Raymi the Minx

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I kind of want to see her again and note if she wigs out all the time or not.
I also lol'd at the shitty haircut finale. A well written tale of something we've all either experienced or...
this is the greatest blog ever written. A tale for the ages. RAYMI IS THE BEST! I gave her 1 dollar and she...
I've never had anything like this happen to me before.. was she saying anything?
awwwwwwwwww u are right

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elaborate stupid things

Posted on July 14, 2016 by raymi

Adding the title of this blog post to the resume of my life as I have dedicated much of it to exactly that and I am still standing bruh. Now here’s some things from said life. Hold on tight y’allready made it through the cold open. Don’t get me started on comedy. Every sentence that comes out of my mouth is either a punchline or preamble to something (I find) hilarious. I am getting better. The key is to remember your material.

Mom stayed with us for a week and we all survived. Hey man I ain’t saying I am innocent either just saying is all. This is from Canada Day. We went to Woodbine beach after for the free concert and shenanigans in the beer garden with our roommate plus mom oh it was a time. Living in the beaches is ridonkulous. I will look back on this summer and cry whistfully into the wind. As much as I dig moving forward if I look back at all the amazing shit I have done in my life too much stacked together without enjoying those moments. When I look at skyporn cloud pictures from kew beach over winter I will explode. I will just explode.

Sushi/sashimi the other night. They forgot a roll we were like yes we want it. We ordered pizza later on at night cos we were still fung lol.

Canada Day. What’s in the baaaaag man.

Did your head explode? Good. This is Fella. We are bonding now. The little fart has my heart.

Taking him to the vet was a trip. A sweaty, eating my hair while my shorts were falling down and walking in the wrong direction of where the vet is -trip.

My face has been breaking out because I am aging backward in time. You have to have popeye’s at least once in your lifetime right. With gravy and biscuits, dirty rice and macaroni ahh gad the shame the delicious shame.

Starting the ol diet off with a bang. No more deep fried foods diet lol.

We walk as much as I try and force us to. We are living in paradise FOMO BRO. Thank God we don’t Pokemon Go. Not to be a hater but we have enough things in our life.

This guy had this house built on kew gardens property for his homegirl when they got married to keep her close and happy. Lucky chick. I read the plaque while drunken lawnbowler preps sauntered by me, rejected from the steamwhistle short bus (it was full). Could tell they were embarrassed because it happened right in front of me. One calls out, “claaaaassic” both in ivy league sweaters tied around their shoulders. I fucking love the beach for reasons exactly like this. So I sped up to walk ahead and let them bro it out alone up to Queen and a patio to continue getting blasticated but then they caught up to me reading this plaque. I must have read that plaque 4 times before I was able to retain any of the information written on it. Then another prep threesome walked by I could feel their eyes all over me. So much awkward loud silence like, I should have been HEY LEMME READ THIS TO Y’ALL AS YOU WALK UP THE STREET NOW. My problem is I size people up too quickly and then, I hate them. I had seen the gf ignoring the bf while on her phone and snapchatting her drunken mother riding around in circles on their bicycle. The bf had seen me note ALL of this. So in my head we had this, again, awkward knowing secret together. I bumped into them one more time as they headed into a bar when I noticed they were all wearing identical khaki pants and white buttoned shirts. Themewear for the lawn bowling club’s rager. Aren’t you glad I share things?

I really do love it here. It’s calm. Fabulously. I read alone on the beach. Not for long. I am too hyper and ADD but the whole process of packing a backpack, hitting some shops then reading til it’s dark while I get eaten to death by mosquitos forces me to slow down. It clears my head. I get lonely but I like it. To a point.

Julian Bachlow has been getting a lot of acting gigs lately it’s impressive. Some days are long shoots so we don’t see each other as much. Gives me time to reflect and to miss him.

Love this little nook we happened upon one day. It changes too. New things appear or leave.

Very The Friendly Giant.

Went to Fat Bastard burrito Saturday night. Everywhere we go it’s like performance art lol.

I know why it’s called fat bastard burrito though. Get a small. It’s gigantic. I ate it again on Sunday.

I had the butter chicken. Phenom. With noodles. It blew my mind.

Before we hit the road selfie.

Feeling this Beck jam big rn btw.

What should we call our variety show?

We watched Fast Times at Ridgemont High the other night. It is still amazebaaaalls. Sorry to bring amazeballs back. It’s crazy the cameos in it.

Super beached out af like it’s raining desperate.

My nails are naked rn about to paint them after this post or keep them natch. We will see.

What happened in Nice today…I feel like a dick writing this post. I began this post earlier then we went out in our “super ultra safe neighbourhood” and came home to the news. I kept running out to the porch to tell everyone because I am a disaster junky like that but also I have been desperate to write a blog post for days and keep getting sidetracked and this is like putting my foot down I AM DOING THIS and I am writing this fuck sake. It just feels like it’s raining bad shit all around us so I like to appreciate what I have and those I love. Cut the shit and get on with it.

I made him this bacon bagel sandwich with lettuce from the garden and tomato. It was out of control excellent.

Little pug pug made it to the big times. Everyone died when they saw him at the vet now I know why dog people like being dog people because they get to feel like the popular girl ALL the time it was like Jesus ENOUGH jk we love it I have stories of dog beach adventures man let me tell you life is good sometimes.

Have to get into my fancier gear once in awhile to remember that I still do that sometimes.

Someone is babysitting him for a few days this picture just tore my heart to shreds.

If this bridge could talk. Took Julian on a tour of my old hood. It feels like you know my life because everything that has ever happened to me in this park comes flooding back.. but how could you know. Anyway it was a trip. It was like I was just there yesterday. We off-roaded it into the jungle and my legs are all scratched up for it. Julian loved it… mom not so much. It has overgrown a lot in a decade and then some haha.

It was a tour of Lauren. I brought them to a cemetery in Streetsville. A friend of mine is buried here. We made friends with this cat who fell in love with us and followed us out of the cemetery and then my heart broke some more. I had a doctor’s appt in ‘sauga is why we were all there togeths.

I can’t wait to find my belt.

I can tell you a lot of stories about the Credit River. Involving me and/or others, the police, bush parties, fires, river walking, setting shit on fire, sneaking out at night. Forest sex. Crazy bananas things. What is this our Texas? Well, for a time maybe so, maybe so.

Falconer Drive is totes diffskies now. Shit of legend. Curfews at night lol.

Kay back to Toronto now. La la land. I see things you would not believe there is even a beaches mascot now, a dog, a guy in a dog mascot costume. Brilliant.

And this!

Losing steam here now people. Yeah it’s snack time.

All about dat neon tho.

I made a new friend one afternoon. We laughed and shared the best stories, totally vibed and took each other on a social adventure I could feel Don’s happiness as he told me about his grandmother, who championed him when he smiled on the inside and outside as he spoke. He blew my mind with some real talk perhaps too controversial for my blog but when he left he said he really enjoyed talking to me. I wished Julian was there to meet him.

Hahah what’s with all the emo pictures I will try to switch it up guys swear.

Your life is a piece of work and yes it’s work but it’s a piece of artwork so design it how you like share it how you want tell it how you feel make it magic make it real.

If you venture into this dog park you can pretend you are on another planet if you wanted to a little Jurrasic park here and The Martian there, nah bruh?

I watched the storm roll in wondering if it was a storm. Rolling in. Baha. Then I ran home in the lightning scared out of my mind. Lightning storms um nope. All the rain storms lately are cool it’s SO HOT the planet is like “time to explode into rain mawfuck burst inna rain son!”

I look like a bohemian slob most days so the one or two days I make effort I do the selfie thing so these are my faux apologies.

Sleeping on our new mattress on the floor has been FUN/NY. Okay I will tell ONE embarrassing story. Not really embarrassing at all but like, we were drunkies after sushi and needed more food so ordered pizza but we were rolling around on this frigging thing and like basically already on the floor..and drunk with the giggles. We laugh at our bullshit a lot at least. Wow cool story, nice and short.

Beginning of the mural. Maybe I will tackle it tomorrow.

Doing starry night has made me keen on researching Van Gogh. Quite the guy.

Oh look. MORE pictures of me. LOL.

Tash and I hit up Brass Vixens last week as well. Going for another class real soon. Love it.

Went to the Drive-in. A summer bucket list must! okay guys time to irl so ttyl xo rlw!

Ps. enjoy our soulful rap hook btw!

do as i say not as i do

Posted on February 9, 2015 by raymi

Hey gang,

So lets talk about the Grammys and just be like everybody else for once.

We will talk about me and we will talk about the Grammys, the Gram-me’s.

And how about that Kanye holy stupid fuck! Maybe if you were drunk with your hilarious friends at a pool party all in Hawaiian shirts and like Norm Macdonald gets up and takes the podium at a roast, FANTASTIC yes, appropriate. Basically that scene from Billy Madison.

However, part of me is like fuck the Grammys who cares? Do any of us know anyone remotely near as famous as Taylor Swift and Beyonce?

Do you know how much my socks were not blown off by the album she snuck up and dropped on us last year? Just as much as those puppies stayed up and on all last night from her Biblical gospel I am Jesus performance. Well Beyonce you may have fooled Kanye but not this girl! (btw I love gospel music fyi).

