Hotel crawl after the spa

This video contains ping pong. It feels so good to whip a ping pong ball at someone ahhh let me tell you especially if that someone is my mom. I flash her halfway through this too how bizzoinkers. I walk like a zombie because we were totally relaxed after the spa. Lois is adorablah and calm throughout as usual, she used to be a teacher so her thing is to just wait it out when people are cray or yelling because she knows “it will be over soon” hahaa aw bless.

Time to hit the pool with some Moet. We had the radio on this old timey station the whole time it added to the nostalgia vibe, loved it. Had a wonderful stay here. This video goes sideways fast because Lois neglects to bring the key cards to the pool so we can’t get in and we have to hide our drinks haha but they didn’t care. Just watch! Mom is there a better screen grab starring me? Also at 3:13 I find my glasses or whatever I am looking for and sing the Yeah yeah song! INTENSE. Then I explain it and no one cares.

Then our horse tour. Listen to this chick’s voice so disney.

Birthday girls 4 days apart go back to school.

I’m hungry!

It looks way more wholesome than it is I assure you. Okay it’s not that bad I don’t want to be putting ideas in your head either I just mean those SO are not cups of tea. We had a fabulous birthday brunch yesterday at School in Liberty Village. Thank you Courtney and Happy Birthday today Skinny Ankles club buddy muah.

I can’t believe I’ve never been to School before (ahha shut up!) it’s so nice there but also said to not even bother trying to go on a regular brunch day aka the weekend as it’s line-up city. I do not wait for brunch so I am def one to heed such advice. Week day though, you may just see me in there :) I loved it.

I will refrain from age comparisons (out loud) between us I just know that her face is a good face, very facey and nice to look at.

I think it’s amazing that we are friends after all these bloggy years and what are the chances after skimming the fat that your closer friend shares a birthday so close to your own? Amazing. Maybe there is something to be said for horoscopes after all, Mom and Lois have Birthdays close together as well. I don’t believe in fate wait yes I do I don’t know what I am saying here, I believe in destiny I guess but, I dunno, it feels magical to find friends on your own steed and you are the same age, same year, same month, 4 days apart ok that is all. I am going to try not to write about our friendship like it is the equivalent of curing cancer okay sorry but we did triumph over lots of girl adversity over the years I feel. Courtney and I are strong personality types, I have a history behind me she was around for on the outskirts of I suppose and then Raymi came back. It’s just nice, friends are nice, simple as that. I will not be unhappy if we make this birthday brunch an annual tradish until we go looney baloonies and up the birthday game some you never know. Next year’s the big one.

I made sure to not wear my other pair of glasses that look like Courtney’s.

Delicious marshmallows. We all had a nice time watching me dig for the last one I felt like my little pony and I was hoping it would sober me up.

Hyuk hyuk hot for Teacher joke then I secretly squinted my eyes up in rage lol. That drink did get us tanked so, hat’s off. Guess what I started out with though lets see how well you know me even though you can see it in a previous picture.

These are not real clocks I was told when I asked the time. I was gassed by then so I could not complete my raymi de rigeur server banter what, then what are they then!? She meant that they weren’t working but it was a headfuh- because it was pretty much that time anyway, half hour to brunch service ending and that is what I wanted to eat even though Court pointed out the jerk salad for me, which I ordered. It was fantastic btw.

This guy. Bit of sediment in my teeth when we left. Haha. I need a cardamom smasher.

Yom. And worthy of home parodying. I imagine the entire menu is, Courtney’s hot coconut milk and bourbon was also really good. Make sure the rest of your day’s schedule is cleared. She had already taken the day off haha.

I’m starving now.

It was so so so good. I never thought to make my jerk creamy, what a dummy. We are having jerk chicken again tonight. Can’t wait.

Calamari sandwich oh god how mouth watering.

That’s right you know the score.

I put that entire bowl inside of me yay me! Fantastic.

Then we had a hot for teacher.

I looked like shit a little, I didn’t have time to “finish my face”. Meh. It’s not always about my face.

See my darker hair creepin’ on my neck. IT’S TIME.

