me: so what sort of burns were you making

merkley???: mean ones
my best one was this
your style could get away with murder cuz it would be impossible to pick out of a line up, but the fact that he deleted the whole thread was the biggest burn

me: oh wow

merkley???: when your cronies see that you deleted that thread — ha haha — they won’t say anything, but they will be thinking WUSSLAND 3000 FOR SURE

merkley???: then when he logged off cuz i was killing him i emailed
wow — your wuss factor is through the ROOF!
i’m in ur emaylzpoopnz on urz gigz
i also wrote
DOCHE OF THE DAY!!!
i left the U out of douche for OBVIOUS reasons.U are the main ingredient.i hate redundancy

me: oh my god
you are psycho!

merkley???: ha ha
dood
he picked the fight
he talked about me for hours on that board before letting me join
then his peeps turned on him
he deserved it
you know how that goes
you’d do the same

me: ok right
yeah people get mental when i show up and defend myself in their shit slinging forum

merkley???: they dont expect it

me: yah
then they are like go away this is OUR discussion about you

merkley???: people think you’re supposed to just sit back and pretend it isnt happening
did you see how bruce willis got on a board about die hard?
and nobody believed it was him

me: like you are not allowed to say anything they would rather hang with all their incorrect assumptions of you and don’t want the truth to stroll in and ruin it

merkley???: so he got his webcam up and proved it

me: woah
and then everyone turns and is like I LOVE YOU

merkley???: yeah i rained on their hate parade
thats exactly what happened

me: sad
like you kids for real are on the internet talking about a real fucking person who slays harder than you ever will?

merkley???: yeah the bruce willis thing is cool

me: i meant ME haha

merkley???: there are screenshots of the kid with him on webcam and the kid looks stunned

me: when did that happen

merkley???: couple of days ago

me: !!!
lucky kids
i was just complaining about messageboards and now i am jealous

hey guess what everyone?

I FEEL LIKE SHIT!

antm finale in 50 minutes. go russian chick!

also, emptying the bathroom garbage is a disgustingly thrilling activity. it’s like ew gross but ooh yes! sickitatingly delicious. especially around that time of the month ooh what mystical goodies spill out? or snot rags you forgot about and can be proud of all over again.

don’t even get me started on the smell.

there is nothing more funny than fil’s face when he is thinking about emptying out my menstrual rubbish.

note to self, stop sharing thoughts.

i went to the tate in london and saw this one dude’s “art” (forget his name) and it was basically the entire contents of his wife’s bathroom rubbish bin. it was neat cos everything was old, old condom, old lipstick container, ancient pill boxes, creams.

i highly doubt that today my garbage could be considered as art, unless i was dating banksy, then it would be art. or i could make fil’s garbage, art. anyway.

this woman said to my mom WRONG WAY LADY when we were pulling into the go station yesterday, everyone uses this shortcut wrong way or not and we weren’t even in the way of her fat face suv smoking her post-commute cig so i told her to FUCK OFF. i didn’t get to hear her response.

getting the train from union i barely made it, i ran ran ran ran ran from the subway up the stairs this little kid walking all slow his dad looking at me cos i’m creeping up behind them obvs. in a hurry and he’s basically challenging me with his mind to just DARE say excuse me so i wait for the little dude to learn how to fucking walk then i fly to the ticket guy despite having one minute to go and my train is flashing track 2 by the time i run to the stairs it’s not even listed on the screens anymore so i book it (haven’t eaten all day, no caffeine and i’m gushing blood so i am supes energy-low) up the stairs and i am two from the top and i can see there is no train on the track, my lungs are about to explode and i am out of breath so i stand there all deflated let my purse fall to the ground and decide ok i’ll walk up the last two steps so i can peep my train going off without me to feel miserable full-circle, so i slowly trudge the rest of the way up and around the corner and THERE IT IS! so i run and get through the door and pant and sweat in my seat for ten minutes with everyone staring at me in their work clothes and i am dressed for summer. had i stood in that doorway wallowing in my misery ten seconds longer the train would have scooted off without my knowledge and i HAD to catch it to make my dentist appointment.

was that like reading indiana jones?

