here is a boring exciting convo/fight for you singles to read to bask in the glory what is long-term commitment:
me: why were my sandals on the picture
Phil: i told you they are going to end up in more interesting places if i keep finding them in my high traffic areas this is just the beginning
me: well if they are HIDDEN ever on bathday just know that you will be coming home to a bonfire of your t-shirts on the balcony also high-traffic area, MY line HAHAHAHHAHA elizabeth
Phil: i understand, but you understand this: it is all your doing and it can be easily avoided by simply placing them somewhere in YOUR area after you finish wearing them instead of right where i place my feet when i jump out of bed hahaha wtf is that pix from
me: well excuse me boss of the world maybe if i had a proper clothes hutch instead of your side table for my socks and underwear i wouldnt have to hang there while putting on socks you took up all 6 drawers in yer bureau thing so yeah be reasonable
Phil: so yeah i understand just leave them somewhere else maybe i will try to move some things around and make room for you in a drawer
me: again when i am in a hurry i just flip em off and they hang there BIG DEAL that would be revolutionary, making space for me in a drawer
Phil: tit for tat
me: what
Phil: i scratch your back you scratch mine
me: omg you are the reason my sandals are everywhere
Phil: just take em off over by your shoe stand thing that i bought for you from ikea
me: no cos i take them off when i put socks on so no dirt or hair get on my delicate feet
Phil: i know just carry them over jeez
me: this cannot be negotiated or compromised
Phil: were you born in a barn
me: no cos then it is what am i going to wear time
Phil: just leaving shit wherever you take it off?
me: near my socks and underwear drawers yes thats where they always are NO you have more of an area, a better one for geting ready than i do i shouldnt be made to suffer cos of it
Phil: are u seriously saying no you will not stop leaving them there you refuse really
me: if i remember i will put them somewhere else i dont see the problem with them being there tho other than you are the most anal person EVER anyway this is boring i dont want to talk about it anymore
Phil: done
me: ps if those sandals fell on me in my sleep do you understand the world of pain you’d enter or you knew and took the risk
Phil: they wouldnt fall and relax rambo, they wouldnt have hurt even if they did and i thought you were finished talking about this
me: if i hit the wall or they could have just fallen on their own newsflash: things fall it’s called gravity anyway im over it im just being silly holy YOU relax
Phil: how am i not relaxed
me: oh jeez what are you having for lunch napoleon
i scored a 3 for the most bangable blog babes june list – 3!! LAME! whoever 2 is their blog takes ten years to load and 1 is a married 28 year old with kids and a tiny neck and one of those stupid choker necklaces, barf. anyway there you have it, enjoy the traffic bro, next time use your head.
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last nite we hung out on gretzky’s patio, every year since last they do an elaborate opening roof patio party thing as you can imagine there were loads of fuckfaces there, but free food, tons of beer tickets and cankles and thunderthighs and club district dudes to make fun of, it was mostly a sausage party, however, with fil and his camera out all the bitches thought he was hired for the nite and kept mugging for him and his camera and a previous stern don’t you dare warning bade him the knowledge to IGNORE these ladies. seriously it almost got violent. one chick waited for me to go get a pastry then went in for the kill and made bullshit chit-chat about cameras, she was standing over my head in her cheesy butterfly print white shirt, i played it cool THEN fil is like do you want to see your picture? WRONG! he said he was being nice i said NO you do NOT be nice to girls who are hitting on you in front of your girlfriend, if that is the case i will go buy a two-thousand dollar camera and walk around douchebag nite clubs and see how much attention i get and i will “be nice” and show dudes all the pictures i take of them. ps. professional photographers do not show their shots.
oh man that bummed me out rotten, anyway, they were also doing free hair makeovers, i didn’t get one but it was funny to see chicks with already straightened hair get their hair re-straightened some more.
i can’t believe i am pre-menstrual already, is it so?
then we walked to embassy in kensington and got plastered some more on the patio this one guy near us got in a fight with his bro something about being owed thousands of dollars and he left with his dog and the other dude screamed out FUCK YOU FUCK OFF cos he was embarrassed in front of their other bros then one of the others couldn’t remember the cut it out thing dave coulier does so i refreshed his memory.
then i got late nite singapore vermicelli from new ho king and it was decided if fil paid we would walk all the way home fine even though a nail busted up through the heel of my boot, i just stretched some leather over it and it was fine. i was only planning to have a couple bites of the vermicelli and fil wasn’t planning on any at all.
we finished it in three minutes.
walked home singing songs and then had a jeff buckley cd clock radio listening party and passed out.
that’s a sneeze glob from saturday, i sneezed and a bullet of phlegm shot out of my mouth and i didn’t know where it went, we were walking down broadview and i thought AWESOME SCORE it hit the pavement and out of my life FOREVER then i went to the bathroom two hours later and found this prize splatter. the pants haven’t been washed yet do you think my boogers will be encrusted permanently?
yeah YEAH i know i’m sexy you don’t have to tell me TWICE.
