i had a panic attack and barfed three times from my chinese food and now i am at home and everyone is there and i got my first death threat today happy fucking 9/11.

this is a goddamn nitemare i feel like such a flake and that karaoke host is a total pinhead i said please say on the mic that i have food poisoning he goes i don’t like saying those things i say um why he says PROFESSIONALISM.

dude you are from oshawa and we are in a faux-punk bar GET OVER YOURSELF.

im sorry everyone this sucks so much i tried to keep it together as long as possible i at least didn’t cry til i walked in the door here.

but you should still go out cos everyone’s there partying away.

that chinese food was a bad idea, didn’t eat all day, felt fineish all day then i started thinking about tonite and…then i read this psychotic comment, whoever left it better have used a proxy or they are super fucked, i’m getting police involved.

there will also be more toilet visits in store for me tonite.

PUMPED

ps warren and his band are super awesome guys, warren i think might even be as funny as i am, i bet he is so glad he chose me for tonite haha.

this is the threat thing that was said, i wasn’t sure if it could be considered a direct threat cos it’s purposely written in a round about manner to get away with it, but warren says it IS a threat and he’s going to send it to some police cops. it’s just one line from a two paragraph comment because i linked to a picture i took of the wtc burning in a relevant forum.

raymi is the nathan barley of parkdale except everyone in the world hates her and wants to smush her guts out with a gun.

well i guess i can safely make my thank you speech cos you can’t see me blubbering right now, sigh, thanks everyone for coming out, next time will be better and i won’t be super hungover or stay out all hours the nite before mixing every drink in the universe.

fil keeps giving me updates, all my friends/you guys are there, i am so miserable and sad right now and other words for sad too. i wish so badly we didn’t go out last nite like i didn’t want to.

i have been practicing little jokes to share with you all day long in my head, whatever happens, don’t let me make a thank you speech because i will guaranteed start crying.

i still have no clue what to wear and the second a beer hits my lips i will launch straight into the bipolar express.

xo gaymi

worst/best performance of my life.

i sat on this since JULY 30 and only brought myself to watch it last week when steph was over and she gave it the thumb’s up so if anyone hurts my feelings over it, her fault. i am completely blameless. thing is, i love a song and i listen to it a lot, i play it over and over and fantasize about being in a movie and this song is playing and then i get ADD and forget about my fantasy, so i have to start the song from the beginning again and get right back into that field of green grass and whimsical sunny sky, perfect pilgrim dress, my fantasy movie stars me and all it is about is me lying down virgin suicides style. point being, i never learn how to sing my fantasy soundtrack songs because i NEVER GET THROUGH THEM IN THEIR ENTIRETY AND THEN I GET BLASTED AND GO TO KARAOKE AND HERE YOU GO YOU’RE WELCOME!

to be fair i actually wasn’t that ripped but i am pretty sure this performance is partly the reason why the bouncer decided matt was (though he wasn’t)(but always appears to be) and also at this exact moment in time the bouncer was telling matt he was cut off. is this one of those full circle moments? i kind of want to erase this from my memory so feel free not to mention anything about it, or the fact that the karaoke host is a dick who constantly tries to upstage me every time i go there and plays this raymi is crazy shtick way too much. anyway, that place is cut off. on to the annex wreckroom.

hung.

this is the last picture taken on my camera from last nite.

last nite was WEIRD to say the least. super fun though don’t get me wrong.

first time in casa loma, spent with hundreds of swanky people who may or may not have been douches, i’m leaning towards may. a great time was had no doubt, free booze, food, lots to gawk at. the red carpet chick made a big deal of saying WELL ONCE ROSE MCGOWAN LEAVES IT’LL GET BETTER. i’ll tell you more once it comes back to me. before that was the bearsuitpublishing anniversary party at the drake, good turn-out. i didn’t even want to go out last nite, i whined all day about it, needing to save up my magical powers for tonite, but no no no, fil wants to go, so we go, and now i am blasted hung out of my mind. the nites you want to go gentle typically end so hardly. which means tonite i am going to be, interesting. ps. EU-REWUN is going it is going to be bananers.

