tomorrow i am having my lip piercing changed to a little silver ball.
i just walked to the liquor store ALL BY MYSELF and it was very very cold and i didn’t get carded because i wasn’t wearing mascara so i look haggard and tired which equals old. also i chatted up the cashier about wine. the fact that i went to a female cashier showed bravery. she mentioned some brand of wine i never heard of and i said yep yep i’ve tried it so maybe she made it up to test me and now she is talking smack about me to her co-workers like ha ha that girl said she’s tried the carburator merlot for 7.95. my hearing is bad so i kept having to lean in to hear what the fuck she was saying.
i am too pathetic for this world.
i also bent down to tie my shoe and it was very hard to get back up again because of my intense one hour work-out from last nite and so i’m in this semi-crouch position and pretending i’m looking at wine on the lowest shelf and this old guy wheels his cart into my aisle behind me and i turn slowly still crouching, look up at him and say uhhhh, i worked out last nite, and he just wheeled right on by me.
FUCK YOU ASSHOLE THIS IS THE FIRST VERBAL EXCHANGE I HAVE EXPERIENCED ALL DAY AND I MADE AN EFFORT AND YOU JUST WEEBLE WOBBLE PAST ME WITH YOUR BEARD AND YOUR BEIGE WINTER HOODED JACKET AND GLASSES RAAAAAAAAAAAWR!
ok new rule i have to eat something before going outdoors otherwise people will be set on fire with my mind and their heads will explode off their necks up into the air when i walk by them.
instead of getting completely wasted last nite i exercised! i wore an 80s type exercise outfit and i threw myself around the condo for an hour to stupid music and it was worth it cos i feel better and look better so that’s why i feel better. my spastic workout inspired fil to walk up and down the stairs of the building 4 times.
but then i had the most terrible sleep ever because i guess i can only fall asleep intoxicated so i laid there in bed from 11:30 to 3:30 thinking about orcs pulling my toes out of their sockets one at a time.
ok i know that the ENTIRE city of TORONTO reads MY BLOG and that they fancy themselves TOO COOL to talk to me or acknowledge my EXISTENCE on the streets, that’s FINE! anyway if you don’t BLOOOG or leave me comments you can AT LEAST come to my FUCKING RED PARTY (feb. 17), i am thinking it will be at andy’s pool hall because of the garish lighting and we will WEAR RED so our bodies will be camouflaged (how do you spell that?) and it will just be a bunch of heads and hair and hands – HEADS HAIR AND HANDS PARTY!
anyway, i might have some felt friends there for you to buy and make fun of.
so we’ll see how the bidding for raymitheminx.com turns out. if it works in my favor then i’ll keep using that if not then it’ll be something else, no biggie. however children, i am now currently in the posession of youfuckers.blogspot.com ! oh what magnificent RAPTURE! for now i’m just going to amass the gayest most unflattering of raymi fotos on it.
dan: when people are insane do they know they’re insane?
raymi: no they dont
dan: How do you know for sure?
raymi: crazy people think theyre sane, sane people think they’re crazy
dan: What about the ones on the border. The ones that are either crazy or geniuses.. but it’s difficult to tell?
raymi: they are a toss-up, you’d have to analyze their actions and the way they speak and productivity and capacity to function
dan: Eh, insane people can still be able to function and be productive, so I don’t think that’s an accurate guage. Some people who’ve thought to have been mad have turned out to have been right years after they’ve been stoned to death or whatever in the past. Do you think you’re insane?
raymi: is this why u’r asking me? i know i am eccentric and i am a genius technically and also creative and i have a chemical imbalance/bi-polar and manic depression and i am bored very very easily so sometimes i am crazy sometimes i am not, i am more uncrazy than crazy, make sense?
dan: Just curious is all. Used to have a really close friend that was similar, very intelligent, very creative and chemically imbalanced.. bored extremely easily.
If you’re aware of these personality traits though, do you work on changing them..or even care to? ie. when you are being crazy… do you know and just do it anyway and throw care to the wind, or do you do it and realize later that it was a crazy thing to do?
raymi: well the mania phase of bipolar is what makes u do crazy things, im over that part now. now i just have depression and i drink to dilute my mania but sometimes when i am with a large group of people and i am drunk i do obnoxious loud things that i think are funny, but i always did that, even when little and without being drunk, it’s just the way i am
i think i might be partly autistic/tourette’s cos sometimes i make beep and meow noises out of nowehere to fill the void
i am also OCD and i group letters of words in sentences to determine whether the sentence is odd or even and sometimes it gets out of hand, i fiddle with my fingers a lot yeah
dan: don’t really know much about bi-polar… my previous friend did go through a phase of drinking heavily at one point
drinking does make you feel great though… do you have trouble getting up in the mornings sometimes? I find I’m that way when depressed.
eh, obnoxious loud things are just cries for attention, we both know that =)
tourette’s isn’t moreso to fill the void… my bro has a light case of it… it’s more like an itch you need to scratch rather than doing something to fill the void
I’m pretty sure I’ve got some kinda OCD/ADD as well, but then again I think those are just labels to define behaviour that’s useful in certain situations, and not in others that society deems so.
Are you nervous/anxious a lot? Could be why you twiddle your fingers…. or maybe just too much caffeine?
raymi: yeh i drink lots of caffeine and i do get anxious in certain situations
dan: Yeah caffeine could do it… and everyone gets anxious in certain situations.
