what does “don’t know how to kiss” mean, do you not have eyes and lips, depth perception? is your husband a total asshole or what? go kiss someone before i kill myself over how depressing your postcard is!
well clearly you do care MUCH about it as you took the time to make this postcard in lieu of LEARNING HOW TO MAKE YOUR PARTNER CLIMAX! like way to go you secretly burned someone on the internet who is generously letting you bone them despite you being a sexual retard instead of saying hey so tell me what i’m doing wrong and ps. it’s THEN not THAN!
which would make YOU even dumber for marrying him.
i mean really, you had to share this one?
actually not really, these are pretty rad, you’re the loser idiot who pieced them together and MAILED THEM, i smell j.e.a.l.o.u.s.y. next time be less of a turd and perhaps you’ll get invited to the cottage.
why? why do you enjoy that? how is that something to “enjoy” and how garbage is your social life? if i bought a book and the last page was torn out i don’t even know where to begin explaining how much of a violent rage would ensue KHVGLAUFLCVlvbxvi dfg;9p;orh dsfobhfd;iubV!
that is NOT a good thing, why do you stay? i suggest one-upping him next time by hiding your own shit and don’t go back, fuck all of them, they don’t deserve you, know your worth.
judging by your penmanship you are wicked young so i’ll hold back some, to be frank, no, that is NOT what normal girls do. girls with hot bods who dog themselves are NOT normal, those (you) girls are despised by the ones with the NOT hot bods for doing that. you do not have to fit in with the chicks who hate on themselves constantly, in fact you should avoid them, that negativity will bring you down and eventually you WILL become body dysmorphic like them and for the rest of your life it will plague you so run the fuck away from those girls. do not look for imperfections where there are none cos you will make yourself crazy and your mind will invent them for you, this happened to me when i was 12 and started reading fashion magazines and came across a body image quiz and i didn’t understand why the questions were all negative, i thought my body was fine up ’til then and figured oh i guess part of getting older is thinking your body isn’t good enough and then one day i overheard one of my peers in dance class complaining about her thighs, ever since i have had body issues.
that “fun yellow slide” will not even have the chance to inflate because everyone in that plane will immediately die upon impact you lunatic and if you were sitting beside me and said this during a flight i would strangle you.
wow your life is so ordinary you have to resort to sending postcards about this? do you sit in the loser section in church too?
oh please not you again, just shut up, seriously shut up cos no one cares for your pity party, wah wah wah i did the “right thing” sob!
omg finally something i care about!
what?
oh dude you shoulda got that fart postcard tattooed instead.
i forget why i saved this one to rip on, thoughts anyone?
yay a for real smart person for once!
aw i’m sorry if i saw someone writing that i’d scream them into the shell of a person they likely are right now, i’ll be your friend.
oh god look it’s someone kooky my fucking favourite! i know where you should go next, a deserted island.
??????? well this wasn’t a waste of my brain power (SARCASM!) try again. F.
um spying? isn’t it fully in your power to have all access to every single note that is written and is it not also your job to PEN THESE CARDS YOUR FUCKING SELF? you must have super human dissociative abilities if you’re able to write something down w/o retaining any of it whatsofuckingever.
wow that’s so deep i don’t even get it. i forgive you too, tractors and field!
first of all, what’s the fandom, and if this is true, wouldn’t you have access to more than the creepiest picture of justin timberlake that i have ever seen and yeah thanks for singlehandedly destroying my wee crush on him now once and for all.
well you must certainly be at the bottom of the totempole in your household or pecking order whatever metaphor you want. puking will not get you more friends, it will however give you chipmunk cheeks (which will make you feel more fat) and a lifetime of bitter self-hatred. have fun!
call him up and go on a date or at least say sorry. we had this french teacher named monsieur dunn in elementary school and some kids made up a song about him it went like this OLE! OLE! (olay olay), MONSIEUR DUNN’S GAY! (to the tune of feelin’ hot hot hot) there was a dance that went along with it too. dude totally wasn’t gay but he had acne scars and picked his nose in front of us and played oh canada in french with his acoustic guitar really cheesy-like. poor sod. i’m trying really hard not to laugh right now. monsieur dunn i’m sorry everyone was a dick to you! there is also a street in toronto called dunn street and a variety store you can see from the gardiner expressway called dunn’s milk and my brother and i would snicker every time we passed it driving into the city as kids. kids are huge assholes, one good reason i am pro-abortion rights.
i feel brain damaged right now i’ve been working on this post for so long, i essentially feel like how you must feel ALL THE TIME.
i bet your tits aren’t even that nice looking you selfish snit.