my hat received a boatload of attention and it also helped that i was dressed like marty mcfly. the humour of being a scumbag amongst privileged youth and oldies will never be lost on me. it just blows their minds. i also had a pretty woman moment in the bathroom with the attendant, no one was tipping her, i had three bucks in my pocket and i thought i would do her a good one and tip her as loudly as possible to get the ball rollin’ (big line) and i am washing my hands really slow and, no towel is thrust at me, so i take my time turning off the faucet, AND NO TOWEL. so i throw my money in the plate and the attendant blushed like crazy. yeah that’s right, people who look homeless have manners, more so than these chicks who’ve been treating you like you’re invisible all nite long.

once they cut off booze these were pretty tempting.

blurry beautiful garden

earlier at the drake.

HAHHAHAHHAHAHAHa

i just sent this out to all the guests i sent invites to for tomorrow’s thing so sorry if you read it already NOT SORRY!

hey kids

i just chatted with the karaoke guy we rented and oh man, he made me big time NERVOUS, but huge comedy potential in him, you’ll see, but then i spoke with warren (shit from hell president) and he squared away my fearsicles. (dude thinks we are taking turns hosting, p’shhh)

basically, tomorrow nite is going to be EPIC. we start it off with a couple hours of solid gold karaoke, then shit from hell hits the stage about 10.30/11 and will be so plastered by then, awesome, then 45 mins later we are back on karaoke track for the rest of the eve.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO WEAR?! SING?

OMG PEOPLE BYE SEE YOU TOMORROW!

RAYMIOKE/DRUNKAOKE + SHIT FROM HELL SHOW CD LAUNCH PARTY

EYE SMILE TIME

alright so if you are driving in your car and your arm is out the window, is that for my benefit? not being your passenger, i mean, i’m on the sidewalk and i see you roll up in your whatever the fuck mobile and your wrist is sticking out like that, where do i send the thank you for letting me know you are a cool mother effer note?

this was funnier in my head two nites ago before i fell asleep, anyway, hang tight there’s more.

so like, ugh, i can’t even finish this.

you actually achieve the opposite of the desired result in hanging your goddamn arm out your window, you look like a wiener, you do not look like the stereotypical and universal image of cool when you do that (black ray bans, grease-style white t-shirt, pack of smokes tucked in the sleeve), you look like a little kid actually on your first day out of the house after a week of being grounded. also, don’t make eye contact with me, it’s awkward, i don’t want you to know that i acknowledged your arm and its intentional FORCED attempt at casualty, please stop.

you are only allowed to jam your arm out the window if you are the passenger and a feeling of euphoria overcomes you riding down country dirt roads and santana is blasting out the speakers and you do that magic carpet ride arm fighting the wind thing so that cars behind you can know that you are the most whimsical traveler ever.

also hello, driving with one arm is dangerous.

sorry for the harsh, i’m just trying to help here people.

so yesterday was pretty damn stressful i wish i had a huge weather balloon to throw myself on and deflate really fast and loud and then be thrown across the sky like in cartoons, that kind of stressed? i also have the stress zits to show for it. so in honour of said stress we stress ate some delicious bad foods.

then i put on an outfit inspired by kool-aid and went to lobby (first time). what do you wear to a phony try-hard richie rich desperate to spot celeb bar? red pants. one other guy had the same idea.

i don’t even want to talk about how expensive our drinks were.

we were kicked out of the bottle service only area when these boring blondes came over, no prob our drinks are done. made fun of as many people as we could then left. thanks for the g list hook-up alicia.

went to the bedford but it was full of back to school/in town wieners so to the duke instead.

we discussed our past glory days of concerts attended, so geeky.

fil ignores me for sudoku.

terrible hush puppies from the other day.

there was 47 minutes of genius sean edited down to this. he cut out a lot of my good moments FOR SOME REASON and two other of his journal entries. i think i wasn’t hard enough on him.