LOOK at that!

mmmmmmmmmm fil’s dinner

ok i bring you the tooth news update now.

they are letting my wisdom tooth grow in they think i have enough room in my mouth for it to party, i always knew i had a big mouth, it is still in fucking agony, i cried and said I AM IN SO MUCH FUCKING PAIN and dude gave me a ‘script for tylenol 2s before that he was all oh just gargle with warm water and salt oh yeah that will totally help and my mom was being a mom saying oh i don’t want her to have pills whatever MOM! my mouth felt fine all day until my mom drove me mental about 5 o’clock and i was like see ya and rode the train to union where pitt got on at long branch and we met fil and saw the blue jays game and got ripped.

oh i have 4 cavities that i get to have worked on next week.

and my throat is sore/swollen from i guess tooth pain but also i feel like i am sick and my left ear is aching.

ps. tylenol 2s/3s totally constipate you, tylenol 2 not as much as 3 but still holy fuck i feel like a million deuces are piling up inside me and i cannot release HELP.

this concludes today’s edition of TOOTH NEWS.

< insert lightning bolt graphic >

+++

i bought a new dress for my grandma’s ashes memorial this weekend, here it is:

it will have stains on it inside ten minutes. sigh.

i got some shirts and socks too.

go to fil‘s blog for more pictures.

holy threatsville!!!!!

sleazebag zissou

super plus playtex, oh she is fine.

shopper’s spy. i had to pay there instead of at the cosmetics cashier cos this one chick was too busy being a lazy bitch, i gave her multiple opportunities to check me out and she chose to give me cunt-eye, attitude, tone, and lip instead. same girl from before when i blogged about how cunty the cosmetics dept. is. nope, just this one chick. i asked if she was open here (in a breezy airhead KIND voice) and she looked at me and said NO, i am NOT like i am a fucking retard who can’t see that she is so fucking busy hunched over a tiny box of lipsticks and restocking a shelf. um all you have to do is GET UP swipe your fucking merchant card and then you will be open AND you would get commission. you chose to be a lazy bitch and now you are on my blog and next time i will take your picture.

ain’t no party like a tampon party.

the last supper. totally caved.

time is going by really really really really slow.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY OLD MAN RIVER PITT!

++++

more poetry slams war

oh how nice, mindi LOVES poetry so i will write her some.

+++

the sky looks like it is totally going to shit some rain.

tomorrow i will probably bleed to death when and if my tooth is pulled out i am scared. if i was found in a dumpster with a bloody mouth and bloody pants would whoever found me laugh? like haha nice luck, lady.

ungh.

we are going to meet samir and sharpie for food and drinks cos it is my night off of babysitting dad and tomorrow i will be too high and in pain to eat/drink and i’m staying at my dad’s which has yet to have internet.

my mom will be at therapy immediately after my dentist appointment so i can cruise the hospital all high or the mall and scare people, or say hi to my old shrink and make him think i have made zero progress whatsoever in the loneytunes department.

i really hope i don’t have an anxiety attack tomorrow, they will put me out right and then give me a handful of pills?

GROWING UP IS SCARY!

suchi sticks? oh can i use these for noodles too? NO? strictly sushi, only work for sushi.

i feel like (get ready for another simpsons reference) homer in that episode when his mouth is wired shut cos his jaw is fucked and so he turns into this great guy cos he isn’t talking, just listening and everyone is enamored by him, well yesterday in the car i was quiet and it made me feel sexy. ha. i felt that fil was getting really into me i noticed he touched my hair more and my face when i wasn’t talking.

i think my brain is damaged.

anyway, i wish i could be one of those people who shuts up cos then i would have this massive entourage waiting for that special moment when i open my mouth and all passively say hey, and everyone nods furiously in agreement that they GET IT.

oh and i’m wearing white jeans and white running shoes, it would be a pretty amazing moment for everyone to experience, i will try and make it happen for you soon.

ok what else i learned about swenkas in the new vice oh they emailed me to write for them they’re not doing theme issues anymore so i have to come up with my own idea. HARDNESS! anyway, swenkas are these south african dudes what blow all their money on suits, like pimps that don’t pimp and they have little fashion shows every couple weeks and compete to be the best dressed just cos! i think it is adorable, and they want their sons to grow up to be swenkas, not garbagemen or surgeons or tennis players, they want their kids to just, be awesome.

i need to see this movie.

i thought those dudes just dressed that was cos they had mental problems, boy was i wrong.