enter raymi’s experimental kitchen. what is it? go fuck yourself that’s what. (i am charlie cheen’s rage persona right now). it actually kind of came out horrible as teacher suggested adding mustard. wrong. it was fine as is.
tomorrow i’m checking out the new echo beach at molson amphitheatre for robyn. big primpin is also going on. going to be interesting. go summr best summer ever!
i went out as a shithead. when we slinked off to sneaky dee’s secretly not 30 seconds after the teacher went to the bathroom did a young dude buy me a drank. still got it.
blog slave came by to help me prepare for something i am nervous about doing later. i am fine, just nervous adrenaline. it’s for my book. my hair is a disaster. bye! foxfire tonight at wrongbar.
ok i just figured out who the slammer of the door here is (not purposeful door slamming, just drafts) and it’s the new young mother next door. why do i feel bad about lecturing her on door etiquette just cos she’s a new mother? eff that, learn how to open and close doors like a human being not a childish monster. i just threw a shirt on inside out cos i’m pmstress rage to go down and confront, listened and waited and sure enough another slam right from next door so now i know it’s her. UGHHHHHHHHHH. i will simmer in rage until that baby is a toddler then it’s go time.
i only make mention of it cos this happens EVERYDAY at the same time, probably post baby stroller walk and all the loading/unloading of that crap up the stairs however, why should your motherhood interfere with my studies (jerking off, etc) right? if it were the other naybe i’d spare no seconds in a hey what’s up STOP DOING THAT mention (no i wouldn’t cos they’re already trying to be nice to us with a wine bottle cos of their dog through the deck fence trying to attack stella, meanwhile she is just at fault)(really it’s cos they fight and yell like mental and the chick is trying to buy our love and cancel out her evil, not gonna work, you’re a trollop) yet when i go down there to finally man-up and deal with it diplomatically (dressed like dazed and confused’s simone) i wimp out because i picture baby mobiles and difficult quintuplets all crying and diaper mountains then i just got over it, but i know it will piss me off again tomorrow at the same f–ing time so what to do? i think i’m passed the age of passive aggressive notes and this wasn’t even a thing til i sat down and started blogging it ok anyway hello hi folks nice to see you on my blog today. haha.
one because we look like total c*nts (i have captioned this photo as such in my facebook profile pics)(one of several hundred of them hah) and two because i am a size zero. oh look i’m also wearing a jumper.
check all my swarovski decadence! i was comparing my jems to keshia’s heart necklace and f–k that broad is teeny weeny eh? adorable and like, could totally just put her in a sack and walk her out the back, i know revival’s entire floorplan thanks to burlesque hahah anywaaaaay… did i spell her name right?
beauty youthifying photo trick, eyelashes down, face downward but the apples of face to camera, if you can appropriate some sun that would be hella wicked too. hang your ass out the side of a red convertible.
also check that out woah.
here i am in oxford (17) not knowing shit about posing in photos. this is what we call real person posing, except wacky, i did wacky, that’s all i knew.
here’s a bit of slutty. that’s warwick castle, what’s up!
i also always kind of wanted to be a teacher. NERD!
at fifteen.
sorry i’m lost in my archives i’m looking for something specific. it’s a nightmare in there.
ew. ok i give up. there’s this one photo where i look very similar to the one in shawn’s car up there. back on track now.
the spoons. more like the whos? blaha. sorry. when they finished no one clapped, someone had to MC a round of applause. i was too busy waiting for my pupils to dilate properly to the darkness of the daytime sunshine cavern what is revival. i couldn’t make out (recognize) zach and it pissed him off and he didn’t buy my story. i blank on people’s names and suffer mega social anxiety so when you are wearing a onesie and your ass is hanging out and everyone is staring at you hard cos you are raymitheminx sorry bro it’s not all about you right meow.
i made this moment happen and i dragged rannie‘s ass over to snap a photo. i should have been your point girl casie but i was too busy being a sucky pants. what happened to the fun time star glasses lulz? keshia said the pepsi throwback party was the number one trending topic last night on twitter. in the words of miley cyrus, that’s puh-ritty coool.
