that is me the nite aimee and i pissed all over the parking lot after we closed down every bar in town and aimee fell up a few flights of stairs and we drank a whole bottle of wine at phillipe’s and then left. see you!

here is something i wrote in grade eight for french class and my teacher was like wow, you’re smart frrt frrrrt fraaap… and then my other teacher told me i was chosen to be the valedictorian and i was like oh dis!

and i am too fat to use the accent agu et en grave so shut up and there are dumb drawings to go along with it but i don’t have a scanner here.

LAUREN

PASSE, PRESENT, ET FUTUR

Mes Succes du Passe

Quand J’etais jeune, moi et mon frere shawn ont pris les lecons de natation. J’aime la possedu natation beaucoup. J’ai maintenant chaque niveau sauf pour la croix bronze parce, que je n’ai pas l’age possible. Bien que je suis qualifiee suffisantement.

Mes Succes du Present

Pour cinq annes maintenant, j’ai pris des classes de danse (jazz). Elles sont fantastiques! J’aime la musique groupe Blur. J’adore l’anglais musique scene. Je vais aimer bien vivre en Angletterre.

Mes Succes du Futur

Quand je suis plus agee, je suis etre pareil une actrice en Angleterre, mais avant ceci, je vais etudier a l’Universite D’Oxford. Quand je suis vielle, je m’imagine a ecrire mes memoires a une petite maisonette en Irlande.

me with the cowtown lesbo/train wreck/aimeetheminx/aymitheminx

le sigh

that nite this girl smashed her beer at my feet by accident and i troloped home in the rain in my ridiculous heels and i swear my drink was drugified but whatever.

aimee looked h to the o to the t.

…

we just got back with steaks and beers and salads and potatoes and i’m going to lie down on the grill and kiss the ceramic briqs.

i’m fun like that.

i wish my brains were patient enough right now to not read garbage literary things.

mum, sorry that zach flipped you off we were, um, kids.

broke but not broken.

Raymioke hit of the day:

senorita

sung in the style of raymi’s cruisin’ bruisin’ floozin’ avec pharrell and justin timberlake. who’s your mother? WHAT!?

ps

Who? Me? An Addict?

Dr. Vijay Nagaswami

“Collectors Anonymous

Imagine, if you will, sitting in a room and experiencing an unparalleld feeling of tranquility, gazing with paternal tenderness at your extensive collection of Chinese miniatures. Or gold Thanjavur plates. Or Zwergnase dolls (whatever these are). Or out-of-circulation Walt Disney videos. Or fake Mona Lisas. Or… the list is endless, but you get my drift?”

raymi in mexico trying to make her face like a lobster

thanks to gsusking.com for your brutal honesty in your writings and for teaching me how to play gackgammon with our gypsy senorita and letting me think for three seconds that i was actually going to win. ego! me! win! chess! bring it.

good morning amnesiac.

i am a reasonable man get off my case.

today i am going to dress business-semi-casual-fascistasual (like i am smart enough to be fascist).

and i am going to get a swear jar.

an online swear jar?

and i have to get my driver’s license because i am tired of being a passenger in life though parkdalemiddleton said he would never ever get in a car with me. that’s fine. i said that about my friend jeremy and then he got his license and i was like woah rough riders let’s roll.

the best part was him stalling in front of highschool on lunch break or smoke break and the music would just die and me and houseplant or RN would sink down real low or laugh uncontrollably.

big ups jeremy you’s in the army now.

if you get shot i will get very mad.

i’m glad they didn’t send you to the congo.

coco bongo congo.

what was i talking about again?

go look at greencatfish and his neice what is thumblina who works for a super market and she is two years old and now she works in the photo lab because, because!

If Broken Pencil likes Reserved Productions, raymi likes Reserved Productions.

fuck that. you don’t need some ‘zine telling the what is what and you know that.

big time.

however, some people need a gentle push.

AND, not all persons will hear it from an obnoxious, blogging woman who makes zero dollars – they want/need it in print, reviewed, hand claps, on tv, on the side of their cracker jacks and so forth.

tho, Broken Pencil knows their scene and their game and i was turned onto them when i was 16 from the same duder who turned me onto VICE magazine (yeh thanks) henceforth, they’s in my good graces.

the legion of…

sometimes things are so cool that they go way past cool and into Narnia, and if you need me i’ll be on my new boat guys. see look it’s me there. fleeeee!

thanks adam for the thumbs up and the tic tac toe tips and i look forward muchly to being classy people together someday, creating atmospheres and talking into dixie cups for telephones.