If the song and the outfit are right, it pretty much just makes itself. You can underplay.
Ahhhhhhhhh so relieved I’ve just narrowed my songs down to three definites, with the 3rd being an extra. I can’t wait to practice when teach gets home and record. He is my reluctant dance coach.
Oh you know just anotha day a hat from Bulgaria at 9 in the morning (insomnia last night so I wanted to sleep til 10:30) blasted me out of bed from a canada postman I had to put an entire outfit on with garth glasses just to answer the door. Stephy is the best. You can wear it like this too but how did you get your writing on a card that was mailed from Bulgaria? I’m wearing it out tonight. I am going to have three majorly weird and bizarre accessories like a swedish euro Bulgarian Red riding hood emu feathered wizard je ne sais I don’t know what le fuck but it will be good. I just tried my cape on in the mirror in the daylight, holy moly casseroli! Ps. not to draw attention to it but that’s not a bulge (completely hahaha), the craftsmanship of these drawers are redonk and I was juicier when I bought them. Lols hate that term so much it’s so funny espesh if you go juice-ay-ur in diva sing-song voice.
If I had more self esteem today I’d wear this beneath my dress and actually now that I mention it, totally matches. Hmmmmm. I did sit ups I took these (it’s sit ups night) and I am about to pop my vampula monthly as well and close up to mirror I look bigger, amazon. Only defending myself in advance, someone will call me fat. That’s how it is. I do not look fat in this in real life and I don’t care what you think I’m 120lbs and in a few days will be less. THE END.
Crappy photo but I love this outfit. I need to buy an actual tickle trunk. If someone wants to make me one (IT HAS TO BE EXACTLY LIKE MR. DRESS UP’S) I would gladly put it in my tickle trunk room. Wow small world that I already called my room that it’s like I am peewee herman arrested developmented or something.
Picked dress up yesterday. Relief it fits.
It’s a wee dress so I don’t think this boustierre will fit beneath. Here’s a love messageI sent out on FB to guests. Maybe I will go in to erotic fiction writing?
Dear Vamps, Save yourselves for Saturday Night, but practice your sassy sides tonight, have a glass of red wine tomorrow, take’r ease and ease in to Saturday where I will MOST DEFINITELY put a spell on you in my secret underground sexy Vamphouse layer with scads of gents and gentleladies single mixing a-boot! And my VIPLEASE players Club escorts who will sexually assault at will. Vampentine’s came early this year. I have a bleeding heart for you ♥ come see.
9PM $5 – $10 after 10PM
The Bovine Sex Club
542 Queen St W.
Secret sexy surprises in store.
R. T Minx Esq.
Another horrible picture. Was zonked by this point last night.
I should have looked at the corsets, my mind was set on angel wings though but they were all not what I wanted and everyone decided for me not to do it and just lead me to my cape.
Hope the rods don’t hit the ceiling in here. I can practise on the landing upstairs, super high ceilings then on the deck in the summer aaaaaaah :).
Fished out the last small. Score.
We saw dancers in Miami with these on the stage at that place, I’ll get pictures. They were mesmerizing and hypnotizing to look at. I will master these. I’ve already got some seahorse egyptian druid ruler priestess shit laid down pat. Enclosing myself like a sleeping bat. Twirl spirals. Super fun. The rods come in a snooker pool cue suitcase type thing too HAHAHA. So I walk in and set up my “equipment” like a pro. THAT COULD BE PART OF THE STRIPTEASE. Set up. Ooh. La la.
They overcooked his steak so he got it free. Wednesdays is 2 for $50 date night and bottles of wine are $5 off. Guess we have a new Wednesday routine. They give you a voucher for a free app when they mess up your order, it’s a bit rich and unnecessary yet wholly one reason why I love suburban chain restaurants for normies, they baby and dote on you like the giant lazy self indulgent slob that I am and the waitresses are FORCED to be chatty and nice to you. It’s an actual vacation. That is how low my vacation standards are I will take anything at this point.
