i got tony’s book yesterday and i took it to my crazy doctor appointment and it sat there across from me on the other chair while i talked about things that made me angry and then i took it to the bar and showed it to adan and i went thru it to look at all the parts that had my name in it and i am like see THERE right THERE
and you know what? out of all the bloggers who suck your dick now, i found you first and linked you first, well after i emailed you a hundred years ago and then you linked me and now everyone knows about me/you.
i discovered your loser-ass and now i own you.
ps you are gay.
and everyone else should buy his book because it creates more blogger awareness and such and makes tony feel better about life and then more girls will crawl thru his back screen door and then he can write about it like he’s bukowski forever and ever and ever.
when i started to read your blog, about 18 months ago, i only had found some anoying ones, writen by ugly people who didn’t even know how to express themselves.
Your blog was a shock i’d say.
Right now, i’m writing from my job (it’s 00h22 here, and i work as a receptionnist in a three star hotel).
I use to surf on the web, reading blogs and stuff every day, sometimes at night too, and, most of the time, this is quite boring grrrrrrrrrrrr…
I love to go out at night in some bars and night club i know, meet new people, and, as all my guests are foreigners, i learn a lot about other countries, and this is the most interesting part of it.
I’ve never been in USA or CANADA, but this will be my next trip.
sometimes, i’m so fuckin’ lazy too…surfin’ all day while drinkin’ beers and smokin’ weed. fucked up days, but not as useless as they seem to be.
Music is very important to me and i think i could’nt live without some.
i love rock, trip hop, electro, acid jazz, and a bit of hip hop (east or west coast i don’t give a shit).
people i love and admire (for any reason): michael schumacher, iggy pop, edward norton, tricky, and YOU.
this is remy. remy is fucking awesome because her name is kind of like raymi. she’s a crabby bitch that bosses around the three other dogs in the house and they are all like whatever, shut up. remy is the mom of sophie and ollie. max is the fourth dog but not the father of sophie and ollie. ollie is kind of retarded and sophie is a smaller version of ollie although they were born at the same time, ollie is bigger. and they look nothing like remy. sophie was my favorite at first because she is the littlest and cutest and if you throw her a tennis ball or a little rope-thing she comes back over and over and over and over again and you feel all special because this cute little thing is around you all the time and you think, man, all animals love me i am the ultimate animal super action hero but then after your fifth visit you are like OH MY GAWD HOW MANY TIMES DO YOU NEED ME TO THROW YOU YOUR TENNIS BALL!??!
#%@$#%@#@$%@%#$!
and you realise that everything that annoys you about the add dog is what annoys you about yourself so then you are not allowed to be annoyed but you still are because sophie is looking at you and nudging the ball at you and growls when you give her cut-eye so you take the tennis ball and try and chuck it far far far far away and hope that it lands in a closet or in someone’s jacket and sophie disappears for a little while and you can get back to watching that pbs special but then
lo and behold, sophie comes back and you are like, ARG.
but because she is so cute you put up with it.
if she were one of those ugly dogs, suffice it to say, you’d be like, screw off, throw your own damn ball.
nah.
so yeh, sophie was my favorite but now it is a tie between her and remy because remy just sits in the same spot on the couch and acts like queen shit and everbody accomodates her and she has a shivery cute anxiety attack when it smells like burning from the kitchen because she thinks the fire alarm will go off and she is terrified of it and then everyone goes awwwwwwww and we all try and hug her at the same time and then we look around at each other and feel all gay over this dog.
so when fil went to the bathroom on the train i say oh let’s do something wacky like, not be here when he comes out and so because we are hyper and immature and drinking we do it and we start giggling like mental and fil comes out and gives us the majorest dirty look ever through the window of the other train car and he has on bunny ears and that pirate toque and decides for the sake of pride or something he has to stay in his spot over there and we are like ok which one of us is gonna go and smooth it over and since i am the sucky nancy boy all the time i go over and say all this sweet pussy shit and he still won’t budge and then steve goes over and takes off his pants and me and aimee stay in the other car drinking and discussing deep heavy shit and then we are at union station and i am like dood i am totally going to CRAP!
and then we meet up with fil’s grandparents on the subway and when aimee was standing up taking this foto some guy steals her seat and i start laughing at her as loud as i can.
then we go to this yuppiescum hang out and aimee accidentally knocks beer to the floor and a piddle of it gets on this loser’s leather jacket. oh no. and he makes a big fuss over it and i scream yo aimee forget about it leave it all over the floor, not realising it had got on his jacket.
then on the roofpatiosmokingplace we scream DIE YUCKY CUM which means yuppie scum.
and then fil burns his finger on those heater things and his ears almost set on fire and we get all the yucky cum to sing happy birthday at him with us and i am like yo this is like oakvegas but ten times meaner/annoying because there are even more of these people hanging around.
like fuck, nyc use to be the uptight mean place, but it’s not, it’s totally toronto and these people have no right to be this way. they don’t even get out of your way when you are like excuse me, all polite, but when you are EXCUSE ME in the rudest snob tone you can muster, they move and smile at you and say sorry and then you are YOU BETTER BE FUCKER they are all turned on by it.
