alright so last nite i dreamt i found an article about you in a
magazine i was reading. one part was talking about your cooking
recipes, and it listed the ingredients to your “taco salad” down the
middle of the page, and in the background was a video loop of you
(this was in the future obviously) taking a couple steps up a huge
flight of stairs, stopping to pose over your shoulder, then doing a
backbend into upside-down splits while wearing a skirt with no
underwear. haha get it, taco salad?
i thought it was hilarious in my dream and every time i tried to show
one of my friends i would flip through the magazine forever and not be
able to find it till they lost interest.
hope you’re having a wonderful day,
T.
clearly she does not read my blog too much at all.
the star of the show. i’m telling you, starving artist at the drake cafe sunday-wednesday 4-6, ten bucks for a drink and a meal.
just a little bit disingenuous there janet.
i went for the brisket poutine. i think they forgot the gravy or only put a teeny bit at the very bottom. either way still delish.
plenty of brisket this time, could only eat half. oh yeah we starved ourselves beforehand thinking yeah i’m gonna order more than one meal (and i did) but what do ya know, you’re full off a few bites. also my hat flew off before we left our street and then my left peddle exploded off on harbord so stopped in at the first bike store and they helped me out, also pumped up my tires too. gold.
my second order out of desperation? it was 5.41 and the cheap window was approaching so i did it. meh.
sharpie and i dropped in on the drake general store while samir went to meet stefan on my bike and fil went to the lcbo to grab a suitcase of pabst and pink champagne for me. ugh.
i had a peewee doll, my dad has it in fact yet both my brother and him insist that the doll was my brother’s. no. WRONG. I was the obsessively dedicated peewee fanatic. that doll was given to me by santa claus when i was 4 thank you very much and the pants are all ripped up in the back cos i tried to take his clothes off – an impossible feat pulling the pants down over those perma-shoes so i decided to cut them off then realised they weren’t ever going back on so i aborted the make-over. check the ass, there’s sewing thread explosion all over it.
look it’s sharpie.
for when your ass bleeds and you don’t want to deal with the visual. or for your period.
um, i need this.
bought one of these for my papa once, forget which song it plays. i think la vie en rose maybe? no wait, an elvis song. it’ll come to me eventually.
god can’t i just stand around dealin’ ‘tude lookin’ hot in a store all day long like that girl gets to?
exposed under brick icing looks storybook-like to me.
KEEP IT LIKE THAT YOU GUYS!
i want a garden right now.
i will sit on the porch on a rocking chair and snap don’t touch at anyone who comes near my prize-winning petunias. no kidding i will be squirly proud welcoming with spiders in my hair.
i’m thinking more and more these gotta be wildflowers aka weeds, cos they’re everywhere and require minimal to zero maintenance.
the rest of last nite’s events to come shortly.
also! i need SLOB CHIC submissions. i will apply all necessary and applicable LOLhipstertardspeak captions to your photos.
ps. girl geeks with iphones, d/l the myvibe app it’s free and works! check it.
here’s some more snaps from the country of T-Bayngin’ what i visited two weeks ago. i’d say this would only be about halfway through all of them, if that even. i have no idea what sort of order these fall on so get ready to ride the crazy train. enjoy…
this would be on our way to climb the mountain and right after the mayor waved at me shotgun in rye’s truck and i was wearing this bikini top. awesome.
put back many of these guys.
aside from coors light being an extended party weekend theme – taking emo pictures of inanimate things was a biggie. those skids were pretty big fans of emo raymi, who brought some rain with her. this is beautiful lake superior and i think the superior thing it has on lake ontario is it’s cleaner? actually haven’t got a clue about that but it’s got loads of islands floating around in it like something out of the beach or jurassic park. pretty tropical if you use your imagination hard enough.
sigh times three.
plenty of pretentious close-up lamp post shots.
well whaddya know, lookin’ pretty damn pleased with yourself over there.
oh hey who’s yer friend?
we were pretty blitzed, combo of hung + drunk still and walking around in useless circles then i noticed a light on during the day. kept it to myself as i felt like i had already overdone whatever was left in the humour of lamp posts dept.
you sir, are adorable.
somewhat noticeable, see the island after island after island, looks amazing with your own eyes like you could just swim out to them and live in a weed hippie commune with leonardo dicaprio.
ok i just figured out the rhythym, we’re goin’ backwards now, this is likely the first morning in Tbag so friday it was. maybe. who cares.
we climbed that motherfucker, hand over foot, pretty steep, got real dirty sweaty bitten and it was brilliant. drank fresh water too, dumped out water from the tap in place of spring water from a pool halfway up the mountain. those ten thousand pictures will appear another day.
way taller in real life i know people say that a lot cos they want you to understand what massive feels like.
i’m glad that pillow made the journey to tbay. the last thing i packed up before heading out was a wii remote, i would be in so much trouble if i forgot that. note to self and fil: get mario party.
