your answers have been prayered

can you talk about your BLOG VOICE as an alt to associate press boring normative journalism voice that we read daily in those subway papers, now, eye etc.

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absolutely. i am queen of the one liner soundbyte and my insights, when i bother making them, are succinct and jarring. i eminem that shit. my tone is such that i kind of bully my opinion as fact and my illogic takes you on a magical carpet ride into didn’t see that coming territory. it’s escapist, absurdist and addictive. i feel wholely that my brain is cracked, it’s not right, well, it is it’s just missing a filtration skin that everybody else has and people like me can only exist by fluke creation, she says dumb shit but she’s smart, and ballsy. so what we have here is an idiot who does the thing, that nobody else is doing, then she writes about it. two actions are necessary for this BLOG VOICE.

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the trick is though, when people think i am doing blog voice, i’m not. i’m actually doing book voice. i have spoken to myself in literary narration since i stopped watching lamb chops play-along (i watched it longer than one is ought to). i’m carrying toronto snotty urbanite affectation into the blog arena and unfortunately it comes across a little poisonously.

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raymi has years of dust settled into the crevices of the chips on her shoulders.

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i made notoriety out of having relationships, various difficult entanglements with men, exploiting my life, feeling a compulsion and demand to do so. i can’t change who or what i am or what i want. i’m no more shallow than any of you, i just go for it and see how much i can get. do i not deserve it? sure. do you? totally. am i stopping you?

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i am a mirror, i could be things you are not but want. teacher says i am beautiful and people make me out to be a monster in order to handle the reflection of their own monstrosity that they project on to me, so their shittiness broadcast then becomes my shittiness. i can’t tell you how many times battles come my way, they occur, not of my doing, it’s like i am a fight magnet.

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i carry this all with me when i am writing. i write angry and i write hurt. it’s a bizarre thing i made of my life. i am surrounded by idiots constantly hahah just kidding. i’m looking down on the bk parking lot and i see morons trying to park all day long and when they slam into the curbs it’s hysterically awesome.

ok i will actually try and answer the question now.

the day i have to start ripping off other people to get attention will be the day i stop writing. my writing is its own art form, it’s gabliddy gook and i took (used) my brain then painted a destroyed bombshell portrait to look at while reading this je ne sais wtf? it’s only natural for the story to continue. we all need villains and something to aspire to. i am addicted to being driven and people are holding on tight along with me.

duhs heard round the world

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after these were taken we went out and had pasta. a lot. well, for me it was, as i never have pasta. teacher says it paw-stuh. ugh annoying. i think steph says it like that too and rye makes fun of her for it. rightly so sir! i told her i am in a marriage race with her haha lol. she is already engaged so, you know, i better step it up.

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uhhhh?

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why do i land guys with a billion fucking animals always? suh-igh. there’s like a fucking castle of animals over there behind me. it’s fine. they all worship me anyway.

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hi i have no neck but i’m incredibly cute so please let me in.

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eating pasta isn’t worth it, i was in a full on carb coma while watching survivor. during though, it’s always worth it. dilemma. watching a j date go down was fucking best. dessert wasn’t necessary. we went to metro for whoppers (chocolate malt balls, bulk, bin# 10105, expensive!) and these no-bake peanut butter oat cookie things. we almost bought a nanaimo bar medley but realized we were turning into a cathy comic nightmare so we gave it a rest.

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i am too afraid to move that pile of blankets crap over there cos of all the animal hair contained. maybe i am developing chest cough cos of all of it? my mom said she had this cough her last go around of illness and was prescribed a puffer, of which she never filled cos the cough went away. i told this to the teacher and he’s like, bubbye cats! NO! sighh speed faint down the stairs in eternal dramatic emotional empathetic sadness. the grey one is my friend. i’m like, who did THAT!? upon discovering puke on something, teacher goes, it was your friend. she cozies up to me ‘n shit. i like it. the other one, lady garbage, jury’s out on her. i mean, i like her skeletal frame come sacrifice when i pick her up but she looks like mangy cats i drunk cuddled in mexico riddled with fleas and eye snot. gross. ok this is not turning into animal blog again. not until i live on a farm at least.

