last nite ruled.

woah jungle hair. you know when you have long hair and you’re just like yeah it’s long, could be longer, not there yet. well last nite i finally realized how long it is and felt fully engulfed by it. that is all.

late start today. i haven’t slept in so late in awhile, i blame the clocks. i had a really crazy dream about lost.

lifted this from ryan’s but the idea is all mine, well not really, just the idea that a ton of canadians would and could respond to these like he did and then it’ll just spread like a rash, smart guy sometimes that rye. you’ve likely seen the molson canadian spots currently in-rotation, they’ve always had consistently clever ads i thought. anyway, here’s the spiel broken down sentence-by-sentence and i will respond to each one as it does or doesn’t apply to me. at the bottom of this post i’ll have it again blank so you can just straight copy/paste it into your own blongs. (blong is the new word of the day ps. and non-canucks can play along, i mean ablong too if you’re feelin’ left oot)

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen. this reads like pile of snow but i imagine they meant pile of coats cos who the hell would leave their coat on a pile of snow also, it brings to mind rich oakvillian/manhattan beach kids who just ditch their expensive bikes wherever the fuck and how smug it comes off to me though i think the world should be able to just leave their shit anywhere they like w/o having to worry about it being stolen. but yeah i’ve only ever left my coat in places i know it won’t get ripped off ie. people’s houses i know or the local pub where if anyone so much as considered taking my purse or coat there’d be some serious hell to pay where people are just waiting for a chance to defend your honour. ok this one gets a checkmark yes.

You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend. uuuuuuhm…errrr no comment.

You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops. meaning the guy who has to piss the least gets to call the shots? fuck that. however, for some reason you acquire an ability to hold it a little longer when you know you’ll be at the lake in just an hour.

You’ve kept all your hockey trophies. never had any to keep, a measly soccer trophy though.

You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over. i don’t recall being that much of a drunken retard though it’s happened to me plenty and i’ve let it slide many times but yeah canadians love to show off our generosity and our most favourite way to do it is with beer.

If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back. brosz7kowski i’m lookin’ at you and the fox n fiddle last summer.

You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer. HELL YEAH THOSE ARE MY FAVES!

You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick. no i haven’t.

You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper yes but i like watchin’ dudes do it more.

and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season can’t say i have but if i were a guy i would.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian. according to ryan it’s american-owned now so no it’s actually not but i’ll drink it when nothing better is on tap which is rarely and again independently of ryan i’ve been on the OV wagon for awhile so close enough.

next commercial

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You have a hockey scar somewhere. do liver scars count?

You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip. not really but kinda sorta? bit of a princess over here suffice it to say.

You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player. knew her, not proud maybe just jealous purely out of egotistical reasons. these are dude questions tell me she blasted Robert Downey Jr then i’ll give her a standing-O.

You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane. yes but only temporarily though and then i keep it reclined anyway during take-off and landing you can get away with it if it’s just slightly set back the attendant never catches it but everyone in your vicinity does and the air all around you gets really tense. how annoying the person behind me seems quantifies the level of guilt i feel over my seat being reclined.

You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you. only after the fact when it was pointless just to be annoying.

You fill your friends pint before your own. OF COURSE. we love doing this it’s almost as satisfying as picking up something that fell out of a stranger’s pocket you’re like the superhero nobody asked for. we are serious about our manners here.

You think hockey tape can fix anything. after duct tape yes but only because it’s typically the only tape left in the house. nothing says i love you like a gift wrapped with hockey tape. how much did the NHL pay molson for these spots enough with the hockey already we do do other things you know.

You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere can’t say i personally have but my friends have so by association yes, again this is more dude-oriented. i have been secretly asked to help escort so-and-so out of the bar then gone back in after they were sent in a cab.

and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season. this one makes absolutely no sense to me.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian. more like this WAS our beer brand and it used to mean something to us.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time. fuck no as if.

You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s. yeah like a million billion times.

You appreciate a woman who’s into sports. more like retardedly annoyed by one especially when it comes off as phony, boring get-a-long gang type or a puck slut. don’t think all those photos of me at games were specifically out of interest for the sport, check what’s in my hand.

You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend. yeah yeah zzzz maybe if said friend’s lady has like a minibar and wifi and a room like kelly ripa’s in hope & faith.

You know what a J-stroke is. only because i saw this commercial i learned what that canoe stroke was called, before that i just knew how to paddle (shittily so according to fil)

And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching. SO SO SO IS!

You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds. you have to go to the ACC to learn this.

You’ve worn a canoe as a hat. fil wouldn’t let me come for the portage trip cos i’m a wimpy girl, what a dick eh. i liked ryan’s answer how the soberest takes the lead or you walk into trees hahaha.