emo moment trying to figure out what to do with our lives. still no answers.
self reflection ugh, what a drag. deep thoughts with the ceiling.
rye patiently waited while i took several shitty pictures of the berries. guys did we watched the strangers after this meal? i think we did.
in the pan. i asked barfskidskipanie if she cooked this much in the city. no way fuck no she replied. she ha tv dinners a lot and i like that she calls them that. she also mentioned that she says tv weird and that people point that out to her. i guess we all have our weird words.
the last picture taken from the nite before. another eerie emo lamp post.
we were yelling at the tops of our heads pretending to be those grade 8 grads from dazed and confused with the one beer bottle they get for one getting paddled, anyway, two cops pass us wearing black gloves (seriously the entire street was silent save for us what are you expecting to find a tumbleweed?) rye chucks the bottle onto someone’s lawn, there’s a cruiser at the other end of the street blocking us (yeah way to go we are such trouble on the move pfft) so we are forced to pass them. we nod hello at each other and that was it. oh but before that i deleted like 10 pictures off my camera out of paranoia thinking they would look at my camera of us holding ONE BEER pictures. way to go loser. meanwhile this photo of us made the cut? oh right ryan was shoving the bottle into the mailbox and i was having dazed and confused flashbacks of that dude sayin’ it’s a federal offense tampering with mailboxes. wow enough tequila rose shots or what huh?
video right after the cops tried to arrest us for having fun.
slur central.
skipanie.
marijuana on one hut hut etc. no i didn’t have any are you kidding i’d end up swimming in lake superior.
not wasted at all.
boogyin’ in the rain to my tiny speakers.
you’d think we’d have just finished that beer and been done with it but we were seriously overkilled. one of rye’s old buds at the legion kept feeding us beer after beer on top of shots on top of pre-drinking etc etc it was seriously water at this point and also pointless.
trying to look as blasted as possible.
rye thought he was in deer hunter, thought he was leading us away from the cops but in fact lead us straight into their trap. way to go scout!
yo what’s happening guys can i come to your party?
hey carol!
awesome.
what’s up guys, just hangin’ at the leej no big-ay.
cut and overtired.
see the beer pile. told ya so. that guy was leaving for quebec the next day for army training so it was his last big hurrah and lucky for him raymi was in town. notice my zune. yeah i brought the jams.
nice prices!
that’s like telling me not to think about a pink elephant GREAT now all i can do is think about a pink elephant ie. drop a million shit fuck bombs.
uh oh.
i remember exactly what i was thinking here. i was envisioning a massive anxiety attack the following morning and the entire day being ruined. i think in the future your friend should just give you the five dollars in lieu of the shot. like here is my present for you and you and for you here is five dollars so you don’t feel left out.
at first there was awkward stranger girl tension but we got over it. i took a sneaky photo of that girl’s scarf just in case, this was taken during girl tension part. in the end that girl ruled cos when everyone went out for a goofy cigarette she kept mum when i stacked the cards during asshole. steph and ryan were cheating under the table first and i caught on to that so then i took all of steph’s best cards and gave her my shit ones, as i was a neutral player. suck on that girl.
i’m pretty sure everyone at the legion liked me a lot. haha.
nice mirror, what’s it for again? for people sitting across the room too lazy to walk over to check out the table?
ryan couldn’t take a non-blurry photo of me w/o flash to save his life.
game stance.
see. were you in a secret windstorm or something? was there an earthquake right under your feet?
arty dartboard.
what a great piece of nostalgia.
guess i moved here.
that sandy stuff is called wax. dunno why. why don’t they called it sand? maybe it’s sandwax. more importantly who cares, are you a shuffleboard enthusiast or something get off my case.
while we were playing there was some sort of cougar party taking place behind us. someone launched a nerf dart our way haha.
i call this one supermarket: at night.
making our way to the legion. this is like the movie the hangover, which is essentially the night backwards. more on that later.
grocery meat dairy produce – pretty much fil and i’s shopping list exactly. there are probably 200 post it notes with the exact same thing written on it. necessary, otherwise we walk through the door and just dumbly stare at one other in starvation frustration zombie mode.
emo emo emo.
ok no more pointing out the obvious.
party packrats.
they let me go home with the question and answer sheet/book. guys can you mail me the clickers?
then we found rye’s dad’s porn jammed in a board game hahahaa.
ladies of the 80’s awesomely terrible/teribbly awesome band name. especially if there aren’t any ladies in it. ha ha i just got that barenaked ladies. (speaking of check the site, fil’s photos are all over it, the bobbleheads at the top are fil’s taking).
probably the healthiest thing eaten during my entire trip.
mmmmminnesota hotdish oh man i’m starved.
they let me take this book home. fil loved it.
doin’ my UP AND OVER THE MOUNTAIN neck/chin alignment photo pose.
oh yeah those are the bacon vodka caesars. v nice.