oh and in case you were wondering, this was a really good time. really really good time. dance party drank tix girl dance circles busting moves it was like heathers and high school musical and a great way to kick off summer it busted me right the eff out of my funk. i took 4 swag bags (teacher got one i am including that) and i handed them out on the way home, to the door girl i said I AM CASIE’S BEST FRIEND to get more bags SHE WOULD APPROVE OF THIS hahahah. bumped into fringe boy on his bike, gave him a pepsi bag. then brosz7 deeper into bellwoods park when i made time stop by my onesie and the sea of hipster blanket islands what a grass meat market that is. into it. the last pepsi bag was gifted to our server at watusi where i got wa-boozey cos it was dead and we were like one of two tables, no three. teacher says i made her night. i don’t want the pepsi can temptation around, the real sugar shot straight to my brains and stomach i am sure. i have a newd scene coming up remember.
I DON’T HAVE A NAME BECAUSE I BELONG TO RAYMI hah. no no not true. people know who i am there they can just see him beside me and then go oh, oh yeah. or have TEACHER. brock whispered all kinds of dirty shit to me about that like oh a teacher eh, i can only IMAGINE the things you two do together. i ******* to thinking about it blaha oh shut the **** up brock.
shrimp and wasabi ketchup. bomb. i said the word umeboshi (butter) in my head all night long i just should’ve gone with it it is SOOOO delicious but 3 bucks pricier.
i like these cos i sip them, drink slower, the compari is like a taste speedbump. i remember when i first ever tried it at the central, kamila made one i was like bleeeeeeech SICK.
at the last minute i gave in to my flower onesie desire and wore it anyway. i was wimping out. glad i didn’t. lots of girls recognized on the streets of toronto that this summer it’s bringing it time.
not really worth rehashing every little cut eye and nasty thing uttered (yes!) to/at me as we sauntered on home in the heat. like come on people were you not outside at all today? yes i am essentially wearing a bathingsuit that’s because i go sunstroke from the dog walk and squeezed into this size small jumper that somehow magically fits and with 6+ months of working out like a mental case, time to take this bod for a spin(ster).
true, my entire ass was hanging out but i don’t care, if your ass looks like that then it can hang out all it wants. what my body has anything to do with yours is a mystery, as in, not a mystery. don’t rain on my flower camel toe parade okay please.
and then a lesbo couple passing us on ossington, cute, shortish, feminine, you’d think they’d be all about it, then one whispers just as we are coming up to them BIG PUSSY. !!! there’s a chance she said good pussy but i doubt it. that’s dirty. first of all, i do NOT have a big pussy and there is no way it’d be possible to cram it in my onesie if so. look at the wiggle room (no room) down there.
ok over it i know i look good and made time stop in bellwoods and when i got fed up i brought it even more doing the model walk where you make sure your thighs don’t even touch (mine rarely do) and accentuate the gap. this all happened it isn’t just in my head.
when i was posing at casie’s party the photographer was like, do you do this? like red carpet he meant, cos you know all the poses and how to pose. hahaha. self taught baby!
queen of hearts gardenesque view yesterday late afternoon. i avoid the roof altogether if i can manage it during the day otherwise i won’t get anything done. lying in the sun in those loungers then somebody might bring you a drink, game over. teacher went to wonderland today (AGAIN, how is this teaching?) forgot to dump these bad boys onto his computer. yeah i get to use his laptop during the days if i want he’ll leave it, but, not like you will need it at wonderland.
my hair looks funny. post shower roof insta-drying. good idea me let see how crazy my hair gets. i guess i have kinky hair now that the texture has changed to platinum. i have resilient strong hair. it can handle all the garbage i do to it. i also baby it.
and my face is going to be mega tanned therefore will have to buy darker makeup and so it begins. i am turning kiwi for sure i belong someplace like that anyway. maybe i’ll go visit natalie in melbourne.