You’ve assembled a barbeque thank you home hardware. also lawn mowers, seed spreaders and other miscellaneous ridiculous outdoor/lawn/furniture things.

and, they’re not dents, they’re goals. cutest part of the commercial you have to see it to care and yes.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian. ok fine.

*******AGAIN here it is blank******** be sure to link back to me you ingrates.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen.

You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend.

You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops.

You’ve kept all your hockey trophies.

You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over.

If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back.

You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer.

You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick.

You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper

and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are;You have a hockey scar somewhere.

You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip.

You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player.

You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane.

You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you.

You fill your friends pint before your own.

You think hockey tape can fix anything.

You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere,

and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.

There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time.

You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s.

You appreciate a woman who’s into sports.

You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend.

You know what a J-stroke is.

And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching.

You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds.

You’ve worn a canoe as a hat.

You’ve assembled a barbeque,

and, they’re not dents, they’re goals.

This is our beer, Molson Canadian.

• meme,
• molson canadian

she is 9 weeks old and she is a Westie-Poo (West Highland Terrier/Poodle).

trying to show her size, and my coug polish.

it seems like all we ever do is hang out with animals.

fil thinks she looks like a baby mitzie.

the other guys were verrrrry jealous.

floppy ear.

little jasmine from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

more jasmine from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

today is so totally laundry day and look what fil left in my inbox. i’da laughed more if there wasn’t mt. fucking everest waiting for me to take it down a flight of stairs in my hippie clogs oh and if this didn’t have that stupid FAIL/WIN shit involved. stop trying to make fail happen thanks.

• puppy

saturday’s takings.

there was a crazy points day going on at shoppers, if you spent fifty bucks you got 20x the points, which we did and holy that was the nerdiest rush ever. also i had a voucher mailed to me for my birthday month that if i spent $50 i’d get 7000 points on the spot, i had forgotten it and asked an employee if the two promotions were able to coincide she was iffy about it but said bring it back later and maybe we can scan it after the fact. so i did yesterday and a different employee scanned it. more nerdy rush ensues. ahh man so next time i go i can get $25 dollars off my bill. all this came to $65 btw, shoppers inflates their prices ridiculously so. oh and my hair is super greasy from doing the VO5 treatment (clearance rack!) as well as using that fancy restorative pantene conditioner. fil also used the VO5 yesterday so we both had seinfeld hair.

then off to the hippie store.

and to another one. they have huge containers in the back to refill our hippie detergent, laundry soap, hippie glass cleaner and many more natural liquids. we didn’t bring our bottles though cos i wanted to show it off to fil first so he could beat off hands-free.

food/booze shopping. i started numbering each item so i could do a detailed boring list of everything but then i remembered i’m not a loser. full size version of this photo.

k bye! seinfeld hair!

Dear Rayray…

I forgot how much you made me laugh. I used to visit your page everyday for a dose of silly. Being that you’re on my facebook you came up on my page and I thought wow! long time, so i came on board again for a treat.
i also forgot how much i love you. i see you’re engaged now. isn’t that just lovely.
btw, my fav pic from your more recents (i obviously don’t have time to go through them all)is the kitty pic on the toilet where you said he looks like an egg? hahaha, yeah well, it’s so adorable, it is perfect.
WELL BABY ANGEL, I want your legs. But I won’t eat all that weird healthy crap you eat so i guess i can enjoy my fat thighs for a while longer. I JUST FUCKING LOVE HAVING A LITTLE WAIST AND BIG THIGHS. it makes jean shopping a blast. LIsa

what the f are you talking about i just lurked your fb and you dont have big thighs at all
i want a teeny weeny waist too sigh
thank you for the nice email
ps i eat like a pig a lot too

yesterday i was 120lbs i told this to fil and then we ate the planet. great.

for dinner we had this nicely 50% off salmon that fil dressed in delicious mustard and basil, so simple and amazing. had a spinach, goat cheese, tomato, cucumber w/ miso dressing salad and two mini bottles of sake, one hot one cold and watched censored kill bill vol 1 and part of 2 before heading out good to go.

whatever diet bizo is now on is so totally doing it because he is SO tiny, i couldn’t believe it. so cuddly too aw gaymoments4lyfe.

so packed full of BO and dirty looks, everyone seemed aggressive what’s the point? i tried to get this sans blur but someone kicked, shoved, pressed up against my chair every single time.

sharpie pointed out that someone needs to learn how to spell SKEWERED. fuck. they even fouled it twice. sad face.