The chianti was meh, I told her it was great. I can be a people pleaser too. I wanted something more “open” and fucked if I know what that means. I don’t like metallic tinny after-effect from reds. This had a bit of that, no openness to breach it. I know I play dumb but I know my shit. That other $35 bottle of Spanish (something or other, confusing name) would have been more open but I pussed out. This bottle went down smooth and fast suffice it to say. I gave our waitress a vamps flyer she seemed super keen but instantly forgot once we were on our way out and me from ladies and asked her for toothpicks, she stared at me like I was a distant ghost. I was crushed. I will let ANYTHING break my heart I truly will.
Your dress comes with Hollywood pimpin’ ammo. Dress tape, spray for stank I believe other goodies I haven’t had a chance to look at yet. These girls are dream dolls that’s for sure.
Burlesquercise begins right after I hit publish.
And once again I am wearing stupid socks.
XOXOX. I was talking to the dress! j/k kisses for you too Kristy, see you tonight maybes?
Paper heart lanterns and light up rings!!!!!
Shrimp Diane. Get it extra spicy like me! If snot is not running down my face like in the Yukon then it isn’t spicy enough.
Now that I know this self function I don’t need anyone anymore! Too bad it’s crap-o-quality. Excusez moi sil vous plait, but I must take a crapeux ou est le sal de bains? I JUST SPELLED THAT FROM MEMORY!
I could play a babysitter in a movie. DREAM GIG. Fakeysitting.
Movies bein’ filmed all over the place and we followed this van from down in the parking garage. I was on the phone about a gig I have next week playing video games. More and more my life is turning into Tom Hanks in BIG. DREAM LIFE.
I bought this drag caribana seahorse cape winged thing in pink. THAT I am keeping a secret until the show. I’ll put up the video of me twirling this one though, it’s like an interpretive (loser) version of Batman. Who will also be at my burlesque show fyi. Yes the Yong Dundas Square Batman. Last show had Tommy Hollywood. Who pulls out all the stunts for ya? This post is just a head’s up to the late night superfans that I’ll brb with more if you were planning on internerding up late a bit longer IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
Still fits. Very snug though ahah. Green tea all day tomorrow then. If I faint on stage I will remember to fall forward and you can crowd surf me in to the winner’s arms. Bring a lot of money! Love a Heart facebook Event. 8PM At the Hideout 484 Queen St W. Our dates are sponsored too so it’s kind of like a free date essentially (except I expect to go for more than the date is worth, I better or I will be staring at you with hatred all night long haha kidding kind of sort of not really).
I got all the dancers red light up rings because I treat burlesque like my senior kindergarden birthday party THE BEST ONE OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! Next time maybe loot bags. The stage is going to look phenom. I went cuckoo but whatevs man, good investment. My cape comes with 4 metal rod inserts to float and twirl around with and the guy said to look on youtube for tutorials. How does he know my secret dance secrets??? PPS. Jamba Juice will be there with smoothies. Red ones. OMFG.
DON’T GO TOO FAR NOW!
*If I get sleepy I get to change my mind and blog in the morning so it’s only a half bamboozle. I did a lot today.
Today I have a giveaway guys! Guys who are girls that I call guys because ya down like me. Normally I tell people where to go when they try to get me to have a giveaway on my blog for whatever product it is that I don’t care about, but not this stuff. Vasanti hooks your home girl up (I have a jar of their expensive eye cream too) so I am returning the favour on le blog so this isn’t exactly a blogvertorial it’s my life and I will jump through fire if I have to in order to stay in the beauty merch promised land.
Vasanti Cosmetics now play a vital role in this life and I refuse to (cannot! will not! must not!) go back to my old makeup now that I’ve flown on the other side of the beauty product curtain, a step down would be a sad panda move. Also, my concealer has a 5 star rating.
I was trying hard to be a beauty product (hand) model but also am wicked lazy and didn’t want to leave my perch so I placed the items carefully to cover up all my nail polish marks and stains on the table. Creative!
