Rebeccaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I want last night’s pics because right meow I look like last night’s piss and last night I looked way better than that thanks bye!

I sleep like an angel!! Except for when I am sleep frowning.

Carrie and I have an upcoming art show of hers that she will be painting me for so I thought why not paint me for my next burlesque gig as a practice run.

The flamework came out way better than could be imagined or expected.

People stopped me all over the place to take a better look, took my photo, complimented. If they were lucky enough to notice after taking in my giant pink mane.

I thought it would be sexy to have a lot of nude flesh then the tickling of flames. I’m glad we added whip cream, carrie impressed me so much and we were down to the wire. (sorry about that girl that’s my style!)

Sick detail.

Should have taken a photo wearing my orange shades.

I match the painting.

I only have my base makeup on here. We measured the orange paint off at exactly where my burlesque heel strap meets. I wonder if you can guess what I’ll be painted as AND FULL BODY PAINTED at that for Carrie’s art show this June. Another reason to stay fit. Come photograph me!

I am bringing sexy back that’s right. JT4EVR. Mama’s gotta fuel up for her dancey dance.

When it was all said and done it was foggy, yes? All of our nights bleed in to one so it’s hard to remember especially when I leave mystery camera, well, a mystery.

But I remember Bech commenting on it and it started out as nothing then it grew and enveloped the entire town.

It says these were taken on March 17 so mystery camera solved. Can also be called Shitstery camera jajaja. Throw that in the Yay Cray glossary there protege. And all my other stupid words too while you’re at it.

Then because we just can’t get enough (no well Teacher had plans so the monster gets let out of the cage) we hung again on Wednesday and Julesy came by also then we all went to Rebecca’s and Teacher is like so this is what you do when you guys hang, just dumb stuff and it’s this fun? Yes I said. It turned in to an episode of Blossom.

Jules looks like one of the cartoon girls out of PBJ’s Young folks cartoon video. To a tee.

Stella is also a girl and part of the Yay Cray team.

We look like a feminine paper commercial and good those chicks are always fresh looking!

I am wearing a cape. I am going to demolish some boring flavoured nachos the second I stand up now thanks to this stupid picture.

Here is the entire FB chat beneath this photo I put on Bech’s wall.

Rebecca When my eyes are closed I can’t hear you.

Raymi Lauren White I cant tag myself

Raymi Lauren White http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7116/7009113163_6a855c7ff5_c.jpg i look major cray
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7116/7009113163_6a855c7ff5_c.jpg

Rebecca ok. now I can hear you much better.

Raymi Lauren White cool (inside joke)

Raymi Lauren White I’m wearing a cape

Jules Venus Thats such a stand up “What up with that” pose haha. Im laughing!

Rebecca A very Blanche Devereaux floaral addition

Raymi Lauren White tag me so this goes on my wall thanks

Raymi Lauren White we are thespians

Raymi Lauren White jajaja

Jules Venus not letting me

Jules Venus also this is relevant: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqNgAlMLjhk
Princess Superstar – Bad Babysitter

Rebecca done

Raymi Lauren White ew haha. in other news everyone is looking at me cos nothing else is going on thata way OHHHH,

Jules Venus ooooh ahhhh whatagwan raymbo bright is wearing a pretty floral costume lets gawk like gawkers

Raymi Lauren White we look like a maxipad commercial

Jules Venus if only bechs drink was filled with that blue water they dump on everything that would be pro lol. stella is prolly like wtf just feed me tortilla chips already you cray

Raymi Lauren White She has to be involved like people

Jules Venus i wonder what nachos would taste like if they were made with dog food.

Rebecca I don’t wonder that at all.

Raymi Lauren White I am blogging this

I need to shower so I have to hurry this up.

When you crash on the couch you get a baby light friend companion. Plus a dog. And two cats. They will choose you!

Oh stop it you guys. I see what you’re trying to do and when I figure out what that is I will let you know.

Baha even Stella knows there is seniority and rank she is giving you stink eye.

meanwhile over here omg really? This is too retarded for words I gotta go.

I love it so much though that’s a major yay cray.

Ok we are going to be needing a mini socks sponsorship. That’s our show name The MINI SOCKS. Not to be confused with by the Mini Sucks. I hear they are bad. Jajaja.

You should hear when Teacher goes jajaja at me mockingly I explode into laughter we insult each other all day long it is the best.

Here comes the monster I am going to jump on you I am serious bye!

Here’s the crap I didn’t blog yesterday. I guess that could be a title for every blog post from here to eternity.

