This got a lot of views (for me) on twitter why do you think that is? I think it is because girls turn in to lesbians when they look at it and have to go back for a second look.

This night feels like ages ago. Live fast and document. I said that saying first. If it weren’t for photos I wouldn’t remember shit, maybe the bigger things but little things as in all the movies I watch in a week, couldn’t tell you more than a quarter of them. You do suffer memory booze loss, you do. But who needs to remember things? That is what blogs are for.

I look narcoleptic THAT’S BECAUSE I WAS. We were squabbling. If an experience like this gets ruined for me ever again there will be hell to pay, or instead of paying for Casie at Love a Heart you can pay for Heaven instead, me. heheh. Can’t wait going to be a rager.

I am a keeper (hoarder) of things. These bootie shorts have seen me through thick and thin and are quite flattering too bad they say CELEBRATE VODKA on the ass. Hey do you want to sponsor various body parts of mine too? I wonder when it will happen that me Lauren O and Casie are walking around in Nascar multi-brand style bomber jackets.

I realized I will have to un-scruff it a bit more next brunch at brazenhead but what about the goodlife fitness jogging pants slob babies? Fuck them too at least I am wearing jeans and swarovski earrings. I mean AT LEAST.

I showed this to Lucas and he couldn’t remember which girl I got it off of. I saw it sticking out of a drawer and was like hey! This is SO more mine than it is yours dude she tried to stop me and no dice hehehh. I bet you forgot too Bechnique until you saw a picture of it right meow but it’s ok because I stole you too loser. What are you up to tonight, it’s Cougar Night!

We ignore this floor entirely and hang on the one below as this landing space seems to be a junk pile of various seasonal items. It would be a a neat working space some day when Teacher can take the first floor back from my controlling hands. Don’t put money on it.

I do a mirror skinny check and mentally tabulate how much garbage I can get away with eating in a day and the trick is to go to bed starving, if I can successfully avoid night time munchies I can eat twice the next day, big portions, maybe even carbs. I’ve written countless diet advice posts and you have seen me yo-yo to and fro so whatever jackasses say or think about my styles, they are wrong. Look at their thighs and look at mine. No one who is chubby is allowed to tell you fuck all about food, alright? Alright. I am not being mean I am just being helpful and at the end of the day I get taken to task for everything, I don’t sugar coat or talk bullshit, you can trust and depend on my infinite wisdoms and if you need advice, yeah you can ask me.

Lotto and scratch tickets are the best and worst inventions ever. Keeps ‘em busy and dreamin’ the entire visit but then goes sour when the disappointment hits, which is why I got her Bailey’s.

Nice legs Tanya. Ooh and blog too! We will do that shoot together when you get back! Should I have my birthday party here? Duh!

Nice tuck.

Last night’s Siberian costume. The mirror upstairs was cleaned by me, this is not that mirror.

I looked super pale. I looked at my fingers in the bathroom of snack bar and never saw them so lacking in tan before, or any pigment. I try to avoid black because it makes you look older and paler but Teacher wore my other grey AA cardi he pretty much annexed and I am sick of figuring out winter outfits, the end of my winter styles is pure slob oriented as well as arrogance. I am so fine I can wear rags sewn together, if one relies on super cool fashion/style at all times, they are full of shit, lying, and over-compensating. Be comfortable and unique in your own skin and try standing out. Why are we most envious of natural beauty? Because dummy! If I were a contestant on Survivor my roots would grow out and I’d look like fraggle rock in seconds, I wouldn’t stop whining about it and then I’d get voted out. Someday in the future I will have natural hair colour again and it will rule and I will live in the sticks and eloquently complain about life there.

Anyway back to how pretty I find myself even when hung, very little sleep and, I must have put my eye spackle on right. Ps. I have a makeup give away coming up for the exact stuff I now exclusively use for warpaint and cannot live without and I will throw in a face buff scrub as well only because I love you and bribing you binds you TO ME FOREVER. Thank you Vasanti Cosmetics for helping me maintain the pretty I can never go back to Smaybelline ever again (only for mascara) and I am eagerly awaiting (desperately) my third tube of Vasanti V1 – yes I am that white and it still makes me a little bit Jersey Shore which I don’t mind because tanning season is right around the corner and it gives me a bit of a tint without having to tan my face and therefore age it. My mom says I have good skin because I never tanned my face thanks be to warpaint whore paint makeup shotgunning it for life. Yes I have natural beauty but I prefer to be camera ready always and even though our pretty milkmaid girlfriends look great in cable-knits and wellies on the farm, it doesn’t always translate well in photos with all those blue European veins bulging out of their temples and under eyes. Am I right? Always.