Inside the red box is my new best friend (actually my third tube of best friend) known as the Liquid Cover Up Oil-Free Foundation and Concealer and it is the best magical wand I own (yes because I am a wizard with other wands, obvi) and I paint it ALL OVER MY FACE like a warrior titan who turns into a camera-ready blog starlette instantly. I’m pretty light during winter so I am using V1 right meow. I may bump it up to V2 come summer time but the V1 Still gives me colour as compared to my pigmentless never-going-out-in-the-day skin tone, it’s like I just GTL in Seaside Heights.
So I am giving away one of these babies and the winner can choose their own skin tone (again, obvi) and we’ll throw in Vasanti’s newest product called BrightenUp! – Enzymatic Face Rejuvenator. Teacher and I tried it last night and I was mesmerized by how the Microderm crystals felt on my face, the texture is very fine sand, not scrapey or sharp but soft and delicate along with the foaming white doo-dad cream elixir I was in face heaven. It gave my skin a kick, woke me right up and I yelled to Teacher to come and wash his face with this stuff NOW.
Dermatologist-grade Microderm Crystals at 25%, work to stimulate and exfoliate your skin to help smooth and reduce the appearance of fine lines, scars and blemishes. Many dermatologists use these same crystals for their microdermabrasion treatments.
You leave it on for 2-3 minutes for the enhanced enzyme action. Which we did. It retails for $34 so this is quite the little Raymbo Bright gift yeah? My concealer goes for $23. I will be your boyfriend this Valentine’s Day and hook you up kay?
I just saw there’s a V0 concealer available even. Woah. Here are the specs on the concealer/foundation (sometimes I don’t even put anything else on my face afterward).
Incredible coverage, featherlight finish and radiant glow in a one-of-a-kind liquid foundation. Providing coverage only where you need it for the most natural looking finish, this advanced formulation blends into skin without a trace. Evens out skintone while disguising undereye circles and camouflaging blemishes, a concealer and foundation in one! Hydrates and brightens for flawless looking skin. Works on all skin types and tones.
Can be applied all over the face or just where you want coverage (blends seamlessly into the skin)!!
Ok so do you want it?
To Win: Leave a comment with your best faux product slogan, “______ it feels good when you feel bad.” for example (a lame example). And it doesn’t have to be beauty product-oriented though if you can manage to win with a limited topic then kudos to you. You can check @VasantiCosmetic out on twitter too. Good luck Little Raymis! I’ll be watching.
ps. I know dudes also secretly wear makeup (for blemishes, scars, old age) so you don’t hesitate to enter. It will be our private and totally public secret.
This picture has nothing to do with anything other than look at ma pretty face, I’m pretty close to 29 and lookin’ fine maybe even sublime. I give partial credit to Vasanti and also to all the genes that fought the good fight to make it my way. Also, my jeans are pretty cool too.
Hold on folks cos it’s another fantastic dining with Raymeh Adventure. You will laugh, you will cry, you might even make a fist and shake it at the ceiling and go why? Why come Hello Kitty? This post is rated NC-17 except not really but in places where I tank just conjure up hugely offensive shit and leave me a garbage comment anyway, it’s what you’re good at. Kay thanks and remember, have fun!
Ahh I am hallucinating a charlie brown pig pen dust cloud above your head representing what is going on inside of it.
Duuuuuuuuuuhoye like my shirt? Called it!
We were very much despised sitting here and it didn’t take much. Sandy said sit wherever, there was no reserved sign on this table amongst the sea of reserved signs, all for one giant party of 22 (I counted) uptight white hipsters all wearing glasses. We would have had one less drink at the booth but their animosity needed punishment. Honestly it was super offensive watching them tattle on us, it took three people all standing there shooting dirty looks our way to decide it wasn’t worth asking us to move, just by-pass and rag on a server instead.
I know I am always the bad guy in the story of your life about me but I’m not. I have great life etiquette, I would hug a cactus even, and if I catch shittiness afoot I do something about that so I really don’t appreciate snide daggers when I am enjoying dinner out on a Saturday night after a long week of partying and sitting on my ass.