Oh by the way, I don’t want to start shit but after you left the LCBO, your clerk and my clerk started talking about your shorts.
two years ago there is no way i could wear tight leggings or short shorts, and now that i can, the transformation you notice in how people treated you when they knew you before you were a cow, during when you were a cow and now after when you’re ok (cos we are never ever satisfied are we) with your body, their attitude toward you changes slightly, resentment and bitterness, while all along during your starvation quest you were like i am dieting blah blah bla and they’re like IT WON’T WORK because they do not want you to get thinner, but you stick to your guns and do it anyway, and fuck them.
i drank water and had a vitamin, and i don’t want to jump out of a window right now! it works!
i think i’m going to start wearing bras when i wear see-thru shirts. all the shit i get for my nips just isn’t worth it, but like, i feel like that will even backfire too as then i’ll appear to be stacked.
everyday around the time i do my hair and make-up i become invisible to cid as he sits and meditates by the door, attempting to transmit COME HOME NOW signals to fil.
second half of archives will come another day this got boring and it’s HOT but too overcast to tan.
feelin’ this bikini top and i feel that it too is feelin’ me. glad i wore it yesterday. we sat out in my dad’s backyward in the blazin’ sun. unexpected tan time, awwright.
there’s a hole in my dad’s backyard filled with 8 baby bunnies. had to tell my niece why it’s a bad thing to touch them or go near, kinda stressful. rabbit mothers are notoriously bad, if they detect too many people about they will just abandon their young, simple as that.
my grandmother made this welsh dragon, she was scottish, my grandfather, welsh.
oh sophie you are such a little peanut.
don’t get me started. this seemed like a brilliant idea last nite. maybe i will just keep adding material to it.
we watched to serve and protect last nite and could not get over the canadian awesome 80’s mustache drunken beer gut polite manners of it all. new favourite watch. some choice quotes are:
“he called me a goof”
“you are under arrest for being an idiot”
mugs+jugs (bar name)
“honest injun”
“oh there’s lots of polish people in that neighbourhood”
we spied a 2 dollar bill, plenty of mullets and fluorescent gear, exact same body hugging skirts you can now get at american apparel, a billion fist fights in fact, every single call had to do with some guy wasted on beer. in one home invasion “gary” had a 12 pack of labbat blue on the table. my favourite was how laid back the cops were when taking down a drunk and cuffing him, so polite and gentle, meanwhile the drunk is blathering his head off. unreal. k bye.
found my raymi ring! had it made at canada’s wonderland 5 years ago. obvs needs cleaning.
i dunno why it’s funny to me to come home and see cid sitting on the couch like people, maybe add to that his wanting to write poetry while we were gone?
chapters always has lovely flowers in the bathroom. way to go guys.
gettin’ creative toronto.
new suit addiction. the back of the bottoms has a different print than the front. also picked up some new canvases to fit my frames and new paints.
the sides are perfect for wide hips/love handles, you can adjust according to how much your hips don’t lie ugh thanks shakira.
jerk chicken vegetable medley for dinner.
and i cut up a mango for late nite snacking. they are ultra low in calories. i found a how to peel mango tutorial online, very helpful. also learned a way to thinly slice pieces so next time i’ll make some insane cheese mango appetizer creation.
cid is ready for his movie dates. we watched the hangover (awesome) and transformers 2 (not awesome).
spinach, sriracha, bit of olive oil, cayenne and sambal oelek paste of chili (that stuff usually on the table in pots at chinese food restaurants).
bought mangos so now i have to make that salad. i made a really good slaw last nite using red pepper vinegar light mayo and lots of cracked pepper. fil hates slaw but he ate the shit out of my concoction.
discovered loblaws’ clearance shelf uh oh! we tried this last nite while watching tv, i put it on over my makeup then took it off and applied more and put some more on this morning. it burns slightly. i think i notice a slight difference. too early to tell.
fil is obsessed with bargain meats/fish. we had this for dinner last nite, just bake it with some mustard seeds on top, that’s all you need. i cracked pepper on on fillet and added some yogurt caesar dressing, and on another once it was baked slopped on a little of that red pepper rice vinegar i mentioned earlier. simple light and delicious and healthy tasting.
these go together like a total dream team.
also available is yogurt ranch. i like this, it’s subtle.
you could also get an english muffin and really go to town with it, broil it in the oven.
hippie chips and that yogurt caesar dressing, good combo.
all the way from fancy france.
30 seconds in the microwave will do ya fine. you can use a little spoon to scoop up the mess. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmbye!
we watched fanboys last nite as well as flipping out. both i recommend. flipping out hit close to home as i have personally flipped out and experienced psychosis. not a fun time, still hard to talk about in-depth.
this dress has never been out in public. i think it is perfect for the supermarket as well as destroying boners everywhere. fil’s gonna be pumped. this thing is super huge on me, drowning in it. i think i will fit right in with a miami beach retirementland crowd. i bet i could get my own variety store lease too.
update: i have changed. the supermarket cannot handle me in this get-up.
