i’ve been up since 6.40 my eyes are bleary as shit i have a hair appt at noon wherein i’ll finish up the rest of my shit show presentation and make it over to wherever this thing is happening today oh wait just look down here.
don’t be surprised if i roll in wearing tom cruise wayfarers. i think there’s tickets left to be purchased still so why not hey? or at the door just show up. we have booze and food and ‘tude. don’t ask me how much i make ok, i’m there to tell you how to get famous, not rich. if you know where we can attend a how to get rich AND famous seminar, let me know i’ll be your date. either way come meet lohan voice (me) tonite.
last nite after work i went to auld spot in my irish slut maid getup and made the band skip a beat when i came through the door in my trench and looks like a wig incognito call girl ensemble. everyone was already right pissed, i wasn’t. tried to take it easy as was sick but also knew today was a biggie. red flag decided to make a cheap tipper feel cheap that’s how cocked he was when i arrived. it got a little awkward and tense. i sidle on up and say well yeah fifteen per cent is fine and all but it isn’t mindblowing. certainly isn’t. in urban settings when you want to be a showboat (and show respect) one typically tips 20%, that’s how you do in nyc and toronto. so this guy wasn’t feeling that as he was made to look exceptionally stupid in front of some chicks he and his pals were trying to get up on. for me personally, fifteen per cent is fine cos there are plenty of non-tippers out there, like the musicians with the beer tickets FUCK NO the tip isn’t included in that and hello it’s already a free beer don’t be so cheap you scumbag. all taboo, you can’t tell them these things you just have to take it. the best is when you know a customer isn’t going to tip you before they don’t tip you, they’re the worst, most annoying and demanding of the lot. have much more to say can’t be bothered to now. the moral of the story is, auld spot is in love with me now for plugging them in the post and i’ll def be going back for an eating tour of their menu and a proper review.
the outfits went over well last nite. at first i was pretty shy, like, ultra, on top of having the shakes and chills and sweats and adrenaline surge from the 8 cold pills i popped. at first i walk out on the upper patio to a silent hipster mass and proclaim, well, this isn’t embarrassing. they all laugh, with and at me. i deliver the one drink i had for kamila and on my way out said hey guess what fuck you’s guys i’m not serving you anymore then went to hide at the downstairs bar until kamila got changed. when she went up they all applauded her. it’s hard to “own” it sometimes. i try oh i try but mostly i walk as fast as possible staring at the floor in my tornado of shyness. how many cocks i block all on my own accord. so many. one guy tried to be all offended on our behalf for the outfits, asking what is this hooters? i said today it is. he goes so you’re boss is all here you have to wear this. i said NO actually it was MY idea. a woman at the bar ordering some pinot was all fuck yeah, all for it. oh and last nite we had 4 death metal bands. very irish. very so not fucking irish. the second last band was the best. next theme nite will be around easter, i say playboy bunny jumper. but don’t forget my birthday/blog party friday april 2 as well as a raymi party the very next nite april 3. two benders in a row can you hack it? i have a death wish so yeah, i’m pretty sure i can.
what an asshole. hope their register was empty before this got smashed as it was clearly empty when i took this.
it’s funny feeling like a cartoon character. to see yourself evolve the way others are wrongly interpreting it. i certainly don’t feel like i am blowing up. i just so totally have my OWN shit going on right now therefore lumping me in with others who also have their own stuff, pisses me off. i certainly personify the one man wolf pack bit, but i also definitely see the advantage of not alienating one’s self. if you act like king shit people will only remember the shit part. you aren’t above anything, don’t try for a second to come across as if you are. you don’t have the balls to come over and say hello to people you know, who wouldn’t dream of the snub-or-be-snubbed dead horse you so boringly beat. quite rich pretending to give a shit about some notorious mean woman yet spent the entire time tweeting like a hero about chicks not wearing black.
i do not give a FUCK about social media. i have friends who do. my friends are connected. i am connected. i am a name. invite me to your thing if i like it i’ll go. oh dress me? lovely sure total blogortunity i’ll capitalize on that one sure and last i checked i wasn’t allergic to fun. i scratch their back, they scratch mine.
this is so boring and doesn’t even deserve airspace. it’s a lot easier pretending to be friends cos the gossip-mongering and catty, petty, behind-the-scenes bullshit is seriously exhausting. we all float in the same-ish circles, we all cruise each other’s blogs, it’s really a downer seeing your fucking faces around town with your scowls and BB quick-draw firing, so lame. if you’re so above it why are you writing about it? why do prom dresses you weren’t included in wearing make you so irritable? oh gross look at us, so lame, having fun, drinking during the day WEARING THAT.
