i kissed you i dissed you i missed you

balloons make any outfit look amazing. especially one that already is.

and then she changes into some money pants.

happy birthday aliciakins! you are oh so lovely and deserve all the spoilings that come your way. lookin’ great twenty-eight! xoxo.

my hair is way too yellow. bought some crazy purple condish to anti-brass it. hair lady says i can’t go as white/blond as i want cos i don’t have greys it will frazzle my hair. whatever i’m going back to my old girl asap. oh i lost my bank card. first time ever in my life. AND i got the job. training starts next week. goin’ out for brunch with mother asss now then checkin’ out pdale pad. xoxo.

raymi and the bed

i’m at the salon right now with gobs of dye on my scalp and it’s itching and burning like craaazy gahhhhh ughhhhhhhh i’m scratching at it with the end of a comb. i had a one-hit on my way in and that was fuckin’ interesting haha some old lady was here and apparently i was to “know” who she is? so i played along. while baked. i hope my hair doesn’t turn out as brassy this time.

tonite i am going out to my first big girl party in aaages i am stoked for. i don’t even care what i’m going to wear i haven’t been social in forever. and i might have a bartending gig lined up too i love talking about things before they’re finalized but if it happens you have to come drink and watch me work at the wrap-around bar. checking out new pad tomorrow. funny cos it’s lucasaids/melodie’s place in parkdale. if you know the history, lucas and i were roommates many years ago. we’re all grown up now so this time it won’t go to shit. the room doesn’t have a closet though so i’ll have to get multiple clothing racks. big room apparently too. i’m super jazzed. i tried really hard to make burlington happen but the novelty wore off. dave is movin’ to the ham for a change of scenery also.

i am way less miserable now. go life!

ok this shit is burning off my makeup gotta go.

dyslexia collection

do you remember when i said i think i am dyslexic now? duh obvi you do. anyway i only collected four dyslexic fuck-ups. there’s been loads more but what can ya do? here they are, don’t be so jealous all the time ok?

foten = often

adicated = addicted

repdict = predict

witnessing = waitressing

gonig for going is a big one, as well as any word with ‘ing’ in it.

please do share your frequent mistypes with me. there’s a good lad.

on the nite you left i came over

hey raymi

it’s weird how i can say that really casually as if i really know you but anyways, since you started getting all cosmo.com-y i thought i could ask you for some life advice. i was kinda nervous emailing you not gon lie, but i tripped on acid last weekend and my psyche is irreversibly damaged yeah i’m basically full on crazy so i figured i should at least check off some life goals and make good of this new outlook on life. emailing you was the #1 easiest life goal to complete ha

i’m 17 right now, the same age as you were when you started writing your blog, i’ve written a blog for like 2 1/2 years but lots of it is gay w/e unrelated. i know you get this a lot but you remind me of myself, or at least i guess we have things in common so i was wondering, how did you end up doing what you do? i’m a poetry major at the moment, but in actuality i hate every damn poet ever and i don’t know if i can stand being around those people my whole life. the only people who are more irritating than poets are on the internet, so here i am. how do you stand it?

sorry for the run on sentences. i smoke a lot of weed too. hope it goes w/o saying that i love your blog

sophie

hi sophie (one of my favourite names)

i really like your usage of cosmo.com-y very very nice

i have never tried acid you are quite brave and stupid for going there. your email made sense so i don’t think you’ll have lasting effects. some people never come back from it though so i’d hazard against more of that in the future.

i got to where i am by kinda going to the beat of my own drum and blowing in the wind. opportunities present themselves along the way and you either take them or don’t. if you have a bad feeling about poetry snobs then maybe it’s not for you. i was coincidentally just considering blogging things i thought in the shower in the exact manner in which i think them, kinda poetry. kind of obnoxious too but who cares. poetry is probably the hardest way to make it in the writing world. you only make it once you’re dead. or if you’re an old white eccentric man.

the internet is a wonderful way to get what you want out of life, thats what i did. my laptop is my car. and so on.

you’ll figure it out soon enough.

write anytime xo your pal raymi

i am going to blog this too because i am a blogortunist.

i fuckin’ haaated swingers

cannot wait to get roots done friday.

saw youth in revolt last nite it was pretty good and trippy. and hilarious. make sure you go stuh-oned. or ripped. it’s one of those movies. at the end dave knocked his entire popcorn down the stairs it was fun having everyone walk by us as we collected our ten million pile of things with the popcorn everywhere plus i’m pretty sure i was the loudest laugher and i have one of those HU-uh whooping cough joke laughs that make you go WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT!? and immediately once the credits rolled these two other burn outs whipped their heads around up at us to give us a good look. i just shrugged like OH well sorry we aren’t buds. saw them out back in the parking lot standing around for no good reason other than the same one we were pre-film delight. stragglers. straggling.

