oh fuck good thing i feel slightly hung cos there are a trillion kids screaming their fucking heads off in the park right now, the sunlight makes them mental. i hate the sound of children, one i can handle cos you can manipulate and scare it into behaving, but fifty of them all at once!? there’s one in particular that is just standing there going BLEEARGH RAAAAAAAH ARRRRRRRRR AHHHHHHHHHH BLAAAAAAAA just standing there screaming at the top of his lungs like lord of the flies. i don’t think i will ever have kids, have i said that before? i think i have. anyway, it’s not that i would be a terrible parent, i would be too passive, who knows. nah i’d be a cool mom. my niece and cousins and other little kids like me and i know that’s something seedy dudes say to bang your mom which actually shows the insecurity of the person and self-doubt regarding whether children wanna hang.
last nite we visitted elizabeth’s backyard for her going away weed smoking party, it was fun. people laughed at my jokes. i am funny.
dear blog you slay everyday slay i think about you when i’m away i put down funny things to say and pictures of my hair when it looks like hay if you were a person we would totally play party snort coke and hang i know hang doesn’t rhyme with play but chong ching ching chong chang does dear blog you complete me dear blog you could eat me (i know you would be awesome at it) dear blog you can fully rely on me i will be there for you always even when they say my schtick is tired i will still write mean things about strangers secretly on you i picture us on the wickedest most psychadelic fucking rainbow holding hands flying on the backs of unicorns on the heaviest pcp ever and stardust is in our beautiful long hairs dear blog raymi+you4evr
*edit – unicorns are cliche so input CHESTERFIELD instead. bye.
me: i suggested you the interview would be us tlaking baotu how cool we are
merkley???: wow — can you promise to type like that the whole time?
me: AHHAHAHAHHAa yes
merkley???: tlaking baotu african
me: ahahaaliuwfewo;ghreogrehgreg oh man i am so totally hung that just put me over the hysterical edge i am never editing my grammar in conversations ever again
merkley???: ha ha
me: so gold
merkley???: i once mistyped “into” as itno and i like it way better
me: cute
merkley???: i cant get enough of these fucking cats
me: im over them how obnoxious would it be to put those captions over pictures of you and your friends
merkley???: what are you tlaking baotu?
me: I AM LOLZING YOUR FRIDGE oh shut up!
merkley???: if you were here in true life you would hear me clicking my mouth as i said that
me: i am clicking it in my head everytime i look at it spelled that way i snort
merkley???: you can’t not sound like a brown person when you talk like that
me: oh racist! have you seen apocalypto
merkley???: no
me: YESTERDAY ON FACTS OF LIFE THE FAT GIRL SAID TOOTIE I LIKED YOU BETTER WHEN YOU WERE BLACK! so ahead of its time that show
merkley???: nice
me: tootie said something lame and cheesy, i forget anyway BLACK ON TV omgsville
i tried to do a sexy dance on the coffeetable and ended up kicking two beers over that spilled over EVERYTHING then i was all whatevers and fil cleaned it up cos he went into dad mode which means he can clean better. guys are funny. sure i will let you think you are right while you are cleaning MY mess, sure, you won.
i have not bowel movemented since last wednesday, can tylenol 2 be that constipating? what the hell? if anyone has crapping cure ideas, that do not involve shoving something in my ass, let me know. thank you. and no i am not taking tylenols anymore.
im wearing my new white dress tonite for the elizabeth party i have to get as many pictures before i spill the world on it. i’m afraid to do anything. i just put the pork tenderloin in the oven, fil is bringing home jameson’s i have to eat something i have a massive headache. hot dog time? i am so tanned i will never let myself be pale ever again. sorry guys this blog gets waaaaaaaaay more vapid come spring/summer, come autumn it’ll be back to blogging about sweater sets and pantaloons. this will be the summer of slutty.
ok, insanely important update, i am too afraid to wear the white dress so i am wearing a slutty girl scout pleated skirt instead, not sure what shirt yet. that is all.
ok update the second, that skirt looks stupid cos i have lost weight stupid shit so i will be wearing socks and nothing else i hate myself.
for anyone who cares there is the online blurb of me from that polski magazine. i just found it.
chicks do this to fil in front of me all the time, they are all going to die.
when elizabeth wears black shirts it’s harder to stare at her tits.
j-timers are kinda bad when it comes to competent service, they dole out tons of attitude and asking for water was a total inconvenience and the chick doesn’t do anything other than write down our order then she walks around in a state of confusion, baffling. i will still go back cos i have low self-esteem like that.
the lunch special is a good deal and it goes ’til 3.30, any two items off their list for 5.99 and you get salad soup and ice cream. we didn’t have the ice cream even though i know elizabeth wanted it. people copy me a lot.
elizabeth had the cne roll? with salmon sashimi and i had unagi maki and salmon sashimi.
the bristol board dots and designs are a new addition. sad. but i dig it.
cid, what are you trying to tell me? i can’t figure it out.
then i went for a tan and fell up the stairs on my way in, in front of this dude who was on his cellphone in the doorway, he had a cellphone clip attachment on his belt and was wearing a canadian tuxedo and i walked in all superior like i knew what i was doing and then tripped onto all fours and went AHHHHH really loud. dude didn’t care.
fil made us leftover hot dogs from the stag last nite and they were injected with cheese holy amazing yet holy fatsville. so i made weiner inuendos in my head all nite long THANKS FOR THE HOT DOG fil! i wanted to do it just so i could say THANKS FOR THE HOT DOGS plural and he would be like you only had one and i would say in a pervy nextdoor neighbour voice OH NO, I HAD TWO.
but fil has got my sickness.
i took a bunch of me enjoying my hot dog pictures though, look forward to that.
epic movie was terrible, don’t bother unless you are desperate.
apocalypto is GOOD and long. mel gibson is CRAZY. crazy like a fox! just try and watch three seconds of the special features without busting up laughing at him and his beard and eager enthusiasm BLAHAHAA.
i went for a tan and i put hemp cream on first (this time) and now i smell like a tropical vagina, today is no shower day, i might change that. oh and no the hemp cream is not mine i would never blow 80 bucks on gimmicky shit, my friend drunk-generoused it onto me a few weeks ago.
my left shoulder and bicep are killing because i am PUNCHES OF STEEL!
elizabeth and i went for sushi/sashimi at j time then i rented apocalypto and epic movie and paid the 6 dollar late fee. tonite is sober nite. i am going to paint my nails and then go through that box of shit i took from my dad’s a month ago, cid keeps partying all over it. oh he ralphed up a furball when i was out.
i have so many clothes to get rid of it is overwhelming it is paralyzing i keep buying more stuff and not doing anything with the oldies, i am really bad at getting rid of shit. elizabeth took a bag home thank fuck.
canada’s next top model is on tomorrow right? ooh i have a wicked-ass brag story regarding it i can’t wait to share EXPLOSION.
ok when i said go through that box of junk what i really meant was masturbate and watch tv.
