Monthly Archives: January 2009

Whatcha G’wan blog today Napoleon?

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ooh look, gina posted about my blythe tattoo. scroll.

see mom, my gap is closin’!

the creeper onesie pose pictures CREEP ME OOT man i must have some kinda weird dr.seuss suppressed fear shoved deep down or something. the tea towel on the floor behind me is from spilling vitamin water all over myself and floor.

pants time out.

ok so, evidently i’ve won, they officially announce the winners tomorrow. they have to go through votes to see if any of you guys cheated and assuming you didn’t, it’s win win win.

now i, for the most part, have refrained from slagging my competitors (actually, my competition’s readers once they make the first dig) i just read a few of the comments and LOL’d to myself over them, not worth it right – good material maybe? anyway, i will not name names but now that the shit is over i have noticed one of my running mates has complained about what they would blog about now that the awards were over. WHAT!? this person barely updated their blog three times during the election (what else do i call it?) and when they did just linked to other posts and other such junk, uh, you call that blogging, or a read, material? basically, you barely blogged during the competition, so what the hell is your blog like when nothing’s going on?

a TRUE blogger, sorry, DIARIST, always has stories up their sleeve, posts like a fiend DAILY, multiple times if possible, and never ever complains about not having anything to write. so all the readers of said blog, well, all blogs against me really, who scratched their fucking heads and declared WHY GOD WHY IS THIS RAYMI WINNING? i am SO confused! the answer is simple, simpleton. love me or hate me, i’m always here shitting all over the netz for you, i am reliable, i am loyal to you and you are to me (or you are loyal in your hatred of me, whatever, thanks for the hits) point being, i am the “best” diarist because i am content overload city.

lets take a look at some of these little wiener musings now, shall we?

G in Berlin said…

I can’t believe people voted for Raymi- it’s such a boring, silly blog. I guess it appeals to silly young drinkers. I just can’t relate. Even when I was younger, I was far more serious. In fact, more serious than I am now.

you know what G? i don’t make the rules, just set the standards. people want to follow a person who actually DOES THINGS and habitually reports on them, people enjoy humour, they like visuals and react positively to stimuli, how interesting is seriousness? god, and how fun are you at dinner parties too? oh right, you ARE german so i guess this makes sense. zzzzz. (and by “rules” i mean the obvious like, interesting person + interesting life = INTERESTING READ)(people also really give a shit about youth right now, and bright colours (“fashion”) so sorry about that one too, oh yeah, they like music and they like jokes, but i already mentioned humour – THOSE are the rules)

there were some more but i’m already bored and over it so i won’t bother.

ps. light eggnog in lieu of milk in your coffee is great!

+++

aw!

Hey Rinky …. Just wanted to congratulate you on your winning the Blog award! Wow .. that’s pretty cool! We’re all proud of you!
( Me, Shawn and Rocky )

Love
Dad

rocky is a cat and he is proud of me too, that’s sweet.

what to wear, what to wear, what to wear tonite to this? ideas?

it’s finally %$$#^!#* over!

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the polls are closed wuhoo thank shit! thanks to everyone who voted for me i love you, to everyone else who voted against me (yet for some reason read this thing)(stop reading this thing!) i do not love you. they say the next 48 hours will be the coldest ever so far this year. brrrr. perfect for fil‘s show tomorrow (are you coming? you should.)

fil hates these pants and i think i figured out why, they’re my independence pants, when he sees me in them he can’t help but picture me as an office slob and the thought of me playing working girl scares him. seriously, dude has an ish with me in worky-attire, what gives? these pants highlight my curvy fuckin’ ass like cray cray. also, working girl was the first movie i ever saw at the drive-in, it played first in the line-up with whatever it showed with (i cashed out for the second movie) and i think i was 5? super young but still took it all in, you’d think that would have inspired me to i dunno, “work” ha. i was transfixed by melanie griffith’s soft lispy voice more than anything, and her hi-tops. it was on yesterday, i watched some of it while i free-stepped to wii.

mmm nose makeup.

aw look at fatty behind me waiting for fil.

um guess who is getting a tan first thing tomorrow morning, GEEZIS.

and when you speak angels sing from above

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last nite fil was specifically asked by some BSS guy or whatever to go to the drake to shoot their band, bill priddle?