oh yeah i’m moving eh. back to the fold. see you soon ‘rontonians.

snuh-ore

so i gave a talk at ryerson when? over a month ago, before christmas, and i have a ton of material from it. the kids, ha, students, gave questions to the prof, he gave them to me and i answered as many as i could on the train ride in. instead of allowing it all to go to rot in a document why not share here? i typed this all out on the teeniest mini laptop ever so some responses are a little hackneyed. it would be cool if i knew what hackneyed even meant.

You were young and blogging was pretty new when you started. Why did you start blogging? (you might want to start with a bit of a history of the site)

I have always been a writer, storyteller, blogging was just a natural thing and made sense to me. I saw the potential for success in it. If not for blogging I might already be an established print author by now instead of releasing content daily on the web. Who knows.

What keeps you going? Are there times when you don’t want to update your blog? Can you see an end to your blog?

My own compulsions keep me going. I am addicted. I love it and I am passionate about it. I feel that my stories are interesting and they never stop comin’ in so therefore no my blog will not end. It can dwindle if I get wrapped up in other projects along the way and become too busy but no I don’t anticipate abandoning it completely ever. It’s such a huge part of my life and culture in general. Would a doctor stop being a doctor once he/she made enough money? Writing/art/creating is in my blood so to stop would be stopping my person, my self.

Have you accomplished what you hoped you would when you started? Have you picked up other goals/reasons to feel accomplished along the way?

Yes and no I don’t think I will ever be fully satisfied but I am pretty happy with what i’ve got going on to date. I’ve accomplished for the most part what i’ve set out to do and more things are happening or will be on the horizon (book deal).

Because of your longevity online, are you approached as a potential mentor by other bloggers? If so, how do you deal with such requests?

Yes. I acknowledge all email inquiries (with reason) and frequently dole out advice, I have for years. It’s part of my day, my life. Its how I connect with people. I answer truthfully and use personal experiences when giving advice.

What other advice do fans of the blog ask you for? (ie: advice about relationships?) How do you deal with them?

I respond as honestly as I can, it comes naturally. If something is out of my expertise I fwd to a friend and they impart their wisdom.

You mentioned in a recent post that you considered somebody’s attention stalking: how often do you have to deal with unwanted attention and how do you deal with that?

Daily. Multiple persons are obsessed with hating me. Some days it gets to me and i sit there feeling mind blown by an entire city hating me. Mostly I ignore and delete. Sometimes I make use of the hate mail in form of blog content which begins a discussion.

Have you ever tailored your content in response to reader feedback? If so, how and why?

Meaning taking requests? Sometimes but mostly no, it’s all my way, my vision.

Are there any other observations you would like to share about your relationships with your readers?

Tread cautiously. Don’t reveal too much or names because you never know who you are dealing with, sometimes people can go off the wagon and turns out that person you told so many things in confidence to was actually insane. you must protect yourself.

Is the persona of Raymi essentially Lauren White? How do you keep the two straight in your mind?

They are one and the same. In conversation there is more of a balance whereas in blogging it’s more of a one way conversation so i’m forced to take up the slack for both parties myself and the reader I must try and anticipate their response to what I am saying or their thoughts so most of the time it seems like I am just yelling and being far out there when really i’m just having a dialogue with myself about my day. Consider dr seuss for example, do you think he spoke in green eggs and hamisms all the time in real life? I guess you’d have to ask someone who knows me in real life whether I am my blog personae or not.

What boundaries do you try to maintain (The Globe article mentioned that you were reluctant to talk about your recent split with your fiance, for example) between what you write and your personal life?

I reserve the right for my own privacy when the time calls for it. If there is a family death or crisis or anything I don’t feel like it is an obligation to send out a statement regarding my current affairs though my readers would beg to differ. When you are built-up to be a blogebrity people’s expectations of you increase exponentially though i’m doing nothing different currently than what I was doing a year ago save for personal life changes. People are always expecting more and more and then they call you a fucking narcissist once you acquiesce. You just can’t win, basically. Though it doesn’t matter cos once you reach this point of un-adultered attention it doesn’t matter what you reveal or how, everyone’s got their minds made up already.

A lot of attention has been paid recently to people who regretted something they had posted online (because it interfered with a relationship or getting a job or whatever). Has that ever been an issue for you?

I answered this question recently and cannot place where. Anyway no. the line of work im after doesn’t require I play the game so to speak. I’ve always done things my way and if you don’t accept me for it then it was nice not working with you.

What introduced you to blogging? (Were you following a trend or were you an early adopter?)

early adopter – vice – raymi the minx began there (hahah this is as far as i got tired of answering this question)

How old were you?

17

How long have you been doing it?

Nov 28 will be 9 year blog anniversary

What was your goal of the blog when you first started?

To exploit myself, to make a name for myself, to get published, to build my own brand/empire.

Was there any influence in writing your blog since you’re one of the first people to have a blog?

Im related to jack kerouac so compulsive stream of conscious writing is literally in my blood and on the road influenced me big time. i put it down and went well, that’s that then.

Do you consider your blog successful?

absolutely

How do you feel about the success (or lack of it)?

Outwardly ambivalent somewhat yet secretly proud. If its not as successful as it should be I have my own self to blame

Before you started blogging, did you do something similar? Like write journal entries in a diary? What was your creative “outlet”?

Ive kept journals since I was 11, I have stacks of them.

What keeps you going?

A hope, a belief system that sometimes makes absolutely no sense to me some of the time while others it is the one thing that makes most sense in my life and It’s how I make sense of my life.

How often do you check your blog and update it?

Multiple times daily.

Are there times when you don’t want to update your blog?

yes

Do you see yourself still blogging 10 years from now?

likely

Can you see an end to your blog?

No and yes – I see it evolving and growing along with me

What will you do after the blog ends?

I never said it was going to end but if it did it would be for good reasons and I would be doing whatever made me end it. Growing new fingers?

Is blogging your full time gig (source of income) or just an enormously successful hobby?

It so totally is not a hobby. I am tired of answering this invasive question. Some months are good some months are not. And I do have other means of getting by. Ads. My art. Side jobs that are too boring to blog about, also private.

How lucrative is blogging for you? If it is your full time gig, how long did it take before you could commit to doing it professionally? (when were you first able to make a living off of it?)

I have always been committed before during and after lucracy

How much of your time is dedicated to blogging? If it’s not your full time gig, how do you fit it in to your schedule?

When I wake up I plug in and keep going until every last piece of email has been read, replied to and a post or two has been blogged. I try to lighten the load on weekends tho that doesn’t always pan out.

What is your process like? Do you edit what you’ve written before you post- or do you just sit down and publish whatever comes to mind?

I d/l my photos go thru them and come up with one liners regarding what I did the day before. Sometime things are planned, most times not. ill sit down with zero ideas then one photo could evoke a super long tangent out of nowhere and off I go.

Do you plan ahead a general idea of what you might be posting about in the next few days? Or is everything an immediate reaction to the day’s events?

Typically it’s an immediate reaction

Is there anything that you regret posting?

Not really. Publish then move on to the next embarrassing TMI story.

You’ve been blogging for a long time, do you ever go back and review your old posts? If so, how do you feel about them in retrospect? Do you ever go back and look at something you posted when you were 16 and just cringe?

Eyeroll more than cringe. I get over things quickly for the most part. Sometimes it is irritating when a hardcore follower references something I wrote when I was 19 and takes it to heart and uses it against me like once i was being emo and self-diagnosed myself as having borderline personality disorder. i wrote that when i was high and self-indulgent (not much has changed) but anyway i am not BPD so yeah, be careful what you say and make sure people get your voice/tone.

Have you ever used your blog/fame to influence people in your favour?

I don’t follow. Like PETA?

Have you accomplished what you hoped you would when you started?

Yes and no (stop asking this)

Have you picked up other goals/reasons to feel accomplished along the way?

always

Who would you say this blog is for? Like who are you targeting? Who continues to read your blog? How did your followers find out about you?

First and foremost it is for me and I am targeting everyone and I am doing that by being myself and not following anyone else’s rules/standards. My reach is pretty far but a large part of my demographic is women of all ages 20-40 range. Men too. Because i’ve been around so long a time. time is how people find you.

Do you get more positive or negative feedback from your blog?

70/30 70 pos 30 neg

Do you ever worry about who is going to read what you say or what other people might say about you/your posts?

Slightly but it doesn’t stop me.

Did your parents ever read your blog? Do they have issues with it?

My mom read it for a long time and then my dad began to recently. No issues, they’re super proud.

Do your friends ever get annoyed of you taking photos all the time and posting them?