regardless of that it doesn’t mean they aren’t psychotically disturbed! killing a family pet is like drowning a baby. jesus i can’t even think about this anymore cos i could write an essay about it, i’ll just let it be known that if i ever EVER saw anyone harm an animal, i would go to jail because they would be dead or seriously injured, fil and i would be wrestling each other over who could destroy this person first, yeah he’s taller but i’m way more agile so i could get out of his hold and sprint like crazy. the rage that erupts within me when i think about this is the same rage i feel over thinking about the time my ex bf back handed me in the face, so look out.
thanks for ruining the way i have always viewed men as the emotionally devoid robots they are, you prick. no seriously this makes me sad, i bet whatever problem between you two would have been patched easily if you just gave’r over the phone, i mean it, if a dude cries anywhere near me i turn into niagara falls and can’t blow him fast enough. feeling the need to further propagate the myth that men don’t cry is the same bullshit with women and body image and not ever being good enough, life is shit.
that’s what happens when you sign up for that culty bullshit.
went for a walk to indigo after a dinner of canned lobster bisque (no more of that stuff for these guys) and spinach salad. we also made the lcbo with two minutes to spare and i watched a lush promptly not get served cos he couldn’t figure out how to answer the cashier repeatedly (tricksing him!) asking if he was keeping warm cos it was hot out. it made me sad.
we bought two books collectively, well i gave fil the 6 bones left on my gift card to put toward a book i wanted what was pretty steep, the brief wondrous life of oscar wao i picked it up and was deciphering how pretentiously hip it was going to be and an employee came at me out of nowhere and said really loud that it had won the pulitzer the day before and everyone looked up from their books at me and i had to run away with it because who puts down a book that wins a pulitzer in front of strangers who totally don’t even give a fuck, god what a complete neurotic fool i am. i churtled out some words like yeah and i heard some things about it being good (lie), i only saw a picture of it on a blog so that equals “good things i have heard about it” – moral of the story DON’T TALK TO ME STRANGERS YOU FREAK ME OUT! (unless you read my blog and we are at a bar and you have a present for me)
bought the new cat power with my gift card.
finished playing cooking mama, a work of love it was and believe it or not, a totally decent arm work out.
then near bedtime took a million pictures of myself while fil completed the last recipe.
i should have left my angelina painting outside brangelina’s house.
this shirt used to be a dress, the dumpiest dress in the world.
i’ve had this since i was a toddler, my aunt made it.
i totally had to take a pee while taking these, your guys’s entertainment is more important, i commit.
yes i went there.
oh and then my camera dropped to the floor and i had a mini freak-out.
elated it still works.
then i took some nudies i was thatdrunk elated.
ok bye for now, the next post you will totally LOVE.
i’m gonna have to bump up the price of these to 1000000 dollars they are that irritating to make. if you want to place an order for christmas i’d do it now, that’s how long you’ll be waiting haha. i also have wicked deja vu when i make these i’m like haven’t i sewn one that looked exactly like you before?
i really should collect pics of every felt thing i have made and make a flickr set to reference. yeah like that will happen.
Maybe you’re more real than some people I really know.
you know, it’s pretty unmagnificent that your idle hours are devoted to maintaining a bird’s nest, you took perfectly nice hair and RUINED IT, oprah would fucking KILL YOU i am going to write her a letter, oh man, you are entering a world of pain now boy, she said once that she always wished she had white girl hair.
trying to gauge whether or not this outfit was too loony tunes for public consumption. mental survey says no despite feeling like a yes. not really the outfit per se, moreso the hat. i also went out sans makeup cos i wanted to tan my face, the last stand-up i had before NOLA granted absolutely no change to my skin pigment, waste.
so i had to wear sunglasses indoors like a cuckoo, almost had an emergency butt explosion in dominion, not really a close call just a first warning signal. maybe my anoos is allergic to suntanning.
pms crazy took over and i bought choc. fudge i just had one, v. delicious what the hell i don’t even like sweets. what else did i want to talk about, oh nothing. i’m totally a grease pig monster right now it’s pretty hot. thank god fil is a garbage disposal so i can buy dumb things to eat and let him finish the rest after i have a bite. 3.5 grams of fat per 2 of these, not bad really. not amazing, but not bad. i had one then the butt explosion happened. i was backed up in NOLA, traveling does that to me, the change in diet and then being around someone who isn’t used to hearing how insanely loud and capable you are at fart explosions so you just force it all in, the last nite when i was sick it started happening and then at the airport after security i evacuated my entire being it was lovely.
someone’s happy to have the fat under my tits back.
You are really judgemental; so what if she’s fat and wears velour or the emo kid wears make up and a skirt?