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hangover blogging looks like this. this was the art nude vision i had in mind when i first finally began topless photos on my blog, i was 19 (after having been blogging for two years). nerve.com (an AMAZING network) was how it all went down, early adopters of cool type shit, taschen (back when publishing meant anything), digital diaries, also back in disinfo days (i know people who started these dinosaurs). this is the shit that really paved the way on le web. outsider counter-culture documentation. making underground mainstream, total uphill battle. yeah guys i am hella oldschool you do not even know. people who pre-date twitter who are and always will be cooler than you still exist, do exist. they clash with social media storming their scene to date, i see it all the time and field it quite a bit. it’s frustrating for me personally because i am one and the same, yet i gotta dip my toes in both worlds but i certainly pledge my allegiance to one side more than the other.

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it’s sad how far we’ve apparently come (yet haven’t) and are still so conservative (in toronto, canada). i get so many snarky remarks, from my own fucking friends, frenemies rather, about my nudity or using my sexuality as a marketable tool. it’s tame if you ask me, but because i for some reason seem to be still the only one still doing it (yawnbusters) i still have the tarnish. so silly. they tell you to play nice and appease corporate and i have done nothing but go against the grain for, years. over a decade and we’re all on the same page right now. so you decide who to go with. the cult icon or the sprinkling of start-ups, green around the ears guys, yeah you may have come from another line or gig or fuck whatever, but, you are not a trailblazer here, not an originator. sorry. firstsies! lulz.

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snarksico city!

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oh god it’s a picnic that never ends.

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look at that hair. good for it. say so long to that junky table it’s getting pitched. so sayeth the princess. help me decide on a new one on ikea’s site if you’re bored. not that i will listen. lisa says oval. i don’t want it too big to get in the way of dancing.

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someone was pulling for a bumblebee outfit, the store owner was suggesting ladybug, but i liked raggedy anne best. it’s more disney-snow white like, princess innocent plus i saw a girl in a bee costume on halloween in burnoutington with black hair so it’s (bee) sullied now. this comes with a bonnet and red/white striped thigh highs. fuh-un. it’s a small and i’m wearing pants beneath it. go cleanse go.

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waiting for teacher’s eye exam. fell in love with many pairs of expensive glasses.

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haven’t washed hair since friday and i worked out this morning. shit holds up guy. dirtbag princess extraordinaire.

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fave pair.

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well, fave pair off the bat.

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fully.

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public butter is gonna make a lot of money off teacher if he insists on slum drunking it at the caddy all the time (they be naybes). his wallet’s funeral. eye’s delight though.

goodnight.

mmm i want cheese.

more adorable vlogs

so far, seven girls are fighting over this shirt right meow.

how bleak was your life before me from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

now you know what my writing voice sounds like. trying to help you navigate the phrase craze maze. i am nice like that. i don’t always sound like a dinkhead like this. just most of the time. i say words funny and with weird accents, dialects, sometimes i go newf. most times i go awesome.

girls knees is chapped

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now we get to tumble back through it again fancy photo styles. brain think THINK how do we reinvent the wheel again, can it be done? it shall be done. nothing like a fancy lady day in photos on blogs while it’s raining out your office windows, wah.

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a very important quiz right off the bat, i didn’t know there’d be a test! don’t worry i am a genius and prepare for stuff never. i got this. it was fun questions like, what’s your favourite pair, pbj or bangers n mash, fave twins? obvs i chose olsen twins and they WON the majority and i cheered my balls off.

