fil and i are going to be playing dodge ball on saturday afternoon not to make you jealous or anything, read:
you have been selected to kick ass with the team Mr. Dodgers Neighbourhoood!
Our uniforms consists of dress shirts (short sleeve if possible ( it gets hot)), tie, a cardigan, shorts, knee-high socks and of course runners. Check out a pic of mr. rogers and that is what we’re going for. Dodgeball is awesome, but can get quite hot so we’ll probably lose the cardigans while playing but it would be nice to start in them.
if you want to tag along to take pictures of us email me, fil will be too busy to do so, he’s a bit nervous cos he can’t aim. pester him in his blog comments to tell you about the time he put a fishing lure through his cousin’s face and also the time when his friend threw a lawn dart into fil’s head.
last friday’s dinner at the beav.
they were out of the lettuce they normally use, arugula, and they also forgot the reggiano which i didn’t notice ’til i was on the last bite oh well.
radmad was crushing hard on those cue balls over by my paintings.
and now i am starving, prosciutto salad concoction for dinner tonite kids!
ps. my new nail polish is a big success with this guy it’s like the colour of a my little pony and makes me think of cupcakes.
holy shit check this one out ps. new my little pony background to come sorry!
hi raymi long time blog reader, fist time writer drunk after watching tenenbaum’s on your recommendation
not the first time i have watched it
wanted to share with you my tears. you said you cried and you said you felt heartsick you weren’t in it. this is a pointless email because all i want to say is how much i loved the film. i cried and cried especially at the end. i found baldwin’s narrator so especially emotional. what an incredible film. i was awestruck that owen had contributed to writing the film. this is so silly me writing this and if i wasn’t drunk i would surely delete it but let me say this
i love your blog. i love about it (three things because i used to play a 3 things positive game with a lovely girl)
1. it’s so honest, that may or may not be a confabulation/deliberate construction but i don’t care (if it is a construction then of course you are a genius and as gwyneth say’s such words are not used lightly) 2. got me listening to bjork after your isobel piece when you were singing whilst doing your hair 3. food pornography, music pornography (amp in your recent piece where you are posing a recent example) and your own sweet pornography (sweet in a nice way i think) but also i sort of thinkk you and px are lovely and also i guess i associate with it and your life a it i guess
actually i hate that list but it will have to do, i have vampired your blog for so long without giving anything back.
raymi, i have never voted before, but hopefully, sober tomorrow, i will vote. i also loved your pieces of diary inclusion. especially when you were in england. i identify with your loss of the best towel ever and in my own mind miss it a bit. it is hard to let such losses go.
if i may go back to the royal tenenbaum’s, it’s richie who kills me, and as you loved gwyneth paltrow, i think i thought the same of ritchie. doesn’t he look fantastic as he cuts away. anyway you are over this i guess and i am lame but i am drunk and so fuck it. what a movie. major resonance for me is the father dislocated.
raymi, please keep up the good work and i imagine for everyone who bothers to give you the energy back there are a thousand or so workers who are happy to be observers. if i may appropriate your energies, in a way i think you do it for us.
love steve xxx000
p.s i have four copies of my home produced record “robot songs” left. can you give me a postal address so i can send you one. plus i attach here a tribute to the departed sleater kinney.
plus i want to send you a photo of my daughter. because you share so much.
+++
Two things
Raymi:
I have been thinking about you a lot lately, and thought I would say a couple of things.
First, congratulations on the art show. You deserved every piece of publicity you got, and everyone who bought a piece of art from you got lucky. The hose guy was my favourite, but someone beat me to the bid. I hope you keep making it.
Second, your writing has been killing me lately. It’s hilarious and brilliant. I write nothing like you, obviously, but I am taking a fiction writing workshop right now, and I cannot help but think of the way you write. I just love the way you describe things. It is a mixture of hilarity, profanity and randomness that I sometimes try to emulate, but at which I never really succeed.
i am in bed, we watched i know who killed me, please watch it at the same time as not watching it, if that’s possible, which it isn’t. this piece of work is so, i don’t even know what to say, picture me with both hands on my scalp tugging at my hair at like warp speed with my eyes bulging out of my face right now and my mouth opening and closing with no words coming out, fil wanted to know if the script was written by monkeys. i felt like shit all day and now i feel nauseous (hangover/bad dinner/bad movie to boot) so i don’t feel like typing out the entire plot because it is so ludicrously unbelievable but i fully intend to. how did i not notice lindsay lohan was missing a leg and a fucking arm in the doing it scene that i beat off to over the summer when it leaked on the internet?