It was tough getting pictures in between my girl coming in and out of the room, I managed a few bad ones and this one with my teener-tiner thong. These thongs (I’ve racked up a collection thanks to all the three piece sets I buy with garters) are perfect for beneath tights, they make you look like a stripper and inspire confidence. Get one and your muffin top will go away and you can boss around your boyfriend more while fighting over cleaning the house.

We ranked ‘lighting’ a lower score because we didn’t like the darkness for all the pics we were taking. Don’t give divas a pen and a customer opinion exam if you don’t want to get a few jabs. I’m sure bigger complainers with less bad to befall them during their stay give low scores just because. People are shitty, check youtubes like/dislike section for example. Puke.

I will now see how long I can stand Kiss from a rose. Okay I just put it on and zoned out to it for the entire song while I cruised the internet. That backfired. I thought I would get grossed out in seconds and change it. Time for some Phil Collins.

If I get arrested on my birthday this will be why. Just kidding blonds don’t get arrested. Just kidding I might not even be blond by then! You better come hang with us.

What’s up Maple and easy there extra small shirt, was Simon Cowell in town?

Cheekbones like cray and NSFW Merkley eyes (mom said). That’s two Merkleys this week. I just emailed to tell him in case he misses it my mom wants him to shoot us together um, they’ll definitely be solo portraits, well some of them the nudes of course. Ew!

Bye that hair.

Holy face and crotch space batman but we were watching Marilyn (for my second time) and I was pre-pining for my long gone blond locks. My facial expression is an accurate depiction of the opinion I have of my phone however.

What is going on with those heels? They’re barely a heel too, very kitten.

When we first arrived.

Upper Canada Ricotta cheese buttermilk pancakes, maple poached pears & Vanilla Butter. Don’t order room service the night before in a post spa/dinner/pool/movie/champagne delerium I should have ordered bacon and eggs (I ordered a side of bacon thankfully because it was all going to be free anyway VIPLEASE ATTACK!) I got no sleep practically, it seemed like the moment I hit the sandman I was up eating pancakes in total confusion I thought I was still dreaming. I managed to eat one. I’m not a morning eater plus they didn’t give us mimosas (fail) which weren’t actually on the menu but I added that in big letters with a smile face. I was dreading getting up and showering, no one brought conditioner or hair stuff cos we didn’t plan on doing our hair which always means your hair is going to definitely get pool natty.

Thanks for the two nudes mom. Ew again. Chuckle. My last pink one exploded and I traded another to Hailey. We are all mad for our jewels in the family. It’s a bonding thing. The woman in the store was like wow is this an everyday thing because I want to shop with you girls. Lois and mom were doting on me, helping me choose earrings. I said it’s my birthday month however every shop visit is always a spectacle of some sort or other, like when I bought those headbands, right mom lol. The lady said she had sons. I said she can take me out shopping any time. See the scratch on my middle finger compliments of grey cat? Worth it!

Put your hand up if you horde all of your little jewelry bags in a mother stash somewhere. They’re so darling. Good for gifting crappier jewelry in too!

I wanted that, it was pretty steep though.

Bad photo but smile time station was in full effect when I got home. We were Noah’s ark with everyone surrounding me no wonder I am so conceited jajaja. We sang the “yeah yeah” song, rolled on the carpet, the animals swatted each other, it was adorablah.

Look what’s in my hand. I am surprised half that package is still in the cupboard. The british version of any cadbury chocolate is exceptional. Not for your little figures though. My mom wouldn’t have a bite cos she’s on a strict diet, no matter how much I tried to sabotage. She does it to me all the time so I gave her payback.

A duhoye. My new earrings. I have a pearl earring in 4 different sizes all missing their partner so I needed to replace and these are the best of both worlds, crystal swarovski (rip offs) AND pearls, my favourite! Match my necklace perfectly. See my lip piercing hole? I don’t mind it, gives my face a history. That’s what I think when I see people with vacant holes in their face. It’s kind of cute. Bad boys who grew up. So easy to push off the wagon too.

We’ve been on a feelings eating spree lately and it stops today!

I know right!?

I run with earrings on because I think it makes me look rich. Sometimes I get stopped to get my picture taken Haha you never know! And not even exclusively by people who recognize me. I blasted through all these kids with cameras two days ago and they shot the entire thing. Supastar!

Took me awhile to get my hair right. On the other side of my head is the part where my roots are at, scary, but only because it was shower day but there is no point to do my hair before I run cos it will get ruined from sweat so it took a series of various Dog the Bounty Hunter/Snooki up-dos before we could run out the door.