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time to get slizzard. their signature cocktail was acai berry juice and sprite-based (it’s fragrant like a bathroom candle tasting drink i made by accident once that everyone won’t stop making fun of me for). my second i asked for soda water in lieu of sprite, just like momraymi make’s at home! i can photograph recipes with my mind i quite literally am a savant in copious various ways not to horn toot but, i dunno, meet foodie bloggers all the time, one practically clothes-lined hawaii then Nus trying to get her way to my colleague (cb-ties) and i know they take one look at me like i know nothing about food and have no right in it which is infuriating as i am (persecution complex city) blasted by cuisine nerds time and again for my audacious enterprising resto features (the root complaint is that i am biased, we’ve gone over this before) the point is, i can replicate anything i see, taste, drink, with little effort. i AM a foodiexpert, but only because of my memory, not my palette. it’s because i know how to break it down mathematically and i know ok, that’s not true, my palette gets a little more credit here cos i can eat hot garbage and like it a la anthony bourdain in a shanty third world hovel. anywho…

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cough cough.

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my mom dressed like a politician.

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i gave two pots of these to lisa, i noticed the one for dry skin had hardened and solidified (absence of hot lights?) but no it’s just that the texture of the lotion for dry skin is such that yeah, she got dry skin requires thicker product and your skin just soaks it up into nothing. the yang on the right is for dry skin. the yin is for normal. i guess in this circumstance one would want to be normal. oh snap.

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i love spring flowers. i am getting girlier and girlier. squirrelier and squirrelier.

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quiz results and prize draw. i didn’t win.

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lotion model.

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OH MY GOD THIS STUFF IS GREAT! LIFE CHANGING!

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duo, cos yo elbows is naaaaasty.

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sweep ya chimney there sir?

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there were some people here i dunno, apparently big deal or something? ice dancing?

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they finish each other’s sentences he said. that’s cute. i always wondered if ice partners got down, i think the beginning of their speech was all about clearing that up, the rumours, i couldn’t hear it all though.

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my mom said her thighs were all muscle. we do not notice eh-neh-thing. we will destroy this city raaaaah! ahaa.

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i think i was cupcake tweeting.

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shawn got in there first. i was in my “too cool” and “nervous” phase.

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i spy Nus too. who is looking fit and hot like a sexy 80’s children’s book author, bit of robert munsch there maybe a sprinkling of fred penner too? am i wrong? i don’t know why i am into that weird big beard what is happening to me right now?

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i didn’t want this but i shot half of it anyway. gazpacho. i go ooooh yellow tomato and the server was all what?

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hmm how many of these can i steal?

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what the hell are we listening to here? we don’t listen.

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what message are you sending to me colleague? i guess he knows i am into spheres. i shot cups like these at the palais.

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mischievous.

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oh my god vision of the future.

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bitchy spice.

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good looking people sell things. those are the rules.

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ok i am not drinking this week period look at them. flawless. bravo.

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karin reunion. pumped monika is moving back to le smoke.

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i made her melt here in informing her that she looked great, like a total stewardess. hot. it’s ok, i am dressed like a mime.

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mom call our first house’s number!

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and that’s a wrap.

want YOUR event covered by raymbo and colleague? email: alex@raymitheminx.com

kthxbi.

raymi’s election results

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i have tons of pollhost poll results decided to read some out for some vlogs (dumbest word ever).

raymi referendum from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

lets (sort of) dance this one out now.

jolene from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

i LOVE this song. everyone is bringing it (keith urban, norah jones and john mayer) yip yip.

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time for exermacise! see you soon!

how can i be so down for mondays? i mean not down blah case of the mondays down(er) just, “ok” that it’s monday? i must be happy with life or something boring like that. yay.

minx is winning.

VOTE! my next tattoo should be

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one chance only so choose wisely. maybe sleep on it. no just kidding. vote now!

my next tattoo should read (going down my right side forearm)
raymi
raymitheminx
minx
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

in beautiful wispy cursive script. old worldy font.