fucking bay street fuck. and the four girls who think they are in sex in the city. just looking at you makes me sleepy.
every single person on the smokepatio was wearing spectacles.
um hello it’s friday nite in yorkville what is this a library?
then i shoved aimee into the men’s bathroom after fil and she was taking her pants off to moon him and then i held the door open for 5 boring sweater guys and me and steve are like RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW totally DOOD and other stupid crap i can’t wait ’til we are kicked out of this house of boredom but as hard as we tried it just wouldn’t happen.
so we left on our own accord and fil was getting annoyed a bit which made us up the ante and we are at the church for the show and sitting in pews trying to take pictures but we’re all sloshed and some fat girl tried to tell off fil about his obnoxious bunny ears in her way and he’s like shut up hussy i’ll take them off when the show starts, man!
me aimee steve fell asleep during most of the show.
aimee cried ‘cos she was all moved.
i went to use the bathroom and asked if i could slip out for a smoke but the dude was all universal soldier styles and official like the place is under attack and says that i am not allowed so i gave a bunch of attitude vibes and went back to the pews.
during the cabride back aimee and i started fighting with each other finally and i don’t remember about what and everyone was annoyed and tired and cold and chainsmoking and that’s the basics, right there.
wow, gmail said i could invite 10 friends to use the shit. does this mean i am gmail’s favorite or what? does anyone want one? i can’t think of anyone in particular who i should “surprise” with a gmail account so if you are one of these poor sods, email me and i will gmail you and then we can walk around correcting old people when they use the word email in conversations, we can go, no you uncool old person, the correct term these days is g-mail.
like, holy!
ok that wasn’t very funny was it?
anyhow i just took a number two and i feel like the epitome of awesome right now and the cat is like, high 5.
that there is a picture of me and aimee on fil’s birthday. we were at green room after a long full day of other birthday things and that emily haines show
and we started drinking e.a.r.l.y. quite so and by the time we were at green room we were very very obnoxious and this circle of older persons on the patio smoking and drinking tried to be all clever at us and we totally attacked them to the point that the one girl wearing a beret had to leave with her boring sensitive guy-friend and then aimee said i want that fucking pitcher so we started being nice.
i went over finally because my balls are bigger than aimee’s and i said ok so since we are friends now, while i was filling up my empty pint glass with their pitcher and then the old stoner guy was like wow you guys are so real and other hippie shit and i was like, yah mon! real. always.
heh.
fil was filming the entire thing and after i saw it i felt like a big scarey meanie with an annoying smoker’s voice who screams at all the children on her street from the veranda because they are all having fun and my hair is in a tight bitchy bun and i have spaghetti sauce stains on my apron.
yah, i felt like that.
when we got back, mefilsteve played the i am something game you have ten tries to guess what i am ’til 5 in the morning and they were totally taking it seriously, like, all the f.u.n. out of it, being all technical and i am like for f sakes i am a fucking simspon’s character JUST FUCKING GUESS WHICH ONE I AM MY EYES ARE SQUINTING IN ON THEMSELVES JUST FUCKING BLOODY GUESS ALREADY WHAT ARE YOU SCIENTISTS!??!
and then i was angry that they guessed it correctly by the tenth question.
where is the challenge in that?
and they were too cool to play my survivor game, but not too cool to open it up and make fun of all the cards inside it.
when people make fun of survivor or reality shows i get real mad. ok, i get real mad at a lot of things, but i especially get real mad when they make fun of survivor because they always say the same thing, oh yah well i saw the first series like one episode and it was so gay, durdurudur.
and i’m like SHUT UP PISSANT, we’re on series 8 or something now and you are still whining about the first one, get fucked! you don’t see me making fun of you for watching that crappy cottage country show all the time.
urg.
survivor is great because it brings out the worst in everybody and you always want the one that gets picked on a lot to win but that never happens because it is always the deceiving jerkbag who wins and each series they get crabbier and crabbier and you are like YES SUFFERING!
and then when you are out some place and there is nothing to talk about you can start talking about survivor like it is the most important thing in the universe and then someone inevitably starts dissing it and you can turn into the incredible hulk and scream at them about some random immunity challenge and get all deep and insightful about the women’s rights movement and the person totally shuts up and realises that all the opinions they’ve ever had since the beginning of time before ever having met you , are WRONG, and then they start soul-searching and come to the conclusion that their emotional needs weren’t properly met as a child and they need to go find themself…
retardbo is a manufacturer’s reject of a bear. i got him from the salvation army a couple years ago for a dollar. he use to be a girl.
there was a flower, hot-glued to his chest and i tore it off and then he became a boy.
retardbo’s head is always to the left and his legs were sewn on all messed and they point in at each other and his arms are just miserable looking and the expression on his face is like woah. is. me.
so i try and boost his confidence by telling him i think that he is cute and i sleep with him and carry him around for comfort and i always say sorry when i end up sleeping with him in the small of my back or the cat chucking him at the spaceboard heater.
and i make sure not to give him false-hopes of his legs turning out normally in the future.
i told him he’s a stuffed-thing and that’s how he was meant to be and some asshole donated him because he was a mouthy bear and then i came along to make his life better.
