today we are celebrating canadian thanksgiving (tomorrow is a holiday and the “real” thanksgiving tho) i dunno why it is so early this year someone said that some retard looked at the sun or the moon in a book and said yeah it’s early this year? uh you can do that? did the prime minister do that? so i can make my birthday like, tomorrow? anyway we will not be eating turducken but maybe we will have it on christmas. the idea of stuffing animals into other animals appeals to me greatly. oh and then wrapping them in another animal: turkey, duck, chicken, bacon.

what’s that thing called where you stuff chicken with cheese and brocolli anyway it doesn’t even matter that’s pussy shit compared to a turkey with a duck and chicken inside of it. maybe they will get an ostrich and stuff it with a penguin and a blue footed booby (ew) and then a turkey and then a canadian goose then a duck then a chicken. by the time i got to the chicken i would be BORING chicken why don’t you get back to me when you are the size of an ostriche get your shit together dude.

wait for it…

the moral of the story is:

something to consider, vegetarians.

**fil just came and corrected me he said thanksgiving is the second monday in october. ungh he is sooooo annoying. anyway it doesn’t matter cos it is not the moral of my post nor story.

this chick at the wedding yesterday comes out to where i’m smoking and says SO I HEARD WE ARE WEARING THE SAME SHOES. and i say uh oh yeah. silence. so uh what kind are yours? she answers they are THE JESSICA SIMPSON ONES. more silence. end of conversation. mine are the cheap knock-off ones but look exactly the same as hers. so she comes out to question/compare shoes under the guise of a cigarette WAY TO GO YOU WON TOTALLY CORNERED ME!!

i guess it is possible she was coming out to make nice and be my best friend cos if we are wearing the same shoes then obvs. we have a shitton in common but no i am a sarcastic asshole dirtbag which = the opposite of bonding if you have blond hair and jessica simpson brand shoes NO DEAL.

i took them off soon after and rocked the white vegan boots and danced like whore city after that wooh!

air – sexy boy

I’M BRINGING ZANTA BACK

radmad and i are going shopping today because we are girls and girls shop while men work that’s the way it is. i will be buying some stockings. haha.

me falling down at gabby’s reminds me of this one saturday afternoon last spring — this guy totally wiped out on his bike like into a curb and everyone just kept walking EVEN FIL and i demanded to walk over to check if he was ok and fil’s reasoning was why bother cos he is embarrassed leave him be but i said fuck that and walked over, crossing the street and stopping traffic. dude was winded, yeah embarrassed but probably moreso cos people were acting like it didn’t even happen. so i say are you ok and he gets this super greatful look on his face and says yes and i say ok good and as i walk away he yells thank you at me like he meant it and he probably went home and masturbated to the memory of my angelic voice with his bloody scabbed palms.

moral of the story is: I AM THE NICEST MOST THOUGHTFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD.

ps. from now on all of my stories will have morals

pps. i look like your goony neighbour from 1972 in the above photograph.

Phil: what do you know about 1972 and thanks for making me look like a jerk while you are the superhero

me: well that was pretty jerky of you
my hair is 72
now if more people could be like me the world would be a better place don’t you think

last nite i slept on the couch cos i felt slighted cos of something dumb and so i’m in this super super deep sleep and fil yells out LAUREN GO TO BED and i said no and then at 4am he comes out and says LAUREN GO TO BED he claims that he said COME to bed. and i did. the point of this story is that I WON THE ARGUEMENT cos fil cracked and CAME TO ME.

the end.

ps. fil was so inspired by this post he made some poetry

i go outside sometimes

i boycotted survivor once that fucking with the mother’s bird nest shit happened and it’s a shame that it was that cowboy guy who did it. i don’t care if people say oh it’s not the show’s fault it’s his fault – but yet they ware filming it all they know that once a human touches a bird’s young and then replaces it to the nest that bird is dead city. i learned that when i was a one year old for fuck sake so yeah pffft goodbye.

gabbly link

it’s on the sidebar too. my mom is already there in her element. siiiiiiiigh.

so if you put http://gabbly.com in front of any url you can instantly chat with people who are browsing that site so if you click this which is http://gabbly.com/raymitheminx.blogspot.com we can chat for houuurs and yet another reason to read my stupid fucking blog. it’s not rocket science. you can do it to your website too. or mine do mine so you can talk to wankstas who hate me that’ve been blocked from my comments oooOOOOOr you can pretend to BE ME.