fil and i keep imitating the best line in the movie WHO’S AUBREY? exactly how she says it too.
lindsay if you are reading this i still want to be friends, the offer will always be on the table.
it’s great also because you know during production she was a complete disrespectful, irresponsible, out of control shit.
when fil dropped me off at shoppers i noticed my fly was down, so that means when i got out of the bathroom at the doctor’s office it was down the entire time, and then i walked by the bad kids (sent to the dumb no future alternative school) in the parking lot playing hacky sack and it was down and then on the corner i almost got hit by a car cos this woman couldn’t decide if she was going to pass me (walking) on the right or left so we did the hokey pokey a couple times just seconds after i did up my fly.
an undone fly has the power to make you feel like such an incredible loser, i’m trying to think of an equivalent, tripping in front of strangers?
did i ever blog about the time i fell down the entire flight of stairs at erin mills town centre after the late movie showing of romeo and juliet and everyone was spilling out of the theatre into the empty mall when i was in grade seven and beginning my transformation into cool tweenager and one guy exploded into laughter and his mouth made the PUH sound and then everyone laughed and my friends didn’t even notice so i was all alone on an island of pure mortification?
i was walking all smug thinking in my head how everyone had to be checking me out because i was wearing high heel penny loafers (I KNOW!) and then i slipped and rolled all the way down the stairs with my left hand on the railing like i had those wheels in my shoes that all the kids have these days i wish i could go back in time and have my brother there with me cos his laughing at me would overpower everyone else and then we would be like a variety show together, if my mom were there i would have just run away and hid in one of those huge mall planters.
i just bought new lipstick that is probably a terrible shade for me, coral pinkish, and i bought new nail polish what is it with my affinity for uber tacky stripper nail polish i just can’t get it right. i didn’t want to try on the lipstick before i bought it just drew it on my hand and went yep this is it! the drugstore lady is such a vacuum cleaner salesman she is always trying to guilt me into buying extra things and telling me about promotions and other shit, she is at least really nice to me unlike all the other girls at the cosmetics booth who get insanely irritated when you go up to them to pay for your stuff there instead of at the regular check-out lane. one of these days i am going to say something i have so much saved up rage over these chicks, like sorry for interrupting your standing still meditation but i noticed you are actually at work right now not working could you quite possibly i dunno DO THAT and swipe this hair conditioner so i can get the hell out of here that would be really nice.
ps. tonite is so totally sober nite i have been suffering from the worst boomerang hangover all goddamn day.
pps. an adrenaline surge of rage just skyrocketed to my brain and private parts i just saw an ad for the fifth estate, a special on animal cruelty specifically circus animals, some guy whipping an elephant and another dude scrunching an ape’s face with his bare hand, i would totally murder someone if that happened anywhere close to me, i mean it, i would tackle and beat the shit out of them and slam their head into pavement i hope someone out there is doing it for me right now.
i just spent the last half hour being irritated out of my fucking mind by oprah and every guest on her show having to do with that juno movie.
i want to marinate in the tub but i am too lazy to even do that i don’t feel like dealing with wet hair today.
stupid shirt i wore last nite, stupid because i had to wear a tank top under it cos an important load-bearing string fell out of the collar so it opens up on my tits and all nite long i felt dumpy and constricted.
good news everyone i don’t have cervical cancer or anything like that vagina-related and my pee is normal too so maybe my kidney isn’t fucked, it [urine] will be sent out for a culture test just in case and i’ll hear back in two days what’s up with it, and i have a requisition for another ultrasound.
the mgmt cd is amazing! and i am loving 101 reykjavik right now, i just discovered it is also a movie, i have to see it too i feel so behind in the times.
my copy has this cover. oh and of course damon albarn did the soundtrack for the movie.
i talked to bruce mcdonald last nite everyone was really impressed that i didn’t fuck that one up, usually i’m 0 for 9 i wish i knew baseball terminology what am i trying to say here?
kyra just draws pictures of me all day long how romantic her life must be.
if you haven’t casted your vote yet please go do that!
i’m at the mod club and fancy food keeps coming up to me i’m by the stage for the music makes it omdc/nxne thing, im babysitting the table with everyone’s shit on it pretty good score there being a laptop here ‘n all, fil is “working” the event with his camera, the sadies are playing, royal wood and sarah slean? i don’t like my outfit at all. i will update in a minute after i check my comments. this is an industry event, rsvp only so don’t all come running down here or anything.
