11:04 am – hardware store 28 December 2000
sometimes it is like she is the only one on the face of this earth who feels breathes sleeps sits alone and feels the bite and the kick of loneliness tho’ she stands up in it embraces it keeps her chin up in it endures survives it and nobody sees this girl her impatience her desires and impulses no one jumps in to save the girl to take advantage of her effed-upness no one knows she could be would be their girl
the self says, i am; the heart says, i am less; the spirit says, you are nothing. – Theodore Roethke
11:50pm January 4 2001 – JetFuel, Cabbagetown - lkw
she’s got
she has
this face,her eyes so small but pupils big
deep grey, green, blue
she’s got these hands so small & dainty and calloused
why but how
she’s got this vicious smirk
on her face
laughter contagious it makes you stop your breath
she has these cheekbones chiseled, sexy, strong
oh my she has this handsome original something
her nose is priceless her body movements are subtle concise and smooth you want to take her hands
you cannot read her
she has this smile it haunts
and her lips her teeth her mouth they drawl and purse when she tells you
and she holds her cigarette like an old woman, a traveller from Portofino
she has this gaze where she is looking into me half sad half something else
anything
she seems to always be pissed-off amused or tired
her chin is clefted, strong, soft
her ears you want to pinch the lobes between thumb and middlefinger as her eyes look up at you and fill with water
she has this presence we all stop and look when she walks in we all say hello how are you though we all leave her be we know she wants and wants not our company and we will never know which one she wants
she’s got
she has this exquisite face
this face you find you are always looking at
drawn-to, making you uncomfortable
she’s got i mean she has this exquisitely, haunting face
Tuesday, August 2, 1994. 4:00pm
Sauble Beach, Ontario – Knight’s Inn
We arrived here Saturday, July 30th @ 1:30pm under a hot, humid sun. Our new car endured the trip north on highway 10 for the first time, loaded down with a week’s worth luggage.
We spent Saturday afternoon by the pool and had dinner at the Inn.
Sunday morning dawned sunny and hot (humid) with a nice breeze. After an excellent breakfast at the Inn we swam in the unheated pool (which was nice once you got use to it) and then made plans for our afternoon. The town was full of teenagers enjoying the long weekend.
Sunday afternoon Shawn bought a Nirvana t-shirt (Lauren bought a Beavis&Butthead t-shirt Saturday night).
Shawn and mum walked downtown while Lauren and Dad drove to the beach (which was very crowded) to meet mum and Shawn in the early afternoon. Our first visit to the beach was pleasant, with the kids swimming in the lake and mum + dad enjoying the sun by the car.
Many people complimented our new car and after awhile, dad and shawn played catch which abruptly ended when dad bounced the hardball off a silver Chevrolet’s hood.
After dinner, which was take-out from Pizza Delight, we went for a drive on the beach in Sauble North/South Beach,bwhere the newly-tinted windows were opened for the first time.
The weather was clear and a nice sunset was starting.
Dad needed some Rolaids so we stopped at the trading Post store on the beach. The kids got a waffle yogurt and slushy and then dad backed the car into a garbage can!
This ruined the rest of the day for dad because the back corner of the car was scratched.
When we got back to the room, Lauren kicked the Knight’s Inn ball on the roof and mum got dunk and vomited after mixing wine and Bailey’s.
Monday dawned sunny with partial clouds and finally clouded over with a small shower in the evening. Breakfast at the Inn, swimming, no beach, walked the strip, dinner from pizza delight, no drinking for Tracey or dad. Watched movies on TMN, Dad and Shawn practised pitching, watched TV @ Night.
-Raymi’s Dad.
good morning backyard
i am writing songs in you and reading books and magazines and drinking coffee in you and running the cat away from you and sniffling in the heat and passing out in cigarette comas and beads of water globs on my chest and killing flies by accident and saying that’s what you get when you land on my body tho i didn’t mean to explode you on my thigh that was a mistake
we have to feed the white trash cats today
kristi turns 19 soon
finally
did anyone get my fucking mexico postcards yet what the fuck
hi hector finally you wrote me i miss you
today i don’t know what to do with myself. saturdays fuck me up. everyday is like a saturday for me but the real saturdays are different because everyone else is around chinatown styles and i’m like oh hey we are the same today and it’s just, different, but special. like during-the-week-saturdays, people kill to hang with me but real-saturdays they’re like, see ya!
and no i’m not talking about anyone in particular i’m talking about EVERYONE in particular. it’s mostly my fault kuz i never make plans and never want to make plans i wait for plans to happen to me so fuck that no more.
this pic of tim and danny and the man in love with eating is my favorite. tim is making a sweaty/cute thomas the tank engine face, fwoot fwoot! and danny is hot. call me nignog today! it’s 12:34 pm saturday i’m clocking you.
that’s me and kristin and blythe. duh.
so my gay friends are at the farm, fuck i want to go, i have to go find someone who will want to shoot guns with me and be ok with not bathing and can be a folk hero but let me steal all the thunder.
thanks dad for blasting my windows with the hose to wake me up goddammit.
i’m reading in the name of the father ps, the gerry conlon true story, you know it you do. dude rots away in jails his dad dies they didn’t do it there was a movie sinead o’connor has the song for it that makes your heart go BWAAAAAAAH THIS IS TOO MUCH EMOTION!
i like reading.
so we saw dodgeball at the drive-in and i can’t think of the good lines right now, why was vince vaughn such a big pussy, different character you said, ok right.
i got this little caillou doll and a hello kitty stain glass painting thing from the place where the rich cheapos shop kuz everything is 3 dollars and 52 cents pfft and now i realise why the hello kitty thing was so cheap, she’s flipping you off on the purse i swear!
kat/raymi at magicpony
september 29 2000
always stick around for one more drink. sat like a buddha behind a desk. the war paint of punk. he was very much a gentleman he tipped his hat and bowed in greeting. i’m your superhero the sentimental gentleman. as neat as pie crust lazy cuss. tomorrow you sit aptly, brief and tragically squandered alone alone alone this is bad poetry and there you are over there immersed in yourself.
raymi fake-licking angelo‘s puke off the patio.
mad dash for the train huff’n puff’n gone. the sun reflecting off the faces of the am dwellers feigning sleep and absorbing their surroundings somewhat subconscious level once the train stops at the final destination they will hup to as if stung and catch the contagious madrushed frenzy ratrace what a life everyday same thing i see the same thing im 17 and i know this they will go home to the suburbs sad and unwanted. i try to stagger from a distance but it is of no use this riot doesn’t quit the pounding of the morning street echoes off the benches and windows of the buildings there is sunshine and steam and a coating of chills encircle my legs sitting and waiting until it is time to move again.