I get beef a lot, I get lustful stares often and jealousy cut eye. No it’s not that I am conceited, I know what slit eyes mean thank you and it’s not because I look ugly (old and used up looking or my outfit is cray), if one warrants a double-take whiplash and super (you think is) stealth all over squinty stare, it means you are doing it right. And if you get a version of this stare over and over and over and over and over again from various people in a room, it means you are sitting in the chosen spot and I can’t finish this joke. The point is, Teacher was getting steamed about it too and he has even less restaurant manners than I do AND is an educator with a real job not one of those fake internet jobs like the rest of us so he is a pretty good soundboard for invented paranoias I have regarding stares that come my way.
We had to keep eating because Sandy kept feeding us (delicious tequila shots) and I always had a vodka soda in my hand I think I lost five years off my life Saturday night. I think teacher and I were in a secret competition. I knew once we moved over to the bar it would be game on. Too bad karaoke has been moved to midnight (dumb move) there is no way this fish can drink or last that long.
This drink is majorly tart and sour. I asked if it was a sour drink after skimming (but not reading) the components, waitress said no. WRONG. Most Sourest EVER. Sour is a good appetite suppressant, no thanks I’m full on these sweet tarts I just drank. Acidic. I am not really a sweets fan. It’s made people want to secretly choke me when I decline dessert after (giant ones no less!) meals like honestly, more eating? If I ever show fat do you know how fast my detractors will laugh at me? When you become a blogger you hand in your being normal keys so bloggers-to-be beware. Your trash may even make the news. That’s it I am flushing everything from now on.
I thought that guy was security, I felt he ate like security, like a king like this is my domain and later I will be shoving drunk fucks out the door. I was probably wrong. I have been wrong a lot lately only thanks to the internet hatred I get everyone looks like my foe now, what’s the R+J quote, _____ can no longer tell friend from foe? For example, last night the second I arrived at 416 snack bar, very unnerved by all the attacks I received yesterday on top of some fam dramz. It definitely pours when it rains I’ll say but yeah a couple guys at the bar seemed to instantly recognize me and kept talking about me looking at me while I chatted to Liam and I was like they are SO definitely making fun of me right now. Then later on when we’re outside smoking he tries to join us and I had already pointed out to Angelo that those guys “were hating on me” it has escalated in my head now haha like they are already in the midst of tweeting mean shit @ me too but no, I was wrong. Dead wrong. Dude was straight up sweating your hero and Angelo mean girl ignored him and so everyone did and I felt bad and flattered simultaneously about it like a big secret giant jerk. I’m just too shy so I invent things. All bloggers are shy fucking losers so you have to be extra nice to us and approach us no matter how shy you think you are, you probably have a real job and therefore better social skills so don’t you dare tell me you’re more shy than I am.
I like this spot, too bad we couldn’t eat here.
This green polish is too dark, it makes me look too hard, I am too pale for the contrast so I’ll wait til summer to wear it again so the bottle needs a COMING SOON label on it. Glossy Box hooked me up with some new lacquer though, I really love it. I wonder if they sent my mom one too, mom call Nana and ask or she’s kept it for herself. Ooh they did, how precious of them. I’ll post about it later. I like getting in touch with my girly side because it makes me feel safe from mean people, like ew, I am floating in a cloud of whimsy and you are covered in vile excrement. Maybe I’ll use excrement in place of the S-word from now on. That’s something Jim Carrey would do.
This is torture!
I want you inside of me! That’s the same thing I screamed out when holding this item.
Way way way triple dog way, bland. More peppers, more goat cheese, not goat cheese whispers but goat cheese blobs. And the dip base, I dunno, it’s like, it gets worse the closer we get to the center so, that’s wrong. But I love taro chips, do not change those nor coating them with broiled orange cheese. Hands up if you say orange when someone asks you what kind of cheese was in your omelet? Orange means Kraft means cheddar. Cheddar is like the coca cola of cheese wow who’s all over the place today!