Phil: bill priddle is a guy in the band
the band is don vail
“don vail’
and it wasn’t bill who mentioned me
just say one of the guys in the band

anyway i went too once i figured out some appropriate attire to camouflage my bloated insecurities, turns out it was plaid nite, great, got that memo.

bought a jar of black bean seasoning to try and emulate sweet lulu, not even close guys. ps. i accidentally refer to that place as lululemon sometimes FIL WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO LULULEMON I’M STAAARVING!

and here we are.

and are.

and.

still my favourite postcard (undies on the left), i have at least 50 different photos of it from separate occasions.

so it’s no secret i have a few issues with the outside world and being in it and people looking at me so something like a disco ball to busy myself with is totally appreciated.

i liked the first geezer band specifically cos the drummer was layin’ it on thick in between songs like a been there done that wizard ‘cept he was kinda preaching to the wrong choir (he did make a few funny comments i have no recollection of at the moment, all i remember is fil laughing so there you go). he said sobriety was overrated, yeah cool story guy.

curtis santiago was a good scene, very fun.

not fun though was guy from geezer band number 1 planting himself RIGHT in front of allison. i at least enjoyed it.

allison kept referring to herself as mickey rourke face as she had just recently went to see The Wrestler by herself! can you believe it, holy balls. anyway no, sorry, no mickey faces here. i can’t wait to see that movie myself, but not by myself, and i will require two juice boxes of shitty merlot and a chill pill, i can do this. have you seen the trailer yet?

i also appreciated the ironic white supremacist laces which i shared with allison who then snapped that i was NOT going to write anything bad on my blog tomorrow. what! come on, i said i liked it, and what is that NOT irony? i know what you’re doing there like when you wear that keffiyah thing over a teeny t-shirt. message FULLY received, is all. (ps. if you say “is all” after a telling it like it is sentence it cancels out some of the sting, it’s my new just sayin’)

next time i’m showing up trashed and i will dance the floor tiles into oblivion i promise. i’m just way too shy when up at the front so close like that and i allow my thoughts to overtake me, getting older sucks people, if you can avoid it, DO.

um, dewy youthful vitality much holy hell jenn take a relax pill on the health.

ok that’s better and what is going on with my body i didn’t know i was wearing spanx last nite.

curtis meet fil, fil, curtis. fil said he was glad we stayed cos he could not take one bad shot of them.

do you subscribe to the plaid shirt news feed? first of all nice vogue there (i mean it) but seriously, i always freak about what to wear to the drake and i gather many others do too, it’s a different set to scene to, like, you have to try but not look like you tried, and you can’t wear too much black cos then you’re just totally invisible, unless that’s what you were going for. why can’t i wear the outfits that i pull together magically fantastically and waste on nites we don’t do anything? guh.

shut up allison with your tiny waist.

ok so this is me here making an effort to dance and thinking oh please let this vodka be THE ONE and in my head i’m thinking over and over i want to fucking die so i just did some little dance sidestep shuffle. too much pressure for last song impromptu dance party.

long hair comes in handy much in the way people hide behind their spectacles. if i can’t see them they can’t see me. which now come to think of it is how i have been dancing as of late and reason why i bump into shit. it has nothing at all to do with alcohol. how many times was alcohol mentioned in this post jesus.

would have been a good shot, curtis came up to allison and danced with her and i evaporated, dave took these. (his blog is private now so no point in linking to it. i accidentally went to davesummerfield.blogspot.com yesterday haha check out that guy)

oh what a baby.

no no SHOW MY LEGS IDIOT!

