just bring me back her head

oh yeah my hair is versace white now. kinda need to lay off the purple hair conditioner for awhile. or not, gandalf is pretty stylin’ i think.

so yes i work at the central now and shit it’s fun town. there’s bands there all the time but specifically wednesday nites ($3 pabst and tequila) is TIMA and what a glorious event it was. kinda have to dash now but will scoop you all in about it soon. allison come get your dress whenever you want it, it was a big hit last nite.

here’s the first three drinks i made yesterday and then i sampled them on an empty stomach, so sweet. so, sour. the middle is an apple caramel martini, and i can’t recall the names of the others. one on the right tastes exactly like sweet tarts, string bikini is what it’s called, a central signature.

i learned last nite that i am no boozer no more so i’ll have to ease into this one and be slightly less of a yes girl. i even did that shot with a customer who buys you one fake-out trick, teeny bit of vodka and something else but mostly soda water i win.

aaron and abigail are awesome and are a great time to work with.

if you’re a band and you don’t suck too hard and are looking for a venue you should consider the central, it’s really turning out acts. fuck who am i a skeezy ponytail manager? anyway see you there friday and saturday if you want to stare at me in stupid outfits.

brunch time i’m staaaaaaaarving.

if burlington were france

was going for a beautifully desolate suburbia thing. this errand-route is driven at least four times weekly.

i have a lovely little lurker who parks on my youtube channel and one-stars each video i upload within a half hour of its processing. they also periodically flag all my stuff too. what a wiener. ok no time gotta jet. do i wear a dress today or pants?


ah man city life is exhausting i forgot all about that. ha what a little girl oh my god i had to like, DO THINGS. at one point i sighed dramatically on the streetcar and exclaimed that i was not meant to do things. don’t forget to be inspired girls!

yesterday i had a wonderful experience at the bank. went with sass to auntie’s for a goodbye “it’s on me” brunch and luckily mer was there for her to sit with as my bank business was not going to be the breeze i thought it might be. ughhhhhhh. how difficult is it to get a bank card replaced? not very you’d think. WELL let me tell you, if the system hasn’t been updated and they only have the signature you wrote when you were a teenager on file (the one with the star and the heart in it) then you are shit out of luck. also if that branch no longer exists either and you can’t think to tell them your teenager address cos you aren’t cluing in to the teller’s little mind games so you list off every address you’ve resided in the city at and none of the information adds up. obviously you lose your cool a little. actually i was pretty nice i just snatched my pieces of ID back said thank you for trying marched out and walked away angrily. thanks for wasting my time you knew twenty minutes ago we wouldn’t be reaching a consensus so why make me stand here with my arms folded when you knew you’d be falling on the go to your own branch routine you lazy. ugh. so i call my ex would-be mother in law as she works at my branch and start angry-frustration crying cos i am cool like that. oh my god this story only gets more boring. basically the bank was skeptical of me big time then they weren’t skeptical anymore, just defensive. sorry about that we aren’t trying to give you a hard time here. yeah i know, sorry your system isn’t updated. back and forth ping pong from hell. i got my card and made it back to auntie’s to find sass and mer mucking it up with my shades and toque, taking pose as raymi pics. thanks friends! more here.

apparently i go all rigid when i pose. meh. you guys should make a point to look like me more often. “just” “sayin” xoxo.

right now i’m in bed with my legs jacked out. bed-laptopping is painful. i’m so stressed and in limbo, yeah stress due to in-limbo that all i can do is just, nothing. being pre-menstrual is cool too. half my stuff is packed the other half is just staring at me and i’m staring back. i start training tomorrow, i am excited and nervous. i can’t wait to have my room set-up. i can’t wait to have less yellow hair. haha.

thanks god for bailey’s. typo, meant thank god but i’ll leave it cos it’s like i am personally thanking him.

i just want to do wii fit until i can’t feel my body anymore but the house is in such a disarray. people are coming to look at it at 6. dave is moving to pei i’m pretty bummed and in denial. don’t even get me started on the dogs. i am this close to losing it entirely. it has not been the greatest of times.

when my life is settled enough i am going to approach the dermatologist guys i’ve been seeing and show them how terrible their work is (the thing on my shoulder that looks like a volcano zit) and show them receipts from all the band-aids and makeup i’ve purchased to cover it up. not to mention the charge for each treatment. it’s annoying having to re-tell the same story over and over whenever someone asks why i have a my little pony band-aid on my shoulder. 1. because i am a four year old and 2. retelling stupid story. that purple/blue bottle is the anti-brass conditioner. i think it’s working already.