Don’t think I didn’t notice you noticed my nail polish matches my shirt.

The courier for this package pounded on the door like cray. Those deliverymen have no patience holy crap but thanks Aveda you brought happy to my afternoon and your luxurious products are very good to my hair.

Happy girls post spa wraps :).

Lots of these coming up to make fun of/enjoy Team Yay Cray all the way.

Woah chillax there sexy Rambo Rebecca and I hate my teenage daughter face Jules haha.

I cleaned can you tell? BYOSOCKS girls. Now I want to buy more socks.

Who’s a lady I’m a lady! Burp!

My face wasn’t finished yet so it’s a bit extra blah. It is still adorablah. No YOU stop trying to make fetch happen.

Dinner one. Dinner two was even more disgusting(ly beautiful).

This is where my hangover happened. Gingerale, ipod, sun. I think they call that church out west. I don’t care if the rug gets messed up, it just got rained on now I’ll investigate what happens to ikea rugs when they get soggy later on. I was pretty emo and after lying out here I felt loads better and stupid for having the audacity to feel bad earlier. I think too much and then I blog what I think but people like meticulous shit and I’ll oblige via navel gazing until I lose the ability to, or desire. Little Raymis get scared at the thought sorry!!

Iron Fist retweeted me yesterday! Play it cool Raymbo.

These are diapers on me now so I have to hike them up 80’s style I don’t mind but I know the bagginess in the bottoms makes my less than chiseled when sitting down middle region look baggy too by association. I am only being pretend hyper critical because I know the Little Scaries go over everything METICULOUSLY.

Those are the best sun shades ever, the lens made everything ultra blue-pink, way better to look at life that way. Then the gnarly orange, paired by my vibrant green ‘kini and blue nails. Lots of little details combined throws out a LOOK AT ME to everyone you pass or, in photographs. It’s also youthful.

Dad when we get new lounge cushions we are going to bring these ones over for your backyard so when I tan there or burn out in the grass (Burnoutington!) I have something to lie on.

Hey did I pull a Pauly D and put the inside, outside?

I am ass proud. Say it here, say it loud. I said to Teacher that my mom for years thought about my ass over bewbs and that’s why she never cared for my “newdity” cos she knew my bubble butt was the secret weapon. Yeah thanks mom we could have been ahead pf the game years ago. I also said what if I did focus my brand on my derriere more often, sculpt it. Butt of the day photos? It’s my asset after all and girls with nice racks flaunt them obliviously, what’s fair is fair. If I had a nice toe this would be the nice toe blog right?

Thank god for the scary monster eyeball on my tit. These came with inserts, which change the bunching of the top, it also has string to tie around your neck. I am not this flat is what I am saying. I am always saying.

This bathing suit is humourous and Lois demanded I get more once we were leaving Fort Lauderdale for Miami so I got several ha ha.

I don’t have much time to pose with mystery camera and that is why I always look stupid. I am kind of an idiot like I guess how Beck performs, does robotic poses in a thinks-he’s-a-ninja/hip hop-white-guy engaged in a free-style MC battle. I have a Beck complex, minus the extra-curricular beliefs. Everyone’s paro of the S-word!

I look pretty nakes and rtrd’d. Bonus! Nah just kidding I can almost pass for cool.

This suit at a water park I’ll have 12 year olds lining up all around me.

It was so warm because the wind was so still, the turbine didn’t at all move. #windmillwatch!

Bye bye Courtney Love comparisons. You will not be missed.

But you were missed tanning buddy. My chest is tanned and I have tan lines, hoo-ray!

Someone has more sweeping to do up there and it’s not me.

I started reading all the dumb things I underlined as a joke but then started reading, and seriously, replete with Kevin Spacey southern accent it was a nice time and took us away. Cheap vacation. I remembered why I loved that book so much and it made me miss New Orleans even though the story takes place in Savannah, Georgia it references it though and blabbity blah I love elitists and their fantasy world, craziness, manners, drinking, high society parties. Teacher pointed out similarities in the in and out party guest lists to “all the stupid parties you go to” haha yes very true.

I read this at 17, after England I think, I got halfway through and then I had to rent the movie I was obsessed with it. It was accurate but paled in comparison to the book like everyone says only because when you read you are forced to comb over each detail and it is imprinted on, as if permanently, to memory, but not with movies, I can’t remember thousands of movies I’ve seen.

Time feels like it is flying by and it is already summer again, I know there will be a cold snap and time will feel at a standstill once again but this pop of warm climate was so appreciated. It made me think about how clever I was at forgetting how great summer sun is and coped through winter. That dour season makes the good so much better when it’s here.

