ok so here is the story of fil and the police and no not the sting kind of police.

so after leaving samir/sharpie’s we were waiting for a cab on dundas it was late and i may or may not have smoken some pot and i may or may not have also been drunk too though fil was full-on blasted, he didn’t smoke weed (he can’t) anyway someone shines a laser pen at me from a window and i saw the red glare of it swoosh the air so i go hey someone just shon (shone shined shown ungh?) a laser pen at me then fil turns schizo and says THEY CANNOT DO THAT! and marches over to the window and the whoever slams the window closed and fil takes out his palm pilot phone and pretends to call the police and i am jumping all around him (baked) going HEY are you REALLY calling the cops hello hello hello DON’T! fil STOP! it wasn’t a big deal! (inside my head i am totally flattered though) i was pictuing the police showing up and we are wasted and i am high and then they like ask me to tell them where all the weed in toronto is i dunno i was FUCKED guys! then fil shows me he was pretending so then i make a big show of oh yeah the police will be here in three seconds! then a cab comes we get in and fil is giving the window menacing looks while simultaneously pointing at his phone from the backseat window haha and i am like boy that was exhilirating man!

old people land.

then when the cab pulled up to our building i see this fight on the street and i am all into it and then get out and run toward it and the cabbie told fil don’t let her go there alone (i’m reckless) i only ran to the end of the driveway they are on the other side of the street but they break it up and the one guy runs really fast in one direction and the other dude does the same except the other way and fil has his phone out and about to call the cops cos i’m like oh this shit is NOT over yet something else is going to happen, when fil is ripped he gets really into my conspiracy theories like i am a psychic and can fortell future fights and then he takes it one step further and wants to call the cops holy buzzkill! but he didn’t call 911 we go inside and i start talking about it again and he gets all panicky do you think i should call the cops then? NO I DO NOT THINK YOU SHOULD CALL THE COPS AT 2AM! then we start to eat some cheese and monstergirl and i had been texting and fil is like CALL HER INSTEAD SHE’S AWAKE! i’m all NO but then he forces me too and i am prepared to leave a making fun of him voicemail but couldn’t cos he was standing in the livingroom watching me and pointing at me like don’t you DARE! cos he could tell i was gearing up to burn him on her voicemail. i said dude she is not drunk WE are the drunk ones specifically YOU just cos she is awake at 2 in the morning doesn’t mean she’s drinking the world.

in the morning i reminded fil about all of this and he was really embarrassed.

the end.

you’re an athiest? GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK MICHAEL! oh shit.

sigh my 200 dollar jeans zipper busted last nite and i can’t find the receipt, i can still do it up by re-gripping the zipper but i fear it will break altogether if i continue to rely on this method of zipping. i don’t want to go back to that smarmy rich store maybe i will get fil to do it fuck maybe he has the receipt? oh and my other staple pants have a hole on the right inner thigh i may as well kill myself yeah?

it is hot i just met “monkey” at second cup to give ruby away and i totally forgot about the meeting so i gave her some other junk as penance, i looked like a dirtbag and a mouse ran under our table.

oh and i could have been in a music video for this band with the guy from barenaked ladies but the part i would play is being shot on monday and me and fil are going to be away on a magical vacation. i was going to be bonnie and the video’s theme is bonnie and clyde doi. sigh.

i had to run out yesterday before this video processed, it’s pretty obnoxious good.

dear vancouver.

the rest of the post is up if you already visitted, scroll down.

in case you forgot, i am a fucking movie star. LOOK!

i tried to dance and act really slutty last nite to get on the jumbotron, it didn’t happen. everyone in our section liked it though. these young dudes who kept fighting with us (jays fans too wtf) took off their shirts and i cupped my mouth turned around and screamed EW EW EW EW EW EW EW! at them to the timing of them swinging their shirts around in the air. i am mean. then later on this red sox kid came by me and was like you really fucked me over with that red sox thing and i went oops sorry! totally can’t remember what i said or did though (way too many things to choose from like hey to which burn are you referring, pal?) i think he just meant i want to have sex with you. fil was planning to pull my shirt down all nite long and i said ok near the end before we leave i will untie it and dance around and you can pull it down and it will be like it was spontaneous then we will run away but wait til everyone has their cellphone cameras out and ready first. didn’t happen, but on our way walking to the game he kept trying to do it. when i dance i cupped my boobs like a bimbo idiot and jumped around like kelly from married with children i am fun like that. oh and when we did the wave this guy held his baby up and i started laughing and pointing then he did it again total baby flirting with me!

pitt thinks he is in cocktail.

fil won a hat.

i am never ever eating anything deep fried ever again.

the hat trick funny how it rhymes with patrick.

sweat it out pitt, a glimpse into his possible future.

this dude kept taking pictures with his little flash on of the jumbotron DUDE the entire dome is a FLASH and so is the screen, unnecessary. fil wouldn’t let me tell him how wrong he is.