if i had a white patch in my hair i could look like that chick from what not to wear. fil says it looks terrible. not on dudes though, not fair.

i ruined every single one of these shots with my stupid face and i kept tripping over my own feet and some guy was in the bg doing awesome drunk jock poses too, i might just white out my face and use them anyway cos they’re funny.

oh man and then the best thing happened, 1 of course all the booze hit me (that last goblet of vodka sauce comps. jenn did it)(why can’t we get drunk in rewind?)(did your mind just get blown too?!) and then this little awesome guy hit the stage with one of the guys from spiral beach, no matter, this guy STOLE IT holy fuck right down to his pacifism kicks ass sticker. they’re called the entire universe? someone get me the name cos i finally like something here.

his 1970 cottage haircut was the best.

HAHAHHAH LOVE

then up to say bye to jenn busted her doing shots, what a girl.

RIP dude. every time i wear those all i do is talk to everyone on my gchat how i’m wearing these hilarious holey underwears that are barely a month old and i just can’t get over how many fucking holes are in them and WHERE are they coming from?? i was going to save them for a special hugging with pants off occasion, you know, heat of the moment all that so fil could feel like hercules, anyway, when we got home i showed him what i’d been wearing all nite and how on last legs they are so he went to town on the spot. i’m glad i could share this with all of you.

VOTE VOTE VOTE just four more hours to go! VOTE VOTE VOTE! <3 <3 <3 be patient with it, help out nanatheminx.

ONE MORE DAY!

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polls close today at five so blast as many VOTES my way as possible til then (the polls load goofy if at all, so much traffic etc just be patient <3) and what the hell is going on here in these un-fakely posed shots at the drake's newly improved sky yard?

it’s very nice, heated flooring in the closed-in eating area too. thanks for the tour jenn! (and the drink/s).

ok the first prizes i’m giving away are our leopard print onesies 1. size medium with RAYMI in hot pink stitched over the heart and 2. size XL with Philogynist stitched over the heart. i’ll tell you how to win one later. COLLECTOR’S ITEMS.

oh the mighty knick knack

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here’s part two party animals!

so much wintry beauty how is one supposed to pose amongst it? anyway enough of that.

newp, not open.

yeah thanks i’ll just suck on an icicle or two, dicks.

so overwhelming what the hell to buy, all the xmas shit was 50% off, ugh couldn’t settle on one tiny thing not even a piece of tinsel.

yikes.

love it.

v drawn to the vintage decorations.

a teenage boy said to fil hey you were dragged in here too? and then followed him around everywhere a little too closely. fil said it was something to do at least. aw. the poor guy was there with his mom, he was very intrigued by me snapping pictures and fil’s i dunno, height? manliness? the fact that we were in there period. the scene at the little coffeehouse next door was pretty funny when we busted through the door, they had a couch and everything, covered in small town nerds, their eyes practically buggered straight out of their heads. they had no salty snacks so we didn’t get anything.

so many mirrors, my one weakness aside from knee socks, booze, uh, grey cardigans, snappy comebacks….

you can see fil’s reflection in that mirror.

i had a nice faux fur blanket like this once until all my scumbag friends spilled booze and put their cigarettes out on it. sick.

do you think these would qualify as christmas ornaments cos i think fil’s mom would like them for her dining room.

mental illness bowl. i’m sorry but i hate sunflowers, this girl in elementary school ruined them for me. thanks 1990’s.

i like that tablecloth.

oh god i want a cinnabon right now.

the one thing we bought from that store was a packet of gourmet cheese/onion dip mix. it was super good. you mix it with a cup of mayo and a cup of sour cream (light i chose)(you can sub in plain yogurt as well) and that’s one reason why i felt like a cow for the rest of the nite.

reason two, pulled pork and ahmahfuckingawd it was the best THE BEST.

tod loves turbo, turbo loves tod, tod confuses turbo with ollie, when turbo refuses to get down he scrambles back on up and tod says no ollie no. so funny.