See the helicopter?

I need back treatments, my skin is unforgiving back there excuse the pun.

Nobody is perfect but teacher says people are looking at my butt over that.

It takes awhile for the shade to hit you but I like it open it feels like a sail and adds to our little tropical roof oasis. I am going to be covered in sun freckles in no time which I will cover up with make up no biggie but I don’t want to burn my skin off.

And I definitely want new plants. I want a nursery to give me free plants for all the photos I’ll be taking up here in exchange for blogvertisement and it is my new goal for any “major” future purchases to get them free if possible as I do not want to go back to HD and wrastle up some plants and wait in an annoying line-up. I want to be thrifty and enterprising at the same time. It’s the Übermensch way. That includes new lounger cushions too. 4000 uniques daily. Think aboot it.

Oh hi there didn’t hear you come in. It’s Reading Raymbo you are just in time. Would you care for a libation?

Where were we, now?

She’s a blob but a wonderful blob and have a wonderful day! I’m channeling Marilyn here. While I still can. Sob.

Just a quickie, going right back up there meow! We are listening to the narration of Reading Raymbo and Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. Wicked book, movie is boring. Read to by me, it absolutely takes you away.

Kash has been after your hero’s body for a good pretzeling for months now.

Nothing personal but I’m just one of those people with the mentality of if it’s an extra it can wait and I see a nice stretch as a luxury even though technically it can be considered work for me (nice life right ha ha) but anyway here I am now so lets rock.

I’d like to make a habit of FST as often as I can I encourage you to do the same and throughout this post you will see the benefits of why.

Be sure to point out/mention all of your aches and pains before you get started and Kash will work her magic on those areas. Even my left palm gets sore. When I am stressed out I tense up right down to the palms of my hands and the joints are screaming for mercy CHILL OUT GUY!

I got out of bed funny the week prior and hit the floor hard before my left foot was ready for the impact which made the bone in the ball of my left foot feeling bruised and I was worried it would affect my burlesque performance so I booked this FST (Fascial Stretch Therapy) appointment to help me out. The soreness was long gone by this day but it re-occurs once in awhile all over my feet, the bridge of my feet hurt when I run too. It’s just runner’s feet I call it but yeah, more feet massages no problemo any time thanks!

Raymi the snoopy.

Up close and personal or far away and distant if ya got long legs like me.

Just j/k it’s a lot of personal spacey which is nice if you are game for it. Kash is very relaxing and professional so you have no need to be shy and she isn’t bad to look at either. Just motor mouth a running commentary like I do if you get nervous and everybody wins.

You don’t really have much time to be nervous when you are contorted like this though, it’s happening before you know it.

Kash also knows about lengthening, in a nutshell she can make you taller by correcting your posture via stretching you until you are standing tall as can be. Google lengthening if you don’t believe me (I really don’t care if you do or don’t) but we’ve seen what we all turn in to when we age and usually that includes hunching over, walking really slow and being a crabby potato now does that sound tall to you? No it does not.

So you do what you gotta do to me to turn back time for this lazy athletic because I am for sure drinking the kool-aid now boy.

Fine, twist my spine! Do it. I love it! Again. Lol.

It’s very relaxing in there too, super clean, careful a japanese tea garden might break out behind that mini bansai plant I just conjured from my imagination. Ahh so serene. First-timers will have to contact her kairosapproachATgmail.com and arrange to meet at the most convenient location she practices at. Best to ask her directly where. For long term clients house calls are an option.

BRING IT ON!

My butt is adorablah. Especially in those pants.

Kash and I met at my good friends’ The Motion Room not too far back when I was their training ambassador it girl. What’s up brosephs!

Nice lipstick. She always makes my lips feel washed out and drab. Always wearing shocking vibrant colours. Good luck girl!

Okay back to my stretch. Having a leg beneath a band to restrain you from sliding around is helpful, neat and fun. Hey, I like things that’s me. Someone who is wild and “cray” likes restraint and control sometimes.

See, that is me liking it. Some parts hurt a bit, she brings you to the brink, the pressure doesn’t last too long and then you feel great, super relaxed, less tense, limber, you can do anything go climb a tree! It gets the positive re-energizing forces pumping indeed.

Look at those wood floors, I can’t get over admiring them haha.

Having a leg banded then getting in to this position feels like you are conquering some weird untapped body angle that never occurred to you before and if you are any kind of control freak it’s interesting to let that go and allow someone else to move your body for you, it’s challenging and odd and foreign and totally do-able. Try it, then you’ll see.

