for some reason i can’t get my comments to open so no i am not ignoring you.

ok so i made it through customs and all that worrying was a stupid waste, luckily i lined up in the american citizen line by mistake and the chick was all how did you get in that line i said uh i dunno uhhh, i guess she figured i was dumb, therefore harmless and just waved me through and then i took the hugest BM ever EVER EEEVVEEERRR! i thought i was actually going to crap myself waiting in the queue for my boarding pass, i got all hot and fainty and i had to cross my legs and clench everything and i kept picturing well, the worst. had i lined up in the canadian line i would’ve had to wait an extra hour at least, phew.

then i had two double jamaican rum and oj’s at the lounge, i wasn’t planning on them being doubles but oh well i’m “on vacation” whatevs. so i have a buzz on and go to board and then i panic a bit thinking um maybe i am TOO buzzed everyone else appears to be with it so i bought gum and chillaxed, boarded, and then felt like the dumbest person ever, i completely forgot how to figure out how to find my seat by the letter/number on my ticket and so i held up the line exclaiming to the entire plane I DON’T KNOW WHERE I’M GOING like four times, total space cadet, i talk like a valley girl when i am looped so all these suit guys are all ho ho i know the way. anyway i felt dumb.

i sat beside this nice dude and we chatted for the majority of the flight which made time pass rather quickly.

jamie met me at the airport because i am too neurotic to travel by taxi alone into the city but before the taxi i bummed a light off some jersey dude which was actually his busted cigarette and i even gave him a fresh belmont but he still gave me a ton of attitude and everyone else i have encountered more or less since arriving i have been scrutinizing the way they speak to me and ask jamie if he thinks it’s rude or common, i guess i have been in canada for too long and am accustom to manners? phoniness? maybe it’s just me and my hi i am a tourist niceness that’s a turn-off?

we went to greenpoint tavern and AFV was on when we walked in!!!! total swoon. then we got mildly drunk and jamie’s blood sugar dropped unexpectedly so i had to rush and get him a chocolate bar i was a bit scared, i knew all about his diabetes and all that but with him it’s like i dunno, hard to believe cos he’s a fully-functional normal guy and you forget that he has a “condition” so yesterday was like a oh right you can’t over do it so much. he was apologetic and i was apologetic and he said it was his responsibility and i said yeah but it’s not like i’m gonna be HAVE DIABETES ON YOUR OWN TIME JAMIE!!

ha.

i think i will get my period today my stomache is aching, that or my liver is busted.

i almost bought hair dye but i looked in the mirror at the pharmacy and thought my hair looks fine, the only reason i want to dye it is cos i think it’ll look less greasy the days i don’t wash it.

i bought new shampoo and conditioner forgetting that i won’t be checking my luggage so much for that.

the neighbors are fighting again.

i got my bank card thing fixed, it wasn’t compromised afterall, there was just a hold cos not all my funds had cleared or something i didn’t really understand the teller but she was really nice and gave me a passbook and i felt bad cos she waited forever for it to print/update i said sorry i do my banking online i have not visitted a teller since 2004. i was all anxious before going to the bank cos i am use to customer service people treating me shitty OR telling me the answer is NO, i dunno why, so i build everything up in my head and prepare to be let-down figuring everything is out of my hands but then i get treated nicely and everything works out and it is a huge burden off my shoulders it makes me want to celebrate and go on a bender, i feel like i accomplished this great big feat when really all i did was walk down the street into a bank and two minutes later everything was fixed. i can’t wait until i am older and ten times more senile.

so i celebrated by going to a restaurant by myself and ordering singapore vermicelli and i sat sideways to this other table so that they could watch me eat, and there is no delicate way to eat vermicelli, i always have fluorescent yellow sauce marks all over my chin and face, quite attractive and when i left i said to everyone YES IT IS TRUE YOU JUST WITNESSED ME EATING ALONE IN A RESTAURANT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME WASN’T IT AMAZING?

oh my tampons flew out of my bag before i sat down too, i’m sure everyone enjoyed that.

my left heel is cut up a bit from my boots, i need to stop wearing fil’s old man socks, they don’t stay secure to my heel, sigh.

anyway tomorrow nite i will be at the blu lounge for karaoke if you want to meet me go there, no creeps though. blu lounge is where i invented newwavaoke. fun.

so i ended up wearing my tights to the hospital and guess who couldn’t stop making fun of my outfit the entire time? yep my mom. thanks mom. she has this thing where she is extremely negative and has to make fun of me constantly i don’t get it my entire family is like that, anyway she acts like i am the mean one maybe if she reads it on my blog she will get it? likely she will send me a long email that i won’t read, re-stating how much she has done for me like she is a huge martyr and all that which is somehow suppose to justify making fun of me constantly? i’m fucking sick of it. she also INSISTS on commenting on my blog incessantly and she thinks that if she hasn’t done it for a few days that the issue is resolved and then she comments all over again, she is the reason why my comments are moderated and no matter how many times i BEG HER TO STOP she doesn’t, we exchange emails back and forth with me being polite then extremely nasty saying STOP COMMENTING ON MY FUCKING BLOG and while this is happening she is COMMENTING ON MY BLOG!! i threaten to publicly call her out on her shit and then i don’t, but why not? she’s an adult she can take it right? mom if you think this is shit-talking you should read hoo-ha she blogs about her mom constantly. please help me to get her to stop everyone this has been going on FOREVER and i am too fucking sad about it, i can’t have my own creative outlet without my mom harping all over it i don’t want to moderate my comments any fucking more.