I felt bad when we bullied Janet about this cake being made of marzipan, then I had a taste and went oh, not marzipan. When I hang around my mother I turn in to a jerk.

Tassimo addiction or should I say, Crackimo? And hells yeah check them empties, how else do you get through winter, knitting? Pfft. This is many week’s worth collection I ain’t no Bukowski (but a Kerouac haha).

This resto ignored me on twitter and their server was annoying and bad so they are on the shit list for awhile, too bad, love a lot of their menu. Date night was also ruined by a friend who was going to meet up so we waited then, nothing. So naturally, we turned on each other oh joy!

I dressed like a Date Matriarch. I stuff my hair towels in to that rack, I want to redo this bathroom seeing as I photograph myself in this mirror all the time, needs more oomph.

Pizza I designed, haha designed is my word but it’s funny “designing” it online and adding more toppings and you have a pizza pie cartoon and the pizza toppings grow and grow like a a very shitty video game that you pay for and then turns in to reality that you eat! In that case Dominos is one of my favourite video games to play and one time we went to dominoes and started filling out all these pop-up contest surveys HAHAHAHAH and thankfully I stopped at credit card information. Sometimes smart people do stupid things. It is getting scarily closer to ALLTIMES. We still make fun of me for that.

This bitch just turned 35. I will look like Gargamel by the time I get there I hate you. I think all the snakes you ate in Texas did some magic on you after all.

I have to wrap this up I have a business meeting to get to and to see the golden dildo, find out who won, get back here and ready for COUGCRAWL 2012.

Happeh Birthgay best friend toilet paper!

We miss you already :(.

Bad photo quality but I wanted to get my skinny times. I am sorry if this is touted as clogging up the internets but I wasn’t aware that we were the only three bloggers with cellphones good looks and internet connections sidled by panache, talent, and creativity. Were you born yesterday and learned about self photo pride, go back to Myspace lady and you know what, anyone on this planet who doesn’t account for their time on it by marking it down and capturing their hard work, interests and style, is a fucking idiot. You make a living writing about people doing other things instead of doing things yourself. How unremarkable your footprint on this earth shall be.

It looks like the future the next day but it is still just as tasty. Teacher consumed 97% of it, I had 3%. White chocolate is still my favoured flavour mmmm.

Had one the day of this event and it saved me from food poisoning but unfortunately there would have been a lawsuit if I pointed fingers but is that not the duty of the media to report and investigate and also, where in the fuck is MY hush money then? I know a lot of people got sick and I demand answers because had I have taken my mom and Lois they definitely would have been sick too and then it would be ugly.

Colleague had his camera so my ass was covered but he doesn’t know intuitively what I am thinking all the time or ever so I like to take back ups.

My teeniness in reflection was astounding me, bordering on self obsession or am I not just a reflection of other’s obsession bordering on me?

Almost wore my batgirl liquid leather dress but glad that I didn’t. The cottonheads would get whiplash and fainting spells.

Sorry if this was boring or annoyed you, I wanted to post snack bar pics but they’re on teacher’s phone. I had to eat an entire scotch egg because he is such a finicky eater, likewise the steak tartare. He can do oysters now thankfully.

See how she leaves her phone everywhere? I don’t have the attention span to put things down, I learned that during xmas shopping mania so don’t do it.

My head is too tiny for these big shades now announcing to the world, “doesn’t look good” on the other side of them. But I did a whole photoshoot this day so we know that wasn’t the case.

Drumsticks take forever and everything gets burned off so you have to reapply jerk sauce (we have 10 different bottles of it) but the chicken turns out uber-succulent

Space improvisation.

If I cut this, it will frey right?

Wonder what these evil bitches are up to now.

Psst. these photos are all quality rated shit because of your best friend the iphone, yes, not so great now eh?

Look how much hotter I got once tacos came in to the equation.

I don’t care what girl haters say about me, the proof is in the man pudding opinions. Bitch I be strikin’. Sorry to make you feel threatened constantly.