Attempting to hide nail chips by pressing them in to the glass.
I received the meanest comment while we were out too. You poisonous fuck bags will just not ever leave me alone. Honestly what do people want from me other than to be stoned (ahhaahahah that’s what I want too allow me to oblige you) and beaten or kill myself. Step out of the dark dudes, it’s kind of enough already don’t you think? I felt your cosmic pain, you were able to shroud me in evil yesterday and I got wicked skunked to deal with it all truth be told so thanks for the hangover but, I’d appreciate if we could move on from it and all apparent egregious horrible things I have done to offend you. I am so so very sorry I’m not perfect and don’t measure up to your amazingly high standards I can only hope to be better now moving forward so please accept this virtual pat on the back from me as an olive branch because Olive you. I love yew. Just kidding, die in a fire and go fuck yourself your abuse is sickening me and I’ve done nothing to deserve it. I am awesome therefore I am. I am awesome and your mean insults won’t make me un-awesome, maybe temporarily cray but I will still write hilarious things and have a hallmark infamous blog.
How does it feel knowing that your anonymous childish bashings are (purposely) affecting the mental well-being of a stranger who is only attempting to bust their own ass to be something in this shitty world, to better their own life? You are only making my Nicky Minaj complex grow. I picture myself in a state fair with my science project and the popular kids for some reason feel threatened and bully me to distract me from my own game and aspirations. Well I am not going to fall for it anymore. If I have to turn off comments entirely and lose my email address, I mean it. I seriously considered after my burlesque show to stop blogging for a week, but then I remembered my new blog design and thought well that is dumb. Then my rank too, that will plummet, but what is the solution here other than to give up and let worms think that a handful of them can outweigh the thousands of legit blog fans and friends. I just want a solution here and punishment to show that I mean business. You cannot treat people this way I don’t care how stupid you are. I do not do this to people and I ALLEGEDLY am the bad one here? Fuck you. Don’t you even feel the least bit ashamed? Well if you don’t it doesn’t matter because I am still better than you anyway so I automatically win not only by default, exception and rule. You are expecting me to believe that groups of people gather in homes and load up my blog and make fun of it together and that makes up the majority of my readership? Do you also know how flattering and revealing that is if it’s the truth too?
You know the second you dog me to a dude he only wants to (theoretically speaking) do me more and even if he’s siding with you out loud he isn’t in his head or in his pants. I don’t mean exclusively me either I mean in general any time a girl dogs another girl she paints that girl as sexier because she’s made her more special by singling her out and then attempting to discredit. It just blows up in your face, the dude will read my blog when you go to bed and then when you break up he’ll email me about how he was never allowed to read my blog. And then you end up stalking and trolling me. This blog has made everyone fight at some point in time. I can’t think of one other blog aside from my mother’s that has made such an effect on people or captured interest and while I know I am most definitely biased here but, I have just been privy to a lot over the course of a century of blogging and it’s really interesting when silent partners pop up and chime in their two cents over this girl called Raymi now hocking their merchandise. Ahh, the ever reluctant client. Ain’t that tha troof!
Not only am I not everybody’s cup of tea but I’m also NOT A FUCKIN’ CUP OF TEA either. Who or what I am has been going on for a long time and my traffic has been proving all my points for a long time, no matter how shocking or edgy or infuriating, numbers do not lie.
Ok I am bored now and attention span waning. I put my specs on to let those geeks know two could play at this game. I dismissed their giant baby actions being due to karaoke night but no, they all needed to sit on top of each other without any disconnecting tables for fear one gets sucked away in to a black hole of “we never even got to catch up and now we’re all going now boohoo” I do not understand people who need to sit to hang out. I love standing, you get to dominate and peacock feather display. Wallflowers sit and they certainly stare, I had to stop Teach from mouthing tough guy threats at them.
Slam dunk Sandy. Too bad this is the french copy or I would have orated it to the room. I can read french prettily actually so I should have done that. This is in the food and drink mag available at the lcbo. Sandy is a big deal! Now get on twitter.
