alright so if you are driving in your car and your arm is out the window, is that for my benefit? not being your passenger, i mean, i’m on the sidewalk and i see you roll up in your whatever the fuck mobile and your wrist is sticking out like that, where do i send the thank you for letting me know you are a cool mother effer note?
this was funnier in my head two nites ago before i fell asleep, anyway, hang tight there’s more.
so like, ugh, i can’t even finish this.
you actually achieve the opposite of the desired result in hanging your goddamn arm out your window, you look like a wiener, you do not look like the stereotypical and universal image of cool when you do that (black ray bans, grease-style white t-shirt, pack of smokes tucked in the sleeve), you look like a little kid actually on your first day out of the house after a week of being grounded. also, don’t make eye contact with me, it’s awkward, i don’t want you to know that i acknowledged your arm and its intentional FORCED attempt at casualty, please stop.
you are only allowed to jam your arm out the window if you are the passenger and a feeling of euphoria overcomes you riding down country dirt roads and santana is blasting out the speakers and you do that magic carpet ride arm fighting the wind thing so that cars behind you can know that you are the most whimsical traveler ever.
also hello, driving with one arm is dangerous.
sorry for the harsh, i’m just trying to help here people.
so yesterday was pretty damn stressful i wish i had a huge weather balloon to throw myself on and deflate really fast and loud and then be thrown across the sky like in cartoons, that kind of stressed? i also have the stress zits to show for it. so in honour of said stress we stress ate some delicious bad foods.
then i put on an outfit inspired by kool-aid and went to lobby (first time). what do you wear to a phony try-hard richie rich desperate to spot celeb bar? red pants. one other guy had the same idea.
i don’t even want to talk about how expensive our drinks were.
we were kicked out of the bottle service only area when these boring blondes came over, no prob our drinks are done. made fun of as many people as we could then left. thanks for the g list hook-up alicia.
went to the bedford but it was full of back to school/in town wieners so to the duke instead.
we discussed our past glory days of concerts attended, so geeky.
there was 47 minutes of genius sean edited down to this. he cut out a lot of my good moments FOR SOME REASON and two other of his journal entries. i think i wasn’t hard enough on him.
i don’t have time to blog today. just a short story about my loner dinner/snack/beer experience yesterday during happy hour at cluck grunt and low, fuck that scene is lame, more like fuck cunt and blows, anyway, i had the 5 dollar (happy hour price) hush puppies (yuppies) and a 3.50 canuck, i waited forever for these bland pieces of garbage while watching way too many employees mill about and talk about lame crap at loud decibels so i can hear their “witty” zingers. then i had to wait forever for my waitress to finish canoodling with her boyfriend RIGHT IN FRONT OF/BESIDE ME AT THE BAR (unprofessional) for her to realise i wanted my goddamn bill. that place is an overpriced rip-off daycare for wasps who want to feel like they’re getting an authentic southern experience. chick didn’t even give me cutlery. i was nice, i didn’t bicker, i took pictures of my shoes, i tipped and left. i never learn my lesson though, i always go back for more. groan.
anyway, i also have a little anecdote regarding drivers who hang their hands out of car windows but we’ll have to save it for later.
im not into jocking people but i must tell you that you are the fucking shit! you are so witty and clever. you hit the nail right on the head. i always feel like u say the exact things im thinking..well with that canadian ‘twang’ or whatever it is im reading. sorry im not exactly sure of your whereabouts! ive only just started reading your blog. i dont read blogs. im too a~d~d. id rather someome else read them to me…..or better yet make a show on mtv about it..lmfao. but your blog is so entertaining that i love it and read it everyday!im loving you , im loving everything about you, im actually thinking of being you for halloween! HA… kidding. but you def need your own show. clearly! keep up the good work BIIIITCH! XOXOX ~saige
thanks!
oh yeah my dad said he reads my blog everyday now and is my number 1 fan.
