i ran out of crazy pills today so i have to do something about that tomorrow.
ward just stopped by and he is now bragging about how he figured out a way to increase his caffeine intake by way of putting the coffee grinds to the top of the filter and then only brewing half a cup of coffee – he says it tastes like shit crap but man, what a rush.
ward is now obnoxiously chewing gum into my ear as loud as he possibly can and taking pictures with my camera and talking about how fast he can type emails after all that coffee – but he makes crazy mistakes, so many spelling mistakes.
he said some guy got fired today because he is in asshole and everytime someone asks for help he just makes fun of them.
and now ward is explaining in detail exactly how this guy is an asshole.
ward bought his mum a new vacuum cleaner for christmas and his sister a food processor.
ward just asked me why i even cared because he is just making idle conversation and i said of course i care, i care about a lot of things.
so this obnoxious fool was attacking everything what was everything what was me saturday afternoon and i was beyond annoyed with his gall to be such a fucker what with the occasion ‘n all
he was making fun of my nose and my flat chest and my smoking and saying oh i bet you don’t even have a boyfriend and he was making all these not-funny pervy jokes and being completely innapropriate and making fun of the catholic religion because he’s jewish and i was sitting there drinking a specialty coffee and yes i was mouthing back like your bitchy aunt all over the livingroom because i knew i could get away with it
dude couldn’t hit me or anything ‘cos it was a family-gathering and even his dotter was there and his wife
and he was bragging about all these things he buys off ebay and how he lavishes his wife with gifts and i said well that’s because you hate yourself and you feel inadequate and insecure about your fat face and bald head and fat stomache and it makes you feel better about yourself to cut up other people by way of pointing out their big noses and making fun of their uncle
and i also said i was completely fine with my big nose and had come to accept it and my flat chest and that many men/women appreciated my body, liked it very much in fact and then i told him to go fuck his fat bastard self and that’s when my nana came over to me and said now be a lady and she was trying to smooth out my forehead because when i get angry my forehead turns into a mass of rageful expression
and then fat focker says he knows someone who does botox
and on and on and on it went ’til about 4 or 5pm and it got to a point wherein you start making all these violent scenarios in your head and thinking about how everyone in the room would react to you flying across the coffeetable and strangling the guy whilst china cups and plates of food are smashing all around and you’re screaming and screaming
and for the sake of your fantasy reactions being in your favor
everybody is cheering you on
and
someone passes you a cigarette afterwards and the dude apologizes for being such a douchebag and it is not at all awkward after your ridiculous flip-out
not in the least
heh
and so
because i am not a violent person by nature and i know full well that there are bound to be not good repurcussions to a scenario involving strangulation
i sat there listening to holiday music
at the end of the couch
listening to this pervert brag about giving it to his wife the nite before and was happy as crap when she came down the stairs and told her side
which was
her being tired, being half asleep and letting him take advantage of her
and seeing his ego put on their winter ebay boots to go make fun of the pigmeat on the diningroom table for maybe 2 minutes before he came back over to talk really loud and stupid for a couple more hours.
thanks duder-dude for the new banner and for saying on it that there is a party in my head i think that this particular banner lends much credibility to the raymi blog, don’t you agree?
the guy was standing there, too aware of his outfit, poseuing by his table of friends and the one with the played-out fohawk who did a few backflips on the spot to the shitty cover band and the girl with the black shoulder-showing shirt and blond little hair grabbed the mic and screamed one of those rock songs you throw yourself around to in seedy bars and i asked aimee if she hated her as much as i did and aimee’s eyes bugged out in agreement.
i always feel bad when i am in that place, bad for people, the women they are sitting there waiting to be approached in their xmas dressyness and they are talking to each other and all the men are wearing the same lame leather jacket with cellphones clipped to their belts and they are looking at the 20 year olds who are brazen enough to drunkscreamtalk and then i look back at the clusters of women with pride and self-respect, trying to appear that way anyhow and then some drunk doofus-fuck is barking at me about his wife/ex-wife, soon-to-be and i feel like telling him look moron, look over there at those pretty ladies who might just put up with your bullshit a little while, i don’t understand why YOU just won’t/don’t understand that you are wasting your friday nites in the same spot every week, hoping ms.perfect will come along and be everything your mother is/not
so stop talking to me because i am not going to fuck you, i’m not even going to hold your hand, or remember you three minutes from now, but that woman over there at the table, she is staring at you right now so why don’t you accept the fact now that you are balding and your white collar job will only impress a 23 yr. old for maybe 8 months or so if you’re lucky and then you have to try it all over again and by then you are nearing 50 and thinking about spreading your seeds around but no woman is wanting to pop out bastard children for a man who will be in his grave by the time they’re in university.
If we accustom ourselves to carefully analyzing our actions, we gradually discover the causes for our failure, be it economic, emotional or of any other nature. We will realize that our present situation is a result of a chain of events which stems from negligence, laziness, or bad decisions.
The habit of proposing to do many things and never achieving any for example, is highly pernicious because in order to attain mastery and power over outside events, it is first necessary to keep one’s word, to fulfill and put into practice one’s own decisions. One who practices this precept methodically and patiently will find that his mastery over the forces of Nature increases daily until he is able to fulfill all that he promises to do.
