kate moss hits her head

the good word

another excerpt from the story i’m working on.

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I am going to invent a compliment machine and I am going to be very, hugely rich and then I won’t have to write on my blog anymore.

Basically I do freelance work from home and as a huge time killer I write in this blog that I have had since 2000 and I have a following and some of it [following] have become online buddies who are also bored and too creative for their own good so we piss away hours talking nonsense and usually the conversation turns to me saying ok it’s compliment time, compliment me now!

Then I thought of a compliment machine. I have not decided what it will be made out of or anything well I imagine it like the baby translator machine from the Simpson’s that Homer’s brother Herb invents, all crappy and DIY-looking and there’s a big speaker that spits out compliments all static-like and foreign and robotic sounding.

You look beautiful today Katra.

Katra you are so tiny!

So there is a mirror attached to the compliment machine and you show it your face and then you whisper into the speaker what your feelings are like that day and the compliment machine measures the tone and pitch of your voice, it like, feels you out, deciphers your mood and based on that, it tells you what you want to hear and follows it up with what you need to hear.

I am a genius.

First it will be targeted to those who are single and have low self-esteem and then it will be coveted by large corporations to dole out to employees to up morale and increase productivity.

Picture it, your name is Dave and you are sitting on the edge of your bed, you are lacing up your work shoes and staring at yourself in the mirror, you sigh and then you hear a staticky, “Dave you are AWESOME!” pipe out and you stand up quickly, pump your fist into the air and exclaim, “FUCK YEAH I’M AWESOME” you go into work and finalize a $30 million deal and your boss sends you away on a cruise for a week.

Going on totally awesome cruises all the totally awesome time because you are totally awesome Dave!

so i am bailing on the coupland reading, courto is angry, justifiably so. i’m usually not a bailer, maybe i am i dunno. just wasn’t feeling it and cos of the long weekend it felt like it was suppose to be tomorrow. and i know it’s smarmy and unrealistic but, i wanna meet him on my own terms nahmean not like hey hey hey i waited three hours in line to babble nonsense i like your writing and stuff why don’t YOU come out to one of MY blog parties or book fair somethings instead? lets go to a bar or something, you can discuss portfolio diversification and i can talk about hendrick’s and megatouch.

i guess i feel like a big nothing today and going to see a “somebody” would only intensify the feeling, and no no i wouldn’t be inspired if i went, i don’t get inspired, i’m not a “gets-inspired” type person.

i’m a loudmouth coward and a stubborn bitch.

i also have a zit on the very tip of my nose.

tony tony tony

samir = guitar hero

sarah owns

skippy

wanna join my jump rope gang?

the coupland reading is today and i am getting anxious and the reason for it will make more than half of you angry, you see, i am not very well-versed in nerd protocol, if there isn’t a bar or loud obnoxious music it’s hard to be normal, or pay attention. i think i’m just nervous to be near the guy i’ve been reading since grade 9 and maybe the fantasy illusion will be destroyed so i am considering not going and instead going to melissa’s cd release party, or go for a little bit then leave but i know i will be very fucking angry at myself if i don’t go so right now all i’m doing is crapping and writing, crapping and writing and spacing out.

we saw the da vinci code yesterday afternoon and cos of how long it is i got a wicked neck/headache and on our way home fil was all BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ BEEP BEEP conspiracy theory blablabla treasure hunt dur dur dur and i’m all SHUT UP I CANNOT HANDLE ANY MORE INFORMATION RIGHT NOW!

i’m watching the bad kids play in the park right now and they have a supervisor for once who looks like michael stipe/that guy from live/a graphic designer.

i’m gonna go longboarding.

what you don’t agree that i am super cool?! this is how fucking cool i am we drove around the countryside yesterday and i read stephen king’s the mist to phil like a hundred pages worth if that isn’t cool i don’t know what is, oh duh i forgot, YOU are cool, ungh i am such a moron sometimes.