yesterday even she told me to realise that YOU GUYS want to be entertained by her/us she doesn’t care about what i want at all and she’s the parent. FUCK. she thinks she is somehow deserving of attention from MY blog and she never listens to me i cannot stress that part enough, since 2001 she has been reading my blog, and since i added comments she has been commenting, so i have been asking her for years to stop YEARS and she refuses totally fucking refuses to respect my wishes and cos she is my mother i’m suppose to just take it? i said fil’s mom reads his blog and doesn’t comment and her answer is I AM NOT FIL’S MOM and obviously cos fil’s mom respects her child’s wishes, many bloggers their moms read their blogs, every post, but respect their children’s wishes and don’t leave comments all over them, why then is my mom the only one who INSISTS to leave comments??? it’s embarrassing leave me alone. maybe we would get along better if you weren’t smothering my blog? you write highly personal things in my comments things that are private and should be emailed and you say well you do it why can’t i? cos this is MY blog and i choose what to say and what to omit, before i moderated comments i was always nervous you would say something that you shouldn’t, don’t you get it yet? my blood pressure is rising incredibly right now just thinking about this i am not hiding the fact that you irritate me anymore and no i am not a mean daughter i am merely reacting to years of this behaviour.

mom you wouldn’t show up to your son’s work and hang around the office and tell everyone your opinions constantly and criticize everything so why is it ok for you to come here and do that? it’s not.

i meant to bring this up before but forgot until just now, i was practising a conversation in my head in the kitchen that i planned to have with jamie and deb and the word ALBEIT was going to be used in it and then i got extremely pissed off at myself for the nerve of such a thing attempting to push this pompous word on my friends. but now i sort of want to use it anyway cos i imagine it will be a hilarious moment though probably not they will be like oh just fuck off.

lise mentioned GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH so i googled it and now this day will not be over until i have one in my mouth thanks lise. i showed that picture to fil and he was all THANKS A LOT etc.

my bank card has been compromised awesome cool timing y’all! how lucky for me i get to add replacing it to the last minute things to do before i leave list thanks world!

today i will be visitting a psyche ward, they’re trying to form my cousin, she is having a nervous breakdown, she’s manic, delusional, paranoid etc. sigh. i will try to convince her of this and also that no her university is not conspiring against her. luckily i have a wealth of personal psychotic experience so i know the right things to say but still i don’t want to set her off.

psyche wards make me anxious and over-protective (though i don’t think there is such a thing as “over-protection” when it comes to a family member in a psyche ward) of the person i am visitting cos you know they’re in a delicate vulnerable state and easy prey to be manipulated by the other patients. rule 1. do not give your phone number or address to other psyche ward patients.

i tend to hyper-focus on my outfit too, i don’t want to be too patterny or “stylish” cos yer always one print away from being perceived as a lunatic. the nurses always scrutinize you and you can tell they are wondering if you are a guilty-party responsible for this person’s unhealthy state of mind and it brings me back to when i was formed and how much rage and contempt i had for every nurse and doctor and i go back to the time where i half-strangled a nurse, amazing the things you get away with in the cuckoo ward.

it is also family dinner sunday at fil’s mom’s so i want to play dress-up and wear my new white polka-dotted tights wow what an asshole i am see how i just made everything about me?

this post is about cob’s. you may recall the post i wrote about living in the annex back in november, to refresh you, basically everyone who lives in the annex thinks they came from the shire and act accordingly which is i dunno, drum circle pan flutery flax seed oil purchasing hemp sweater outfits wearing BULLSHIT and now with the new cob’s bakery addition to bloor i think it is highly suitable and i love that the stoor-front is uber tiny so all these obnoxious annex types are crammed in this little space together, forced to bear witness to each other’s annoying gayness hahaha i thrive off the suffering of others but not bad suffering like aids i much prefer the littler things like two annex strangers out-annoying one another and fighting for the attention of the cashier so they can buy their lekkerbrot HIGH SEED RANGE loaves.

high seed range ahahah ok moving on.

i can’t decide what is more annoying, bay street yuppie types or whimsical annex nerds. at least yuppies don’t ignore the fact that they’re yuppies, you know, they own their bullshit whereas annex peeps have this inflated sense of flakey self and posture like they are all laid-back go with the flow types when they SO aren’t you know the second shit goes down they totally will lose it and throw a tantrum.

i guess they’re just grown-ups that never grew up, had privileged childhoods and boomer spill-over benefitting from their parent’s generation, and are now destined to ride their bicycles along bloor every nite like ghosts. there should be a video a la queen street man but focused on the quintessential annex dweller.

i dunno why i can’t let making fun of the annex go maybe it’s because of the guy i dated when i was 16 who was 29 and he was this type and i was too young to realise how lame it all was at the time, he was trying to mould me into a granola hairy armpit girl. he was also gay i’m pretty sure.

in other news, fil has taken to wearing a blanket for an outfit i just turned around and said WELL AREN’T YOU ATTRACTIVE.

hidden-camera crazy aspen mariah