this costume is gigantic on me now and fugly, enjoy.
MC Miker G & DJ Sven – Holiday Rap from raymi lauren on Vimeo.
i just found out i can finally have a bath!
haha yes i’ve been showering shut up.
December 19, 2008
you know what i am positively RABID about? THE STUPIDITY I ENDURE EVERY TIME I LOAD POSTSECRET.COM THANKS TO NUGGETS SUCH AS THIS! have some more jonestown kool-aid you fucking lesbian NO ONE IS LOOKING AT YOUR RECYCLABLES in fact the only people who give a shit about what you have in your bin are homeless junkies looking for booze bottles to return for the deposit and teeny little asian women with shopping carts who make mint cos that’s all they do so. get. over. yourself. or build a tampon box fortress around your lonely barren uterus cos that’s what’s in store for you if you can’t get over natural body functions. do you hold in farts too?
fantastic and your family will never ever forget that and when you’re an old geezer they will not visit you on your death bed and you will have regrets and have one of those cliche moments when you tell your son i’m sorry i never told you i loved you and he will be emotionally unavailable to every woman he ever dates WAY TO GO DAD and as for your daughter well, she will eternally seek out older men (great visual for you when you’re working on that engine yeah?) and your wife is having emotional affairs on the internet. happy holidays.
did elisabeth hasselbeck send this one in? seriously, you are too stupid for words do you not get the rules? equality = good, non-equality = bad ok wait let me just quote your postcard, how convenient: PRO-HOMOSEXUALS ARE WONDERFUL, TOLERANT HUMAN BEINGS why thank you for the compliment so nice of you and ANTI-HOMOSEXUALS ARE EVIL AND IGNORANT. it’s not that everyone “thinks” this sorry, we know it. FACT. and we are tolerant of YOU so follow suit cos you’re a dying breed.
ugh how annoying is that thing you drew beneath the word don’t? that was my signature cool detail from grade 4 i reserved for title pages on shitty stories i wrote. anyway, yes what you said is par for the course, insecure chicks only feel good about themselves when someone more lecherous than them is in the room be it male or female and when a hot babe strolls on in it’s all daggers and scorn and judgment, at least you admitted to it albeit anonymously on a postcard, wimpy hag. guess what, the feeling’s mutual across the board, change or prep yourself for a solitary life where EVERYONE talks shit about you behind your back cos they cannot stand your smarmy bullshit. something also tells me you aren’t very attractive and that’s likely not your fault but you know what? it’s also no one else’s so stop taking it out on other people.
guess how loudly i just sighed do i even need to write something about this one? no? k good moving on.
check-outage? thanks 15 year old obsessed with the movie JUNO, thanks? i meant fuck off, get some life experience and jadedness then come back and write something meaningful.
the word MY kinda frightens me, you sound like a psycho, your minimalist sentence and the picture you chose, ugh tingles down my spine single white female much? FOCUS ON YOURSELF FATAL ATTRACTION!
ahem, how about being nice for the sake of being nice? how about being a hero for once and sticking up for people and not following the crowd? how about the guilt you will inevitably feel in the future if you’re currently self-aware enough to make a difference now? i wish i could go back in time and let people like you really have it in high school but i’m happy your fear tortures you at least. let me guess, you also believe in jesus JUST IN CASE. pansy.
oh shut up you arrogant pompous ass. so if you adopt a kid you’re not giving it your last name? yeah yeah coming out is tough bla blah wah wah just do it and spare me your harvard posing bullshit.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA my favourite. also, makes me sad cos men are so stubborn and stupidly proud when it comes to doctors and their health meanwhile everyone around them suffers for it. one reason feminists are better than you.
at the risk of offending every single person on facebook which i think is a HUGE factor in this race to wed phenom, um well, yeah. there are those who wed for the right reasons and then there is everyone else, like, every stupid person from your elementary school + facebook = wedding and why? facebook has granted these girls the spotlight they have always wanted and to stick it to the rest of us (who didn’t even care to begin with). i could beat this dead horse forever but i am already bored of this shit. here i will admit that i would like to be married one day and i do not want to be an “old bride” and that’s just silly, why do i not want to be an “old bride” oh BECAUSE OF FACEBOOK OF COURSE! i just want to be engaged really, for like ever, and that’s that. TICK TOCK FIL, TICK TOCK.
firstly, it’s “my boyfriend and i” and secondly did you know that dogs are kind of um, dumb? an old friend of mine said she had to close her dog out of the bedroom when she had sex because the dog thought she was being attacked, seriously, that’s what it looks like to a dog, they do not have the capacity to understand human nudity all it is to them is an activity (ex: the removal of clothing), you are doing something new AND they watch it SO DON’T FLATTER YOURSELF. ps. it’s a dog A DOG you fucking idiot! do you feel flattered by this?! AHHAHA. here look what i found on the internet for you:
BYE!