i was all amped for it to be sober nite but now i am drinking crappy red wine here are all the things i have eaten since i got here and i didn’t have to stand up once:
1 teeny weeny burger the size of two thumbnails with an even teenier roasted red pepper on it and dijon mustard
3 gorgonzola cheese w/ mushrooms and sweet onion on melba toast (they keep coming by here i keep saying yes)
1 prosciutto wrapped chicken thing on a bamboo toothpick
1 salmon wrapped around some cream cheese? on a long skinny crusty stick
and right now i am looking at a guy who looks like clint eastwood, this laptop is ancient.
i think the servers are purposely moving past me cos they think i’m greedy the old chicks beside me keep scarfing it all up and the plates come by me empty wtf i am in a fight with them now they just don’t know it. this is the grossest wine. i don’t like sitting here by myself anymore the novelty has passed, tiffany and brad are here loading down their stuff. oh yay look another empty plate going by. ok one server just came to me she has my back, everyone along this wall must be full as hell by now, it’s less scary serving to people who are sitting down i guess. i remember i did work at an “event” once it sucks, you feel invisible all nite long and you just want to be singled out and noticed for more than the black shirt you are wearing, then people get nice to you halfway through the nite and you feel special then you realise they only want you to serve them faster than everyone else that’s the only reason why they are being nice, oh and cos they’re drunk, what a drag.
here comes britt and wendi.
i just had a mini pizza and another lamb thing oh yeah i had two lamb things on melba toast with feta on top ok no more.
wendi gave me a mgmt cd.
ok this is gay i’m going to stop updating now.
1 more salmon thing mmmmmmmm.
and now i’m alone again.
LOSER.
oh brad came back with some white wine (for himself), tiffany said i heard you had the spins last nite. everyone is cruising the room going in circles then coming back here again, wendi’s like i’ll let you work. ha! work, dude i’m blogggging.
1 more salmon thing.
my hair is still wet i feel like a bag lady i’m wearing a dumpy peasant shirt, we had to hurry to get here for fil and i had to finish doing my makeup in the bathroom here, fil psyched me out of wearing the outfit i wanted to wear – shorts, heels, socks, some sort of shirt.
tiffany is taking pictures of me i look like a cow in every single one.
there i just turned down a lamb melba toast go me.
i finished my wine.
britt said i am like carrie from sex and the city right now.
ok signing off for real now i mean it. ha yeah right.
there are “famous” (within the industry) people milling around here i can’t make many of them out over the glare from the screen. i should live-blog more often cos then i would actually have a memory of all the funny things i thought once i thought them.
i just ate a caramelized onions/gorgonzola cheese thing two bites w/o swallowing then stuffed a hot prosciutto wrapped chicken thing in my mouth this is nuts i have to leave this table some guy is on stage now talking about omdc.
gill just gave me her sweater to wear.
i should have worn more necklaces.
royal wood is getting ready to play now.
gill is getting me another shitty wine now.
there are 6 competing photographers at the front of the stage i bet they all hate each other.
oh i like this royal wood song.
everyone is going for a smoke now, not me, i checked my coat, it’s too cold, and i’m not wasted.
gill is wearing a betsy johnson dress she got for 150 originally 400 i’m supposed to tell you that. it’s 6.46 now i’ve been here since 5. royal wood finished, sadies next.
i was just reading this messageboard trashing me, a bunch of political cronies, one said they have kids in their 20s and apparently i’m no longer relevant and considered a joke – that’s funny, when did that happen? based on how retarded and unjustifiably smug these douchebags are, i can only imagine how big the loserness of their kids is. what have their kids accomplished? i made my own fucking niche fuck you!
they seem to really believe that i think my art is over-the-top talent as well. how incredibly stupid. ps. messageboard party? go have an affair or something already you sad bastards.
fil’s pants are ripped again, he crouched too hard i guess.
in case you were wondering how i reply to emails here is an example i am a little bit proud of:
how old are you guys are you fat and ugly stilton what is irish bacon
+++
bet you didn’t know it was KELLY RIPA TIME!
you know, i’m not a box set type of guy but i would actually consider purchasing the entire series collection of hope&faith if it existed, and i wasn’t even into it when it was on initially, i force us to watch reruns whenever they’re on does this make me a loser?
unlike last year you only get ONE VOTE per round and thank god for that, it started today and you have ’til the 21st to vote for me then round 1 is over and then round 2 begins.