Those ones are long gone now. some friends are all about it, while some are specifically for it (not real friends). it depends who you’re with. if someone is irritated by me stopping to take a picture of a turd they can just fuck off then. bloggers take a lot of shit from everybody and it isn’t right, or fair. people can be really catty for no fucking reason.

Do you ask for their permission before adding a picture to your site?

yes.

Have you lost any friends or family about what they read on your blog?

not really. probably? i know it gets talked about a looooot. doesn’t matter what i write about it’s that i write period. some people have massive issues with the internet (stupid people) and being public on it. it’s more to do with them than me so i make a point to disclude them entirely to turn the knife a little bit. you don’t like it what’s that? oh ok you don’t exist here. nothing is ever a big deal until somebody makes it one. i talked shit about a girl once and a mutual shit disturbing acquaintance told her about it, she printed out the post and confronted me about it in the pub. awkward. i felt bad but nothing i said was incorrect and i never mentioned her name. if anything she got a rude-awakening about being a totally obnoxious lush.

How do you go about counteracting a false or negative statement?

by addressing it and clearing it up. sometimes i don’t at all bother. if people are going to drag my name through the mud to attempt a reaction, they don’t deserve my time. i don’t see the fruitfulness in having a go with me or anybody who has nothing to do with you or your life. it shows true colours is all, and your true colour stinks.

Did people ever recognize you on the street (and talked to you/ acknowledged it?)

yes lots but in the city of toronto you’re not supposed to acknowledge famous people. you’re supposed to secretly snicker at them for some reason. when i get approached i know that the person does not actually reside in toronto haha.

Are there any other observations you would like to share about your relationships with your readers?

we go way back. we are a demented co-dependent family and they love me because i am their headcase poster child and i love them because they love me. the end.

How do you view modern art? What is your definition of ‘art’?

(these ones i didn’t get a chance to answer so answering them now)

um i think it’s wonderful and terrible and hilarious. there’s a huge divide in “the scene” between art kids and music kids and whatever kids, fashion kids? but they all try to mesh and the awkwardness is palpable. i think art kids are the best partiers but they are also the snarkiest. music kids are borderline nerdy. fashion is well, obnoxious. it’s not about the art, it’s the people behind it, cos anyone could make art but it takes a special kind of pretentious bravery to pile up a bunch of inanimate objects, surround it in fluorescent orange safety tape, pin black hearts to a corner wall and call it an installation. then everyone gets together and gets wasted around it. it’s a joke, a literal joke, or isn’t, and the ones who rule are the ones in on all of it.

Do you consider your blog art?

sure yeah maybe? i certainly make art to capitalize on my fame. is writing art? no that’s poetry. i dunno. people like to say i am an artist cos there is no other nice word for me aside from verbal diarrheaist. ok yes i am an artist and i know this because i take special care, precision if you will, in everything that i do from brushing my teeth to putting an outfit together, painting my face, walking around a supermarket. it is all an elaborate show. not elaborate, but a show. i am pretty vain in the sense that i care about my looks and will purposely dress a certain way, walk a certain way, or style my hair to get a reaction. so in a sense i am art. holy fucking pretentious.

ok i’m ending it here for now, there are too many more Qs to get through.

more “advice”

dear raymi

having a serious down day. everybodys giving me the bullshit talk you’re pretty you’re beautiful you don’t need to work out but i’m having one of those nasty days where i hate everything about myself. (insert pathetic female stereotype here) tried to work out but couldn’t when i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. one of my friends is attempting to tell me to starve myself for 4-5 days. i don’t know what to do. i just know that i’m hungry and want dinner but am afraid to eat because i don’t even want to work out. what good is that?

im not sure why i’m even emailing you about this you’re just the first person that came to my mind. boyfriend is trying to be comforting but he’s thinner than me. easier said than done. half friends smoke pot all day and eat mcdonalds like nobody’s business, half friends are healthy but don’t giev good advice. some friendds can lose 20 lbs in a week. bahhh. i know results are impossible to find in a weekend but im discouraged. derrrrr

do you drink? if you stop drinking you will lose big time i switched from eating super healthy and drinking every nite to eating garbage and smoking weed and im thinner, i was thin before but this is a different thin. booze makes you bloaty all over. you dont look like a drinker so maybe that’s not yer issue. don’t date skeleton boys, date men, men are hot, boys are irritating. also how are they even attractive i don’t get it what are you a pedophile? kidding. you look like a twig in yer photos so i’m guessing you have issue over the last 5 pounds or something. cut out all carbs. whats yer diet anyway?