stella wanted to murder the dog next door, this was the brief moment when she was allowed up with us. this drink is white peach crystal light (half packet) with soda and riesling, bit of lemon too? i was sun stapled into the lounger and needed emo punch but was in bossing around concubine mode, told him this is the drink to make, and he did. impressive.
the secret to this sally hansen polish that is soo watery and annoying to applique, so i never bother to wear it BUT when i bother it dries phenomenally and gives a long last.
ok one of us lazy asses is going to have to remove that soda water bottle. telltale sign that a drunk lives here if there are soda water bottles. this is storm night watch.
some of the coat rack contents aren’t coats. some are pants and my belts, nylons, haha. i’m in a don’t live here nor there stage so my stuff is all over the place like an infestation.
i fucked myself over in removing commenting well, making it so you have to register, so less comments and less clickbacks, less pageviews, and my rank plummets but it’s weird still as my traffic is still high. i dunno. i am obviously too emotionally tethered to blogging, like stockmarket crash reactionarily-so. bad.
we are going to watch round two of never let me go. highly recommend. book and film both. i feel like i am watching my friends, i felt that way when i was watching it last night alone. in a world with these people i watched before in my mind from book. i am talking oprah gibberish now.
don’t worry girls, these underwears are size extra large (shirt is medium). you can like me still. i am an amazon, cotton shrinks and it’s what was in the swag hag bag. i would hike them up over my love handles no matter what cos i have them i am dead set against muffin top and will delude myself into thinking i have one until i am in depends. i believe a normal girl person would wear these at hip, maybe these are teen sized? i don’t understand boy/brief design for girls. meh.
i just gave teacher three very detailed (helpful) and simple kitchen instructions and now explosions and catastrophies are coming out of there. get pan. heat it. put oil in it. heat that. make science happen by putting sausage under cold water, the casing will separate, peel it. that’s as much as he could take then all the pans fell out of the cabinet like a movie prank.
dweeb-ass. i need more running shoes. any excuse to shop. i do tricks with tall cans and purses and hippie grocery cloth bags merely clipped to my rack.
it BETTER be a girl. i’ll have no idea how to raise a dude. well actually, i’d be very good at guiding the lil mawfucka on woman shit but i think it’d just stress me out as in, no girl is good enough for my son style. ack! notha worry for another day, many many many fucking days from now. NO i am not pregnant in case you didn’t get this.
shopping in liberty village is stressful and funny. it’s like couple competition awards, like walking through yorkville becomes an event just doing the shopping. enough already this isn’t rodeo drive, maybe in my head it is but relax expensive jogging pants slob children. we like to pretend to fit in. i think everyone else is too. buncha phonies.
teacher has learned a new weakness of mine to exploit. he picks up his phone and pretends to be talking to the store we bought this from and says what’s that? rip its head off? you think i should tie it to the back of my car on the way to work? use it to help unclog the toilet? then i start howling screeching whining NO NOOOO and grab for it. yeah. it’s like that.
spying. teacher saw they had left out a bag of something one day, so close but so far. he considered a contraption of sorts, a claw. i said yeah they exist, they’re called old people claws for doing the christmas tree. then we got in a fight cos he didn’t believe they exist. THEY DO. my ex’s mom has one omfg i am getting angry right now haha.
gluten free dough pizza. when you order online and see all the crap to choose from it makes designing your pizza pizza (garbage) pizza a lot more chi chi. you can pretend you ordered it from amato (and would have if it wasn’t midnight). i tricked this one out hardcore.
excuse my side thumb grit. these harajuku things are darling, keeping a package for myself. i’ll wait til my movie scene is shot though, i want to have crazy long nails in it. i saw a girl awhile ago with long nails and was impressed, she goes yeah it’s my “thing” having long nails. ok well that’s a little sad but, they’re beautiful all the same. i want in.