Tequila and cider. WARM. GENIUS POINTS!! Perfect for the blustery day yesterday which I fear has given me a cold. Boo.

See you later School. Dad you will be thrilled to hear that the first thing I said once I arrived was, welp, I never thought that I’d go back to School.

When this came we were so touched by the darlingness of it until we realized it wasn’t actually a report card but the bill wah woh haha. NBD right Courtney ;) Glad the skinny leg jeans fit you, I know your body like I know your soul. I’ll post the rest of our DTD drankathon pics tomorrow later whenever.

Birthday fleet week.

Birthday Bounty

For me? For me!

And so it begins. What also begins is me breaking out in to a massive sweat as I type this, I’m getting sick. Again. I just downed a mug of daytime NeoCitran so things should get psychedelic pretty quick awlright. Update: it kicked in I feel much better for now.

May the good guys win and the generous be rewarded. This lovely Birthday package is from Jenn, last October We did the Edgewalk together for a charity called About Face (right now they’re taking donations for sky diving, I will pass on that one lol) and I think those are awesome circumstances to make buddies with somebody, hi nice to meet you and sorry if I barf.

This was a great experience and I bet this season everyone you know will try it out and they should, it’s exhilarating just remember you get breathalyzed so your self-medicating trick up your sleeve idea is not going to work head’s up plus being clear-headed while staring at Toronto is a better idea anyway, good for the soul searching, it’s pretty zen up there. Okay back to my spoils.

Ha hilarious love it. She said she couldn’t help herself with the Blythe doll. Now I can bring it to my dad’s to play, err, “hang out” with that other one my mom bought me for Christmas. The sooner you grow up the sooner you die.

I am excited to look like a housewife while wearing that when I wash my face. Thank you for the card with instructions on all items contained you little peach :).

Oh who’s that beside you I recognize that kitty.

Can you guess which one it will be?

I don’t know what I am supposed to do with the lego though but she is now with all of her sisters on the mantel happily watching over all of us in the living room thank yew for asking.

Oh jeez. Talking about all “things” Raymi (Blythe, Hello Kitty etc) now this. Great and just when I thought this would be a G-rated post for once. Jenn is funneh.

CUUUUTE. I’ll wear these when I spring clean the roof or Teacher can haha. Or scour a pot. Girling it up as oft as poss when yer a tomboy like me I need all the help I can get.

How adorablah speaking of!

And it gets better. Christbreakfastmas came early this year. Ho ho ho.

You are amazing right down to your cursive writing. Thank you so much!!! I have the best Little Raymis. ILU Jenn Happy Birthday to the tots too!!

I’m certain Teach got a chuckle when he found this yesterday.

Speaking of awesome LR’s Erica got me this hat! Guess who is going to have a majorly unnecessarily decked out Easter outfit this year!!? Not you!

Thanks again bud.

Now here is the crap that wouldn’t blog yesterday for some annoying reason.

I look like Poochie. Just The Simpsons version unfortunately.

Lets drop in on the caddy to see what stupid Rebecca is up to shall we?

How much should this outfit and all of me be turned in to an action figure? Shut up right! Right! Someone do it please. Then guess what everyone’s birthday presents would be from here on out. Christmas presents would be me in a ball gown, or Raymbo Bright, and Rambo! Endless characters I have developed over the years, Raymisemo and so on. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4.

Your Raymi action figure comes with bendable limbs for various stupid poses real life raymi the minx does for some reason nobody knows. I FUCKING WANT ONE INTENSELY.

Cowabunga dudes.

Rebecca said my ass was saggy yesterday. Puhlease it’s just the pants.

And these gems are when I ran out of time as I had to head out for late brunch with Birthday girl Courtney yesterday. Not bad for a Monday.

My relaxation pants are on you know what that means party’s almost over haha. Yeah right more like just begun. Nice hair, stupid.

Nuthin’ like a good hang. This night ruined my weekend. I mean I can’t party multi nights in a row no matter how much I think I am still 18.

I’ve had this shirt for a long time. It gets looser as the night goes on until it’s just barely covering my jubblies.

Next up, drunk brunch bye!

