June 4, 2001
I was walking to the busStop from my house this morning, tired-as-ffuk (up until 5 am writing an essay) and this car full of catholic hi-skool kids drive past. One dude from the backseat calls out to me,
you look funny!
i look down at what i’m wearing – i appear to look normal, i suppose. I guess compared to how ordinary they look in their uniforms and personality-free, i mite look freakish with my short hair and fuzzy hooded vest.. I wanted to run after their car and scream obsenities after ‘em, but bothered-not.
tards.
June 3, 2001
Subject: A friendly proposition… a funny email
Hello my dear friends,
Several of you have expressed an interest in dry-humping like dogs, and
I thought that I would extend “feelers” out to all of you to see if anyone
else is interested. I think that rubbing our crotches up against each others’
legs could be something very beautiful that would bring us closer together
as a group.
If any of you are interested, feel free to contact me at this address and
I will arrange the dry-humping session…….no strings attached!
May 31, 2001
yesterday, ahem, ward and i were driving westbound on Hurontario street, we get to the lites and i see this old dude in his maroon ford escort LX (license plate 043 PCA), hunched over the steering wheel and gaping at a porn Mag. ok i think i can deal with that but what i could not deal with was the fact that he had his mirror angled down to his crotch – his dick was out and his shoulders were going up and down up and down up and down. the lite turns green and he putters off, still jerkin’ it and driving quite sloppily. at the next set of red lites he looks around and catches ward and i glancing at him thru the corner of our eyes. he figgers we’re not on to him so he keeps bobbing up and down and now the pornMag is in his lap and he is still jerkin’ it! he even hada box of tissues on his dash. holyffuk. i was so close to reporting this dirty senile ole guy. instead, ward and i followed him for 20 minnits, he tried to lose us but we kept up. then all of a sudden he zips up and angles his mirror so he is making eye-contact with me – at first all his bobbing led me to believe he was retarded as well, turns out he was peeking glances at me with his tongue hanging out. With that, we gave up on him.
sick. if he was a hunk i’d be less grossed-out by it, too bad he was older-than-ffuk and ugly-as-sin…though, he’s still a jerkoff. (ok i admit, that was lame)
and now for something completely different………
circumcised dinks are better cuz they are cleaner and prettier to look at and easier to play with. guys with uncircumcized pricks are so vain and get all huffy when yer not givin’ them head the “right” way, you have to overlap some of the skin over the head each time u bob up and down, it gets to be annoying. Also, uncircumcized dinks smell dirty too……..there’s nothing worse than an ugly smelly dick.
i apologize for all those who have uncircumcized dinks. if yers is clean and unsmelly then it’s ok, i should’nae generalize like i did. some aren’t so bad looking and there are lotsa ugly circumcized weiners out there.
May 30, 2001
so i get this silly link sent to me from my buddy in australia
go to http://www.zombo.com
ok i say to myself, why not
You can Do AnYthiNg at ZomBoCom, the unaTTainable is UnkNown at Zombocom, the only limit is yourself at zombocom, this is zomboCom and welcome to you who have come to zomBoCom the infinite is poSSible at zomboCoM
if you like the sound of a sooooooothing, cheesy, german dude trying to hypnotise ya, go to zomBoCom
if you wait long enuff a link appears and you can sign up for a mysterious NewZletter – hey, maybe it will be from mr.Zombo himself! i signed up, unknownst of what’s to come. so i wait, twiddling my thumbs, in the hopes of an inspiring message from ZomBo
May 27, 2001
Ok so i’m back and i’m baaaaaaaaad
you may have noticed sum technical difficulties, servers switching and what-not. baaaah.
i think i’m addicted to lip baLm, actually, i KNOw i’m addicted to this shit. Every 5 minutes i smear on some more. WHY why WhywhywhyWHY??do u think i need help? I heard there’s actually a term for it, one of those long, stupid phobia-type names for people who are addicted to lipChap. This one dude would re-apply it every hour on the hour, even setting his alarm to wake his ass outta bed to put sum more on. As of yet, i’m not that bad. I do have an addictive personality however, so i wouldn’t be surprised if i went downHill and craaaaazy as shit over LipBaLm
May 20, 2001
the other day i did the stand-up tanning thing, you know, when you gotta stand there and hold the sweaty straps, the fan blasting up yer cootch and in yer face and you get these silly goggles….anyhow, i’m wearing myself a purple pair with this totally warped-out elastik strap, so i am trying to tighten it, it flicks off and the thing falls to my feet. now, with my eyes closed, cuz i’m all paranoid, don’ t wanna risk sun spots and have my retinas burned-to-shit – i am trying half-assedly to piece this thing back together. No luck, it’s hopeless. i squinted my eyes so titely, when the 8 minutes were up, the sunLamps turn off, it took for fucking ever for my eyes to adjust to natural lighting. i stumble and fumble around for a bit, trying to get my shit together, i fuckin’ put my underwear on inside-out, and didn’t realize until 3 hours later, when i went to the can.
hmmm, what else can i tell you…
oh yeh, there seems to be a cupple guys stalking me as of late, but i won’t say much about ‘em, they drop into my blog from time-to-time. wouldn’t wanna piss ‘em off and have them follow me home and then fuck my dead body in the back of their pedophiliac vans. it’s kinda spooky, i admit. my coffees are pre-paid for sat’day mornings though, from the mysterious dude(s).
i spilled beer all over myself thurs’nite, i was making a valid statement, sumwun knocks my elbow causing the frikkin’ brew to just dump itself all over my crotch. however, the sad thing about it, i try to re-enact what happened to my friend who was in the toilet at the time and missed the whole event, whilst doing so, i spill beer all over myself again
i’m cut off….