She is a drink genius. We have a notorious black out drinking night I can’t believe I survived. I told her it was our one year anniversary soon (Will Munro’s bday I believe RIP) and she laughed. I had to bail on dodgeball the next day. I was in the middle of being suicidally heartbroken and hungover. I cried the entire day lying down in bed like a giant loser baby. Oh it was a good one. Then I slept on my face and hated being an adult. I’ll tell you the story about it sometime that you will no doubt grin like the Cheshire cat at my stupidity by.
Ha she said don’t show the name but look at how this girl spelled Neat. That’s so nete!
More eating to keep even with Sandy’s enabling. The sesame seed flatbread is tasty and I hate carbs, so plain typically and fattening.
You are what you eat and you match what you eat? I dung my knife on my glass to announce my nail polish matching spinach speech. Kidding. We wolfed this down instantly. Sandy had one too because it was her birthday. Just kidding it wasn’t.
Then someone said I looked 38 and used up and it was the last exhausticating straw for us we passed out in the living room at home and missed adventurehouse 1 year anniversary party at salvador darling. I could not party any more anyhow (because I am old and used up!) I sped walked home ahead of teacher to lose my mind on whoever ruined the rest of our night. I hate you all sincerely for doing this to my life. You did this to me. Do you want to see me in a body bag? STOP IT. If my face gets any skinnier it will be a giant triangle. Go hate on rapists instead.
He made me eat both scotch egg bennies mmmm delish and so rich and I am sure hella fattening too. What are they served in, haggis? I can’t (can) believe I went to snack bar twice in under a week. Or last Monday too, was it Monday? It could have been Wednesday. No wait, it was. Yes I am an idiot but that’s not important right now. What’s important is I really need to eat these again or order delivery I am starving. NO! I can’t. I have to keep trim til Saturday as well as my emu feather dress on Thursday so I have to stop blobbing food pictures now before I turn into a blob sorry that’s boring but I felt I covered a lot of territory today here so deal with it!
Oh dear.
This doesn’t count as food even though they’re apparently alive when eaten.
Shared another one of these last night. And the mini big macs they make too. You have to ask for those or know to though, teach is going to die of jealousy when I tell him about it maybe I will secretly record his reaction. He has new kids now and wanted to be a good boy and stay in (and probably talk to his secret girlfriend on the internet)(“are you staying in because you aren’t in love with me anymore?” baahaha what’s not to love I’m a theme park everyone loves them parks) and get rested lord knows I didn’t get home til super late. Ang is in town with his new gf and we LIT IT UP. Thanks for everything, bye! Don’t hate me because I’m stupid, hate me because you are. ps. this blog is for freaks and weirdos and degenerates, boys with immature senses of humour and girls that love it so stop expecting, more? Less?
Oh look it’s me wasters on Bourbon street Nawlins doing Raymaoke like a prayer. Madonna is a break dancing old gal now, and how! Cheers Madge.
Watch how my earring whimsically flutters after I whip my head up from crankin’ it!
Posting standup material later I got interrupted by dancing. Both posting and doing and watching.
Shawarma plates on the way holla! I love this day. We have been up since half passed nine. Going to call Nacnud now. Bring bring (phone sound).
Food’s here! Blob times! Next that chicken I’m eating a hen! This garlic cream dream cloud in my mouth is making anything seem possible!
Ruv Roo :).
+++
Gotta give props!
Miss Minx!
Thanking the gods that creeps exists, or I would never’a found your blob! You are my new capital-HIL-arious friend in my head! Don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely too fat to chum with you girl, but I don’t hate! I know my ass needs spanx! Keep up the hilarity and edgy perspectiveizing!
Much Love,
Lou Lou
aw you are so heart warming. very nice to hear from you. comment on le blob any time budday!
fuck fat, own your shit, youll get over it and itll disappear someday. i yo yo like janet jackson beyonce like cray myself ive been there.