these are not in order thanks to the camera but anyway just a little slutty only a little, it’s the shirt jeez relax i wear it a quarter to never picture me in a holly hobby dress. oh yeah this one retard at the painted lady blatantly snapped a photo of stefan and sharpie almost thumped him then he and some blond chick followed us down to reposado and yelled snake snake snake at us as we were going in, he used the blond purely for protection. winner. stefan says people pose for pictures with him all the time and then put them on fb and write the most ridiculous shit about him and how they were so partying together and all this untrue baloney. also, he is the proud owner of my swings painting.

the greasy factor was pretty high last nite i need a wind machine.

hi i like waiting 20 minutes for a drink along with sixty other people and i also like to party in a bar the size of a closet too.

yes it was i who cut the cheese is what he’s saying basically.

crop duster joins us and decides to come clean. he did not fart, he had to take the blame for it cos he planted this retarded (sharpie called it) drunk chick alone at his friend’s table and it pissed them all off ahahha so when sharpie was rippin’ him one in front of everybody he had to just take it. so good.

dusted. i couldn’t detect it though.

a little bit of bullshit was definitely at play here we think.

oh and now it’s time for the totally unbelievable must be in my head i was getting stared down from across the room anecdote. this time i (nicely) waved (and mouthed hi) at them to let them know that my eyes work and yes i can see that they are staring and discussing me with glazed over eyes (so not hot) and they just guiltily slowly turned away for the rest of the nite. busted. one was wearing a dumb rose in her hair. i doubt you can see them in this shot. i must be delusional and sharpie must have imagined it too.

i love nickelback.

fil loves nickelback.

that room was like sitting in a kiln ‘cept for when all the smokers came in and out and the shitty door could barely close behind them, anyway, yes my hair part looks wicked slick. time to go home clocks ahead an hour guys remember it’s not as early as we think it is.

i love when people offer to take a group photo like we are at the mandarin, total waste, no one comes out lookin’ too hot and do we look like the kind of people who need group shots? yes thank you i will frame this one for sure haha.

bob marley flew us home best ride ever he didn’t play ONE greatest hit. he (quietly) sang along to every song too, so cute.

cid’s special diet consists of breakfast lunch dinner second dinner and snacks.

fil was secretly more blasted than i was, he did a shot of tequila at the bar with samir. he is not feelin’ too great right now. GOOD.

then we hugged, and hugging is half the battle.

“I know what hugging means!” -sharpie.

i am the most dainty thing to ever happen to the internet. i’da gone for whimsical but that word is dead to me as everyone has decided to destroy it.

dear raymi

hi hi.
wednesday night i was at lee’s for a show and lucky me, afterwards was in a bathroom stall that you had written in! my friends waited 1000 hours for me as i drunkenly tried to find something to write with in my purse. i think i just ended up writing, ‘i love you’ hahahh. it was almost like seeing you. (my dream throughout the whole day/night i was in toronto). one day raymi, one day.
*love erin.

yeah i got nothing today my brain is fluff.

i drew this when i was in high school, gave it to fil when we were courting and he hung it up at his old job, said his retarded cousin drew it. ha.

brunch of champs. pre-perogies RULES. post-perogies does not. i feel like i am having a heart attack but why is my right arm sore? so yeah my right arm is having a heart attack.

i was the last one to wipe down this table. hint hint hint. fil hint.

a deal is a deal, fil’s actual artist cousin owes me a painting. that is a ketchup chip thumbprint in lieu of blood.

this new camera is kinda wonky a slew of dumb self-portrait pics have totally disappeared, from camera and computer. weird. they were of me in my shrooms outfit i was going to wear yesterday to be funny. feh. meh. leh. keh.

waiting for the rain to stop so we can go do some super fun errands. remember being a kid and how errands were the most BORING soul-sucking pieces of shit ever, being dragged around in the car on a saturday afternoon like a monkey and now being an adult in the city it’s like, somehow fun? man adults are teh ghey. this (rain) is what i get for completely wasting yesterday. the way i dickheadedly see it is whatever, more warmer days are comin’ this way why do i need to stroll the hood in jogging pants to experience some EXTREME 17 degrees wow SO BOILING hey lets hop on the patio train choo choo predictable toronto express i need to sit on a patio everyday until next winter everyone ready set GO. i guess i treat life the way los angelinos treat their weather, totally for granted. it’s my life and i can rain on it all i want. sorry the gung ho fairy was out takin’ a wizz when i was conceived, not my fault.

drive-thru lazy i wish everything was drive-thru. americans know what they’re doing.

dear raymi

what the fuck, cognition?

click this.

see you when you get signed. you can thank me in the liner notes.

*haha fil had to point out to me that you can type WITH the keyboard letters/buttons not just hover over each one with the mouse. SMRTSAUCE.

• raymi dreams