he is living in the past forever and so am i.
my mom was pissing me off with her picture taking but more so i was getting pissed off by my dad and brother overreacting about it so i said here take MY picture just one with my camera now please and blammo, a picture that says ten thousand words.
thanks for much for being so sweet on Saturday at boot camp! i imagine, since you were around the corner with james and then came bounding out to say hi to me, that he said (with a little James disdain) something along the lines of, are you going to say hi to your fan club over there? ha. but then you grabbed me and showed me around like the vanna white of gyms and kept the mood light. i stopped being nervous and just tried to destroy myself on the stations. and seeing you full on break into your posing for the photog was mindblowing.
at the end i wanted to give you a big hug, let you know not all girls hate you, but i decided to send you a gayballs email like this instead. because i was sweaty at the time. and also, like, boundaries.
went back today for my consultation and i’m 6% too fat. challenge accepted. i know watching your progress will keep me inspired. uhm, the first time you did the bike did you do it the whole way through? because my trainer apparently thought i was going to die at 8 minutes and turned down the difficulty level. OH WELL.
keep being you and see you around! i’ll be the one with googly hero worship eyes!