I trust her too and I know she’s not going to take me further than I can go plus you know your own body’s limits and the groaning noises and yelps you make are indicative of no more please then you move on to another angle.

No joints left behind.

Give’r.

Piece a cake.

I look like I never developed like a ballewiener. The shirt is pretty tight oh nevermind that check my leg.

Time to see more butts.

Yep, she really gets in there.

Good thing I didn’t dress like a slob.

Don’t you forget it.

I can tell my spine is crackling.

Nice.

So relaxing. Teach was off on Friday March break snoozing at home while this was happening.

This makes me think of Kill Bill.

Winding up my hips!

And my knee I guess.

Holding on for dear life and gearing up for the grand finale where she sits on my knees ON the table and re-aligns my pelvis and back and stuff.

These legs were made for runways.

What’s wrong Kash why are you turned away from me?

Ahhh nice there’s the bridge of my foot work being down.

I do my toe nails 3 times a year I’m glad I got that in before this session.

Hi!

My legs are twisted like this as I write this now haha I sit funny. Bloggers go through all sorts of torture for their blogs.

Wizard hair I love you.

Hi again.

Hi just checkin’ in what’s up hahaha.

This one’s good. The grand finale as I said previously.

Arms up.

I am happy I did this because my body feels awoken now. I abandoned it all winter long it feels despite maintaining my burlesquexercise and weights, I need MORE than that and this stretch was a great kick-off for my healthier lifestyle living plan.

No matter how in pain it looks like I am in it was a very beneficial morning personal treat to make time for.

Kash and I are the same wight too, she’s shorter than me and wants to gain more. Excercise people are cray-zay I say heheh but good for her she is an inspiration for health and fitness and it’s good to have people in your life like this, you rule Kash! ps. She’s on twitter too @KAIROSapproach follow her!

Working on that posture of mine. I got rolled shoulders, slightly too forward. turn them back to where they were thanks please.

What a wonderful experience for her too look. You are welcome Kash!

A yummy glass of water and back to the races. If you want to try one of these out for yourself through me we’ll extend a Raymi Friend discount offer: Introductory session $45/hour (reg $90). Not bad. kairosapproachATgmail.com kairosapproach.com Have a great day!

Hi my wieners!

Reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, the original books.

I took this one.

A tan and a run today will fix all of this. And Team Yay Cray thinks I am eating tacos tonight, I say this now haha. No pink taco jokes allowed, it’s still early (half past ten).

Off to the races.

It was a race to get a photo of our elevator reflection, finally we got one.

The gorgeous tea room.

At the Angel Inn.

The pool is quite warm, and lovely. Very.

This was awkward. I said, well, if you comp us breakfast I’ll just crash on the couch. The seed was planted.

It was quite comfortable, half my sparse sleep was attributed to insomnia brought on by something that pissed me off my mom said that day. The reason I blow up all the time is so that I can sleep at night but there are still little things we carry with us from the day or can just randomly begin to fester over and then orchestrate an elaborate fantasy show down in one’s head including dialogue from all parties involved and hours just fly by. No I am not pissed off at my mom ha ha, it was a story about nevermind!

Turnin’ heads everywhere she goes. You can see my torso definition through my shirt it’s so tight. Ya guy.

Ten days til I am 29. Feelin’ fine. Looking fine? Oh too kind.

I am getting really stoked over my run with Stella today hope I get some sun.

Pancakes and pasta guilt has definitely gotten to me, and the cookies I bought from the british store.

ahh yes.

Oldest bar in Canada. Maybe, maybe not, the guy corrected himself and I haven’t looked in to it yet either way it is mega old and very lovely to drink in plus an actual inn too. Go pretend you are in Shaun of the Dead no, Hot Fuzz, same diff lol.

Oh hi there didn’t hear you come in.

Next time one more girl needed. At least.

Okay you get it, me, this dress, in a mirror, thank you everyone.

Oh hi again.

Sevvy Skellington had great fun working and dancing with you babe!

Me and Angelina so adorablah she is! SHE is allowed to wear a liz lisa dress because she already has one lol. Look how many notes this photo of us got.

That’s all folks.

There’s one where I closed the doors and the toilet lids aren’t so, there.

Hello and welcome to 3 days in 24 hours because that is how long it feels like when you do a whirlwind girl’s night out with Cray Tray and Lois Lane.

Ready? Set. Let the crays begin.