i think this is all in your head mostly. thin is a trend big time right now and has been for awhile and it’s not going away. what’s more is there are certain styles of dress that only thin people can wear like sickly unhealthy thin and we all want to get down but we can’t and it sucks it doesn’t mean we have to starve ourselves to auswitch style it just means we can’t wear boyfriend jeans.

i watched the party over the holiday, i’ve seen it a billion times but anyway there’s a part where a bikini-clad chick is in a scene and she has meat on her and it looked good and it was mindblowing to see. that shit just doesn’t fly now. in the fashion world she would be considered fat, sorry, “curvy”. it’s not right but it’s the way it is.

if you aren’t happy, becoming the thin you want to be will not make you happy. i have achieved my goal and i am more miserable than ever, this thin is being wasted and i’m still not satisfied or think it’s good enough. also the older you get and the thinner you become, the older you will look. there’s some pretty hagard-looking skeletors out there, young ones too. so try to do it as healthily as possible. some people can be complete drug addict drinking fast food eating slobs and still look like the bane of health. genetics. you can’t change your dna you can only modify it slightly? no you can’t. you can only whine and complain and irritate your friends about it.

if you complain about something ten times and by the tenth complaint you haven’t done anything about it, all complaining privileges should be revoked. that is my advice. act.

i have soooo many things to complain about my life but i know if i opened my mouth here i’d get shit for it, so i suppress and shove it down and distract myself from it (that’s if i plan the do-nothing route). when i DO plan to do something i write one epic post, we all discuss it then i carry it out and then we discuss it again when it’s done. those should be the only times you get to talk about your little problem 1. when you decide to act and 2. when you have completed fixing it.

free shitty advice day

hey is there any raymi guide to dealing with jealousy in
relationships? i feel like such a terrible and paranoid person for it,
but i think its pretty much normal in all my relationships not
controlling so much, and not worried the person will cheat, but
worried that they harbour secret feelings for a particular other
person, and worried they may have a better connection with a
particular other person
ugh
i bet i have a personality disorder of sorts

you have to just get over it and be the best you that you can be so that squashes out any potential jealousy cos why would someone like someone more than you? absurd! that’s how i play it anyway. i have massive jealousy issues spurned from fucking around on pretty much every dude (bastards who deserved it and likely mutually fucked around on me too) i have been with. you know how robbers think everyone’s a thief? exactly that mentality. so basically you can’t be a slut. if you can go back in time and never be a slut then you can never be jealous right?

this is the way i used to think about it but you know there are some girls out there who just can’t mack it, they’re 5’s or something and bound to one day be in the same room as an 8 and their boyfriend, how do they manage? they usually try to control the situation by bailing on it forcing their bf to follow soon after. gay. why not put all your energy into being an 8 instead of worrying about one? then when you find yourself hot and coveted, ditch that guy for someone else.

the less time you spend worrying about jealousy, other chicks, the hotter you are. if you have a concrete vibe that this guy isn’t feeling you and could possibly be engaging in emotional cheating with another woman, this means that you are not being the best you that you can be. straight-up ask him or leave, those are your options. jealousy does not look hot on anybody.

try to avoid alpha females though they are obnoxious and never shut up and sometimes stupid guys get caught up in to their shit. i am part alpha-female so this is quite the pickle, personally. i’m a special breed of alpha though, cos i only half-care (bipolar). i only can’t stop myself when either gunned or egged on, which is constantly cos i am funny and usually everyone else is a wet blanket so then i get to see the look in other female’s faces of irritation combined with tolerance. look, it’s an open floor and anyone can fucking take it, but they don’t, so you should be the one. follow? avoid alphas, but LEARN FROM THEM. the only guys who want mother-types are not the guys you want to be with.

there are/were certain girls in my past who took great pleasure speaking to my ex and old me would have stood in-between them and hawk-eared everything they were saying but then i started focusing on my awesome self and wouldn’t even bother approaching their snoozefest music chat. eventually i didn’t even bother joining in period. i always felt that a couple should do everything together, if you are constantly going out separately that is a red flag, relationship failure. i don’t feel that way anymore, i grew up. it’s healthy to do other things but if that fucker refuses to meet you half way and do some of the things you like to do then it’s not even and it’s goodbye time. so in a way i became that insecure 5 cos i bailed entirely to make my point. fun how you have to seemingly play games in a relationship eh? it never ends.

as anti-feminist it is to say you need to be better to maintain that attraction-factor from your boyfriend (fuck him HE should be the one trying to woo you over again and again) there is some truth to it and along the way you may realise that he sucks and will be better off single for a little while and insecure for other non-jealousy reasons.

good luck love raymi