I told myself I was only going to create something original today. I don’t write as much as I used to or ought to, I’ve been a big avoider of “trying” for my entire life. When you wake up everyday to your personal blog radio show with copius tuners-inners reading your news that you get to make be whatever you want, it takes over you. You get in a habit, a lazy routine. Anyway, I’ve been writing a talk in my head all week. When I lie in bed each night I write stand-up comedy that moves between motivational speaking and insulting sarcastic humour, which I forget in the morning. If I can get up and dance and strip, then I best be damned I can get up and make fun of every thing in life. I am terrified of public speaking in a subtle way to be honest. It’s because I am Type-A and I want to control everyone’s attention, focus, manipulate it so that I am at ease. I know you just can’t do that and so, I get nervous.
Speaking of being a control freak, I actually learned something from Jersey Shore last week, I know, I couldn’t believe it either (except I did because how could I have learned from it if I didn’t believe it?) but it happened and I said please remind me that I learned something from Jersey Shore (to later write about).
The thing was, Ronnie the juicehead lost his f-ing mind on The Situation, who slammed his own head in a cement wall cos they were all blasted and The Sitch (Snituation) said something about Ronnie calling up girls since they got to Florence, prior to Ronnie’s ex/current/it’s complicated gf sammi (who I hate, is gross and a mega-drama attention needy wet blanket) arrival and to be fair he said it when they weren’t officially back together yet but still, that is some mega-ass pot stirring when you know this couple’s business is contentious at best and all discussions end in yelling, crying, and swearing. COOL STORY SITUATION!
Ok so after that fight, Ronnie says on camera that he’s a control freak more less and that he has to learn to let it go and know that the things that happen in life that he CAN’T control to just let go, not overreact, or even react or be affected. Period. SO ZEN.
That was the most common, simple and best piece of advice I’ve gotten all year thanks Ronnie! Not that I am aggro bed-throwing level freak out but, it feels that way in my head sometimes from the amount of pressure I put on myself to achieve, get things done, be perfect, fight bad guys, and be loving to my friends and family and look like a Holly Madison Hello Kitty Care bear SO EXHAUSTING. From now on if I am incapable of doing that just little bit extra I am going to stop spinning my wheels about it, cos it gets me nowhere.
Choreographing a bunch of dances, being an effective leader/teacher and not swearing/screaming at your pupils takes patience, of which I have none. Day one of burlesque rehearsal compared to Day two for me, in-between watching Jersey Shore was like SALT and PEPPER. Day one burlesque: Psycho – watch Jersey Shore – Day two burlesque: Not a Psycho. For example: if that girl isn’t going to listen to me for the 50th time then she can just go ahead and be sloppy, it doesn’t affect me, I’m not her, so just let it go and focus on making my act perfect. No one is going to listen to me if I am shrill, even though I am right, all they hear is OMFGG&^$%^#&^$*!!!!! Therefore, chill dude. Its taken me 28 years to learn this so anyone else out there who presently barks at people and loses their cool way too soon, take it from me, it’s not working!
Kay, so I will be a speaker on an upcoming panel at the ShesConnected Conference late September (SO STOKED!) which is why I’ve been walking around like the profound blogfather in my head. Initially I thought I was doing a talk, but am glad to know I’ll be on a panel with others having a discussion. I really enjoyed the panels in San Diego that FORD sponsored me for at Blogher. To be amongst strong, intelligent, creative women with start-ups, their own www-domains from all over Canada and America, I was impressed and inspired and I actually learned something, or, allowed myself to be taught (we get stubborn as we age).
Now, being the creature of self-defense that I am, naturally I have been preparing my comebacks in case some woman decides to call me out in front of (omg I just got butterflies in my stomach and lightheadedness in my head from this, excitement fumes) 200 professional women regarding my Raymi the Minxing. You know, mean girl shit. I’ve blown a panel before, well, it went fine and all but afterward on Torontoist, Sass and I got railroaded to smithereens by jerk pundits for a few days. I never linked the article here as half of population Raymitown Hatesmetown and I am too sensitive somedays to be abused, I don’t care WHAT the issue is, no one deserves that.
I will not be backing down from my stance on internet nudity however, specifically that of my own. I refuse to allow my fellow gender to paint me as a sloot because I have the bravery to, this. I know my own frenemies paint themselves like angels and big bad Raymi The Minx as DANGER, don’t go there. That’s fine. I choose realness. In life you must take risks, I will speak into my microphone, everyday is an opportunity to take a risk and I have taken many, how many have you taken? How would you like me to judge one of those risks, that perhaps may have failed like an etsy shop no one purchased from? Or stupid meme posts you keep trying to make happen that make you look ridiculous? I’d rather show my tits thank you. I’m a closet-feminist pushing a boulder up a hill for eleven years this November, I have broken every single rule or tip regarding advertising in this little niche market, being “safe” and pandering to the corporate sponsor blabbity blah and STILL I succeed so you tell me this, how can I be wrong when I’m so right? It’s just funny to me that you must mind your p’s and q’s for an advertiser so then you do and then your blog takes a dirt nap in the area of BEING INTERESTING, less readers, but the advertiser is pleased. Dumb dumbs! Getting lost in the corporate arena for too long waters down the blogger, over-saturating their blogvertorials, which makes the blog even snoozier. Ghost town.