Wicked family birthday dinner party next to us to spy on and a table of guys on the patio outside the window. One drank a beer, an alka seltzer, then a glass of white wine ahaha. Acid reflux and white wine, holy crap moron much! They were a bachelor party I bet (hoped) mom said I was being checked out on all sides I was like good! Stuffing pasta in my face and bread and syrah and vodka soda beef tenderloin anti-pasto and carrot cake. Like birthday genie style they shook me like a piggy bank and dumped out treats and extra party attention bonuses all night long HA. I played mute and let it ride. That dress was admired and a lot of people smiled at me, it’s a really nice town actually.

Fabulous dinner at the Winery.

Mom had this, Lois had the same?

I was emulating that chick in the painting (being a dick). A good drinking game would be take a sip every time you pass a frown. Walking travelers (moet), you betcha.

Mom this is your first and last solo glamour shot until I get that one back I requested thank yew.

I have to try and avoid making these poster sized cos when my new layout drops it’s going to look fugly. Well, I can have the first photo small and the rest all tarded big. Nevermind, notes to the self.

Lovely sinks that matched my dress in the Prince of Wales bar bathroom. Sigh.

I died. No I didn’t. Who started that saying anyway?

After the spa. Detoxified!

A man watched me from down the road while I was out catching “some air” jajaja but I didn’t notice him until about halfway through standing there, alone. He was smoking down the street in front of another place. I was not afraid, I just stood and watched him back even though I know I should have reacted like a woman normally ought, flee after giving your fear away after realizing that a man has been staring at you for five minutes alone in the dark. I have a wild imagination and I haven’t even seen the girl with the dragon tattoo yet.

It was a ghost town, all party revelers being just that only the night prior – St. Pat’s. Didn’t mind, we stuck out like cray, or I did, or I did in my head, and that was enough, both or neither it was a relaxing getaway until it became un-relaxing ha ha. Why am I talking like Yoda?

I didn’t hit that. Cray Tray did of course, that is “her thing”.

Took a horse carriage through the town for a tour. It was chillier down by the lake. Our guide was adorablah and horse obsessed. Our horse was named Maple and she neighed with glee, she used to race so requires extra attention as she doesn’t need to run anymore but still gets a lot of action in the streets I’d say. I am being defensive because animal rightsy people are uptight about everything however historically horses traveled across many lands carrying things and people they are bread TO DO SHIT! So shut upsky! Thanks moving along.

Horses have ruined men for her because no man is as strong as a horse I was like girl you need to go hang with more dudes, made a horse c*ck joke and wrapped it up with a cackle and a lean back ahhhhh, satisfied. But really, how can a man compete with a horse exactly? Compared to a horse all men are annoying, they talk and complain and boss you around and horses are silent. But you can’t french kiss a horse. I was not a horse girl as a kid, I got a few unicorns here and there and was like okay thanks where’s the cute shit at? Or like a pink horse that was supposed to be all magical? I don’t know, but I do appreciate the passion of people and dedication to, whatever, a thing, and whether it be horses or books, it’s neat to hear about.

Some people are in to bathrooms, look, here is one.

They treated us like gold here, we had a high rollin’ suite so essentially being the only hooligans on the loose Sunday night were kind of forced to dote on us, deal with us, and be delighted by us. Duh. Dote, deal, delight, duh. I think I got a new slogan there.

Flowers everywhere I couldn’t tell if we were in a funeral parlour, a church, or a castle.

Here is an example of bad posture. Kash said my shoulders are rolled forward slightly. WHAT!? EEK! I just sat up so straight I gave myself spinelash. Yes it exists now. Once the hump on your back calcifies you are done for, it does NOT go away so bumpy hunchers out there be more posture conscious throughout the day. I find myself reminding myself over and over at least 50 times throughout the day if I am lucky enough to remember or I am not already lying on the couch like the winner that I am.

No you are not allowed to copy me on this dress, remember this frenemies who decide that it will “be fun” to have the same dress as me. No, it will not. And I mean ALL styles of this floral kawaii nature I am going to buy more until I buy them all. You jacked my style enough up to here this is going to be my one thing, yes you can have a floral dress but not this brand you hear me and don’t pretend you didn’t read this either we know you comb the shit up and down!

Cooper (one of our doting man servants and a cutie) gave me a bag of kleenex and hand sanitizers because my allergies were exploding out of my face like cray as I was trying to fill out my comment card. They pull out all the stops for you I hope I win a stay there.

I’d guess there were at least 150 portraits all framed like this throughout the hotel, all different families dressed in royal finery with unsmiling Wes Anderson wet dream faces down at you the more champagne you drank the more they popped out (or faded into background take your pick).

