man i am having major bouts of insomnia. i’ve fucked up my sleeping pattern by staying up ’til 5 or 6am and sleeping til 5pm. probilly my medication is to blame. the anti-depressants are kicking in so i lay in bed with racing thoughts and then i tell myself to stop thinking and then that gay thing happens where you’re thinking of not thinking and then u go to yourself unnngh i’m thinking of NOT thinking whatinthefuck is wrong with me? so then i think why don’t i just pretend i’m dead and shut off my brain. then i thought, fuck man, what would it be like to be dead, do your thoughts just stop or something? do you lie there and your brain just goes. mmmmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep like a straight line and u just like, lie around some more and stuff? kuz that would certainly suck. well maybe. to not exist anymore.
so now it’s like 5 in the morning and i’m still thinking of stupid scenarios of death and the like and i thought fuck this! so i went downstairs and took one of my brother’s nytol coma pills and took it with milk instead of with water like it said on the bottle (ever the rebel i am). it says it would kick in in about 20-30 minutes. great. more time to kill. so i read a bit, this book called pink slip by some wop chick, whatever, i already read it. and of course i’m worried that once the pill kicks in i may never ever wake up because what if i’m not suppose to take this little blue pill thing what with the medication i’m on. so i start to panic and worry more and the racing thoughts come bak again so i read some more and the little fucking pill is still not kicking in and i think fuck, if this is my last nite alive i should write some goodbye letters, but then what would i say, “hi i’m a retard and i think i’m going to die, i really appreciated our friendship and you’re really nice..tra la…you can have that pink shirt of mine you always liked. i love you. don’t be too sad. life is boring anyway.”
then i got this crazy idea to publish a whole book of fake suicide letters. wouldn’t that be cool? no. heart-wrenching and gay, i think.
so i finally fell asleep and dreamt i gave birth to a miniature little baby that was like see-thru and it started talking to me right away. it was a boy. i asked him what his name should be and he said mike and i said no way there are too many mikes in my family, in fact, too many mikes in the world already. and there was all this blood on my crotch, on the floor, everywhere. and all these people came in the room and started yelling and then the dream turned into something completely different and perverted. nevermind the rest.
so i’m still alive. yay. i dyed my hair black today. again. my roots were growing in. and i bought this fucking hot furry leathery russian winter hat thing yesterday, underwear, two shirts, and one of those eye things u wear to block out the light when u sleep. in the morning my room is so bright it’s like a fucking suntan booth. and there’s this fucking tree that scrapes against the wall of my house, right where my room is and it DRIVES ME COMPLETELY FUCKING INSANE LIDJ;nesao rhesfreskjfnARRRRGH!
i also dreamt i got some bitchin’ tattoos on my arms. maybe i’ll do that soon.
i don’t recall that chair falling over with me innit still and that fat biatch laughing at me. and i don’t remember how much i drank, either. i don’t remember being dipped and then dropped on the dancefloor. was that a girl or a boy? i must have hit my head. and i don’t know how those curtains got all wrecked and torn off the windowsill. jeez. but at least we’re all still friends. at least i think we are. i’ve never partied in this part of town before, with these kids and with all their weird teknoise drumnbasswhatchoomacallit. i just kick it at the bar and talk into the bowl of peanuts and hopefully someone who knows about fear factor will stop by and listen to my theories. um ok that’s all.
this is the crappiest porn site i have ever seen- I am glad you didnt want paying for it.Post some further nudie pix , or i may go elsewhere.
Mr Coz | 01.09.04 – 4:03 pm | #
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comment of the week. i am the crappiest porn ever. but i can still bust it on the floor. old people wine parties are awesome when u can get fat fuckity women twistin’ in their sandals and their tights.
i think i am going to see the return of the king tonite. because i am the world’s biggest loser. maybe i’ll sit in the front row with lord of the rings stickers on my face and start the wave or something. i dunno. i think i’m catching a cold. yah so xmas is over. whatever. i got stuff. i gave stuff. blah blaahh.
oh for shame there was a typo in my last post and i left it up there for ages. fuck nig. awesomest word of the day. i’m such a fucking recluse. i couchsurf my ass off. read shitty old books from my gramma’s library-thing and play with my dad’s slot car racetrack and accompany him to raceworld to talk to geeky fags with no teeth in the jewiest part of town. i talked to ward yesterday. ward rules. if you don’t know who he is you’re a loser and a half. ward works at ibm now and hangs out with this crazy confused foreigner packi guy who’s a big perv and talks only about fucking. my kinda guy. anyway some broad gave ward her resume to bring to ibm and on his way to doing that he managed to spill water on it so the ink smudged all purple and smeary-like, sit on it thus crumpling it to shit and spilled coffee on it too. YAY ward! hmm what else is new in the exciting world of raymi??? oh yeah i gave my self a stupid haircut, my bangs actually. i cut them too short. it looks like i put a friggin’ bowl on my head and snipped straight across. my dad and i went grocery shopping the other day and we sampled this hard boiled egg thing on a cracker and the lady was telling my dad how u can buy ‘em in packages and shit and they come all ready boiled tra la la and then my dad goes, “that’s an EGG-cellent idea!” har har. maybe i will win the lottery this friday. maybe not. now i will go play alchemy until i die. oh and i’m sad now that survivor is over. now i need another show to be obsessed with. any suggestions?