florida, i am barely 3 here and afraid of swimming and my brother is taking off with that thing and i’m holding on tight cos i wanted to float on it too. my brother was a selfish dick to me all the time. so, i threw some decorative rocks into the deep end of the pool my dad had to dive in and get then i locked myself in the poolside bathroom cos i was scared i’d get in trouble over it. didn’t.
my first kindergarten bf’s birthday party. that was my ballingest outfit at the time especially with ghetto braided crimped hair. that shirt has shoulder pads. i decided that backwards crossed suspenders would suffice and after an afternoon spent eating chips and playing pin the tail on the donkey my shorts could do whatever they felt like, no need to showcase the fluorescent green embellishment cos this party is DONE. it was also hard to have game when you are taller than every boy in your class, that lasted til grade 8.
in case our daughter goes missing, here, take this picture of a 60 year old man.
preschool, circle time made me nervous.
me exposing papa, i just couldn’t go with it, god kids, ugh!
another halarious afternoon was spent betwix shawn and lauren, jokes were shared and many laughs could be heard blocks away.
get a load of that homemade popsicle but jeez mom put some mascara on me, where are my eyes???
birth of the notorious point i am so big on.
dude right behind my head would later become my first serious boyfriend of 1.8 years.
those chicks are obvs stoked on being placed near me at the table what is that shit all over my face?
i asked my dad if he was baked in this picture. the answer is not known.
pointing at that present, that’s right, mine.
i’m pretty emo here, guess i didn’t really understand this whole winter thing.
performing for my great g-ma. see how i come by my short shorts affection honestly, thanks mom. holy babe much?
gross! already at it with my weird fingers folding over OCD tick.
a kid my mom used to sit for. check my fridge art.
i am so a cat right now.
no eye lashes, exactly why i glob that crap on.
another fantastic halloween get-up. my mom actually paid some woman to make those for us. uhhhhhhh…yes.
brother’s communion, my mom made us both pose by the cake this way, i was trying to force one of my loose front teeth out during it cos i was not vibing with the lord at all. the tooth came out during a group photo. burn.
still playing with it.
i remember this day well because we were obnoxious fucking monsters in these back to school clothes at my nana’s and by the time we left to go to my other grandparent’s house we were complete messes and totally hyper.
i have those tights again and that watch thing on my arm was an xmas gift from first kindergarten bf, it had lip balm in it, no watch.
weekend my dad’s folks sat for us, we were brats. my brother convinced them to let us watch robocop.
junior kindergarten graduation i am super nervous to be near the principal.
if you can figure out what it says on that box i will be forever grateful, i had almost everything in that series and it used to be a cartoon show i was obsessed with. cannot remember the name. MOON DREAMERS THANKS SAM!
that was the villain witch of the show, this doll glowed in the dark. we used her head in a game we played in my nana’s basement, my brother cousin and i. two would hide in the dark while someone came down the stairs holding the glowing head so we could see that person and while trying to find us we would throw toys and crap at that person. v fun and dangerous.
this is what i am opening in this picture!
80s toys were the best, so inspired by acid.
k sorry for the little derailment there, just a few more and i’m good
i am so sick of that costume.
loved that dress.
look at my pipes!
my brother was the cuter one.
see how much i hated having my picture taken, i felt so naked.
hahahahaha.
preschool teddy bear picnic.
montreal, nice ‘stache dad.
that’s mocha, sigh. this picture is very a christmas story. i remember feeling extremely stupid posing for it.
ha way to go drawing a widow’s peak on my brother’s forehead with blue make-up.
yeah, my wardrobe pretty much hasn’t skipped a beat since this period in my life. i felt dumb posing for this picture too. v insecure and shy when it came to pictures as a kid. obvs i got over it.
you are number 1, happy garbage, just wanted you to know it.
if only all garbage could be as happy as you are happy garbage, the world would be such a nicer place.
BYEZIES!
cid is not a happy garbage.
happy sunday!
don’t forget about this thing
i’m going to upload a video of probably my worst/best karaoke performance ever in a couple days to get you guys jazzed for this. tell me in comments or email if you plan to attend.