Des yeux qui font baiser les miens

sass’ roommate is hilarious he’s constantly talking like a dirty old man and in his funny accent too, “my harem is growing and now i have TWO game consoles” and “there’s half naked women walking around constantly” and “my girlfriend is like a mistress, a wife, a girlfriend all in one” haha he’s austrian and i called him gunther accidentally cos i worked with one once. his name is similar to gunther. there was a lighter crisis yesterday morning during my hangover i got up and out of the fog and delivered one and am now considered angel house guest. i love people who talk as much if not more than i do and just utter nonsense at that. anyway going back to the ‘burbs later today to sort out my ish. waiting on guy to vacate room before i can get my crap in there. it’s a v spacious room with wrap-around windows. the house is like a labyrinth all these doors and passageways, awesome dark wood features kinda reminds me of an old brooklyn brownstone i used to know.

awkward face posing in front of everyone in the living room.

pig ear salad. coating tastes exactly like kfc chicken skin. fabulous. i could eat a pile of that and would if it were placed before me.

sass has been spoiling me with delicious meals since i touched down. have been eating like a little princess.


i love you too luke.


last nite’s course of action was to scour the city for rich husbands. well, rich guys (for a joke relax pants!) howevs, rich dudes tend to be d-bags so we were forced to head directly into the belly of the beast what is doucheland to find these treasures. one walk along king west a collective fuck that was made, turn about face back in the other direction to spadina then up to czehoski’s for a primer. i am not paying cover to immerse myself in cascades of rank people in ankle-length london fog jackets just to be ironic about it. YOU should be paying ME to swirl through the room and make everyone feel better about themselves. one door guy was all hey what’s ten dollars? uh buddy, a lot, considering the faux medieval times flames billowing oh so knightly by the useless red carpet out front. i know what’s just behind those doors and i don’t like it. you want to fill the room with loose girls? charging them cover is not the way to do it.

shall we begin?

douchebags were here and for the record i hate the term douchebag so if you know of a better name let me know but what’s more, they cannot even commit to their d-bag constitutions. uh guys you forgot your nausea-inducing penis wands! i’ve never seen black cigars. hyper-douchey.

introduced mer to the czehoski liquid salad which is hendrick’s gin, tonic and lots of cucumber slices. tonic is too sweet for me but i had one too anyway for old time’s sake.

sat by a group of guys who steph reeled in on the spot. the rest were not for us so we tried to be as disgusting as possible. sass was not feeling that. sorry i’ve been in the isolated suburban wilderness for a long time it was my intention to be anti-peen to help steph’s game as much as poss. not that it required any aid but you know, i love to laugh.

i did this to my hair a lot. i am never curling it again until it sorts itself out. it’s drying, on its way to straight town presently so it should be good. looking better. bought some anti-brass condish.

magic pony has another gallery space beside czehoski. i believe tania is the mistressmind behind these darling shrooms.

douche target bullseye: the paddock. rich trust fund kid (our age) nite. it was a scene for certain. out of control. i put this lamp on these people’s jackets cos they threw their shit in the corner and knocked it over. i just love decorating!

preg’rexic impression. i think i would be great inspiration for a pixar-animated ant-type character. or a grasshopper. maybe a praying mantis. every time i start thinking of insect-comparison jokes i remember the time my mom referred to the teenage mutant ninja turtles as the teenage mutant ninja ants HAHAHAHHAA. i laughed my head off about it for days.

try and keep a tally of bird sightings

trying to blend. sass looks amazing.

boring rich white chicks. now before you admonish my wealth-hatin’ let me say this. rich people born with silverspoons in their mouths made it so they never had to develop personalities. they’re arrogant (generally) so they don’t think trying is necessary. yuh-awn i can barely get through this paragraph about them even.

white girl dance moves arms raised no-no. we just love it and can’t help it we feel the music and it’s like ahhhh ceiling i have to let you know about this. this one was especially for me though, my flash got them going.

steph laughing ass off about it. that chick’s cardi looks amazing wish i saw the front.

i may have lost my temper at points. some of the people were truuuly awful and insatiably rude. we knew there was no love to be found so we got mangled and shitty, also known as “giving” and “er”. there was a dance throw-down.

the smiler look out she inches up behind you in the bar and has weedbreaf.





whenever somebody yawns, rush up to them quick and pretend you are holding a trowel. or a big juicy penis.

cali has turned this girl into a doper.

the one hitter has been such a hit. raymi’s guide to making temporary friends. also a great way to increase your lighter collection.

nice to know the girls didn’t skip a beat while we were out front.

these guys were blasticated and encroaching upon our territory.

and the reddest guy i have ever seen.

uhm yeah.

move bitch i’m trying to fox-trot.

orgasm face! this would be a good photo for a call girl ad. SEE THE RESULTS FROM ONE SATISFIED CUSTOMER! he looks like his prostate is being milked.

then went to eat our feelings at sneaky disease.

late nite scene there is good i’d forgotten all about it. everyone’s trashed and singing along to tunes waving their arms in the air it was nice to be among our kind.