i feel guilty because i have loads of pictures that i haven’t done anything with yet and they’re so totally fantastic that when you see them inside your head you will be saying wow she invented photography or something. yesterday i moved in a bunch of my clothes and whatevers into this place, i was pretty stressed out ‘cos i was calling the apartment all day long and one of the roommates was on the fone so i finally left a message “with tone” in it and when we got there the cord of the phone in the hallway was dragged all the way into this dude’s bedroom. he had been on the phone for 8 hours straight. so i haven’t met him yet. the other people seem pretty nice.

went to the drake to see natasha alexandra, she’s total babesville.

before her set there was some comedy going on and one guy was doing all this wacky interpretive performance something or other with props and shit and he kept bouncing a basketball into the crowd and i was like dooooood if that fucker bounces that thing at me i’m going to smash my pint into my teeth. it was quite stressful.

earlier in the day went longboarding along lakeshore’s path thing by the water and fil rollerbladed and on the way back i was fucking tired and some little girls were riding their tiny pink bikes faster than i was going and i felt like a huge embarrassing failure.

in the bathroom at the drake these metrosexual bitches were talking about their clothes and one girl says to her posse hey should i roll my sleeve or not? rolled? unrolled? and she surveyed the lavatory for opinions, looked at me and my disaster of an outfit and asked the woman behind me what she should do.

p’shhhhhhhhaw.

how come every hussy with a credit card acts like they’re paris fucking hilton?

happy mother’s day and so on.

last nite i pulled down aimee’s top and this woman threatened that if i did it again i’ll, “See what happens.”

oooooooooooooooooh.

so now i have a black eye.

that stupid top shrunk up to nothing after washing it just once. friggin’ sweatshirt material.

yesterday we were like sex and the suburbs ie bitch beer patio day and i was pretty quiet for most of it ’til the loudmouth juice hit me and then everything i said was amazing and polite.

yesterday i overheard this woman talking to her gaggle of old lady companions about this great new website called classmates.com and it’s so convenient because it helps you locate all of your old school chums!!! i went up to her and said ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!? THAT IS AMAZING!

ok no i didn’t but i wanted to.

they’re all going to sign up for that shit and have a bajillion classmates spam mails in their email accounts and then they’ll have to start a new email account.

i am so tired of old people complaining about their junk mail. “I have all this junk mail and i don’t know why and i downloaded all of the proper software to block it.”

i’ll tell you why you have junk mail idiot, you sign up to shitty websites like classmates.com and open every single attachment and click every pop-up that blips on your screen and NO I WILL NOT HELP YOU DOWNLOAD AN E-CARD WHY CAN’T YOU FIGURE THIS OUT ALREADY FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST!?!?

here is an impression of me from last nite:

and here is what it sounded like:

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGHHHHHHHH

thank you for your time.

ok so i fucked up again, the episode i was on actually aired LAST nite at 1 am. oops.

i like it when cats think they are invisible and stalk around you like you can’t see them and they are obviously planning to pounce onto your lap after you told them to fuck off a hundred times so they wait it out a little while then a lightbulb goes off in their head to come at you from the left side, something they never ever do, and therefore you will not see them and they have outwitted you because they are so fucking clever and then i turn my head really fast and look him right in the eye and he takes a step back and is like oh my god you can see me, WTF!?

i was suppose to meet my cousin last nite and the other roommates i will be living with ’til august but i got lazy and went to the bar down the street instead so on saturday i’ll just show up with all my shit and be like helloooo fuckers and if i don’t like them i will just have to pretend that i do. i’m not going to tell them about my blog so i can majorly shit-talk them and then maybe publish a book or something and then when i move out i’ll be like here ya go, thanks for the material.

i’m kinda starving myself, it’s that time of the year where i picture myself wearing tank tops and t-shirts but i have my winter layer still. well, i’m not really starving myself, i’m just eating once a day and it’s usually not until 5 o’clock and after that it’s all liquids. i think it is sort of working though i am probably just deluding myself into thinking it is and i should be integrating some exercise in with this sitting around doing nothing. also this not really eating stems from laziness because if there actually was food here i would be eating it, mang.

i have been sleeping in like crazy though. i have crazy fatigue syndrome or something which translates to being a major shut-in which also means stir-crazy and when you boil it down, just. plain. crazy. so much so that when i finally do venture out, i am thrilled by things like megatouch and watching some fat lady at the table near us in the greek restaurant be totally drunk and flop around her arms a lot when she is talking and hoping that she stumbles when her party leaves. bullshit like that.

at least i don’t wish for car accidents to happen to me anymore. that was back in the lithium days.

ok so i didn’t have a neurologist appointment yesterday, turns out it’s not ’til the end of the month.

had band practise last nite which was incredibly awesome as usual except for the beer that made me burp every two minutes and then the part where i bopped myself in the chin with the microphone and then i broke wind and fil had to stand on the other side of the room ’til it was safe again and he couldn’t read the sheet music.

the other nite i played jenga with a new opponent and immediately into the game i was thinking i am ten million times better and so i won ten times in a row but as the nite wore on and soon enough i was knackered my magical jenga skills fucked off altogether and i was a magnificent failure and because of all this i was late meeting the gals by the megatouch machine and they were due to be kicked out and pissed off i took so long because my megatouch skills were needed and also i had left earlier without paying although i thought fil was taking care of it hence me giving him money to settle up but we both left w/o doing that.

paaaaaaaaaarty.

at one point aimee wore herself a pylon on her head and this yuppie family was taking an evening stroll and i was taking aimee’s picture and yuppie family was not impressed. aimee left the pylon on someone’s fancy bmw and we trolloped back to hers whilst she hiccupped the entire way there.

you’s all have until may 25 to see the blythe exhibit at magic pony. i hear they are going to be the official distributor in all of north america too. excuse me while i foam at the mouth.