kind of want to go back in time and eat it all over.

cute set-up.

this concludes part two, thanks for watchin’ and as expected here is your postly reminder to CAST ANOTHER VOTE for raymi, the site is getting slammed with traffic so it might not load on the first click, be patient, just refresh and try again, i greatly appreciate it.

your humble diarrheaist, raymi.

sunday sunday drive drive

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first the scenic part of the journey after a bit of junk .

dream wizard.

i finished it awhile ago but am now re-reading it aloud (i always hated the term aloud why can’t we just say OUT LOUD? aloud is pretentious, i think i first came across it in a babysitter’s club book. ugh) to fil in the car (in the dark, with a headlamp) and anyway, whatever book i read is my go-to anxiety come-down however with this one, the second half of the read is total sketchy chaos so there i am on the couch in the middle of the nite hyper-ventilating reading this scary garbage with my eyeballs peeled to the ceiling, paralyzed by it all, funny kinda actually once you get over the terrifying.

oh whatever cid.

this is a somewhat clean period, we throw receipts and other such junk on to this dresser until fil has a flip-out then i go through it all and toss more than half of it out. he seems to think i am the one responsible for all the clutter that accumulates on it, pfft, i pretty much exclusively throw away my receipts or stuff them in my side drawer whereas fil likes to wallpaper the dresser with them. you can see a requisition form for an ultrasound i haven’t bothered to call in an appointment for, there’s another one on the organ. quite bad of me, once the pain goes away i’m all onto something new pretty much.

the usual suspects. let me tell you about hallway picture time, it takes maybe a little too much coaxing to get both ourselves on the outside of the apartment so when that finally happens my brain lightbulb says MIRROR to me and then i have two seconds to get a shot, usually cid has already escaped to waddle the floor and snort at us for leaving him and fil is like LETS GO. so a picture of fil and i together in this mirror is truly something special.

and off we go, where to? dunno dunno doesn’t matter, out of the city is all that does. we almost tobogganed with the skids yesterday, both parties had to postpone (fil is getting sick) and the skids well, who knows? heh.

yeah i got my eye on you too.

don’t forget fil’s photography show at the steamwhistle this wednesday there’s a few other dudes exhibiting as well, all live music shots. cheap beer!

nails are lookin’ good, surprsied i haven’t chewed ‘em all off.

i remember a big burn in school was “your mother’s a bus driver!” turned out my first serious bf’s mom drove a school bus. whoops.

what a goofy lookin’ tree set in the middle of a field like that.

kind of really dig it.

accidental pretention, still she’s pretty.

dangit all that shit in the way. there are many campers in the “country” nice old school ones.

if i was going to go squirrely in the middle of nowhere it’d have to be in a whimsical looking old house like this but then i couldn’t even blog pictures of it cos of said squirrelyparanoianess as one of you’d show up on my doorstep or declare that you knew exactly where that house is.

we then happened upon narnia.

just hang in there kids spring WILL be here SOON. what is the emoticon for fingers crossed?

i love forks of the credit/belfountain.

thanks to stand by me i will never walk across that thing, people do it i think.

why would you close the ONLY general store in your teeny little town on a sunday? that’s prime tourist day you wieners. or is it a winter thing? either way, you blew it.

thanks churchy for the parking.

to be continued…

OOOOH GET SOME LAST VOTES IN THERE FOR ME PLEASE THANK YOU it’s the last day, or tomorrow is, no matter lets slay it i love you. !!*UPDATE:*!! VOTING GOES TIL TUESDAY (TOMORROW)

The 2008 Weblog Awards

as per dooce, i see her readers are plugging the awards in her comments. if they think someone they admire so much who blogs like once a week (if that) should win best diarist, pfft. sheep.

free haircut a la raymi

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i do this about once a month. if it’s even it’s even, if it’s not, it’s not.


free haircut from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

keep going you guys almost there (i think voting ends on the 12th or 13th) i am so totally overwhelmed by and grateful for your voting support and well wishes, le sigh. i have some fun prizes to give out for when it’s all over too. (if i make first place of course, of course)

ok tv time now, i ate way too much at dinner tonite i feel like a cow and my period just will not get here, no i’m not preggers, fil has my cycle memorized (like, keeps track of it haha)(probably on his computer along with his “entertainment calendar”) and we’re good to go any second now i have the blemishes to prove it. awesome.