And here is a picture of not trying. I am sorry to have to do this to you but you give me no choice, the more beef you give me the more casual hotness I’ma have to throw your way. I tried to be nice.

Beautiful blizzard out there. This is the type of romantic winter night that inspires days of writing for me.

It was worth the wait.

We eaves-dropped and both were eaves-dropped upon. Waiting at the caddy was gruesome, next time I will go at 6 when GE opens and mayhaps suffer being the #1 loser, that being the first in line on the wait list. They have line-ups GE told me and baby don’t wait in no blizzard line-ups. Nuh uh. We had two glasses (teach says 3) of whiskey each and a glass of Riesling each and 9 tacos to split as well as a pound of wings while waiting and other drinks too. Not bad for a Monday espesh when ya gotta case of ‘em riiiight? The Queso tacos aren’t worth it (fried cheese) which launched us into an unintelligible conversation about young cheese. DON’T GET ME STARTED ON YOUNG CHEESE. Kidding. But not really. Remember, I do happen to know everything.

The people who joined me on the pew at Caddy were also waiting for tacos. They agitated me as does plenty but only because we waited over an hour longer. Watching lushes drink and gab away at cadillac lounge skid row was only a minor solace. I liked our waitress, I think they know when you are waiting for tacos.

And before we left we marveled over the gap betwixt mine legs and the one pixel speck captured therein, my my what a fluke of joy.

During the day time I was quite productive in the workplace where outfits virtually do. not. matter. of fact.

And now here I am from some other day.

Here is possibly a real life still moment in time preceding or during some louse making fun of me or making commentary on the person what is me, attempting to discredit or what have you and meanwhile, here I am being a nice genuine guy, I’m just a person sharing their life remember. Why do you have to haterade masquerade? Why come Grandma?

I look bad? I think I am only going to look more interesting the more I age no matter how many people try to cut me down along my journey to the path of righteousness, you can not beat me down. I only say this stupid self-congratulatory shit when you start it remember. You started it dickface. You brought this on yourself, normally I just show and don’t tell. You send me hate mail and I reply to it punctured with SMOKING HOT photos of myself.

Or mediocre ones, whatever.

You are what you, are. The only things that can capture my current attention reflect my own self I feel and therefore, I like weird impressive shit and hold it up, share it, talk about it. There are no dark clouds in my world, I cannot stand for it so please just fuck off about your me-issues, seriously. You are sad. Whatever secret private amazing life you may lead or claim to, you are still leaving vitriol on a girl’s blog. That is sad. You took happy out of your day to do that. Ew.

It bugs me to upload pictures and then not blog them. I have a few batches of photos in my flickr account I’ve just given up on, let fizzle out and burn in my past. But not these guys, I am making an “effort” to save these repetitious bathroom of the Library bar mirror selfies.

Quite different from the class what is Mercato’s bathroom but it’s the subject that counts, I say.

Hung out with RaRa two Saturdays ago and I will again soon :).

What impressive style you have Rara! Which Ken do you like?

Before we go out we always take a shitty picture of me. In case I order a deep fried appetizer platter for 6 and never look this thin again. One never knows how hard they will give’r but there are always suspicions and guestimates, yes? Yestimate?

If we break up my dad gets his Ray Bans back haha. No I am not dating my dad I realize that was written funny.

Hey d00ds do you think she will think I am a young and hip person now? Haha.

This is a bonafide classic Raymbo Bright outfit.

I look like a muppet what are you talking about exactly?

Here are some more Turkish Delights photos for you now no problem hey you’re worth it!

I wore this hat to taco date night last night and felt like it was taking over the entire bar it’s so big. I wore it equal parts to not wearing it. I think we did okay.

The matching black hats my mom and I have are very coneheady so tying them up like this was a genius move, go me.

This is a medium sized bathingsuit, now I am a small, therefore I appear malnourished but I assure you I am a total eataholic pig. Say mean things, think mean things I don’t care it won’t make you any skinnier.

I’m not bad for winter though, considering I work out less than in spring/summer. I want a tan. Bad.

I typically hunch like crazy and as we age we turn into potato old ladies but if I stretched out normally to elongate my long torso I would look petite and skinny like this at all times. I have to make a concerted no-hunching effort several times daily. Mom you too.

Just think if I was a dude, which I sometimes think about regarding how I am perceived and received but anyway with a picture like that up there I’m sure a bevy of omg fag you fag total fag what a fag troll comments would happen to me, you know? God forbid anything positive ever come of the internet and someone being allowed to be awesome and own their whacked-out style and fun zany life. I apologize for nothing as I have done nothing wrong.