stella got effed over for her sunday walk. we went out finally, learned how nice it was in temp, she got the mini-est circle walk and was nexted. she gets way more walks now thanks to me, took her for a long run the day before this, that she ruined slightly. i’ll take her out after this blog post. maybe we’ll share dog cookies. kidding. they’re too bland for my palette.
i said i would bitchslap the crazy park lady’s tulips (i wouldn’t) when i was pretending to do parkour off the side of her house to demonstrate a point i was making, a parkour point then we went ghetto speak and i was like i ‘ont care holmes i’ll bitch slap her tulips.
how to get free oj. order your sparkling then ask for a little splash of oj. it was only cos i wanted a full glass of champagne (last bender for the month) and am a lush. our waitress was v kind. i am budgeting (failing poorly at it) right now so the extras matter and are appreciated.
this is not budgeting. delicious and worth every penny. life is about treating yourself sometimes and enjoyment. i never have burgers so when i do they have to be fit for a queen.
i torture myself and do little mind games to assuage the guilt i said not to let in, for example, salad over fries. the eternal struggle people worldwide must ask themselves, do i want fries or salad? maybe everyone in places fortunate enough to have an ordeal like that to worry about but anyway, i didn’t sneak a fry from teacher’s plate. normally when you order salad that means i am going to eat at least 20 fries from my dining companion’s plate anyway, they will offer or feel guilted by my salad ordering then it becomes half and halvesies. lay’s betcha can’t eat just one slogan, while effective, also rings so true. if i put one fry in my mouth i then know what they taste like so then i’ll have more and more and then hate myself. therefore, i won this round french fries.
hoodie’s with stomach pockets are bad for washboard stomachs. insta-first trimester much? so if you’re on the fence, suck it up (and in) and go with a little cardi instead. me? this was necessary for liberty village so i could go in and out unnoticed.
stocked up on my hot sauces. teacher’s like hmm with this one i am playing a drum and that one i am on fire. the lemon drop shots i made us post-iphone smash (to cushion the blow) made shopping a lot more hilarious and enjoyable instead of temper tantrums and speed walking. i’m a matouk’s girl though as well as mados omfg darius bring me some mados from mitzi’s.
pointing out yes flowers. i like yellow roses and peachy, what are the roses called that look like pink ladies (best apple name EVER!) in colouration also while i’m at it can i get a hell yeah damn raymi you so whimsical? clearly.
and what is the deal with old guys and popcorn? the older you get the more popcorn you eat. watch out for that. i am never eating popcorn again then. i like how the photo is a guideline for how old you have to be to eat this, a little kid or my papa.
teacher didn’t last long for the movies. i stayed up by myself a bit and watched never let me go. i read the book. it’s amazing to see it come to film. didn’t watch it all though, hoping teacher will get into it with me tonight.
i was balancing mystery camera on my head to try and time my photos. i was like ok be one with the storm, anticipate the next strike, trying to remember how to time the counting from thunder to lightning but it doesn’t work that way and i am not a weathergirl.
ok honestly now, how old do i look? am i doing alright here people? say you didn’t know me or anything about me and you stumbled upon this website, how old would you guess that i am. be honest you won’t hurt me, only yourself, because if i don’t like what you say i am going to strap you to a boulder and launch you into the grand canyon.
i’m just afraid i am going to turn into madonna and sleep in plastic bags the size of mattresses filled with miracle body lotions and work out my brains off and have a crazy weird yoga fit body but the head of a babushka. i am going to get 4 harajuku boys except they won’t be harajuku, just boys, four of them, and i’ll zap their youth apparently that is how you stay young by manipulating the young. on it!
excuse me young sir, i have lost my puppy can you help me find it? oh look, i have a mars bar in my purse just for you. do you want to go to the penny arcade i have all these unused tokens lol. ew gross i just grossed myself out.
Carole’s Cheesecake CAKE BAKING event has been switched to just the june 15 date now fyi, june 8 canceled. phewf so now i will only be one cake’s worth of fat this month.
