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two seconds in my dad basically was like ok gotta buy stuff in secret so we split up and went our separate ways. as if! you don’t want me bossing you around anymore rattling on like a neurotic bitch? coulda fooled me.

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giddy-uppa. had to have it. completely stressed to the max it only sunk in on the way to the mall that xmas is next weekend. no biggie right it’s only like the equivalent of every single person you know’s birthday all on the same fucking day, some before that cos you don’t see them all at once. iiiintense. to cope with this stress bomb (i am severely high strung) i blow a good two to three hundred dollars on myself on outfits i plan to wear around the holiday time whilst stress drinking through all the money i’ll be spending at various holiday parties. i’ll get everyone’s presents on a last minute gift card buying frenzy.

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if you wear a dress like this you can keep it together more, mentally, i feel. especially at the apex of the party you’re hosting when you sit in something red and saucy or more realistically, a drunkard will slosh you in red wine and you’ll be very understanding about it but no, fuck that, this year, you spill on me and princess street is sending a maw’fuck’n dry cleaning bill courtesy of paying me right there on the fucking spot.

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bought one for my ma and i. this will end in three various ways. we should vote. 1. i keep them both for myself. 2. i give one to her and to someone else (the wiser choice) 3. i keep one for me and give one to my mom. i couldn’t help it. the display seduced me so much. i took many pictures. i wondered why no one stopped me i could be a competing store’s sleuth. meh.

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i just love it. i have so many new tights to wear all winter long it’s skirts dresses tights. i’m making up for lost slob times. next goal is to tackle heels.

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this guy too. i also bought a delicate cardi printed in army camouflage quite the juxtaposition. like skulls on high end sweaters and total square rich girls. funny.

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put on too much red wiped off but more or less bought the same shade cheaper. and gloss.

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alarm red. rimmel. sale.

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peachy pink. have adorable ensemble mapped out. raymi’s guide to heartbreaker.

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oh yes. burlington, take a bow. it’s an homage to his dead son. motorcycle accident. there’s a harley light too with the son’s name. nothing like the grief of a parent.

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the packaging. i am on a huge perfume kick. i go through bottles quickly. one of raymi’s snake charming tricks.

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my lunch. no butter or mayo. i’m being strict. i have to be fit for NYE in montreal. i’m going to be a fuckin’ lightning bolt come then. i am stressed out of my mind right now after this post i am going to assault the exercise bike in the basement until my zune dies. like, an hour at least.

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um that duck has seen better days.

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yikes, yesterday. i was pretty sick yesterday. i think it turned into an infection, briefly. but now it thankfully seems to be lifting i didn’t expect it to come and overtake me yet again i have this thing where i think i am invincible.

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aw little buddy is feeling the tree.

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oh yes. top plaid pants you lumberjacks.

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grandpa’s mug.

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then i played hacky sack.

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and stood around with my hands in my pockets some.

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my dad made that in preschool he tells me every year. excuse me while i call the burlington news and inform them of a feat of such magnitude.

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i bought that. it’s on a tiny silver hanger. adorable.

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talkin to my bro on my inq phone.

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this outfit isn’t as seinfeldy. lookin good pops.

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friday night.

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delicious.

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being fascinated by someone i’ve studied for twenty seven years, that being my dad, i wonder what went through his head when he settled on finlandia vodka for me. how bold! he’s a coors light guy, total routine, and has a daughter like me where the more out there, the better. i wonder who he thinks he is impressing here, himself or me. i could actually just turn to him and ask right now but i think it’s funnier if he just reads it here then emails me about it.

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yeah. i gave him like three seconds notice i was coming by. i think he went grocery shopping at a gas station. or pharmacy. we stopped at shoppers when he grabbed me from the station. they don’t sell salads there.

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so i had this weird steamery bowl type thing. ahh gimmicks.

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did show this picture yet? i forget.

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this perfect family stressed me out. also my niece looks exactly like that. she is perfect.

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magic. redd is the best. if you go this week and say raymi sent you you’ll get a huge hook up.

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my hair is very delicate and well, precious? yes. totally. if i let you paw at it it’s something special. hehheh. i bought a new headband today for 2 dollars from h&m. i’m telling you i went crazy in that mall i have spending money adrenaline. i’m fine it’s fine everything’s fine haha. everything i buy for myself is an investment anyway and a tool. there.

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oh tony i want to squeeze you until you burst. such a cute man and mouthy, good mouthy, very smart.

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i began our meeting with a little speech haha yes i make speeches now that’s what i do. i tried to do one at my melucas stewart INQNYE meeting i think it’s comedic to be a pisstank faux self congratulatory scholar dickhead thanking the moon and the stars and the dark leather hardcover books in your posh home den library and thank people for stuff which essentially forces them into a thanking you right back corner. that or i am totally losing my mind right now and that is a picture of my vodka fresh oj and it was delicious. hair of the dog section on the menu fyi at boom. very smart guy, that tony.

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my colleague and i sometimes secretly share a cookie prior to my motion room workouts and then when we do food-related business, he orders shit like this. that sausage has been positively violated.

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at least it’s salmon not peameal. i didn’t eat many of the potato wedges. maybe they’ll make a raymi menu.

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made myself my own double americano poured into my empty starbucks americano cup i showed up there with and that lady’s head did a 360 degree rotation when i marched behind the bar there without prior consent or warning. tony said i’m just like all the self entitled uh i have to start censoring myself heheh it’s not bad just, unfortunately i have a big mouth.

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everything’s cool ma’am, i’m a professional.

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check that eye contact. a showdown.

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i warmed her heart.

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and poured cognac into my americano to irish that shit up. i poured too much. by the time we left i was buzzed and said to everyone sitting down, guys, i am drunk. ahahahahha. it was friday. i work very hard. zzzzz.

ok exercise bike time to pedal out those demons i bought a red hoodie too i love it, fave colour and i look like the ET kid on the cover and am about to recreate that shit down in the basement why it never occurred to me to drag that bike out before here makes me feel pretty stupid about now but anyway let me tell you what else i bought today. um, a dvd of In Bruges. dad’s never seen it we’re going to watch it after i bike.

you can hear clem screaming all over this. his fave song to blast at last call at central every friday is old man look at my life. i bet he plays that on rotate and bawls in his condo.

it’s a total guydentity-crisis anthem.

it gets good halfway thru. a nice little zoom up. thanks alison. dad keeps calling me raymi winehouse.

this is my favourite song to sing with my dad. dr. robert facebook page like it.

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dear raymi

so something happened to me last night that made me feel like writing you. following your blog, i like that despite your breakup, you kept going. you went out, got out there, made each day a story, you didnt let something so huge bring you down. you refused to wallow in your heartbreak. (i was not heartbroken) you made it a point to make your narrative something worth living for. or that’s how i see it and i have great admiration for you because of this.

d***

Ill reply longer later when I can. Dating sucks. I hate men now. Ugh. Hang in there fight the good fight. Xoxo can I blog this? Ill keep u anon

For sure, thx for reading it.

just be lucky it’s over now. don’t delude yourself in the future. always have the upper hand in a relationship and always be the one who is loved more, slightly, if you can manage it as callous as that sounds i’ve been hearing this a lot lately and while i don’t entirely agree with it there is always a slight unbalance in a relationship. one is better looking, smarter, younger, more established, better pedigree, social status, wittier, charming, you know? it doesn’t mean one is better than the other but to ignore the thing of leagues in our dating world would just be ignorance. if you’re an 8 and he’s an 8.5 or a 7.9 you must do things to offset the gap like, making him feel insecure some of the time. guys do it to girls non-fucking-stop, never-ending mind fucks and stonewalling to make us desperate and wild for them. i’m too old to tolerate that anymore or act like i don’t know what’s going on. i’m glad for every experience i’ve had with men, long term, long distance, long winded, long enough. my perception of the world is now vastly different. i was a progressive youth, in fact, i pretty much missed out on adolescence altogether for all my cavorting with yuppies back then which is why i am regression city these days. i never dated before really, well maybe i sort of did if you can consider many sloppy serial monogamous relationships one after the other whilst cheating on every single one dating then yes, i have dated before. there is no instruction manual for dating and relationships especially when you’re too self aware of what’s going on in your life and way less rose-tinted glasses now as a late 20’s/early-mid thirties chick. we have no more room to fuck around really if we are anything short of a control freak workaholic perfectionist yupster and so, the fun days of dating broke artists are over and should be avoided but every so often we are known to go there. i say i can’t be one of these stressed out bitches working so hard to make it or break it and i do a good job jumping through all the urban hoops and bla blah and i go home at night and in my big empty bed staring up at my glow in the dark star covered ceiling with my mind racing about all the crap i have to do by friday during the week because that is what my life is turning into and if i don’t get a boyfriend soon to absorb all of my worries i am going to just get squirlier and bitchier. sorry i made your letter about me i don’t ever really know what comfort one is seeking from me, i find that simply just talking can be good enough. we’re all gems and no we will not die alone.

my friend said i’m actually a hardcore feminist what with all my philosophies and how i do but it’s a double standard against me as a woman, and well, duh. but i do it anyway and so should all other ladies. fight the power take it back et cetera lets go to lilith fair yaaaaaa!

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Hello. Bonsoir Raymi.

Strangely enough, I just got back from a band practice (I live in London, UK) and was watching a film called ‘The Escapist’ (pretty decent flick) and in that film there’s a bit with an abandoned London underground station – which to me looked kinda cool – so I typed ‘abandoned train stations’ into Google and your blog came up. I never read blogs, but I read a bit of yours and it was pretty cool/intriguing, if not a little fucked up in places. I thought I would email and say…..good job…jolly good job, old chap.

Flattered thanks hi!

Yeah, the blog entry that came up when typing ‘abandoned train stations’ was one from 2004, so I kinda thought it would’ve been a ‘deceased’ blogging website. But then I noticed the archives on the right going way up to 2010……and there you were, still chugging away. 10 years of it. Tenacity.

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last night your fearless leader broke out of the house and she hired a man nurse to indulge the crap out of her.

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huge circus steve madden purse stuffed with personal training gear for the following morning she rode to the magical land known as THE JUNCTION to her friend david’s jean reno’s for dinner and movies. somewhat gunned on cold medication, adorably delirious and needy. with perfectly clean garth hair.

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we met at my shitty date bar. not on a shitty date. i was with my friend nursing a new come life in shambles lost two weeks in the city total bender. after this evening i had a bar fight at not my dog. jean reno had similar fate befall him simultaneous to our tuffle at my previous location, said shitty date bar.

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knowing someone like him is like knowing a guy version of myself, the hated pretentious eye rolling jab your finger down your throat detest me style. fucking beautiful.

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we had eyes for that lumberfag guy at the end of the table. kinda hot, probably poor, he came nearer and immediately no thank you, good enough but, no. jean reno in my ear to my left talking and talking and we’re hosed me and her and the kitchen is closed the entire reason i’m there is for her to dine on my favourite tapas dark cocktail freakshow lounge with my waitress and every female staff girl in on my ridiculous shitty date life but this group of dudes… life happens differently to you always dependent upon your company. if you are on a shitty date, no other interaction with the world is allowed to occur but on a friday at your beloved shitty date bar when you are only on a shitty date with your in shambles gas tank girlfriend, well, the night is yours and every one else, the derelicts fallen between the cracks, they’re also on a tear.

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i thought he wanted her. turns out he was just an idiot like me and wanted to teach us about how bourbon got its burnt smoky flavour then many other little lessons. my girl and i just laughed and laughed and one of the guys in this crew kept targeting me to watch his beer every time he went out for a smoke, it annoyed me. unless i plan to hug you with my pants off (or you’re some interesting in-offensive smooth criminal type character like me that would be equivalent to a small honour to mother your libation) i am not responsible for shit so stop taking advantage of my emanating maternal instinct vibes.

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first press olive oil apparently a big deal and very good. sopped up with portuguese sweetbread. heinous.

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i was pretty comatose. thought he was planning to maybe bail and maybe i would too based on overall unwellness. the only thing i would be able to partake in this evening was many hours of sitting on a couch staring at the idiot box.

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quite the, impression.

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he was pretty caj but later admitted was trying very hard. i am his senior afterall and this foodie type of aggressor with “needs” and expectations.

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homemade italian wine too. strong. he’s french, the “real” kind so no surprises there. we even had absinthe later on which gave me immense indigestion later on. heartburn.

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somewhat sweaty sickly whateverly he’s seen me at my worst i’m in the comfortable zone here.

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being called beautiful numerous times throughout the night doesn’t hurt either.

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total frenchman plying on wine and compliments though i didn’t allow for total sweeping, i know i played a part there, i am completely charming and intellectual, disarming, irritating and intoxicating. i’m challenging and manipulative, sneakily, cute, coy, i dunno, sorry for being self aware but i know my charms and they don’t work on everyone all of the time but i know i am in possession of something at least i mean, i have this ridiculous blog and i got a GQ-worthy looking catch to be mine for 5 years so there you go, an achievement.

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one of his friends said today I’M SO GLAD SHE CAME OVER I WAS WORRIED YOU WERE ABOUT TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET. hahahaha.

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very seinfeld marble rye episode. it all comes back to seinfeld.

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one. i don’t eat bread. two. if i did, it wouldn’t be this much. three. i have zero willpower, especially when sick and on dayquil. four. this looks like a massive cupcake and it may as well be (so much sugar in it).

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bluh.

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spastic sick person vision.

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brought my slippers that’s how sick.

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uhhh k.

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had like a billion espressos then we were good for movies.

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now at lunch at boom today. will blog the rest of that tomorrow. i’m in burlington, dad and i are givin’er.

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after hair appt today at darius’ man just go gogoogogogogo even had my motion room session this morning and used one of their offices to bang out lux post then home to grab britt’s shirt to drop at gibson and a chat with brad i can’t remember what it was like to be idle except the last two days sick yet still i did a lot it’s like i’m being chased keep going and then nothing can get you my mind is constantly going whirring in quadrants, managing triple campaigns simultaneously, dates, blog, gah nevermind look i have long legs.

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oh and i have costume changes for every single activity i do ever in life can i get a thank you praise bipolar hallelujah amen sister now.

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how much would you love a swiss chalet rip off raymi placemat starring a labyrinth with no solution, rotating artists profiled, blogger features, vulgar crosswords, lolzspeak word search, connect the dots drawings of hot dogs…? seriously guys this is the blogger backed brunch spot likely only place ever in the city not only willing to tolerate our collective self-entitled new media bullshit, but actually encourage and applaud it. how’s that? tony asked if my dad still dresses like seinfeld. they’re the same age. cannot wait until they meet. shopping date hahaha.

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it’s friday, i’m in burlington, do you know where your children are?

LAST DAY LAST DAY LAST LAY GET LAID I MEAN LAST DAY!! to join the party in montreal with team raymbo bright. vote vote vote.

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so i had my first wax ever down there and it was a wonderful experience. very impressed with the spa, the staff, and the service. they were very accomodating and i love the results, the spa is also gorgeous and located in posh ol’yorkville. you have the new purchase high except you can’t really show it off, it’s a personal treat for sure and if someone invites me over (casie) for a hot tub jam (or clem) i’m ready to rock. today via fabfind you can purchase a discount coupon for $18 for a $45 service at lux spa for either airbrush tanning, eyebrow threading or waxing. pretty decent deal. melodie went for an eyebrow wax on her already perfect brows. check it out.

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here we are watching the video of my wax experience. for our eyes only. or for a rainy day, ten years from now heheheh.

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shes’ going zen. i don’t mind eyebrow waxing, it stings but it’s quick. you get an adrenaline buzz.

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happy girls hug attack.

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back to the grind thanks pals.

tgif xoxo your pal raymbo!

things ain’t like they used to be from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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look how blondy white my hair is. darling. seriously i am not obsessed with my own hair i am just super sick and insane right now combined with pms.

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i think these speak for themselves. more on this experience tomorrow. raymi’s first wax. piece’a cake.

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my impression of a disney princess posing as a peasant to blend in.

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tales of the super blond. erica looked up blondtourage and found that we blondside haters. hahaha.

I found this definition for blondetourage in urban dictionary. is this a common term?

The BLONDETOURAGE is protected by the BLONDEBRIGADE which consists of a tactical unit (usually not natural blonde) that protect from the haters out there. They also fend off men that are inappropriate. These smart, educated sassy girls are the ones you love to hate.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5265878181/in/photostream/

yo relax guys. three days left for the contest. keep voting! keep entering!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5266485526/in/photostream/

sick in bed made a circus of my nails this morning.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5265877905/in/photostream/

last nite i drank rum and oj and read til i passed out feeling sorry for myself.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5266485256/in/photostream/

this day, sunday, and the rain, is definitely to thank for my sickly state.

okkkkkkkkkkk byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.