+++
*REMINDER* FIL‘S BIRTHDAY PARTY IS TONITE AT HARMONY LOUNGE AND YES IT’S A BLIZZARD JUST LIKE LAST YEAR SIGH SIGH OH WELL WE HAVE THE WHOLE PLACE AND THIS DJ IS GOOD AND IT’S FREE TO GET IN DOORS ARE AT 8PM WE SHOULD BE THERE FOR 9 OR SO 589 COLLEGE STREET BASICALLY BESIDE STRANGELOVE. COME CELEBRATE THE BIRTH OF THE GUY YOU TOLERATE ME FOR! dinner plans are scrapped so it’s just drinks, simple dimple!
December 18, 2008
didn’t wear this because it was too slutty and apparently we had both agreed on that it was GOOD slutty, then i walk back into the room and fil says you’re wearing that? i was actually glad cos it is so unsausageforgiving especially with tights, bad dinner dress, good dance slutty dress. thanks alicia.
stopped off at nancy’s cheese.
nice paper, what’s in the box?
CUCKOO! though i happily enabled gill‘s obsession further with a cellphone betty charm see:
i also overheard you’re getting a BB tattoo?
new sweater vest, he thinks he needs it in a bigger size and everyone is telling him NO he so doesn’t.
had/have this exact mouse ornament on our tree growing up.
this game has good potential, more than that gun game we could never figure out.
purse fetish, i had no idea gill.
mmmmm st. jorge cheese.
this looks familiar…
on to dinner at sidecar, prix fixe stretches to wednesdays, awesome. our waiter was v dramatic, i asked him if he was a poet.
goro pony i immediately took down after looking at this.
the salmon was great, my flash completely blocked it out so it has a nice shadow. don’t be pissed if you weren’t there this was totally last minute impromptu we were planning to eat alone then figured why not cos brad would be missing out on friday as well as gill.
sitting beside a radiator is not conducive to sweater vests.
they gave us a nice assortment of desserts.
blue cheese cheese cake sort of?
see how powerful the flash is anyway, this is the chocolate they make the mousse from, so rich in this form your face would explode.
yes how flattering, my shade of foundation was out of stock so for the next month or so i’m going to be orange oprah which is the perfect time of year for it too WINTER stand out much!? and oh yeah thanks (SARCASM) mom for convincing me to get the black cardigan in small instead of XS it’s fucking HUGE. i’m glad i didn’t listen to you for the grey one.
HAHAHA you can see RIGHT through my shirt holy tara reid moment.
don’t forget this is going on saturday nite, i have two unspoken for tickets and i am too lazy to make a contest so just email me and tell me why you should be allowed to party with fil and i saturday nite.
SMIRNOFF EXPERIENCE: RED NIGHT HOTEL
Saturday, December 20th, 2008
Windsor Arms Hotel, 18 St. Thomas St. [Bay & Bloor]
$20 advance tickets at www.smirnoff.com OR
$30 at the door
i didn’t bug you to vote for me for the canadian blog awards this year (you’re welcome) so just go vote for her for whatever that is thanks.
December 17, 2008
i left the toilet seat up just for you.
yesterday’s outfit was brought to you by WASN’T THINKING. feh. i had those tights BEFORE feist and i would give them up in a heartbeat for five solid minutes of forced eye contact with her while she sings me a song. side note: yet another “article” about hipsters (and they’re talking about me in the comments hahahahahhahahaha) has been scribed and everyone is bashing the shit out of it/them (seriously who cares?) but anyway here is a joke my intelligent bipolar brain just invented: Q: what does a hipster fear most? A: eye contact.
ponytail day two sans shower, new skid on the block.
my infinitieth grey cardigan. the reason this is a bonehead outfit is because it’s a tight highwaisted skirt that rests on my torso exactly where the tights hike up to and then we are left with sausage stomach, even if you look skinny you do not feel it. oh my god how interesting is my body dysmorphia right now you guys!!!?
ok one more to showcase my tiny ponytail head.
then to kilgour’s to pre-eat/drink with just a couple of regular guys. also kz was there hiding up against the wall.
then to tranzac (hilar hilar place every single funny joke i have about tranzac is canceling each another out TOO MUCH, love/hate/love/hate/hate that place) to see human highway which kind of put me to sleep but the music is very nice, the magic opened for them with a very spiral beachy thing going on, very much liked them but we weren’t ripped enough to dance. during human highway the room was silent, way to go toronto you never fail to unimpress with your stoic pretentiousness. i am glad i clapped at the wrong time at the part of the what i thought was finally the end of a song, too many annoying pretentious silences in your songs equals ME CLAPPING COS I THINK IT’S OVER AND IT SHOULD BE.