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ps dream dress! sigh. jesus christ sigh. goddamn right.

this isn’t about what you think of me

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woah hold up moon beams (under-eyes) what is this greenpoint? (brooklyn joke)(you wouldn’t understand, you aren’t very cool, it’s ok though)(no it’s not)(()()()help i can’t stop doing brackets. lisa disappeared into public butter after our disaster hangover cadillac drunk lunch afternoon appointment. we sat in sopping wet clothes progressively becoming more and more retarded (it was really fun)(we think?) and lisa described everyone’s outfits in the room and gave them appropriate celeb-ties, i think we had a mae west? i forget.

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we lit the hello kitty candles. if i can’t live in the hello kitty mansion then i can build my fucking own. lisa was like, those are awesome. after i go i know, he’s so whipped right? she collapsed into the cadillac booth. the teacher thinks i am an eleven. pfffft haha.

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the rain made my newly processed hair (toned) crimpy. i was full on skid revival yesterday bab-ay. hey raymi nice givin’er with ya is what terry put in my fubar book. le sigh. then i recited a passage about benders to teacher as we were walking back to the tower from a booze run. the second walk in the rain yesterday. it would be an insult to degenerates if i said that was what we were yesterday. i am starting to have blog stress nightmares now so i think one piss-up on a saturday is allotted no? after a cleanse? i feel tons better today, we went to bed early ok where was i was about to say my part about benders.

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how long is a bender? how long is a piece of string? depends who’s fuckin ‘cuttin it. BAAHAHA. i interpret this to mean, if you’re a good pisstank or not. i know i am. too good. which is why i got to cut it the fuck out.

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shitty weather weekend. great weekend to get loungers though cos once it’s finally good and solid summer gold you will all be screwed. i am pumped to have a summer buddy this summer. a teacher, no work til september. i said he is going to have the best summer ever. summer bloggins. he’s going to be my bitch intern. ha kidding. well he sort of already is. he doesn’t know any of this yet.

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lisa’s like, what are you an easter bunny gangster? yes. i am. we died laughing at that, i know it’s so fucking wussy. i’m all yeah what’s up gobble gobble, trick or treat muh-fuckers! the easter bunny has zero sayings. ps i am in an easter bunny movie, that hank and mike one. i am fat and brunette in it.

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you’re not supposed to have people over and have them see burnt wicks so you have to go around lighting those candles, it’s rude if they see them, i guess it’s cos like, oh, you started without me or had other people here? in etiquette world you can’t cheat on your guests with other guests you have to make them feel special like at the spoke club when the dude shows up with his wife even though he was there the night prior with his mistress, you greet him like you didn’t see that to blow his cover to the wife.

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i’m submitting to playboy this weekend.

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i said the SECOND this rug gets dirty it is going in the garbage so it better stay clean. i mean it. scaraymi.

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stole a bag by mistake. whatever. these things are just annoying to use anyway i tied one of the loops into an impossbile knot it has all my cds contained like a big clusterfuck pile scatter in there i want to just pitch it in the garbage entirely.

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can you tell i am in a desperate housewives competition yet? is there a liberty village show like this yet? ding ding ding! lisa and i were strolling in the rain for the second time to get brews and i gestured to the houses all perfect and said what my colleague said from a friend’s father about the perfect trees planted in the perfect front yard plots, that god had so totally meant and intended for these trees to be planted right HERE and there. we agreed that i totally fit in or am taken for one who does, total phony person implant meanwhile if they only knew. fools. ha ha.

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i need a tea room before all these girlish things can be collected. i started creating a huge bouqet of their faux flowers but thought better. get the big pieces first. how many are wondering if i am moving in.

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i am letting it play out on its own and not doing it stupid this time around. eventually it will reach a point where sexy decisions will have to be made. WILL HE GET THE GIRL BEFORE SHE BREAKS OUT. bitch why i always got the mad dramz like dat?

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so mom right now.

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art piece idea to be stolen by ikea: motorhome a crew to ikea to get drunk then drunk shop and decorate motorhome’s interior. dueling teams for the better space. motorhome necessary so everyone can get blasted and not have to drive drunk, save for driver who does not get to be involved in decorating decisions because will be sober, but can be used for decorating. the team who is the most drunk with the best motorhome decor to make it back to toronto (from the etobicoke ikea) for some whatever ridiculous event wins. there i just wrote your entire campaign you can drag out for as long as you like.