I’ll bring the hot you bring the mess

Hi everyone. This is what happened on Friday night which feels like just yesterday now.

I was bored as hell, Teach stayed after work for pints, Stupid wouldn’t be home til 7 (That’s Rebecca by the way) and Jules wouldn’t be arriving til around 8. Not that I was even ready for earlier hanging because this outfit took forever to put together, see how hard simple is? Truly. Only because my wardrobe which takes up an entire room is a disaster and when Spring rolls around all of my teeny shirts look so ragged and worn out. Hey I said spring rolls and I wasn’t even talking about chinese food.

Speak of the devil. I think our brunette triad is going to be tarded to the max.

Psyche! Pretend internetting.

Psyche again!

She is always eating I don’t know where she puts it.

Those are the best pants. Jules looks stupid in pictures because she is hotter than us in real life, those are the rules. Hotter the picture, fuglier in real life. Fug picture = hot life. Got it? Good.

Aw I wish I could remember the exact joke I made about the pose Bech is making back there, that’s some phony cheesy homemaker level shit furreal. I like it!

Okay cool thanks.

Blaha I am a stressed out music hog wizard. Too bad Jules has amazing tits. Too bad everything on that little table is going to be smashed to the ground one of these days one by one.

Too bad I will never be on the price is right now that the platinum angel is retiring. Um I am so Ghost right now look at my see through arm. Creepy. Watch your back haters I can float through walls and spy on your stupid fucking lives.

Age before beauty! This one’s pretty game show.

Love how I have my posing 101 down CONSTANTLY you’re welcome that cup is full of vodka soda tgif!

That shirt brings out the green mustard in your eyes bechs.

These are the shoes we wear while at cray palisades, my boots are always too clonky and I’m a, one of those people who removes everything off their body when they enter a house don’t be surprised to come home to me sitting in my underwear oh hi didn’t hear you come in there. Jules’own shoes are her own, shoes.

I waved this around like it was the 80’s before we left and sang a song if no one bothered to remember it then I don’t care either fine!

Okay leather jackes thanks for telling me to wear mine JUST KIDDING YOU DIDN’T TELL ME jaja. Well, that one was bech’s and Jules is over wearing my canadian flag sweater. Fine.

My turn!

Ugh. Seriously this is what I cam up with haha.

Unfortunately it didn’t get that much better like I care.

We walked over to N+H’s to catch up with the rest of the gang. We were proud that we didn’t take a cab (it was windy with chances of lazy) and their place is JUST after the bridge sometimes it’s funny to out-lazy yourself albeit disgusting. Just walk!

The visit was way longer but this was off to the next thing.

Bahaha well I look good. Bech likes dumb pics of her so to press with it.

Birthday month involves more photos of my face than normal month. I was chatting to my friend Jenn who is turning older 30-something this year and I said you know, chicks in their thirties look pretty young to me too and I look forward to being less uptight about my age. I get a bad rap cos I have strong facial features and I know when losers say I look forty it’s not true. Another thing I miss about the good old days is when women weren’t reading my blog or people who “got” that this isn’t for them aka why are there so many saucy photos, to entice bitchy chicks to make MORE swipes at me? I only bring that up because lets face it, dudes like me or are attracted by/to me so I made a blog about that so what’s not to get? If you can’t handle it so fucking much don’t read it.

Bum Bum Lauren strikes again!

This is me today.

It’s not just my face I want in a time capsule it’s my hair holy obsessed much? Yup.

I’m going to copy that mannequin’s demure pose. I got the lashes for it that’s for sure.

Lesboner salutations.

I gotta go!

Chilly day.

It’s a better backdrop than this.

I cleaned the shitty mirror immediately after. Can’t wait for the annual Ikea voyage.

I came close to accidentally pumping soap in to my hand for my hair after blow-drying it instead of my mythic oil right there beside it. It would have been a hilarious rage had that of happened.

Real and pretend tv watching I look so stressed. I am trying to be a remote control freak hog.

Last night.

These two match enough. I can wear the top with the green AA bottoms! I’m so smart.

Til next time. Something happened to this post, half was eaten :( what a waste of time so annoyed off for late brunch with Courtney it’s her bday tomorrow!