this is alicia and i on the phone, what are you wearing tonite? NO IDEA. ok me i’m going for trying but not trying and i didn’t shower.
look at my wrinkled skirt what a winner ahh.
steve’s in town from skid bay, he is a v old time friend of fil’s (also had long hair back then hahaha), do you have a friend who would fly in specially for your birthday? i don’t. fuck i hate myself now thanks steve.
alicia is poo pooing my tights? my knees? my AWESOME more like.
i know you love this pose, and that chick to the left with arms crossed TALKED A LOT AND LOUDLY and yet somehow we were more annoying? sorry not buying it. wait til you see a picture of what her friend was wearing. last nite i learned that i officially hate young people, yes, a milestone has passed.
thanks for the beads jolisha.
oh right a band was playing.
guy on the far left was my favourite cos he looks like my dad when dad played bass in his high school band SWEED. they wanted to be called WEED but couldn’t cos they exclusively played churches and schools. HAHA. i’ll dig up those pics again soon if you remind me to.
ok SEE that nightgown back there. go ahead, defend it, you have one chance. also there was a girl in an AA rainbow striped tank thing with a belt and fake spectacles, i rolled my eyes so much last nite i almost set off the fire alarm.
singer/keys guys is so tiny and lovely and has a phenom voice.
birthday tradition, i brought fil to the green room four years ago today for his first time, what a classy benefactor i am right? (before that we saw emily haines at church of the redeemer and fell asleep in the pew during it) for the smart people reading/looking at photographs, his fingers represent his new age.
steve (snow hair) was there for it too, ok i will get the post and link it and you can see how bad my hair was and chunky i was getting.
we did not tip our waitress last nite because she lied about me placing an order for nachos, i specifically said muchos nachos and pointed at the menu, so we waited half an hour (normally they show within what, 5 minutes?) so steve goes and says did my friend order and she says no she didn’t. LIAR. nachos were my ulterior motive for goin’ there in the first place cos we were all cocked enough. NO TIP FOR YOU if you would have just admitted to forgetting to place the order you would have been tipped, easy. (if you give me grief about this i will shut you down, we are always ALWAYS gracious tippers so shut it).
another important and totally interesting fact: we bring in this mat during winter. i must be drunk still.
fil reveals his new specs that I CHOSE.
solar power up, i am insecure over whether he really likes it or not, i think he is just pretending and until he writes a sonnet about his solar powered mason jar light i will not believe him.
this morning, lookin’ good Z.
ok time to paint that cat in finally.
this chick is a fuckin’ relic man, i’ve had her since i was 4? she was barbie’s ginger beach party fun-lovin’ friend, forget the name unfortunately. she was into american apparel before you were check the gold lam-ay hot pants.
uhhhm, this one didn’t make it.
or that one. sniff. ha kidding i stopped watering those twinks long ago we just keep ‘em around for sentimental purposes and for the birds and squirrel which i have finally STOPPED feeding thanks to matt’s rat paranoia lecture. thank you matt for starving my only (squirrel) friend to death. steph it’s up to you to save me from horticultural failure, keep ferny strong please!
this is molding nicely into the balcony wood. i stopped myself short of taking a photo of the tiger rug that i pitched out there a long time ago not one of you skids claimed, it makes me sad to look at it which is better than when it used to scare me cos it was hung over a chair with its face staring into the apartment at me through the window and when i would watch tv at nite sometimes the eyes would reflect light and my heart would skip a beat. i think the squirrel has since been storing garbage beneath it.
alright so now you know and your life is all the better for it.
it feels like friday.
i got him a solar powered mason hippie jar (it was not cheap) as well as a gift certificate for noah’s (hippie new age store i never tire of rippin’ on)(more on that to come) as well as quantum of solace for wii which he has already beaten in easy mode and yesterday i made him try on a sweater vest with his eyes closed then forced him to open his eyes to look at it in the mirror cos i’m a spazz so there is just ONE gift left to open but that has to wait for christmas so i pretty much blew it and i have to buy more shit because i force presents too early and fil is a birthday stickler. the vest was supposed to be an xmas gift but he needed to try it on in case they ran out of the right size yes you care. i have to deal with this every year so i’m sharing the burden i mean, privilege.
k just a quick post for now til i go through a mountain of emails, i love you fil even though you keep getting older and older and you boss me around DON’T EVER LEAVE ME! have a nice day, see you tonite xoxo.