Maple had a sugar cookie earlier wtf is that exactly? I pictured ridonkulous Katy Perry cookieland in silence for the rest of the ride back. I am a little nervous around horses, one false move and it’s a foot in the body so I keep a watchful eye on those guys.

Some oranges are for eating and some are for juggling and throwing at each other.

I guess I made black go with light (a light dress) afterall. The Raymbo colour co-ordinating magic palette never fails, the trick is to just have no other pairs of tights available to you at the time of packing and dressing also, a bold pattern tight so the design has something to say too that’s right I say.

The dining room. We had (complimentary) breakfast in our room.

Canopy stretch. Raymi Yoga. Keeping it limber. Always.

Hi guys! Love you Lois! My boots were a very appropriate choice to wear in this antique historical playland. I wonder if Tray was jealous, they were hers. Thanks mum!

Christmas lover. People who are so concerned about my age and how I act, are not playful people. You wouldn’t believe the flack the older bitches give my mom and Lois, well I bet you would, but free people, free spirited people who are in it for the fun regardless of age, are doing it right. In the end it’s the eccentrics that people only care about, my mom’s trainer told her that. Why would anyone want to give up and give in and be old, dowdy, boring? We were surrounded by fossils the last 32 hours, and younger people acting as fossils and it was a bit stifling to be honest. I had an academy award winning diva flip out just before we left, I told Rebecca and she said someone should be filming this.

I loved this bar called the Angel Inn. A soldier was murdered in the cellars and allegedly haunts the place.

First mishap: Spa wrap treatment half off because the one chair I chose to sit in had a tiny piece of glass in it and when I got up it went in to my left heel and then I bled all over the place. I didn’t complain, but I knew the girls had it on their minds because who goes to a spa (for their first time ever) and gets sliced? So when we were leaving the very nice spa manager came out and said we were getting a discount. I know that I am Marin Short in Pure Luck and of the 15 empty sumptuous places to nook or sit I will always choose the defected and jinxed area but how was I to know a fucking piece of glass that someone didn’t vacuum adequately would be sticking out of the bottom of my seat? I can picture all the big time complainers that I know and they would have gotten it completely comped but I didn’t want to start a pattern of bad service or want any drama whatsoever but now that I’m at home safely away from everything and person I am thinking I should have spoken up. The end.

The wrap was amazing the room was relaxing and dark and soothing, I didn’t like the music being turned up when she left the room though because it was on this part of an acoustic guitar jam and the guy was plucking louder and aggressively and it fucking sucked but then eventually a japanese pan flute piped in and the song changed to crouching tiger hidden dragon level shit and I was calmed but I don’t know how you’re supposed to fall asleep through that. It was trippy a little maybe going over everything on my my mind while the heating blanket warmed up my salted sea scrub wet body wrapped like a burrito in a bag then wrapped in a blanket and covered with a heating pad. Wasn’t I just joking about doing that like Madonna allegedly does? How many name drops are in this post holy crap.

Second Mishap: crazy woman ralphed in the pool. Sigh. No, not us crazy women, another crazy one did, she was alone, I was nice to her because I again am cursed and too nice not to help or notice the crazy signs until it’s too late. my mom said she was attention seeking in needing to call the management, yeah she was loony said she was going to dive in from the shallow end I thought she was kidding. Anyway, that cut swimming short but before that we had it to ourselves for awhile. It was like a Swedish pool? Like I know what that is, more roman really but I saw that some treatments on offer in the spa are Swedish so I’m running with that theme.

Fort Niagara I believe. America. These dudes blasted us with cannons, the town, in 1812, and they reached as far as a few streets over but don’t worry we burned down the White House a year later for revenge. Nobody fucks with Don Cherry and gets away with it.

A Stephen King movie was filmed here so it has an eerie stigma. It was filmed in the 80’s and Christopher Walken’s character lives in this place and there’s a scene where he comes out of the house in to the park and that is all I learned about this house so there you go super fact fans. We also saw a house that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman stayed in. There’s a jillion B&B’s in NOTL.

This was built for a murder scene in some movie or other and then left behind for the town and now people get married beneath it I like that!

Mom was right, we would love the bathroom.

I love these roses they remind me of red delicious apples. What a neat name right. I have it backward though but either way it’s so simple, what kind of apple is this? It’s delicious! Yes, I know that but what is the genus of it? DELICIOUS. Who’s on first? OMG Shut up!

Church! SHHHH. I’m the warm weather is bringing out my ADD so I will be skimping on the boringer photo captions kay.