Maybe sing a song that has rhythm and flow that you can actually navigate with this “talent” you have. You tried too hard to make a moment happen. We shouldn’t have to wait 2 minutes to be grabbed by something. It was all build. It was f-ing without c___ing.

I liked your body silhouette and matching men in white accompaniments but Beck has been at it longer. You can’t win ‘em all and you don’t. It’s a part of life.

I don’t purport to know about awards shows or how winners are chosen but it seems that some other higher power governing body is in place much like your God you duly believe in, yet you can’t accept the room of little white men deciding decisions. Or is it based on record sales as well as popular opinion?

Anyway I don’t care. Pretty sure no one else OTHER THAN KANYE WEST rushes stages when they don’t like the outcome but mostly because we don’t get invited to those things and have the opportunity to.

Here’s something else I noticed, when Jennifer Hudson got up on stage to deliver some horribly read piece about this well, she stopped at the top of the stage and this little white old man he like, shoved her over and it really pissed me off. Here is this exquisite songstress in a beautiful white dress and she froze, she was still poised and all but I did not like how he did that it was so typical awkward insecure tiny man who felt more entitled and important than her and I am surprised no one else has pointed it out yet. Watch it for yourself and see. I just mean, if that happened to me I would have thumped his arm or pinched him super hard and painfully. I would visibly react. Jennifer Hudson played that moment cool though. Maybe tumblr is talking about it they notice everything.

Should I tweet come-on to Kanye West next?

In moments like these, social media opportunities, or maybe like everyday, I just splatter as many people as I can with stupid crap everywhere and see what sticks. You would be surprised!

People will care about celebrities more than they will ever care about me, eventually I am gonna have to bite the bullet and stop trying to be the one and to talk about the one instead.

But no!

I can do both.

See. I relate to the megalomania so much, I am smarter than her. People love the fame and you reinforce it with every gaudy fancy sexy glittery photo you post. There is a recipe. We all get it right and wrong. The object is to always be the focus (which they always are). Do I troll you guys? Sometimes maybe.

I refrain from using a filter sometimes. Some people think that mentally ill people are the only ones who do that. Maybe it is a form of autism but when one is actively cognitive of the shitty things they say, and I mean shitty, sometimes I can deliver some real honest harsh zingers and be separated from the cruelty affixed and I am doing this with logic and reason. My mind makes quick calculated conclusions in the moment before I speak, everyone knows the saying think before you speak. Some people act and think later. Some (many)(all) tweet then delete, Jason Biggs comes to mind. In the moment I am thinking that this person will only benefit from what I am about to say. I have a way.

-note to self do celebrity hall of shame tweets blog post round up or get someone better to.

Anyway the point of many is, does Kanye think before he acts?

Do I provoke purposely without thinking?

How can it not be on purpose if I have thought about it.

Sometimes I’ll post a mega juicy sexy ass pic then like throw my phone away and agonize over it secretly quietly in the back of my mind while watching Banshee. Flee the fear and know that it’s for the greater good because it will all add up to, something someday?

Then there is the dreaded like-hike obsession. If there are no likes does it mean it’s bad when you tried really hard to look good in the picture? And then why do your friends only like the pics that are not of your butt but like everything else, are they being passive aggressive? Just chill with the obvious silences and don’t ask because you don’t want to know.

Sometimes I’ll say one of my dumb things on Facebook instead of twitter and it will get all these likes and comments. Say the same thing on twitter and, crickets. Twitter is good like that sometimes though.

Every single one of us desires attention.

It’s funny how Iggy’s hair was judged by the universe from lazy couch slobs with awful hair themselves. Personally, I loved her hairdo and it takes courage to go out when you’re bullied by the industry cos they jealous of you and attack you for “stealing” from their culture. Some people just identify as a certain way. Do you bash transgender people for identifying as a different gender, well how about race? What if I woke up one day and decided I was Swedish?

People can be and do anything they want and if they do it better than you, beat you to it, so what? Play better then. Cos you just look like a whiner.

Like how we look like whiners always whining about how unfair it is that Kanye West does this, does that and his stupid wife too. I have gone back and forth defending her so many times meanwhile look at me. I am using her as a scapegoat left right center!

Oh well keep the dream alive.

I don’t have anything interesting to share other than trashing on the Grammys. Aside from dying my hair and my exercises and boring you with what I am not eating right now.

Running on the spot indoors works well in the winter. When all your stuff be jiggling it be working. I hold onto my chest and do army style leg-ups (pretending to know what that is). Lots of kettlebell too, I do bicep curls with it. This one is heavy.