It’s no coincidence then either that my blog has now cruised in to the 4-digit ranking neighbourhood, not on a rise? MY asshole you wish.

Hey guess what, I like me and that’s all that matters. John Candy says that in Planes, trains and automobiles, a phenomenally hilarious classic. When are you haters going to realize that none of your bullshit matters to me, the nasty remarks you make? The only opinions that are real and I heed are that of famous successful people (MY heroes) and my family & friends. Not you naysayers. For the 1000000 time you are wasting your time, here or anywhere where you speak up and say nay I say Nay, you look like an old ugly turd and match your insides all the more meanwhile everybody else is straight givin’er, enjoying their lives and takin’ names.

Stop being so brutal to yourselves. If you’re too old then so what, fuck off and think about your identity crisis elsewhere. Ugly? Also not my fault or problem. Fat? You have seen me fluctuate and struggle but mostly, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

I think people should make an event out of their life or at least that is what I do and have always done I don’t see how it affects anyone else really, or is their business if they don’t like it. You can keep crying about it and writing about it but you still aren’t more popular than me because I’m sorry this thing you hate that I do, draws a crowd so what is not to get?

I put careful consideration in to what I put on this thing here, actually, everything is intentional and thought out beforehand, blogging is exhaustive work I’ll have you know. Especially when it wasn’t chic (and even more so competitive now that it is) but I knew I was building something and that one day I would be the best because I kept at it through thick and thin, because I am a writer, a creator, it is simply what I do. I exist to make things and sometimes my thing is simply just me.

Aww look at my papa, this is where my squinty french eyes come from. Anyway, but everybody makes things right, and plenty way better than me ok that’s true but do they have the whole package? The clout, the chutzpah to market it or the tenacity? No they don’t and I have met so many lazy artists before it kills me, their arrogance about it too, my success and crappy art vs. their good art and no success. This happened to me in grade eight when I was chosen to be valedictorian over the “smarter than me” polish peers in my enrichment group. Yeah but you can’t public speak to save your life and you’re all nerds. You have to excel in ALL categories and that includes popularity and influence on top of grades. All of this is in my book too fyi, why and how I am the success that I am now. I dumb it down because I can dumb it down, because I am an actual smart person, idiots. Blond hair black hair who cares, you are focusing on the wrong shit! Also, I can write, I don’t care what boring whiny educated folk say, my voice is exceptional, hypnotizing and constant, enviable too. I write circles around you. If I had a tradish media paycheque too you betcha I’d write even better and more professional than this. I went to England for Journalism, I know how to write farticles thanks. I don’t have to write farticles though so I don’t BUT if you wanted me to write for your magazine, it would be a widely read, acclaimed, and most juicy of reads. Get in touch if necessary.

Chorizo fonduta: amazing. It’s a bowl of cheese soup w/you guessed it, Chorizo in it.

Pimms Royale in a funny glass that is hard to drink around ice cubes by.

You are born with it. You don’t copy everyone else to be it. I have a lot of copies, do you have any? Well there you go.

This is boring me now. Be back with left over yogurtys and taco pictures and remember, don’t be ordinary, be extraordinary. I ain’t no Pollyana contemporary but I do know some shit and simply, being wicked gets you places in life. Am I not the practice of my preach or what? Shut up who asked you anyway. I know I’ve been a lazy blogger lately cos I have been coasting off some winter cabin fever MTV fumes so if I want to wear a Bazooka Joe bucket on my head blog stylez for a week, I will. And you will like it.

OK dumbos here’s the rest of yesterday’s adventure.

Note to self, get THOSE pictures off teacher’s phone to blob. It never ends.

And so, European sensation quartet better known as The Turkish Delights seen here, plunge in to their private superstitious pre-show ritual. Nobody knows what it is that they do during this hour long hot tub sojourn of solitude, (and they never will! gwonnnnng)(that is the sound of a golden gong gonging btw) this mysterious practice. We expect that it is awesome, though. Janet’s hat is a legit paramedic’s hat, I want it. So pointy and Austrian.

This is the Nickelback of hot tubs. It plays tunes and is riddled with massage jets everywhere. With fyber-optic ever-changing disco lights too. Awesome. It’s like a spaceship pod in a techno movie in the future, very Abyss. Full score marks for this tub. That is hot.

