this here is kate she’s pretty good and when i say good i mean as in awesome as in not snooty to the likes of me and therefore i have nothing crazy assholic to say about her at all. she’s fun, she has good stories and she has this one white purse i called the nurse purse but no one heard me so i may as well have said nothing at all as usual. go kate!

tuesday may 30/00 9am

it’s been done. gone backwards in time and accomplished something beautiful but “wrong”. it had to be done. sweetness. it had been awhile – but still in sync, which is not always the case. “compliment psychos and they will be your friend.” he laughed and told me i was very witty + perceptive. i told him i was serious. “the problem with trying to forget about shit is, you can’t. time does not heal all wounds. i don’t know who was the first guy to say it was, but it couldn’t have been confucius. he would’ve never said something so stupid.” this is what i said out loud as i got out of the car and walked across the parking lot to the mall and i told him i was going to get away for awhile and learn to write like an adult, like a smart person would and he said where are you going and i said france no not really, im going to england. and he was sad.

“she radiated contentment, a sleepy lying-in-the-sun kind of mental bliss i had never known.”

me and lucasaids

shud b gud

taking drugs breeds taking more drugs

there’s a fire in the hole

the lotus position

love is the only rational act

this moment is delicious

these flowers are all fangs. comfort me, fury

good evening – sirs

Atypical depressives respond positively to good things that happen to them, are able to enjoy simple pleasures like food and sex, and tend to over sleep and over eat, their depression, which is chronic rather than periodic and which usually dates from adolescence, largely shows itself lack of energy and interest, lack of initiative, and a great sensitivity to periodic – particularly romantic – rejection.

anything to feel better. a frontal lobotomy, even.

if they were manic – depressives, they worked during hypomania, the productive precursor to a manic phase which allows a peak of creative energy to flow. but depression is pure dullness, tedium straight up. i do not fear it: i have been there. what a fresh hell i have landed in.

after they had explored all the suns in the universe, and all the planets of all the suns, they realized that there was no other life in the universe, and that they were very happy, because then they knew it was up to them to become all the things they had imagined they would find.

i never felt i had the right to be depressed.

it can be a full-fledged forest fire that destroys almost everything and is controlled by almost nothing.

greek song

im sorry ive been so mean

and moody

and peevish

and grumpy

and bitter

and cruel

and hateful

i just want you to know that underneath it all im very very very very angry

lazy cuss

i dont wait anymore

ive fallen in love with myself so now you can love me. you will fall in love because you will learn the truth

i at least feel that there is some use to be found in what ive come to think of as my so called life and i owe so much more than i could ever pay for how good that’s made me feel.

picturing the hanging man as the only card in the playing deck. not being quite able to claim an identity.

i want to turn into forever i want to be inside forever doubting flesh

yersterday

i saw your face

i felt your skin

beneath this place

we will appear

another day

forever now

i hold your face

come and stay

lets run away

lets leave this hell forever

deeply suspicious of anyone who’d be fool enough to get in touching distance of this poison girl i felt like such a messy, highly reactive creature that i didn’t want people to get near me.

cecelia

laura had her bebe wendy. finally. and wendy is so tiny. congratulations crotchhair and the pee tree.

so i didn’t vote and i feel dumb about it. i didn’t have my votecard and im not registered in this town to begin with so bollocks. would any of ‘em voted for me? sorry no.

ya’ll should rent dirty pretty things. tres jolie it is.

tres in the illest form

phil can u email me i lost your email it’s gone and you’re a lesbo

i’m gonna tan today i think or at least faketan.

no one even cares about my ithinkmanic blog i hate you guys

maybe ill see farenheit 9/11 again today it is tuesday afterall cheapday

maybe i will be a shootergirl when i get back from panama at that place what shows their vagina a lot