BABE ALERT!

radmad doesn’t like my nailpolish i said well look who has a boyfriend and who doesn’t! heh.

everytime pitt sat up to scream or whatever the fair blond kid beside him just stared in total silent awe like he was hypnotized it was really sweet. surprisingly, we did not get any warnings last nite.

i’m sorry but wells is TOTALLY eye-balling me in this picture.

i felt bad for looking really pretty so i let fil wear my glasses.

anita totally picked up the red sox chick behind us.

and finally

aunt raymi comes to dinner

taken from this gem:

thanks emma.

my dad told me to look up buffy st. marie ages ago cos he thinks i look like her, i finally did, what do you think?

hmm no wonder the native dudes who sell stuff on the corner get massive erections when i walk by. i bought a copper feather off one a month ago for fil’s mom and ever since they go quiet when i go by and one goes helloooooooo to me and i get all shy.

also, my mom and dad went to the same highschool in oakville, my mom was a new student and like the only one who had dark hair and everyone called her injun all the time. fucking oakville.

what is the story behind this??

i’m not so bad, three year olds like me video.

somewhat using the same voice i use when talking to small animals. haha “star wars’s” and i basically have no idea what the kid is talking about.

oh and for the rest of the nite and the following day everytime we passed each other he would say wemember the conversation we had? and i would say yeah i really enjoyed talking to you and he would say do you want to talk about star wars more later? we were talking for like 5 minutes before i even started filming that video.

so these are my 5am thoughts.

it was rumoured last nite that beckham and tom cruise are an item so then i was thinking about perez hilton and gossip blogs and how celebrities when on talk shows are asked which websites they read and all they can say is perez hilton or some shit like tmz and it is embarrassing, anyway, i of course applied this to myself and what would i say if asked oooh which fucking gossip blog do i read i would say that’s like asking what i jerk off to, how is it even relevant and who cares really? why give more to that fucking blowhard who is famous solely for talking about famous people and for nothing more? he has (cleverly) based his entire persona upon the stupidest hollywood waste of space socialite ever, paris hilton, and thus never ever talks shit about her, everyone and anyone who is her enemy is his as well, he is the quintessential hag fag. his hatred for celebrities who “hate” being photographed by the paparazzi makes me furious, he states that they are hypocritical because it is the paparazzi who make them bigger stars than they are and get them more films, more buzz etc. to which i say bullshit, do not project your deluded ideals onto celebrities because it is your job to sit around in starbucks writing about people who are out there working, people that you have people out stalking for your inflated ego blog. you are so far-deep into your celebrity stalking blog/world you think that what you think is how celebrities think and that they are secretly thankful to be hounded and pictures posted with white photoshopped drizzle and dots and crappy disses all over them. how can you say that what you do has any bearing or makes any difference to their career, what you are doing is actually detrimental you fucking hack. there are celebs that are loads successful and get plenty of work without the aid of a gossip blog, sean penn for example, stays in the shadows.

you created your own reality and now you are buying into it, you built your little shit empire, it’s your perception, not everybody else’s, don’t make assumptions.

ungh in summation, perez hilton should lose some weight and quit with the i REALLY care about amy winehouse one day and then trash her ballet slippers and life the next and then post photos embracing her that’s so beyond tacky.

i don’t ever want to talk about this again i feel disgusting now.

anyone can make a celebrity gossip blog and hitch their enterprising moochy star to paris hilton’s, but, everyone else seems to have a little more class than that.

that being said, i would still totally party with paris hilton and blog about it, just for you guys.

+++

i have had this dreamy little sweater for four years now, got it for 2 dollars from some hippie garage sale in parkdale. it’s kind of like a belly top these days though.

uh oh someone got busted during sexy time.

samir as gino.

mine. mixed curry vegetable.

samir’s club.

as usual fil.

oh and guess what?

the one time i don’t order the grilled calamari, they give away TWO!