VOTE VOTE VOTE PLEASE!

The 2008 Weblog Awards

MWAH MWAH MWAH!

you are out to fucking lunch

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this morning’s email brought to you by well, ugh, come up with your own LOLZ for her.

subject: really, i’m sorry

but the only reason you are ahead in the weblog 2008 awards right now is because YOU POSTED IT ON YOUR WEBSITE! so if you want to get angry and post the following in 2008, then go ahead:

“2006 best diarist
oh i won best diarist too everyone’s been nagging about it lately saying oh she only won cos dooce never mentioned the contest on her blog, and so what, did you guys win? no. were you even nominated? double no. so fuck off already.

i’m awesome.”

maybe it’s because you’re still quite young, but as someone who could ALMOST BE YOUR MOTHER (i’m 42, so actually, i could be) i have to tell you that if you win the 2008 awards for best diarist, well, you didn’t win honestly. if it weren’t for neil gaiman (see january 6 post here: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/), who ‘pimped himself out’, even though he didn’t need to, i wouldn’t have known about the awards. really think about this, lauren. i have been reading heather’s blog every day for four years. i have always found about about these awards after the fact, which is when she posts about it. if she posted the weblog awards on her page darlin’, you would not win. AND YOU KNOW THIS. it escapes me that you could think otherwise. where is your dignity? posting what you did in 2006 after winning . . . it only shows people how immature you are. be gracious, arrogance is not becoming.

and as far as i know, your blog hasn’t been featured in time magazine’s best 50 blogs. TIME MAGAZINE, lauren. please, correct me if i’m wrong. i’ve never read your blog, i’ve never heard of you before january 6. please don’t be so assuming about yourself.

-venusismycat

errrr ah, thanks for the insight?

you only know about dooce because she was notoriously fired for blogging and ever since has been milking the hell out of that ride (who wouldn’t) she’s a great writer but her subject matter is a snoozefest (IMO) and she is like the martha stewart of blogging, she’s MADE IT i GOT THAT you worshipping goon. what exactly are you trying to school me with? you pointed out what i said and then emailed me about it and who the fuck is neil gaiman? oh wait i think i’ve read a book of his. anyway, you’re mad lady and care WAY too much about all this. AND STOP CALLING ME LAUREN AND DOOCE HEATHER. you don’t know me or her, you’re mental! of course i’m going to post the awards on my website so that my readers can vote, they stick me in with dooce cos they know she won’t post about it so it gives the rest of us a chance. do i think i’m a better diarist than she is? yes. why? because i update far more frequently which i think plays a huge role when it comes to diarrheaing (which your email made me feel like doing instantly) and i am up against a key player here so i’m NOT going to post it? jesus woman get a life. you’ve never heard of me before cos you are part of the mommy blogger’s society, ignorant and redundant and irrelevant (but there’s more of you, following her, she certainly has the numbers and you know why? COS YOU ARE ALL STAY AT HOME MOMS ON THE INTERNET 24/7). did you know that there is an entire world wide web out there of thousands upon hundreds of thousands of different kinds of blogs aside from dooce and what time magazine lists or is even close to on the radar of?

i have been around long before dooce and i will be around long after too.

and as for dignity, well, that’s for ugly people. bye!

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE today you guys <3!


sort of sick of ikea from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

greasy mullet day, it was not shower day because i ran out of conditioner.


let it be clip from raymi lauren on Vimeo.