why can’t i go to an event then go home case closed? thanks twitter you fucking retard hahaha.
if everyone’s such a fashion renegade risk taking stud why they gotta show their true hypocritical colours like that? your lives are devoted to fashion, then “a happening” happens and you get all stuck-up about it. hilarious. you should try stand-up.
here’s another WOAH NOW! for you. i don’t even identify myself as a blogger (i consider myself an unemployed rock ‘n roller actually). i am a diarist. a compulsive documenter. i’m a lifer. this is my life, i’m showing it. what’s the big deal all the time??
they wanted a stir, they got a stir and guess who helped? YOU did. so really, thanks for helping get the job done.
goodnite! boring!
ps. i felt like i blogged too much today and about nothing important but then i thought who cares, really, it’s freeing when you honest to goodness stop caring and start living for yourself. enjoying what you enjoy, enjoying it while enjoying it. it’s indulgent (the good kind) and i don’t know why everyone else isn’t doing it already. i feel like i’ve been asleep a really fucking long time and now i’m making up for it.
i am no longer waiting for life to happen to me. to be happy. whenever that happens. i make my life happen. waiting for something to go right to feel right. fuck that, it’s here and now. stop being so bitter in the face and trying so hard to achieve and get ahead. just let the cards fall where they may. if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. just do something else. this is my personal approach for “making it” right now. no approach. just showing up should be good enough.
new found respect, duffy. finally evidence of some hard in you.
i’ll do a proper post later. being super rude to spliffanie right now we’re in a weed vortex. and i’m sick. i’ll link to everyone tomorrow and full review of the event as well though later on i’ll probably be goin’ eeeeemo ’round here. me time. me and you time.
haha earlier i actually referred to the central as the blog bar. ugh whoops.
so excited for our matching irish milkmaid costumes i have them all hanging up now de-wrinkling.
ugh try having an anxiety attack looking like this meanwhile traffic stops, everyone is staring and you just march your emerald city cupcake ass right on by. gawk away shitheads. we all got dressed by peach berserk (thank you thank you!)(and massive thanks to casie for setting that all up) for the kelly cutrone mtv thinger. have much more to say once i find the time to finally say it. steph is on her way over PUMPED. i have to prepare my talk for thursday get tickets guys it’s going to be a blast. we all take issue with the whole “blog stars” name but fuck it, we’ll explain later. babies. by last minute we may comp some tickets for haters only. but we know you wouldn’t show so, your loss. to other bloggers, please write and tell me why you should get a free ticket, aside from being cheap of course. tomorrow is st. pat’s, i have a radio interview in the afternoon tomorrow before work then thursday hair appointment (that i’ll hopefully not be hung in the salon chair for, this will be my only moment to organize my talk oh god) prior to event. by friday i am going to look like courtney love. i already sound like her because guess what at some point yesterday my throat swelled right up and filled with phlegm! COOL now i’m sick. cannot afford to be sick right now. i’m going to chug echinacea like semen right now.
sorry for actually choking you here, i’m too literal. DM me!
alright time to go be somebody today. may get a scooter ride too. Designer Swimwear
irish milkmaid. yeah sure why not. halloween comes twice a year for me. actually maybe 365 days a year. i told the other girls i’m wearing this shit, and obviously i’ll be pulling in all the attention, so do you want in on that? yes and yes, picked up two others. looking forward to experiencing st. pat’s not shit tanked for once. i love spectating bar lushes.
and then of course had to pick up something for the moment. for tonite. also picked up a faaaabulous dress for tomorrow’s event. can’t spill the beans on it just yet. all the other girls have been sitting on it too, not fair if i go ahead and go BLAHHHH GUESS WHAT!!! razored some more bang length off, i think breanna is pissed at me haha. they were in my eyes too much, if you go thru my archives you’ll see my love hate affair with bangs spanning back to birth. anyway, i do give her mad credit for cutting them to begin with this time around and then beyonce pushed me right over the edge.
bailed so many times at work last nite. had the dropsies bad. period dropsies. the most hilarious wipe out was when my pointy flat hooked into one of the holes of the rubber kitchen mats, launching me into the air with a bucket of ice in my hands and hundreds of ice chips flew beautifully out into the bar, scattering across the floor and me in my pile of self on the floor by the booze cupboard nook. it was loud. it was hilarious. it was humiliating. i just laid there for a few seconds shuddering in giggles and near tears. teppei helped me up. abigail and matty both cried in unison I FUCKING MISSED THAT? got up brushed myself off and beat it right back down the stairs to change into my non-pointy flats. i looked like this:
