it’s christmas and we’re all in misery

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had the special in-house made hot sauce at fat cat and was a bit too big for my briches about how much heat i could stand. i coulda gone without the milk, really it was brought out for melodie. you just don’t see enough people drinking milk in bars these days. do they serve it at the clockwork orange bar? is that place any good? when i stopped seeing the red flag in that hood i stopped walking by korova milk bar so i forgot about it.

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love this place. it was trust the chef wednesday. no problem. chef matthew is a pro. woah i just saw they have a patio. see you in spring.

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starter. i love onions done up this way. butter and onions when cooking are deadly, the smell is so compelling and inviting, intoxicating. top a cheese and cracker with browned onions and die of pleasure. all your skid friend’s minds will be blown and it’s super easy. there’s also a bunch of mushrooms atop this, i forget which kind. some loser left me a comment on my cafe du lac post only once i was in the star flipping out about my AUDACITY of reviewing food, restaurants, if i don’t know what i’m talking about cos i couldn’t identify a mushroom (who fucking cares about mushrooms?) ok then superstar, why don’t YOU go out and do what i do exactly how i do it and call it entertainment then. foodie world is in a twist over me. so many passive aggressive clearly directed at me quips on twitter about bloggers with no cred vs food critics. um, who reaches more? who pays attention to food critics? if someone comes to toronto for a weekend and wants to check some chic haunts who are they going to ask, the gruff unhip demi-god fat mouth OR the girl who makes her living having a good time and showcasing it to those wanting to emulate that same great time featured in a post chock-full of resto photos front of house to kitchen? think about it. taste the burn.

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my review of these tights i cannot give you as i am not a legitimate tights critic. i didn’t train in hosiery at george brown so, you know, maybe you should ask a qualified professional that’s really what you should do because god knows anything i have to say on the topic of tights would just be invalid because i haven’t spent years wearing them. even though i have. cool logic much?

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you are not allowed to be enterprising or good at what you do, or do it period, if others are doing it. every time i roll out a raymi food feature i see the nastiest things in my comments. rival restaurants, their food geek groupies, they all have something to say. you don’t have to be jealous, just cos it didn’t occur to you to make up a taste menu to be photographed and gorged by a blogger first doesn’t mean you have to fling shit at those who have. you could still invite me ’round you know, it is possible to live to dine again and again. gasp.

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my foodie feature reviews, yes, because they ARE reviews, the idea for how i do them i gleaned from infamous blogger xiaxue of singapore. she has eclipsed and transcended every single “established” or “qualified” critic, reviewer, whathaveyou there is and she’s smart too. when i first came across her i much felt like how one must feel when they first come across me. you want to hate. narcisstic photos, opinions you disagree with, swear words, cuteness. you become addicted inevitably, whether you like or hate, you know it’s entertaining and possesses the hallmarks of what one wants out of their pop culture these days and then more than that. i was blown away by her food reviews, shock and awe and jealous. all she does is eat and she looks like that, totally petite, princessy, perfection. it all makes sense. i want to look at her eat. it’s fascinating. not everyone can get away with overkill on the internet but they can when they lure us in like a snake charmer and then blow us away. you have my vote.

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so about five years ago i started photographing my food, my dates with my ex, from beginning to end. you live in a city you go out a lot and as a blogger you need your content. my food reviews would only have like one picture of me cos my ex it was like pulling teeth plus i was a little shier cos the city folk are assholes about cameras it’s like you’re the only one in the world who has a digital camera sometimes.

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now, this practice is what we call accruing experience via real life so therefore yes, i am qualified just as much if not more than the regular joe. i give out restaurant suggestions constantly, i know exactly where to go in this city for a date, work lunch, where to take the in-laws, where to pick up, and so on. it does matter what the blogger says because the blogger is the influencer. people have been asking my advice on shit on the internet for ten years, relationship advice, music advice, movies, whatever, it’s cos i am one who willingly divulges opinions constantly (shit man i’ll even give you opinions of my opinions). this makes me a critic. a professional life reviewer. someone like your mother. i don’t care if it pisses off some boring crank who missed the boat on packaging themselves as a commodity and clued in on the fact that maybe a food review is more interesting with dazzle.

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this is what WITH DAZZLE means.

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personally, it also makes me feel better to jazz it up. if you look good on the outside then you feel good on the inside. i’m not saying i am the president of good looking or anything, i’m just saying when you combine everything like i do, spread yourself around some, and put a pink bow in your head, people get angry. blame it on xiaxue. she’s right. she got it right and you are getting it wrong so instead of trying to fight it why not embrace and appreciate it. you can only cycle through facebook so many times right? girls on look book are they fashion experts? damn fucking straight they are you will never know more about fashion than at the age of twenty, that’s when you’re on your game and able to be daring and the older you get the less you care or pay attention. it is work to keep at it. when i walk around forever 21 and i’m too lazy to invent myself an entire outfit i just check out what my fellow shoppers are wearing and cut out their stupid over-doing it over-accessorized crap, and pull from the DO’s, shave off the DON’Ts. take that girl’s heart necklace, that girl’s pencil skirt moccasin combo, and then that girl’s boho bag. that shit will not happen in northern getaway alright. the point is these girls clearly didn’t go to fashion school but are they qualified style influencers? how is that ok but it’s not ok for me, someone with many years of actual urban food eating experience, photographing, REVIEWING, to go head-to-head with a traditional foodie geek? to top it off, i made my own business out of it, i am winning. that’s the entire point. winning is not allowed. wah. wah. are we going to cry foul play on bloggers for another decade now? are you CNN getting in on this whole blogging thing that the kids are doing now? were we only blogging yesterday? didn’t you see this coming? stop sleeping at the wheel.

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i work very hard. i work very hard like you work very hard and i don’t sleep enough. i personal train three times a week in the morning. when i’m done it’s still an hour til noon and then i move on to the next task and the next and the next. i am not just some blogger, some blogger is just some blogger.

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if you let yourself go don’t be surprised if a newer model beats you at your game. i am not competing against you i am competing against myself.

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dog eat dog world.

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rosemary turkey. delicious.

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proper REVIEW later.

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elliptical time.

keep voting i don’t know why the hell i’m losing and i don’t care. clearly it’s more important to her, she doesn’t even rank on alexa. she added me to facebook then de-added me. cuckoo.