me: no not ones that protrude like an ape’s google a picture of an ape on all fours then one of a cat
Emma: eurgh
me: then picture the cat with shoulders like an ape
Emma: ha
me: hilarity!
Emma: must breed new type of cat
me: YES
Emma: breed for shoulders like they breed for flat faces find the most shoulderly cats
me: just get one to do it with an ape
Emma: or just to normal cats poor cat or poor ape which ones the girl? cats have barbed penises
me: the cat would be destroyed
Emma: not if it was the guy
me: true!
Emma: it would fuck up the apes inside
me: but he couldnt get pregnant
Emma: and then slink away oh well maybe the ape could have the baby ape-cat those cats would be really mean, their big shoulders would help them cling on when they attack
me: i wish i knew someone who worked at a zoo i would give them a cat to sneak in
Emma: just take a cat to a zoo in your coat
++++
me: can u draw me a picture of what cats would look like if they had shoulders SHOULDER CATS fil doesnt get how hilarious it would be
Jamie: isn’t that a saturday morning cartoon? shoulder, shoulder, shoulder cats!
me: u are thinking thunder cats?
Jamie: yes ever see Omaha?
me: no
Jamie: here there here she has shoulders, AND she has boobs
me: HAHAHHAA im discussing breeding an ape with a cat with someone else right now to get shoulders fil does not like when i talk about shoulder cats
Jamie: are you obsessed with them?
me: i have mentioned them a few times
Jamie: do you talk about them all the time?
me: he gets pissed off haha
Jamie: would they still walk on four legs? i think he hates it because shoulders would make cats more person-like, and that would mean he was gay with El Cid the idea of spooning with Cid and his hairy, muscular shoulders is just too much for him to deal with
me: they would be on all fours no he just doesnt find it funny at all
Phil: what are you doing are you still going for a tan
me: yes after i bathe im talking about shoulder cats
Phil: ugh with the shoulder cats
Jamie: technically they already DO have shoulders, dont they? Granted, like old lady osteoporosis shoulders, but shoulders all the same haha ugh with the shoulder cats
ok i am going to talk shit about this lady i didn’t talk shit about before but enough time has passed and i can now do so w/o fear/guilt whathaveyou, i said i would eventually write about her and make it sneaky-like, being a coward is exhausting.
ok so she’s a mommy blogger and she was recently at this event that fil and i went to and SHE WOULD NOT SHUT UP she was beyond socially inept i mean, when you attend any sort of social function and everyone is a stranger to everybody else, you don’t hog all the talking time to talk about your blog that no one reads and how you think blogging is interesting and you’ve only been blogging a year? and who are you anyway do you know that you are talking to canada’s number 1 blogger? oh did you beat dooce for best diarist, no you didn’t? oh wait, that was ME! THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME ABOUT BLOGGING THAT WAS FUCKING INTERESTING.
she had this smarmy arrogant essence and her hair was white and bobbed under her ears and she had black framed glasses it was obvious her favourite movie is devil wears prada and she probably lives down the street from us. we were gathered around this tiny table, me, fil, a couple other chicks and mommy blogger, i was asked about myself and blog and mommy blogger answered over me and began to talk about herself for ten fucking minutes, she totally cut me off like i was some nobody dirtbag.
then during this tour of uh something she asked the fucking stupidest questions, about looting and if it was a problem back then? um is looting a problem, or is looting NOT a problem? WHAT DO YOU THINK THE ANSWER TO THAT IS?! she asked that in front of 20 other people holding up everyone and the dude she asked had this are you fucking serious? look on his face meanwhile there was a huge blown up photo on the wall IN FRONT OF HER of an entire field of holes in the desert from looting.
she also clarified herself by saying i mean, was it common? it essentially is the THEME OF THE ENTIRE FUCKING EXHIBIT! though what is special about it is the items in the exhibit exist because it was the ONLY un-looted tomb.
anyway, lady, you suck and are NOT the future of blogging. that’s her in the white sweater, beside me, being annoyed that she isn’t talking cos someone else had a microphone and a podium.
rented trust the man last nite. see it. it is funny and sweet and sad and then funny again it is about RELATIONSHIPS and TEMPTATION and LOVE. the guy from almost famous who says i’m on drugs and jumps into a pool is in it he plays gyllenhaal’s boyfriend who just won’t commit. julianne moore has really pretty hair.
i only have vapid things to share for the time being, sorry.
i’m going to go for a tan later.
last nite i re-learned that carrying a longboard is the equivalent of being naked with baby oil all over my body dudes just lose their minds, the quality of these dudes, i will leave that to your imagination. i said ok fil next time we fight i will just grab my board wave it in your face and say SEE YOU LATER DUDE!
i take back what i said about being glad i didn’t buy the tickets for the good the bad and the queen, i wish i had, the album is awesome and all potential anxiety over taking pictures of damon would be worth it. fuck.
i discovered in one of the babysitter club books in the back someone filled out one of the fan club forms and they have the same birthday as me, except born in 1984. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?!
i found the best letter on the ground on bloor last nite here i will transcribe it for you and take a picture of it later as proof:
Just to prove how selfish you are you know i’m broke you know i ain’t got no smokes did you bring me a pack!
NOTHING –(YOU GOT $530.00 BUCKS AND YOU SPENT IT ON YOURSELF-)
I HAD TO GIVE YOU CIGARETTES MC DONALDS $ MONEY AND I’M IN HERE!
YOUR A SELFISH FUCKIN ASSHOLE———
HAVE FUN SMOKING CRACK OUT THERE YOU’LL LEARN THE HARD WAY
me: look at his carefully scripted “thrown together” outfit yeesh the way his shirt is half tucked OH I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO FULLY TUCK IT IN pfft
Phil: oh seriously that happens to me all the time
me: try hard also her corset thing that she wears 24/7 and his hat must have been really cold in that restaurant BRRRRR he’s like I AM SO SCHOOLING BRAD PITT RIGHT NOW whatever i would wear that outfit haha
oh and while we are on the subject of check this out:
