I’m the skinny blond grrl on the right. That was taken when i was in grade 4. I’m suppose to be Tina Turner. Shaaa’eeright. The kid with the white beard is sippose to be Kenny Rogers. The kid in the plaid and glasses (altho’ he’s white) is sippose to be Stevie Wonder. The grrl in the flowerprint skirt is to be Diana Ross. We sang that ‘Heal the World’ song. The whole gang was there. my elementary skool boyfriend played michael Jackson and touched hisself. All the relligus mums got real mad about that. My teacher that year was this wopchick who was obsessed wif the blueJays and didn’t care. She wanted us to be stars. All the loser, ugly kidz in our class who didn’t make the cut had to hold up diffrent flags of the world and sway side-to-side with them up in the air behind all us ‘stars’ You can see sum of them. ha ha. LoseRs. ffuk.
Rite so, if you wanted to read EVERything that’s ever been plastered here, i guess you would click on the Archive linky-thing on the right, sumwhEre. I’m beginning to panik and am envisioning whut tomorrow would be like if i were to show up empty-handed and unprepared. Castration? Would they throw rocks at me ? whut whut whut !!!!! ?
The only thing i’ve managed to AkomPlish within the last half hour was that of making a jug of OJ and fixing the tracking on my VCR.
ffuk.
I watched The messenger (Story of Joan of Arc) after werk 2day. Wuz gud. Kooda spent that 144 minutes slaving on these three eFFing projects but NooOOOO , I have to have the attention span of a fruitfly and flit frum event to event. Dammit. What if i just lived under my bed until christmas.
I layed facedown on my livingRooM floor for 7 hourz. Wunce I got up to take a pee and the whole right side of my body wuz numb and i had carpeT imprintS on my face. My hair was all ratty. I looked like a doped-up, fume-Huffin’ beeOtch.
And now…There are three things I absolutely MUST do before i kan even Konsider throwing myseLf into bed and i’ve spent the last 4 hours avoiding doing ALL three of them. I am so horribly lazy. I put things off in the hopes of miracles occuring. Rite now i am evidently here, typing this out, avoiding these horrible 3 monkeys on my shoulders. ffuk.
arrrgh, i feeL my period kummin’ on as well. Why is my life a living hell ?
For enterTainment purposes i choose Dramatiks as my clutch. I hope you will be pleased.
This guy, he fukkin’ walks into my store today and asks,”Do you have girl Shovels?”
“Whut, exactly IS a ‘GIRL SHoveL ?” I stare at him, eyebrows raised, hands on hips,”Is it pink? It must be tiny, right?!” The guy is embarassed and cannot understand why a GIRL is werking in a hardware store AND insulting him at the same time. I knew he meant to ask for children’s shovels, but still, jeez, give it up. Think HARDER and more towards the year 2000 and not 1400. i am no right-wing feminist in anyway, so don’t think i say the things i say or do the things i do becuz of that. I happen to be one of the most politikally incorrect people to walk the face of the earth. That is purely accidental and KAn sumtimes be charming. Like, this one time my frend and i were in the condom shack and he pointed to this stuffed bear which had an enormous erection and said “Oh, i got that for Leda.” And you know whut the three werdz to come ouuta my mouth were?
“But, she’s jewish.”
and like that explains everything. whuddevir. we slapped our knees and moved on. Oh yeh, i seem to have branched off topic. what i am trying to say here is, I only feel obligated to give these men a ‘harD time’ becuz they ask for it with their iNappropriate comments towards I and the other chicks. It’s reaL eFFing annoying whut we have to put up wif.
Uggh, my hair is preeeTy damn Oogly today. It hasn’t stopped snowing at all, and it began last nite. I’m feelin’ a bit pissed-off rite now and hungry and tired. maybe i will go and eat sumthing, go out for a kawfEE or whuddevir. I’ve been at the computer all day and authorizing visa purchases over the fone. I hate automated not-real people. durr. The guy’s voice at the visa thing wuz like, “U SeEm tO bE haViNg TrubbiL, pleeeeeze stay on the line and an opOratiR will be wif u shortly.” Ffuk you message man!!! I am SO not having trubbles it’s all these freakin’ numbers 4500….fgjkbr dujkbfjk v. Okey-doo, time for break. Wow, it’s 1 43 pm, my, the time flies when yer bizzy doing meaningless tasks.
I went grocery shopping wif my mum tonite at Loblaws. We don’t go out much together anymore. but when we do I like to pretend i’m her autistik daughter or i am retarded, have ADHD, or whutever…she tries to take off on me when i am not looking. I found this big bouncy ball and followed her frum the butcher to the bakery…to the dairy section. I kept bouncing it against the cart and the back of her knees so it would make her knees pop forward. She asked to see the ball and then launched it far, far away into an aisle wth a fierce kick. ” the more you resist mum, the more i dish it out.” so, she continued to ignore my stoopid acts. Everytime She asked me to grab an item off a shelf i would bend down with my plumber’s crack to pick it up. still no response. meh. Oh yea, i forgot to mention that i grabbed this cream-coloured blanket frum off the couch and wore that insted of a jacket. No, not in that sexy, pashmina style…think, Granny style…yes, that’s more like it. My mum was not impressed with that. “HEy, I was comfortable watching Seinfeld! You’re the one who asked if i wanted to come!” Also, my hair was all sticking out and looks real dark today. My mum wants me to be a blond. whuddevir. Then I found wun of them slinky animal slinkies. I walked arownd bopping my mum on the head with it and getting it all tangled up and ruined so she had to pay for it. harF!! We then passed the display of these Elmo dolls that are electronic and move around when you pinch their hands. OH BOY!!! I got them all going and exclaimed;”Hey mom, look at that!” I turn to see my mom zipping away and like two cashiers giving me dirty looks. hummph. Throo all of dis, my mum STILL would not react. Until…….. we get to the check-out lane and the Titanik themeSong comes on over the soundsystem and I jump onto our cart, and lipsynch to the part, “WE’LL STAyyyyyyyyyy……, fffFOREVER THIS WAY!!!!!! YOU WILL STAY IN MY HEART AND MY HEART WILL GO ON AND OooooooooHHHH!!!!!!!!” using my coke bottle as a microfone. by then, I had generated a small audience. So, my mom grabs my arm and hisses, “That’s IT! GO WAIT IN THE KAR!!!” and so i did. but, i made sure to kiss these two plastik santa lawn ornaments on my way out.
Dis morneeNg on the bus, I sat wif wun of my childhood playmates. Wuz gud. Gave me a chance to talk about myself and what i am up to now and whut i am gunna do wif my life, what i’ve dun in the past. I like doing that. talking about me. Ahh…He sat there, nodding and listening intently. Well, he DID still have his earfones in so i guess it is possible that he wasn’t listening to me at all. meh. His stop came b4 mine and so as he got up to leave I kalled out,
“BYE! SeE YOU TomoRRow When There’LL be More time to Talk About ME !” nyuk nyuk.
MAn, sumtimes I can be A Rite Laff! Tho’ I also enjoy listening to others ramble on and on about themselves too. CuZ then i know it’s almost MY turn to talk next. i luv that. ramble ramble RAAAAmble ………..
