whats’ up with chix wearing short shorts and plastik sandals the very first hot and sunny day? their toenails are gnarly and their heels all dry and red and still irritable from the cold weather and their legs so pale and chalky

ew.

damn dem leafs

muttermuttermutter

having the munchies after beer when there is no fude in the house is so sad

i concocted a platter of half-assed popkorn and bbq steak, cold and co-agulated frum being in the fridge for 2 days, pizza pop, more beer, half a boiled potato with pepper on it (also in the fridge for 2 days)

more beer

………..Then the leafs lose and i get this awesum idea to give myself a haircut from the back of my neck. i am a dumbFukk

arrg.

i was bored at work the other day so i put this NaturOil in my hair to make it greasy, then i made it into a moHawK and kept a straight face with each customer i served, dark circles under my eyes for an added bonus.

i hate women who shop in hardware stores. they don’t know anything and act all helpless,
“Maybe we should ask the man to help us? He knows what to do? No?”

gawdDammit. i have arms too u Re-fucking Tard

i mauled down a tiny chinese woman in the post office on my way out

we were both walking towards the door, and it was established that she did not plan to move outta my way, or me outta her way

so i bodychecked her

it’s ok though, cuz she always gives me attitude when i am there buying stamps

i hope she learned her lesson

i feel like i have nothing smart to say about anything and i hate that

hihi
i sat beside this paki guy pervert on the bus frum buffalo to manhattan and ffuk
skarey,
“you know, if you are wanting to sleeep u can just lie down on me.”
he saw me reading the new vice issue and his eyes popped out when he saw sum bare ass and asked to read the”BOOK” when i was done
he couldn’t read english very well at all but stared at every picture for 2 minnits
THEN
he disappears into the bathroom for 15 skarey minutes doing gawd knows what
i did not sleep a wink
then he gives me name and address to visit him in jersey.
yeh ok sure

Ahmed
9 Sanhican Drive Apt.#17A
Trenton, New Jersey

609 396 0771

give him a ring and tell him hi for me

i asked him whut he thawt about vice and he just leered at me and nodded like he was in agreement with me on sum secret thing. i read to him frum journal about all these stupid things i did over the summer in england and he sed my brain was very smart for my age. he was from sudan and sez it is not legal to have girlfrend there, you must be married which was a bad idea becuz that got me talking about how sum cultures treat their women worse than the family dog, genitalia mutilation and on and on. he barely understood me.

when we got to port authority he followed me to this diner place while i waited for my boy to come get me and i let him buy me a blue powerade and sum buttered toast and this is when he gave me his address and number.

ew.

at about 3 o’clock today after getting outta my thare-ape-ist session
i was attacked with all these sharp ouchy pains
and i still had to wait around to give blud (i’m iron deficient)
so we sign me up to give blud
and i sweat it out in the loo
fetal-like (seriously) in the handicapped stall
i felt so ill so weak so pale
a nurse came in and thought i mite be a patient of sorts
and gave me a funny look under the stall
“are you sure yer ok?”
“YESSSS” i screamed
i feel bad about screaming now
but at the time
you’da dun the same
so then i still have to give blud
and we’re waiting and waiting
and then my name is called
and i tell nurse i am on my rag and very weak and in extreme pain and i’ve gobbled a hundred pills (advil/tylenol/aspirin)
and i apologized in advance in case i mite throw up all over her
and i kept fidgetting
and i think she just thought i was nervous about the needle
and didn’t clue in that my fidgettyness was completely unrelated to the needle and keeps saying, “it’s gunna be alrite it won’t hurt at all.”
so she gives me this lil butterfly needle for babies becuz i have ultra-tiny veins
and i look over to my left and everyone in the waiting area is staring at me bob my head back and forth and clutching my belly and screaming and moaning and they’re just fukkin st ar in g at me becuz the curtain is not even drawn
arrrrrg
all the way home in the car i’m in a ball in the backseat screaming and screaming for my dad to drive faster
“drugs DR U G S DRuuuuugs more DRUGS!!!!!!!”
then i get home and get heating pad (electric blanket)
my brutha walked in the room to steal some change off my dresser and was like,
“woah, this is just like that scene in trainspotting where the guy’s comin’ down frum junk and he’s all sweaty and rolling around in his bed…..”

“getOutYoumutherfurkinsunofaBitchgetOutiamDyyyyying!!!!!”

i think that was the best analogy my brother’s ever made in his entire life. gud for him.

this is my absolute most fav’rite surprise attack up-in-the-air straddle jump hug to pull on people. after this foto was taken sandra’s knees buckled and we fell down like gay idiots and the banana in my bag got all squashed and exploded.