I have single-handedly made a business out of my personal life, the lines are blurred some days for me on work and play, I like that. I have stuck this out for 11 years and earned this make believe fairytale and now I have to stop swearing they tell me? F- That. Cover my bewbies? Don’t share my washboard stomach I exercised like a maniac for so that I can gain the respect of some lady who will hate me for something else anyway?
Totally getting off track here, in my head when I have a verbal takedown real life things like being interrupted by a mistress of the house or something don’t exist or won’t happen so I get to ramble on forever until I make the one point I was trying to make the entire time (someone gave me some nice advice once, less craze more phrase. Tighten and wrap it up!)
I choose to make waves in life. I am not going out unnoticed no siree. If you want to have an ethical debate on rights and wrongs re: the sex industry, strippers, drugs even, then lets go (actually lets not I hope this moment in time never happens and that I am not conjuring it right now with this very post) cos I have many friends and know many notables who have dalliances and secrets, double lives, of which you would never ever know yet would castrate them for (figuratively) at a dinner table after too much wine like an insultory desperate bully might because you make their personal choices about you.
People have made my nudity about them for years. And years. It’s so dull. It takes a lot of courage to do what I do you know? I have black sheeped myself, I didn’t really think or plan ahead with this blog thing back in 2000 (when you had nowhere near anything remotely close to an online presence, nor would for many many years to come so ‘spect son) and then come 2002 I started showing nudity. Tasteful in my opinion, Never a spread-eagle, or graphic muff, never the money shot, just tits and for conservative Toronto that was too much. 100 bloggers in the city, the huge majority being men, all conservative (sports, tech, politics) and then one Raymi the Minx. I deduced early on how to get an audience. I came on to The National Post’s radar as well as Sex TV.
The only reason I showed my boobs was because I was proud, proud of them and fearless. Why can’t I? I had moved back to Toronto from Brooklyn (and in between Maine) and was the granddaughter of the Nerve/Vice-era. Nerve.com was all sexy artistic photos and everyone started caring about fetishes like, S&M and Suicide Girls was also happening too. So it was safe for me to do what I did, but still chastised for. Guys would tell me I was the topic of party conversations and girls would just ask, “BUT WHY? WHY DOES SHE SHOW HER TITS?”
Seriously why not? I’m a nudist, I wasn’t meant to wear clothes, also, I am lazy, it makes sense. Another reason is I was an online model at the time which is fancy speak for webcam girl. I stumbled upon a lucrative part time job, it came after my blog, then I transferred my new-found sex appeal over to my blog. Why do I need to keep this a secret? I was rebellious and defiant, I told people IRL what I did for a living and the last week of shifts after I quit I said I am going public on my blog about this, then you’ll see the gem you had on your hands (the work atmosphere had escalated into a bit of a hostile scene) YOU WILL SEE.
So I logged onto the ol internet and said to my little Raymis that This is my job, linked the website, gave the dates and times of my last two shifts and invited people to come watch me.
The amount of traffic crashed the servers like bananas, the bandwidth could not support the army of Raymis it was f-ing awesome. To be right, vindicated. Not to mention seeing chat handles like MINX4EVER and ILUVRAYMI33 and so on. It was like what p0rn stars must feel when they win an award at that thing in Vegas, like, to see a chick victory bawl over her DP-scene, H-I-L-A-R-IOUS. The AVAs?
Moving forward, if I began to care what people thought about me and took it to heart, I wouldn’t be Raymi The Minx I’d be a big ol mess all the time also, might I mention that when you talk shit about me, I win. Lady Gaga went as a dude as her latest publicity stunt and it worked. I haven’t even seen it but I have heard about it 20 times since. As long as the lady is on your lips, it is working. She does it so you will talk about it so talk but remember, when you’re throwing stones don’t forget to throw one at your own house. Apparently the stunt was too awkward, but no matter it made headlines. Be a little red faced but keep your chin up, that was a risk and last I checked Lady Gaga is an icon. Rrrrright. Connect the dots people, if you don’t make waves in the water you might as well not swim.
It’s called schematic. I can’t help it if other women felt the urge to stroke their wild sides and so find solace in living vicariously through my adventures, which I partake in purely for myself, my pleasures and/or passions like a firecracker in the night. I’m simply just a bad-ish girl who tells you about it. How many bad boys do you love? Assholes? Yummy more please. So stop bashing on your fellow sister fighting the good fight. Was it just not the other day a bunch of topless women courageously protested and took down a streetcar? Why can you be proud of that with a clear conscience? But you know what, I actually oppose tits in a park cos children could see and my blog isn’t for children, I know this. It’s up to you to have parental blocks on your computer lord knows my blog is blocked all over the city I’m surprised people can still get to it what is this Egypt? (too far?)(who cares it’s true censorship kills!)
When the ball dropped the other day and I had a moment of clarity, an a-ha! moment one might call it, regarding this stinkin’ blog and all the accolades and abuse its wrought, I air high-fived the living room in victory to myself.
What’s next for ol Raymbo? I don’t know but bring it on.
My next risk will be enjoying my life, being grateful, loving my friends, enjoying them and chilling out. I can’t save the world but I can save myself. I am entering the new age. Maybe I’ll go buy some crystals. Oooh good point, my next risk is stand-up and nailing it. I just need to figure out how offensive I can go without being burned at the stake.
Have a good one!
AND DID YOU NOTICE I’VE BEEN CAPITALIZING LATELY?
WELL! YOU’RE WELCOME!
