when i lived in brooklyn we had one and i think i didn’t mind cleaning it cos we had a million roommates and i wasn’t paying rent so i had to clean out of obligation plus it gave me something to do while being a shut-in so yeah now i just want to bring it up to the top of the building and pitch it over FUCK THAT THING IN ITS STUPID ASS! 25 bucks for ten lbs of fruit = a tiny not even full jug of juice AND i have to prep all the fruit and feed it into the machine then clean the fucking machine and touch all that yuck i think i should’ve got fil those shoes instead. sorry fil.
also, yesterday i cut my finger chopping apples, can i sue kenmore because of that?
dear kenmore, your juicer caused me to slice off my finger, what are you going to do to compensate me?
anyway, i’ve been experiencing some incredibly interesting bowel movements lately.
i’m sure some of you are wondering about my raymitheminx.com domain. some asshat is trying to outbid me for it wtf? who am i bill gates? anyway, my ex boyfriend is the original registrant and will most likely just re-register the domain himself so whoever it is who thinks they’re fucking over ole raymi, you are wasting your, but most importantly, MY TIME. if in the event of raymitheminx.com being snatched away, well, then fuck it. i’ll change my blog name, everything. what does it matter? i mean it’d surely be annoying but i’d get over it. would you?
anyway if you’re considering becoming a stripper, my friend andrea has some things for you to consider:
my eyes look photo-shopped with demons in the middle, it’s just the reflection of the ceiling light. we rented ringers: lord of the fans last nite but didn’t watch it because fil was drunk and decided that he was blind for an hour and it was irritating but cute so we went to get some drunk food and i had to help dress him and walk him there and i was like OK THAT’S ENOUGH and he would say things like WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO A BLIND PERSON cos i tried to make him fall down the stairs.
he chased me around the condo with his eyes closed and it was creepy like nite of the living dead styles.
so i bought him a can of ham and pea soup and he wouldn’t carry the bag of other stuff so he threw it on the ground, i picked it up and took out the can and left it there on the sidewalk and walked away and fil followed leaving the can behind us, we were seeing who would crack first, cos i had paid for it i felt extra stressed over it. once we got half a block to our building i said are you gonna get it and he said nah i don’t care then i said OK FIL I AM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MIND!!! so he ran and fetched it.
i put my concealer on fil’s nipples
lean on me was on ytv so we watched that and flicked back and forth from saturday nite live. then fil passed out and i stayed up til 3am watching the pamela anderson roast, fucking hilarious. the dvd comes out feb. 14 i think i want to buy it.
bye sharpie we’ll miss you! don’t forget to watch survivor! o lay o lay oh lay oh lay oh lay o. that’s the survivor theme music.
fil and i are going to eat at the best restaurant in the entire universe. martin is coming to town to have lunch with val and it made me think HEY I COULD GO AND HAVE LUNCH SOMEWHERE! having lunch in a restaurant is something civilised adults do. i’m an adult who is partly civilised and i could go for a really nice sandwich about now. i scoured toronto.com for the best restaurant and i will tell you which one i chose later because i don’t want a million people showing up to watch me put all the food in the world into my mouth.
we’re not sure if martin will end up hanging out with us which we are trying not to take too personally like dude hasn’t even seen our place yet!
someone emailed me to tell me that it wasn’t cool that i wrote about that guy who called me at 5 in the morning to ask about dumb shit and i speculated he was coked-out, first of all, calling me on a week nite at 5 in the fucking morning is asking to be shit-talked on my blog, no matter how close of friends we are ok, like fuck, i talk shit about my mom secondly, anonymously emailing me on behalf of someone and saying the words NOT COOL and being somewhat threatening? how about dude calls me himself at a reasonable hour to discuss it. lastly, good thing i used a fake fucking name you tool!
raymi thats really not cool writing about “adan” having a coke party considering alot of people down town read this (including me). i’ve already heard people talking about how they heard that on your website so i went to check it out.(ya obviously no one has a life) i’m sure if you did the same thing you wouldn’t want a bunch of people who had no clue finding out!! expecially people that you see all the time. sal
phil: who the fuck is sal?
raymi: no idea.
phil: thanks sal, you fucking genius, good thing i used a FAKE FUCKING NAME you fucking moronic dick.
raymi: the only way adan’s story got out is if adan bragged to the town that he is known as adan on my blog, got it?
sorry for being bitchy about it, just well, ok i’m not sorry.
last nite jacob tried to recite me his poetry and i said NO I FUCKING HATE POETRY THERE IS NO PLACE FOR IT and he’s all that’s cool cos you can be hating it the entire time i say it so he starts to say it and i said NO NO NO SHUT UP IT’S BORING STOP STOP. hey man thanks for “watching” my beers for me when i went out for a smoke and when i say watch, i mean THANK YOU FOR LEAVING WITH MY FUCKING BEERS YOU ASSHOLE!
and all that pretentious shit you said about the beatniks and pretty much everything you said was full of shit.
there’s just too many things to say about these. seriously. what in the fuck happened? notice how i get uglier and manlier as i age? do you like how i have a california tan in most of them? and the denim one, uh hello body, where are you? that’s the one and only time i ever had my ears pierced. ps. we never owned a crimper, the nite before i slept with my hair in a million braids. i also preferred to wear my bangs up in a hairspray-hardened swoop on my head for years! the one where i look mostly mannish, the green crochet vest, i am wearing black thigh high stockings with a short plaid skirt, what a whore. i look like an extra on 7th heaven.
