last nite i was in the retard face dance mode. eeeyueeeugh.
stefan was pretty fucking blown away, as well as a million per cent of the santa cruz population out of nowhere it sprinkled rain and everyone headed for the inside, not me bro, i tore up the dance floor and it was bananas. good bananas though. there was this nice black lady watching and her fella and they were like wow white girl’s got MOVES.
i broke a dude’s heart last nite, i found an expensive beer ticket on the floor and proclaimed HEY IT’S A BEER TICKET and this dude beelines toward me and says he will share it with me cos it is his ticket (totes lying and i’m going along with it) and i hold up two brews and say no dude all yours and he is full on cocked and says what if i said i took your eye in my hands? and i say huh so he repeats it and i says are you flirting with me and he says what if i am and i say well my boyfriend is right there (fil was taking pictures of a dead bird i pointed out to make everyone feel MORE shitty for trekking out to captain john’s for the mental chaotic fartfest of money-wasting) and felt bad so i said he looked like joaquin phoenix and sounded like him too (at this point i will mention that i have the brutalist fucking beer goggles in all of the lands i REALLY thought he looked like joaquin phoenix and i still do) and he laughs and thinks i’m hysterical then kinda gets belligerent cos he just realised i am his dream woman on account of my funny joke and he goes well YOU are the one who can’t talk to anyone (did i say that? no.) and you are all MY BOYFRIEND so i cut him off and said NO I JUST DIDN’T WANT YOU TO GO FALLIN’ IN LOVE WITH ME DUDE and then he busted up laughing and walked away all bittersweet nodding at me like i know what’s up.
you can go ahead and file this story under FUCKING RADICAL.
oh paige spotted me in line for beer and i touched her boob well not on purpose cos of her number pinned thing (singles nite hook-up jamboree, and takens can wear numbers too) anyway paige, i felt more bra than tit. not my fault you sneak-attacked me and i am a fucking lech and was trying to read your number.
fil wanted me to wear a number to see how many dudes would leave me notes so he could get angry about it. yeah sorry no thanks disaster waiting to happen.
ok sobriety check i need to know if it was just me or is gwen’s new video the equivalent of falling down a mountain and slamming every boner on the way down? i thank you for your time.
i have infinity more pictures, yesterday was a loooong day, anyway, more later kids.
these geniuses get in a limo from the victory. THE VICTORY. A LIMO. way to think outside the box for your stag, bros. then once inside, they got all brave and flashed me gang/bullshit signs. one chief had a cane. maybe he got hit by a slingshot in sarnia. they were hosers.
oh i must have been LOADED last nite cos i was watching this little thing on fefe dobson and IDENTIFIED with it.
we got in a fight cos i wanted to buy a huge bag of chips and put my face in it but we got beef jerky and a tuna sandwich instead (didn’t even eat the sandwich) and my feet were killing me and i thought fil was going to make me run across the street and i turned it into a metaphor of how he isn’t a gentleman then we had mugs of bailey’s, fil met the sandman and i related to fefe dobson. what a winner, right?
OK ON WITH RAYMI’S POETRY SLAM WAR
play with words? holy i just barfed in my mouth and am choking on your loser shame. thanks a lot, buzzkill.
i want to go away this weekend even for a nite if anyone has a cottage or an area or something they go to camp or whatever and you aren’t scary weirdos email me and we can make a party this weekend i am serious
in other news fil is doubting his blog so he took it down, it’s there but he removed the posts. go harass him in the comments.
i connected all the moles and freckles on fil‘s back and showed everyone pictures of it when he went to the bathroom.
von witch. i gave elizabeth that necklace cos i am over it.
you may as well kill yourselves now cos you are about to be disgustingly jealous…
word
BIBIM BOP! this place spelled it bi bim bab so i was a little worried. no worry once it arrived. we shared it, it’s a lot of food and pretty filling. ho su on queen will do it with brown rice or NO rice.
then we saw one of the thundercats
sorry biggest gnarliest cat i have ever seen in my entire LIFE!
elizabeth’s backyard is like narnia, wtf lamp post?
then this buddy showed up, hey man what’s up?
oh what’s that a flea collar? nice.
oh whatevs.
who the fuck is that?
nice mask, zorro. pfft.
this cat was all about cheese and weed.
i am so getting its phone number emailed to me.
honcho totally ate a teeny bud then peeled outta there fucking rules.
haaaaay buddayyy i think you didn’t get the WE DON’T CARE memo.
oh fuck good thing i feel slightly hung cos there are a trillion kids screaming their fucking heads off in the park right now, the sunlight makes them mental. i hate the sound of children, one i can handle cos you can manipulate and scare it into behaving, but fifty of them all at once!? there’s one in particular that is just standing there going BLEEARGH RAAAAAAAH ARRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHHH BLAAAAAAAA just standing there screaming at the top of his lungs like lord of the flies. i don’t think i will ever have kids, have i said that before? i think i have. anyway, it’s not that i would be a terrible parent, i would be too passive, who knows. nah i’d be a cool mom. my niece and cousins and other little kids like me and i know that’s something seedy dudes say to bang your mom which actually shows the insecurity of the person and self-doubt regarding whether children wanna hang.
last nite we visitted elizabeth’s backyard for her going away weed smoking party, it was fun. people laughed at my jokes. i am funny.
dear blog you slay everyday slay i think about you when i’m away i put down funny things to say and pictures of my hair when it looks like hay if you were a person we would totally play party snort coke and hang i know hang doesn’t rhyme with play but chong ching ching chong chang does dear blog you complete me dear blog you could eat me (i know you would be awesome at it) dear blog you can fully rely on me i will be there for you always even when they say my schtick is tired i will still write mean things about strangers secretly on you i picture us on the wickedest most psychadelic fucking rainbow holding hands flying on the backs of unicorns on the heaviest pcp ever and stardust is in our beautiful long hairs dear blog raymi+you4evr
*edit – unicorns are cliche so input CHESTERFIELD instead. bye.
me: i suggested you the interview would be us tlaking baotu how cool we are
merkley???: wow — can you promise to type like that the whole time?
me: AHHAHAHAHHAa yes
merkley???: tlaking baotu african
me: ahahaaliuwfewo;ghreogrehgreg oh man i am so totally hung that just put me over the hysterical edge i am never editing my grammar in conversations ever again
merkley???: ha ha
me: so gold
merkley???: i once mistyped “into” as itno and i like it way better
me: cute
merkley???: i cant get enough of these fucking cats
me: im over them how obnoxious would it be to put those captions over pictures of you and your friends
merkley???: what are you tlaking baotu?
me: I AM LOLZING YOUR FRIDGE oh shut up!
merkley???: if you were here in true life you would hear me clicking my mouth as i said that
me: i am clicking it in my head everytime i look at it spelled that way i snort
merkley???: you can’t not sound like a brown person when you talk like that
me: oh racist! have you seen apocalypto
merkley???: no
me: YESTERDAY ON FACTS OF LIFE THE FAT GIRL SAID TOOTIE I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE BLACK! so ahead of its time that show
merkley???: nice
me: tootie said something lame and cheesy, i forget anyway BLACK ON TV omgsville