Looks boring? Wrong! First ever brothel in Canada. Holla! We got away with shit back then cos of the Monarch being all the way over in England and I guess too being like Western smug enthusiast rebels. Oh Canada. My mom said Raymi would have fit in back then hey now! Totally.

Mom’s little Londoner boots.

Swanky big bed. Watching all the period pieces I do it was surreal to stay in a nice place like this, I love four poster beds. Do people sound like idiots when they are like I like this! I like that! It sounds very claimy to me. But, one likes what one likes. I feel a bit aristocratic sometimes, why not.

What is this Washington? Well, it’s a city on the water and has a lot of history, it’s a wealthy town. Mike the maintenance guy who chauffeured us to dinner said it’s crazy how many flowers there are in the spring and summer and I laughed because he said it like he meant it and he laughed too. The pressure of perfection in an idyllic town is felt by those amongst it.

Ange said it doesn’t matter that she’s poor, she’s happy, she has been a tour carriage rider for (five years she said?) and it made me happy to hear that as we were being pulled by Maple down to the water. She really does live a fairytale fantasyland world existence, everyone says miss or madam, it is like stepping in to Beauty and the Beast, ornate tea rooms, flowers, landmarks going back centuries that still stand and her brain is a catalogue of historical facts. Angie does not have to live in the present. It’s amazing. She also had a Disney voice too, I am serious.

That will be a great chair to base another painting on. I shall.

This dude was staring them down in bed all night. Ha.

After the spa. Is our hair funny?

Patricia Romance’s house! She wasn’t home (closed Mondays). We are big Romance fans. Google her paintings. They star her family and now the little baby in the paintings is grown up and had a baby and now that baby stars in the paintings. Cute right?

My mom made this one black and white. Throw an antique on it!

Gettin’ smashed in the face by spring all day it was a great vitamin d dose. Happy day sunshine. Surrounded by whimsy and nostalgia of great, great old.

Adorablah LCBO over there. That is our booze store to the American Little Raymis.

Remind me I have cherry bombs in my suitcase jajjaja. Firecrackers. Mom stole them from Uncle Mike. I like this picture.

Allergies kicking in a bit. Just a runny nose. From the coldish ride. This is in front of the apothecary. Ballin’. It was closed too, no prob I like window snooping. Inevitably I couldn’t tolerate anymore shopping so I ditched and sat at a little place and had a beer and chillaxed in the sun ahhhhh.

The posters on the wall, paintings actually, so add to the place. So many mirrors, Lois says that’s a trick to make the place seem bigger and it works, it is both cavernous and open feeling. Mom I want that video! We (Lois) left the room key in the room so we were stuck out in the hall in our robes and slippers with moet we were trying to hide in our wine glasses having to get a key from front desk, yeah, stealth. But they looked the other way and bent the rules for us VIPleases and it was a grand time til that chick barfed. She went in to the sauna, for too long, also, didn’t really seem to know how to swim either, she choked on water, ugh it was bizarre. I kept an eye out once we sensed she was not right. Divapantalone (ha lol) got us comped breakfast, the works over this incident. No actually, I hinted at it. The couch was supposed to be a fold out one, I could have crashed in bed with them cos it was a King but after the movie I was fine on the cot at the end well, not so exactly, I didn’t get any sleep because I am too tall, my feet overhung and the blanket dragged them down like a giant I tossed and turned on that natural disaster aid relief sized cot in this grand expensive suite so expensive breakfast we partook on le house. Bech says always complain (some free coffee from no frills incident I am bound to hear about) and so we complained. I give four chances and then I flip out.

That, was amazing. Squid linguini, with shrimps and clam sauce. You know I never eat pasta but after that spa it made me ravenous and I wanted the full girl experience. I ate a lot of crap against my diet rules the last two days. Today I am restricting more and going for a run with Stella.

Here is where it is sinking in that every single store we will definitely be going in to, and will be inspecting everything meticulously over. I was exhausted from not sleeping, and then getting up early (I do not get up early) and pancakes made me logey blabbity blah sufficient amounts of Canadian complaining, I hauled on a dewber and prepared myself for old lady shopping war. It’s the 200 year anniversary of the war of 1812 motherfuckers watch out NOTL. You best prepare yourself from Rayminator 2 sent back in time to fuck you up and buy some earrings.

Bringing Mennonite back.

Show idea: Me eating that entire rabbit sitting in a jellybean pop art designed set in my pink wig. Done. Actually there were some teenage freaky kids about town I liked seeing. Spoiled kids with decked out swaggy harajuku style.

Nella Bella clutch helps tone my triceps.

TO BE CONTINUED.