fil had the tiniest most pretentious lamb burger ever.
blackened halibut i think
my aunt and uncle’s birthday, coincides with what would have been my grandma’s also, every year of my life i pretty much missed out on going away may 2-4 victoria weekend cos of it. burn on me.
do i look bitter?
the memorial ash distribution service for my grandmother was very pleasant and touching and bittersweet, and the weather was great. her ashes are now buried along with my grandfather and great grandmother. my dad was pretty emotional.
five minutes after i wrote that post i punched him in the head.
with a left-hook. you never see those coming.
i got him in the temple/jaw. i just remember looking at his face and mouth and listening to all this nonsense he was saying about me all this fucking shit and thought i don’t care who you are, BAM.
here’s why i did it, he was straight rippin on me out of nowhere for a good ten minutes, abrasive drunk disrespect, it reminded me of our teenage years and how he can quickly go back to that, like i am a child again, all the years of repressed resentment boiled over. he said behind my back he and my dad make fun of me, how i am delusional and this blog is bullshit and i am nothing bla blah blah, i get it, i don’t agree with them and i do not let it affect me i ignore it, the thing that pissed me off was that i did not have the fucking energy to defend myself and argue and then he was calling me slutty and a bunch of other shit, he insulted everything about my life and everyone in it, it was all trash and i am tired of being associated with it.
i understand that small-town narrow-minded way, you cannot possibly understand someone, your own fucking sister even, if you do not know what it is that they do, and the amount of people who are a fan of their work, art, whatever, so he was trying to make me out to be very small to make himself feel better about himself and i don’t know why, i am his only sister, it was NOT provoked he just started spewing all this garbage cos my mom’s blog was up and i pointed to a picture of me in my bathingsuit and then he just went mental.
i thought about it for five minutes, punching him, whether or not i should do it, but he persisted on straight s-talking me, so i did it, he grabbed my hand after and was stunned and said he knew i was drunk and would regret it and he was going to let it go, basically, not hit me back, i said he was a fucking loser and always will be and left then i walked back to my dad’s and lucky i chose the right street there.
it was a long time coming, i do not regret it, i will regret the possible repurcussions, but, yeah, the weekend is finally fucking over and now i have the dentist to look forward to.
i will regret it if he doesn’t learn anything from this and continues to mistreat me as he has since i was a little kid, if that’s the case then as far as i am concerned, i do not have a brother.
i sort of felt bad, i go back and forth, for calling him a loser, but then i remember everything he said, has ever said about me.
speaking of losers, this is the bitch who deleted my wikipedia entry. she is trying to pin it on this guy, some cad who inputs wiki entries on himself, far lesser known on the dub dub dubya than i fucking am yet his articles remain on wikipedia. whatever.
*ok he just called and we are cool, i told him i wrote about it on my blog he was like why i was like because. the end.
my brother just told me i am a loser and that i am not famous and will never makemoney and this is the same shit he told me four years ago (nervous breakdown) and he does not read my blog and this came out of nowhere in his mind he thinks i am being all la dee dah look at me when i was just being myself SMARTER THAN HIM typical shit and he took it as oh she thinks she is lindsay lohan etc or something, doesn’t fucking get it. this is why i never liked him growing up. take that fuckhead.
oh shit i shouldn’t have said anything about the wikipedia entry, it’s gone now. who the fuck tattled? i swear sometimes i want to kill people. anyway what’s the big deal regarding established bloggers as wiki entries that i totally didn’t pay attention to when that whole tony pierce thing happened? gayballs.
i am not coughing up blood anymore but my nose is a fucking snot sweat shop if i don’t update i am either dead or at my dad’s where there isn’t internet access today i was going to go to work with him but he was all uh you are ill stay home it’s cool so i slept ’til 11 and then puttered around and watched garbage television and felt like my life was pretty much meaningless then i spied on the busybody neighbour across the street, he is a hardcore nosy fuck and last nite when i was getting ready for bed about midnite he was swinging a bat in his front yard, alone, AT MIDNITE, totally peeping me through the blinds. so today i took a spy video of him on his driveway dumping poolwater into the gutter, his little daughters running around at his ankles, full-on ignoring them. then he waddled over to his neighbours to most likely describe how beautiful and mysterious i am.
ungh.
tomorrow is my grandma’s ash memorial then fil is going up north for cottage stag weekend (JEALOUS) and i am hanging with my dad, so tomorrow, no blog updates.
someone pointed out in my comments that there is a wikipedia entry on me now. i hope it doesn’t get deleted.
i feel pretty bummed lately, my mouth, now i’m fucking sick, stressed about my dad, his right leg is pretty weak and he’s blue about it, fil is going away on this long weekend, well, at least i lost some more weight.
complaint department update: i think my throat is infected, i cannot speak, it hurts like hell to cough, sometimes i spit up blood when i cough, i feel like a fucking reject, i lost 4 pounds since last nite. don’t worry i will put it back on in one second. i can’t believe that pinhead won antm. she talks like how i write, totally cringe-worthy guttermouth trash and she is basically a ribcage with legs and massive teeth.
last nite at the green room i spent two hours staring at a girl i thought was some girl from highschool who i was sort of friends with and after 120 minutes of criticizing everything about her and her friends, it wasn’t her.
i didn’t want to reminisce anyway.
hey how are you what do you do oh just finishd university why is your hair piled on top of your head like that and what happened to modelling? me? i uh i write about myself all day long on the internet yep everyday, on the internet, mmhmm oh i wrote a book, it’s nothing, yeah i do other things too can’t really tell you about it, yeah i’m pretty much exactly as self-absorbed and “above it” as i was in highschool if not more, yeah ok we should catch up sometime….
next.
also i got to go inside one of the frathouses around the corner cos someone had to get weed, it was the same frathouse that i yelled at those kids that were catcalling me from the roof.
+++
Stanley: how are you raymi one time i saw u at 751 queen st west but i was too loser to say hi so the next day i went to yr blog to read about it and u were all blah blah it was boring and full of lame kids who try really hard to look interesting or soemthing and i knew u were talking about me because i was wearing like a rabbit pelt on my shoulder DO YOU REMEMBER
me: were you wearing pants that showed your underwear
Stanley: hmmm doesnt sound like me but if my pants like slipped down a bit u might of seen them
me: were you with two chicks
Stanley: probaly
me: i dont think it was you i was making fun of then were you sitting
Stanley: i was doing everything
me: where were you mostly
Stanley: maybe dancing
me: and why didnt you say hi upstairs?
Stanley: i was star struck
me: we were upstairs mostly
Stanley: i think i came upstairs oh and recognized u by yr boots
me: did your friend have a disposable camera
Stanley: i saw yr boots and was like omg raymi has those boots omgit is raymi
me: it is safe to say that i wasnt making fun of you
Stanley: and no but my friend was like the photographer for the night
me: well why didnt you say hi
Stanley: i am dissappointed
me: i like having my picture taken
Stanley: next time i will say hi
me: were you wearing red pants
Stanley: no jeans i can probaly find a picture for you
me: yes send one i DID feel like i was being watched that nite tho and normally i chalk it up to being self involved and crazy and fil never believes me when i say people are staring at me so
Stanley: hahaha i wasnt like stalking u wow i look realy bad
me: dark places are good for spying
Stanley: oh it wont let me send it to u maybe it is on like pinkmafia
me: try harder probs
Stanley:
that is me
me: oh i recognize that thing yeah i liked it actually and made a note to copy it but forgot