Doing mediocre the best

Here’s the day I decided my journey as a platinum blond will come to an end.

As my roots come in on windy days it gets a little too Rod Stewart up and back there, or scary as Bech said O_O.

Pinning it works but I’d like to be more natural than that and not have to do all these things to my head before I leave the house. Yes I’d like to be a natural platinum blond haha, impossible.

What? Hi there.

It’s “in” to have roots right now but most of our city trends only make sense in the city and I picture my nana “saying something” come mother’s day so, no thanks. One time I was wearing these shitty reebok sneakers, uber cool look d/t but to normies they just looked really stupid and this girl made a comment about wearing comfortable shoes in the city like that was the reason I was dressing so moronic. I never listen to anyone else’s opinions about my anything, it’s not that I’m stubborn I just know what I like and I’ll budge when I am ready. And now, I am ready. Just don’t go black my mom said.

Hi again stupid cigarettes.

I’m going to miss this hair I will def pine for it and the gobs of photos I have starring it will make me weepy but I know the Little Raymis will come out of the woodwork cheering and rejoicing like it’s 2004 again so that’s good. Everyone else will do a solid obvious ignore silence I bet.

I tried really hard to be Holly Madison and all that’s done to me is broken the back of my head of hair, a lot. Photos from a year ago it seems like my hair hasn’t grown at all, just my bangs, it’s frustrating, no, infuriating.

I turn heads with this hair but they don’t know the work that goes in to it. Very frequent routine salon visits. Delicate feather hair. Breakage. Oh and the commentary and unsolicited rude opinions. I think everyone is rude nowadays and just say things without thinking or tact so it’s not just something I’m afflicted by but I think people might be nicer to me if I have a more muted tone of hair. I feel the pre-judgement from women in a room sometimes and it’s not good, the thoughts in their heads, it’s fucking stupid. I had a wonderful time being blond I think you should try everything once but I will not miss bitches being bitches.

A big thick mane of hair no matter the colour is always the winner.

I brought Rebecca back a present from the spa courtesy of the crazy woman who barfed in the pool. She was wearing one of these at the time. It’s a disposable bathing suit it even has a hole in the back like you can do a swimathon in it.

Anyway This is my last week of being 28 years old and blond. I better enjoy it right.

What’s not to enjoy?

I am really going to need a tan soon once I am darker I’ll look way more white.

Jules said Rebecca needs a blog too yeah no shit (I think she tumbls) but she has a real job and no time plus is too stupid (that’s what you get for saying my hair is scairy hairy hii!)

Someone told me that Stella’s breed is the best because border collie blue healers (nice name right?) are like siblings. I never forgot it. It’s a good name up until a dog person asks me what she is and I say a BLUE COLLAR… then we laugh, I think about it and get it right. It’s true though she’s a very happy dog who needs to be a part of everythang.

Which is adorablah and a nice way to pass time.

Here we are singing the Yeah yeah song that was invented infinity hangovers ago (when one is at a creative peak) you just have to hear it to believe it, it’s stupid and cute. I go YEAH YEAH, YEAH YEAH! And on each second YEAH Stella puts her mouth up to my mouth to take a sniff of my amazing breath and the song keeps going until no one can take it anymore or we die laughing.

Stella just can’t enough that’s my jam turn it up! She says. Sorry for dressing like a grandma guys.

Maybe we should make a music video.

Jules and Stella would be a good spin off show, them hating each other & competing for rank. Sorry I can’t hang I am watching my favourite show.

We all look like David Hasselhoff when we hang on the rug but it’s unavoidable to just spread out on it. Last night Teach ate lying down in fact, both funny and dangerous.

Too bad this wasn’t better lit and that’s pretty much what the expression on my face is getting at too in said photo.

That canvas is oh so buckled, it doesn’t look that bad IRL but who cares about that!

It’s nice this stupid lives so close by if we go away she can babysit Stella or walk her a million times.

So cute.

Took more pics than I thought. You never know with mystery camera they usually will suck, could suck.

Yep it came to this.

It’s going to be a great summer. Better crap later have a nice Sunday.