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vacation in a bottle.

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uncurled it and it looked like a cassette tape. i wanted to walk out of there with one looong plastic band and then ultimately (hopefully) have the bottle clank off the table to the floor dragging behind me a la napoleon dynamite in the back of the bus but fucking LISA cut it off.

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duck quesadillas. teacher doesn’t like eating duck, the idea of duck (totally against foie gras) i say whatever. it’s linked to royalty and we all know i wanna bone a knight super bad so bring on le canard.

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sent this monstrosity back. grilled caesar. you can’t do high-end because when people go to the caddy they’re going there to slum it and i was not in the mood to saw through lettuce, plus they went too heavy on the anchovy. i was like they must read my blog cos i can detect every single component in this dressing, it’s my exact recipe. anyway, i would eat that meal anorexic style (copiously, like make it the only thing i ate, once, daily) but not saturday disaster style and then even then if i was in the mood for a high end salad like this, it would not be at the cadillac, it’d be at the royal york’s epic, or bar mercurio. in summation, verdict’s still out. there’s burnt cheese and two pieces of bacon but the bread is rock hard and confusing ok this is pedantic bitchy and boring lets move on.

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working on how intense he looks in photos, he’ll look good and i’ll go to shoot him and then he does blue steel or gets fidgety. it’s cute but all wrong. see how the chairs are all stacked. totally last shoppers.

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i am getting a lot of mileage out of that one blue thumbnail. i should go get that bottle and other shades there’s new nail polish colours out now finally.

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HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

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this is what happens when you starve yourself.

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ominous weather.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722681458/in/photostream/

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the threat of traffic on an empty stomach. risky.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722124667/in/photostream/

countdown to hello kitty bike and raymi.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722681068/in/photostream/

my hairstylist is cuter than your hairstylist.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722124339/in/photostream/

and he’s obsessed with feathering my hair and making it exactly like his. news reporter hair. 1980 hair.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722124039/in/photostream/

i came out and said not so ugly am i now eh! as before we were catching some air and i had a towel on my head and no eyebrows or make up and it was a little bit scary fugly.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722680556/in/photostream/

hair pr0n.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722123775/in/photostream/

i am never running to brennen ever again. bad idea. dumb idea. but, i learned i love running. crazy people run. who runs? lets run! brennen runs by the lake he said in the mornings so maybe we will run together. i ran with my purse in one hand and a vitamin water in the other listening to tunes. i ran by a homeless guy holding a cup out i visualized grabbing it marathon styles and raining coins down on my head. where is zach galifianakis when you need him? oh and yesterday alicia bbm’d me abut this tweet and said to write this shit down already and do stand up. OK ALREADY FINE! don’t worry i corrected myself afterward. what’s a sower?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722123443/in/photostream/

have no idea what he puts in it (kind of do?) but it’s soft as feathers every time all over again. he wants to give me a trim. not ready for that yet. next time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722679970/in/photostream/

astounded by the jump in length it seems has appeared overnight. happy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722679718/in/photostream/

not too cool for my school.

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sorry i am your most disgusting client. brennen loves trashy girls so, i’m pretty much fine. i was sweating and beet red when i got there (i ran from dufferin) and my hair was hilarious (pebbles cute with roots) and he goes you are SO trashy. haha what? he means it as a compliment. i think. i hope.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722122567/in/photostream/

lisa cooled me off. another lisa. all lisas all the time. i call james and lisa “the lisas”.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722679070/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722122307/in/photostream/

cuties. james sounded like alec baldwin, lost his voice. he was just in the uk for awhile, the foursome reunites.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5722069397/in/photostream/

colleague and i are fighting over this right now. i want the logo hot pink.

DO IT!

ok time to make eggs byeeeeeee!

survivor finale tonight. pumped.