Interesting considering that you constantly parade yourself as in defense of the weak/underdogs/losers…. observation | Edit comment Delete comment | 04.07.08 – 4:23 am | #
“observation” thats funny that you’re defensive of my OBSERVATIONS, it’s a blog persona, stop crying. think of it like do’s and don’ts, i’m trying to help these people. and just as every coward in my comments who says nasty shit to me would never have the cajones to say it to my face, i would never be so rude as to do the same with my OBSERVATIONS to these strangers. if someone is dressed like an idiot i’m going to notice, nothing to do with their being an underdog at all. now if that goth dude was being cornered by some jocks hell fucking yeah i’d step in and throw some crazy in to defend him.
get your points right before you waste more of my time here.
i do not constantly parade myself as some joan of arc for losers, i merely state that i have the balls to speak up for them when no one else EVER does, and sometimes to my detriment but i do it anyway, there’s a difference.
oh and big ps. it’s called BEING FUNNY try it sometime, you’ll get more friends that way. raymi | Edit comment Delete comment | Email | Homepage | 04.07.08 – 8:37 am | #
ahh never gets old, yes i am the dirtbag in the beetle bailey hat and that is a penis sippy cup not a dildo. i am doing kiefer sutherland before kiefer sutherland did kiefer sutherland.
i think there should be a blogger reality television show in the style of the real world except it would be super boring cos none of the bloggers would socially interact they would be too busy flaming each other in their comments
(hot asian chick no less i am cringing cos i hate to fight the asian babes cos something in my head makes me think that they are all in love with me because well, i am in love with ALL of them)
Mike: only 3 have an internet connection – that blows my mind
me: yeah i better be one of them
Mike: seriously – I’d rather go without food and water
me: yeah and write and talk shit about people secretly on my blog until i shrivel up and die
this is my dancing face. if you see that face then you know that i am dancing. or trying on a hat in a mirror.
be hyperly unaware of how fucking amazing and mysterious you are.
i don’t think i will ever be able to have children because they would be stuffed into suitcases and thrown into a fucking river if they begged for a dog and did nothing to care for it.
yeah, i really care what the patrons of seven-eleven think about me, it is very important they view me with the utmost respect and admiration.
no thanks i will stick with the irish trash and he asked if i was irish i said no, british.
i am the one that is talking, obviously. the girl to my left who is blown away by my conversational skills, i went to kindergarden with. also, take note that i am the skinniest, haha bitches.
bloggers choice awards i stopped caring about three seconds after i blogged about it, the description of me is still funny though. why aren’t any of these buzznet embedded vids loading?
i want fil to get fat/jogging pants too so we can pretend to be university kids he said no i said fine be old.
fil thinks he saved the planet cos he ate at the whole foods buffet, way to go dude.
see: CUNT CUNT CUNT CUNT SPOILED FUGLY BITCHY SELFISH DELUSIONAL PROJECTIONARY NASTY ARGUMENTATIVE IGNORANT SELF-SERVING UNAPPRECIATIVE WITCH.
me: when i am on a roll i am like thank you bipolar!
i did not grow up a duvet person, duvet/comforter whatever it is, i think it is more of a dude thing, my arm-spanse is not that of a fucking eagle’s i canNOT deal with holding a corner then the other corner then flopping out the mother fucking blanket like parachute day in kindergarden and then T-bird jumping it on the mattress and smoothing that shit together just so
i think the second laugh he did was cos he was single and lonely as hell and seeing a couple nag, kick and swear at each other is like i am going to go home and murder myself after i eat two boxes of kraft dinner.
back to the cold but not so bad, warmer now than it was when i left, spring is here finally.
hey ladies.
what part of this creation is supposed to be flattering?
i ordered some white wine to try and combat the curse cramps and also to be funny, we caught the episode of king of queens the nite before when doug and carrie’s dad get her drunk cos she’s more fun that way then she gets wise to it and says wow this martini is good i feel instantly less bitchy and easier to be around!
wrapped burger and deadly side order of potato chip fries.
brie, roasted red pepper and spinach, omfg. we shared.
curry chicken wrap also shared.
i give grapefruit moon’s cuisine a thumb’s up and a nod, i bet lots of annex dicks hang there early on weekends so be careful. we got there after 4 (when the other half of the menu opens up) so we lucked out. also check this out.
then we played cooking mama (watch that video), it is so addictive and crazy, you basically cook and this lady barks out cute engrish to motivate you the entire time. quite hilarious. some of the movements required to chop and mince look like you’re rigorously jerking off so when you’re playing against someone you’re both sitting there furiously beating off and laughing hysterically.
shared some jerk okra for a late dinner cos we were too lazy to do anything else, after watching walk hard.