ps. rage against the machine makes me think of vancouver cos some of their music reminds me of swollen members, hence vancouver, hence the suck connection.
ok so now here is part of MY dream i will tone down the suck, as in, less details as possible, don’t you hate when someone goes on a long ramble about their dream like five pages long and you are out on a stroll and suppose to be listening? holy selfish!
ok so me and gwen stefani are hanging and its our first time meeting and she asked me how much of my blog was real cos it is kinda unbelievable and i said all of it completely is REAL (so real hah) and she was impressed and then i was hanging with george bush and he asked me the same thing except about my videos and i was all george don’t worry it is the real deal and he was down then i looked out the back of our car and saw two cops in a shitty coridor pointing hunting rifles at each other in jest and one had a huge deer/bear costumed head on it was pretty cool cos they were laughing and not shooting each other and then i saw these people i know peel out of their driveway and i just missed waving to them but they saw me in the rearview mirror and turned around real quick hitting a curb then two cop cars came out and chased them and i felt bad for waving, felt responsible. it was my first boyfriend and his sister, my childhood friend, in this red bmw and i was thinking how the fuck does he have that car he is a total dirtbag. anyway, there you have it.
i’m drunker now than ever before!!!! and i thought to myself… eat that piece of toast with avocado on it bitch and email raymi.. and tell her she is awesome. you bring me JOY! so don’t ever let those little fuckmunchers who bag you get you down or doubt your and your websites worth! because some rando over in nz thinks you’re the CATS PYJAMAS! that’s a high compliment my friend!
you’re awesome.
i check your site every day and your posts are wonderful and the photos are awesome and you are honest and cool and FUNNY and awesome.
and fil is awesome too. he shouldn’t stop blogging again because his photos are outstanding and his posts are funny.
yeah.
you guyhs rules.
my toast is begging to be eaten now so i’ll leasve this big cocksuck fest now and bidyou farewell.
but you’re good. you’re a GOOD GUY. and i love whta you do.
NZ LOVES YOU!!!!!!!!!
i speak for my country.
we love.
YO!U
this is SO going on my blog you drunk
i thought about you last nite i am reading a book about an aussie chick who goes to england bla bla called the stranger house anyway i thought about you a lot and your life and i was sad that we havent met yet
XOX
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and now a word from china…
weird dream, what does it mean?
Dear Raymi,
Your blog is but one element that helps me get through my otherwise monotonous expat life in China. So, uh, thanks!? But what I wanted to tell you was that I had a really bizarre dream the other night and you happened to be in it. So I found myself at a party held in a dingy motel (high school freshman style) and there were only 5 people there; me, my buddy, you, fil, and some chick that’s always in your pics I don’t know her name. But whatever, it was cool I guess, we were having some beers, but then you and fil got mad lame and decided to go to sleep at 10:30 at night. The other chick decided to as well. My friend and I were wicked pissed and thought you all sucked, but caved and decided to go to bed too. That was it. The dream sucked.
woah that dream blew hard that would not have happened we would have killed it til fucking 4am i mean it, who is the other girl in my pics describe her or show me what picture
why are you in china you prolly told me but i forget
Im in China teaching over privileged kids English, thankfully only for two more weeks (its been about a year so far), then a trip to Tibet, then back to the US. And the other girl in the dream was her
ok maybe some of you are jonesing for my little bitchy this is what happened and these are all my insane perspectives on it anecdotes, so here is one, i will try and draw it out as long as possible, just for you.
so i was with my mom on monday, dentist day, and afterward we were tooling through oakvegas, she was lagging mental taking a thousand pictures of every store dog and car and i was getting supes annoyed anyway so i am walking to the second cup on the corner of lakeshore and navy and i can see two beasts of women and a little kid coming along navy also headed in the direction of second cup and i can tell by the pace of my stride that we are going to arrive at the door at the same time pretty much EXCEPT i will be there one foot quicker THEREFORE i have right of way and no i do not grant after yous to bitches with kids just cos they have a kid in tow, sorry, that kid has to start learning now that life isn’t fair and all that, also, hello, kids, hate em*!
ok so i get there and the lady gets there too but i am there first and at least am aware of this lady and the other one and the kid but she is like marching right on in oblivious to me so i cock-block her with my left foot/pointy toe and slip in before her (i won!) and she says oh sorry and means it, but then has an internal bipolar meltdown in her head when she realises she’s been punked by a younger not fat straight-haired tall arrogant young lady (me) and so as i am waiting in line to order she stands right beside me in my comfort zone full on trying a mexican oh you went there stand-off, and i would not grant her the satisfaction of acknowledgement at all (BURN) not once as she was breathing down my neck did i even act like a crazy big-haired hippopotamus was anywhere near me and the funny thing is, second cup did not even offer what i wanted (iced coffee) so i hmmed and hawed a few seconds longer to waste everyone’s time (passive aggression is cool) then gave some ‘tude and left and my mom was all what the fuck was that about you were really bitchy to that guy, then i told her the mental anguish of the last 3 minutes i had just suffered, the end.
*i will clarify, i do not hate them all, just the ugly ones.
