i knew her

use to follow everywhere we’d go

and it’s so sweet

now she’s sleeping with a boy i know

the boy i know

knows a pretty girl in every town

and the way they look

they were made to let each other down

and this is the cat at the head shop i forget the name of but shes vurry cute and she even talked to me im definitely touched since contact with animals is like thrilling and they don’t ever give you any guff should cat and assfucked dog go on a date?

this is the dog what gets fucked in the ass from a smaller doggy. i like to watch it. james is having a bbq and i made garlic butter rice and wrapped it up like a pilgrim would complete with butcher string and under tinfoil to make sure it is hot as the lake of fire

you are a lake of fire

im going to croon rufus wainwright all over the world

croon

true love is a trophy

and you said watch my head about it

baby you said

watch

my head about it

my head about it

no kidding

you can play me like a fiddle as long as i pull the strings

actually, pornography really just makes sex look unappealing

the brain doesn’t process negatives

when you pray, and you pray honestly, you send a beam of light out into the skies as clear and as powerful as a sunbeam that breaks through the clouds at the end of a rainy day; like the lights on the sidewalk outside the Academy Awards.

many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up

pain is inevitable

suffering is optional

there is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness

what’s another word for thesaurus

i come from downtown born and ready for you

july 18 2000

breakfast consisted of sad bastard poached eggs – nasty. went to discotheque last nite w/ andres and his dreamteam – all dressed like the beastie boys – makin’ proper fools of ourselves cuttin’ a rug on the dancefloor to greasy jungle muzik.

“one nite in el paso the cops go into the crowd…”

i lost my shit in the theatre when it went all black mega tear steady stream down each side of my face during the wtc sounds and splosions and i thought about that morning from the apartment

i was not smiling

a black girl sat beside me two brown girls to our front

bush you stupid stupid twat

stupid stupid twat

twat

i know why these guys are mad

yeh you’ve been mixing with the wrong crowd

beady-eyed lesbian

i want to see it again

who else saw that cbs documentary in march of 2002? the french brothers who were following the firefighters around and were the only ones to get film footage from inside the wtc that fucking morning? me and jack falcon saw’re it. someone tell me theyve seen it too

about someone whose grip on life is so vague that to see her you have to look hard. that’s me. i’m the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. just like the cheshire cat, someday i will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, that kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant.

i am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who looks so very vibrant and shimmery, but who is in fact soon going to be gone. when you look at that picture again, i want to assure you, i will no longer be there.

i will be erased from history.

that summer i am just thirteen and everything sucks.

be careful of your heart

imagine dragging all that bloody furniture

i am alone in the house, the electricity is off, i can’t get the lights on, i keep bumping into things, i am alone in the dark, i am alone in the world, and i start screaming.

homesickness is just a state of mind for me. i’m always missing someone or someplace or something, i’m always trying to get back to some imaginary somewhere. my life has been one long longing.

we went to alaska and we froze to death

12 august 2000 on the plane 4:37pm toronto time from gatwick will arrive yyz 1/2 hour earlier than scheduled. i am over-tired. i can’t wait to see my family and friends i know i’ll start sobbing like a fagretard. i can’t wait for a silk cut.

tan workout lose weight tone down weigh 60kgs last i checked calm down relax minimize lifestyle simplify clean room yoga work on writing techniques and skills etc be happy get internet.

i can’t wait to land and depart from this flying deathtrap in the clouds it makes me vulnerable to what could be the worst possible happening. honestly what would you do? what could you do for the prevention of it falling out of the sky, besides that of finally seeking faith and screaming your looney little head off…

i ate your candy then i stole your sunshine.

why do they always play this fookin’ song b’cos it makes me horny baby i’d better watch what i say i can’t help it, i’m brilliant i write like a retard where’s the privacy here?

i’m all over all over all over i’m all over all over all over you’re the only one…

i look out the doorway onto the street and i think i won’t be here three hours from now so it doesn’t matter i will be away from this place this store and life i had to go somewhere with the premise of actually acomplishing something other than getting baked on the beach

all my dreams are made of chrome

bring in the machines.

bring in the black boxes.

prozac becomes viewed as a silly drug for crybabies.

you are only a dead star

the ideal cocktail party monologue

monkeyass

depression is about as close as you get to somewhere between DEAD and ALIVE, and it’s the worst.

like carpenters they want to know which tools, they never ask why build.

the insight will come

you totally blew it if you didn’t go to magic pony to look at me. xania was the best as she came in kicking her boyfriend in the nuts immediately and i had my fly undone for awhile and katherine tole me but then people fell in love with it. me and kat hit each other in the face a lot. i saw lucasaids and regan (girl who called me 5 in the am on e for a bootycall) a bunch of hipsters and ya neil fiddleton was there then we went to dun riiiiiiiiite and i let an old lady make it with my pussy hair and i left her there on the floor with her pants at her ankles calling me a bitch after i said have a nice nite.

angelo was taking pictures and little vids of it. noel missed it entirely. i totally lost my shit about it, you know that whole gross retard laughing face. noel tagged my name on the toilet too. angelo puked on the patio and i put my face in it for a picture. kat was horny for the magnetic darts and loser ponytailfuck what works there hated us a lot and mopped up gello’s vomit. then we went out back for a j and came back to drink more. lets see what else? sj was there but didnt see me. obviously i am next door swimming in a pool of jagermeister you twat.