Ah gad I want to go back. Day time hot tub would be hilarious there eh mom? Teacher is off Wednesday (exams) ;).

These are feet that look like hands, teacher’s, I didn’t know he had flippers. It’s tough being the elegant one all the time.

It was a cold night, a frosty one indeed. So many matching yellows seen here.

Teach is pretty slavic-looking too. I wonder how many secret boners he got? AHAHH he said six.

The hat thing was my idea. Thanks for these matching hats Lois!

Fun times indeed.

Papa took these, he was switch-hitting from his own camera too. I think he might show family highlights to others through that device. He has always had a camera on him, he’s so cute. His pictures never come off the digital camera though, I don’t think they have a computer even. Or a cell phone.

Checking for rolls. After that gargantuan plate after late brunch you never know right. I sure am porcelain though.

Mom if you ever feed Stella again after we tell you no there will be secret scary punking consequences. I know you can hear these words now! YOU HAVE SO BEEN WARNED.

Dugan is A MOTHERF%CKER indeed. Teacher is shy so he didn’t intervene when he saw Stella being stalked, I went haha yeah right. Then my mom cornered her under a table and it happened. That cat is prehistorically huge for a cat. Freak of nature. I fed Stella lots of stuffing and chicken with gravy to apologize.

Some guy delivers high rollin’ frozen meals to the entire neighbourhood, awesome right? My mom’s even had lobster tail. Anyway that’s what we were eating I was like what am I eating, turkey? It’s gigantic there is no way this is all from one chicken cos teacher had his own goddamn very one, stuffed with stuffing. We did two wishbone showdowns from them ahah. I won. Guess what I wished for.

I did not mean to match all that stuff. My hair was kind of retarded in the back.

Mom I was loaded when I watched our creeps episode but did they show our text messages or was that on my episode? I have a surprise for you on Thursday ps. ;).

I love this archway.

OOZ-A-BOO-BOO-DOO-DOO!? All important questions asked to Stella at least 50 times daily.

Nana got sozzled on the bottle of Bailey’s I brought. We partied in the hot tub it was a typical dysfunctional birthday party with the family MTV should have been there haha. My uncle talks to all ten of the house pets like how my mother and I do, cranks Nickelback tunes in his Hummer. The back story to all of these shenanigans you would need an entire day’s time to listen. Yes we are that family.

Every time we see them they death guilt scare me HARDCORE. I’ve had a death fear for forever, “This might be our last Christmas together” yes thank you for announcing that! So I am hyper conscious of it at all times. “Get a picture of our legs beside each other HE MIGHT DIE RIGHT NOW!” Meanwhile he is just chilling watching TLC ha ha. My smother used to pretend pass out fake-die (like in movies) in bed on me too when I was a tweenager and I’d freak OUT but knew she was deeking me out so then I’d start to suffocate her with my hands over her face and mouth until she resisted me hahahah ok moving along now.

I like a room that is entirely a couch, it was cranked to 73 in there. The volume controls are on the wall very Run’s House, right?

My mom and I will post anything.

My mom goes ooh so Diane Arbus. Nerd. Follow us to our spaceship now.

Why would someone lie about their age to be older? So that people tell her she’s younger looking? Oh wow that’s it for now thank christ. Uploading more stuff kay bye. Teacher came home early today and my blog just chugs along at its own high traffic frequency pace also, Mondays are say anything/underpants Sunday spillovers, you didn’t know? Go read a lofty high class cultured blog then.

I would join this cult.

These bottoms are diapers on me now.

STEAM IS SLIMMING. Ha.

Ahh so relaxing. Good family times. Stella was stalked and attacked by Dugan the psycho cat from hell that also has tore open my Nana’s hand, a vein, ugh. She showed me her vein and I imagined it instantly and started dry-heaving. Stella is alright, hope it’s not that deep. So we locked Dugan away and then four more girl cats showed up. My mom lives in a nuthouse. Fun place though I was like see this, it’s called Easy Street AND YOU LIVE ON IT, when she tried to have a pity party. Your only issues are OPP: Other People’s Problems-oriented. Lady, you got off. For now.

Anyway, legit zonked. Night!

Okay fine one more retarded picture for the road. Literally.

At least my arm is skinny kay, THANKS, bye.